Museum 4 O'Clock Club

# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

# When it's just too much to handle?

# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

# Washed out, stressed out like it was shampoo

# You should stay It can change

# There's good days and bad days

# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

# So the only time is now 4 O'Clock

# 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock. #

-Morning, pal.

-Morning, bestie.

Ooh! Would that happen to be your amazing science essay?

Yeah, it is.

-Hooray.

-Yay.

-And you're not copying it.

-Oh.

-What?

Sorry, but you've already got me two detentions this week.

My mum's going to kill me if I get another one.

Yeah.

Leave her alone.

Could I copy it instead, though?

Why doesn't anyone ask to copy my science essay?

It's original, it's beautifully written and it contains

an extremely compelling description of the concept of relativity.

Fine. Can I borrow your science essay, spodjob?

No, but I can assure you that if you did, you'd get an A*.

SHE SIGHS What are we going to do now?

Miss Harper is going to throw a proper one.

Would you like me to help with your homework?

Really?

No. Have fun in detention, reprobates.

Brilliant.

# Got to find a way out of detention

-# Not to mention

-The attention

# It's going to take to do the best thing

-# Or the worst thing

-Write a sentence

-# Do the homework

-Oh, yeah

# Nah That won't work

-# That's no fun

-Use our imagination

# I did the homework, miss But my pet parrot ate my bag

# When it was packed

# Tried to beg him to cough it up

# He repeated the same thing back Drove me mad

# Or you could have just done the work

# You were supposed to do in the first place

# Cheaters don't come first place

# Sounds like hard work

# We don't wanna do no hard work

# Writing essays is hard work

# We don't wanna do no hard work

# Hard work

# Oh, I'm not getting involved

# Won't be a naughty kid any more

# If I wanna be a doctor or a pilot

# Architect or a software designer

# I gotta step my grades up Get the highest

# No more ducking and diving

# No more flunking and skiving

# No more The rules I'm abiding by

# If everyone had done the work weeks before

# Then it wouldn't feel so much like a chore

# We don't defend cheaters

# They'll never win

# Hard work always pays off in the end

# And it sounds just like hard work

# We ain't gonna do no hard work

# If we borrow someone's homework

# Let somebody else do the hard work

# Hard work. #

Woo-ooo-ooo!

What are you doing?

Isn't it obvious?

I'm being a mummy.

Apparently, they've got one at the museum

and Darnesh has got a bit overexcited. Bless!

An actual real-life mummy.

Do you think they talk like they do in the movies?

Nah.

But they'll probably strangle you.

Everyone knows mummies are cursed.

Oh, my word, Amber, do you actually believe that?

No. Duh! It's a joke.

Yeah, right. You're such a baby.

You're probably going to go crying to your mummy later

cos of the mummy.

Get it? Lol!

She is such an idiot.

I know, right?

Woo-ooo-ooo!

Woo-ooo-ooo!

COMPUTER BEEPS AND HE SIGHS

KNOCK AT DOOR

Oh, Maddie. Er, Miss Harper.

-THEY CHUCKLE

-I'm just doing the accounts.

Heavy is the head that wears the crown.

Crispin, it's about the museum trip.

Oh. Yes, thanks for helping.

Don't think it hasn't been noticed by those up top.

Is it all right if I bring my son?

Your son?

I wouldn't normally ask, but Mum was supposed to be baby-sitting him

and now she's got a fever.

I'm sure we can step up.

-How old is the little blighter?

-11.

Why don't I come as well?

We can get to know each other a little bit better.

It's a great idea.

Er, seeing as you and I live together,

our sons are practically stepbrothers.

Don't you have to do the accounts?

I'm sure the school can cope without me for an afternoon.

Oh, and, er, Maddie...

..if you ever need a favour...

..just ask. I mean, I may be your boss,

but first and foremost, I'm your friend

and landlord.

But mainly your friend.

Thanks, Crispin, means a lot.

Oh, and as for the water bill,

just feel free to make a bank transfer whenever you can.

Guys, this is wrong.

What if Polly finds out?

She ain't going to, is she? Unless you tell her.

Oh!

A diary.

Do you think she fancies me?

Sorry to break it to you, but no.

Guys, this is theft.

I do not want to do my A-levels in prison.

Here it is. Polly's science essay.

Now all we've got to do is copy it

and change all the long words to short ones.

Polly's science essay. Thanks, guys.

Hey, you can't do that.

What, are you going to tell her I nicked it while you were trying

to nick it, too? Spoiler alert - even you're not that stupid.

Laters, haters.

Miss you - pookie.

So I have to brief Isaac, sign off the accounts,

take double history and supervise detention.

Too much too soon?

No. No, no, no, no.

Just the challenge I've been waiting for. Don't you worry.

The school is safe with me.

I should get a dustpan and brush.

All sorted.

Science Museum, here I come.

Idiots.

I'd rather go on a trip to the dentist for a root canal

than be stuck on a bus with that bunch of animals.

Well, no surprise there.

Helping out on school trips is a job for our more dedicated staff.

Which is why that was a joke and I would absolutely love to volunteer.

Ah, great. Well, I'll see you both in the car park at three o'clock.

Who's the most dedicated PE teacher at Elmsmere now?

-It's not a competition.

-Tell that to the redundancy panel.

Mm!

They're vegan.

You're going to write Polly another science essay in 10 minutes.

No good can come of this.

Can't we just say we lost it or...?

No, you know what she's like when she gets all grumpy.

We're just going to have to write a new one from scratch.

-You know what who's like when she gets all grumpy?

-Erm...

Miss Harper.

When we don't hand our homework in.

So we decided, er...

We're just going to do it.

Really? All right, well, see you at lunch.

-Yeah.

-Bye.

Right, guys, we've got five minutes.

Tell me everything you know about the Big Bang.

Can't wait for this school trip.

The only thing I love more than PE is science.

-Well, that and chilli peanuts.

-Crispin.

-Ah, Maddie.

-Sorry.

-Am I interrupting something?

-Er, no.

Graham's just leaving.

Was I? It's fine, I'll stay here.

-About the school trip.

-It's all set.

I've reserved four seats on the coach so we can play I Spy.

-I can't make it.

-Oh, no! Why not?

Mum's fever got worse, so I have to take her to the hospital.

Slacker.

I'm sorry. Don't worry. We can get to know each other another time.

If you've still got a job by then.

Actually, I haven't got anyone to look after Jack, so I was

wondering if he could go with you.

You want me to take your son on the school trip?

Yeah. Unless it's going to be a problem.

Oh, no, not at all.

-I'd be delighted.

-Thanks, Crispin.

I really appreciate it.

Sorry. Mr Bell.

It's nothing. I am after all...

..boss second and friend first.

"Thanks, Crispin."

Theft, breaking and entering.

Quite the little crime spree you all have going on.

Quick, before she gets back from the loos.

Before who gets back from the loos?

-Erm...

-Mm...

Hand it over.

What's this?

Erm, your science essay.

"The universe started with the Big Bang.

"Like when you blow up an empty crisp bag and pop it...but bigger.

"And then the universe went flying out of it like crisps.

"But made of planets instead of potato"?!

Sorry, we, er...lost it.

But it's cool, cos we've written you a new one.

It's not cool. It's, like, the worst thing I've ever read.

What am I going to say to Miss Harper now?

Thanks, guys. Thanks a lot.

No problem.

No, I'm not extending the deadline again.

Please, Miss, it's not my fault.

You said that last time.

It's true.

My friends...

Some kids tried to copy it and it got lost and...

-SHE SIGHS

-Never mind.

-Please, can I just hand it in tomorrow?

-No.

You have to start taking your work more seriously.

Your grades have been getting worse every week.

Yeah, well, maybe it would help if I wasn't stuck in this cruddy school.

What did you say?

Even you've got to admit Elmsmere's a bit of a dump.

Detention.

But, Miss!

Sorry, lateness I can forgive,

but not a bad attitude.

But, Miss, I can't get another detention.

My mum said that...

ENGINE STARTS

Brilliant.

She said if I get another detention,

then she's going to ground me for the rest of term.

-HE SIGHS

-Wow.

Your life's going to be totally ruined.

You won't be able to go to Chickentastic

or the end of term party or anything.

She knows that, you spanner.

Yeah, try and be a bit more sensitive.

Can't you just make up another reason why you're late?

No way.

-I'm rubbish at lying.

-Yeah. You are.

But we're not.

An art exhibition?

Yeah. I told you about it, remember?

I'm helping out, showing people round.

Wow.

Well, I really proud of you, honey.

Thanks. It's a really big exhibition,

quite big deal.

OK, well, I mean, it's a bit late notice, but I think I can make it.

What?!

-Er...no, you don't have to come.

-Don't be silly.

I wouldn't miss it for the world if it's that big a deal.

Look, I know you had a rocky start at Elmsmere,

but it's great that you're finally finding your feet.

Bye, love.

She's coming to the exhibition.

What exhibition?

The one we're going to have to put on to stop me from getting grounded.

Come on, everybody on.

And no food fights, otherwise I'll lock you all in the boot.

Oh, hello.

You must be Jack. Pleased to meet you.

This is Mr Bell, he'll be looking out for you this afternoon.

I'm sure we'll get on like a house on fire. Won't we, my little fella?

Oh, CJ. This is Maddie's son, Jack.

Dad, do I have to go on this stupid science trip?

I hate museums almost as much as I hate this cruddy school.

Well, you're going to need an education.

Unless you want to end up unblocking toilets like your stepdad.

Mum says he makes more money than you.

Take this, play Candy Crunch. Keep quiet.

And don't go buying any more speedboats on eBay.

I'm still getting hassled to pick up the last one.

Right, I should go.

And, Jack, be good for Mr Bell, won't you?

I'm sure he'll be no trouble at all.

Oi, babies. Looking forward to going to the museum,

or are you all scared of the cursed mummy? Ooh!

She's well twisting my melon.

SHE GROANS # I've had enough of her

# Time to get one up on her

# Sick of all her jokes and jeering

# If it's not about what I'm wearing

# It's about how small I am

# Taking the mickey I'm not a clown

# I'm just Amber and I'm proud Time to turn the tables round

-HE GROANS

-# It's gone from bad to worse

# Going to school was bad enough

# Now I've got to go on a dumb school trip

# And now my dad's brought along some kid

# He's got no bants Boring as

# A weekend trapped round at my nan's

# Stuck on a coach When will it end?

# I'm not in the mood to make friends

# It's payback time for all the times you wound me up

# It's time to put them in their place

# It's time to put them in their place

# Put them in their place, yeah!

# I can't believe my mum

# Dumping me with this sorry bunch of melons

# In this stupid town with her weirdo boss's annoying son

# Thinks he's cool but he's really not

# Refuses to talk or share his stuff Fair enough

# Let them have their way

# But I'm going to put them in their place

# They can't hold you down

# Never be afraid

# When life serves you lemons

# You make lemonade

-# Yeah, I've got this covered

-Yeah, I'm slick and smooth

# All I need's a plan

# So what should I do?

# Superglue That never fails

# Tell her it's gloss for her nails

# Jump on a coach Flatten the wheels

# Cancel the trip for Happy Meals

# I could pretend I'm really ill

# They'll stop the coach and I'll run for the hills

# That sounds like a plan

# Time to plan for real

# They can't hold you down

# Never be afraid

# When life serves you lemons

# You make lemonade

# There's no point in sulking

# Sitting on the fence

# Time to turn the tables round

# And get revenge. #

Are you sure you don't want me to go through this just one last time?

No. No, no, no. No need.

It's all here. You enjoy your trip.

Oi, you lot! No shouting, no fighting, and no toilet stops.

Enough!

Hey! Hey! Downstairs toilets are blocked and we ran out of plungers.

Do you want me to bleach it or take a look in the pipes?

Erm... You're the expert. What do you think?

I don't know. You're the boss while Bell's gone. You tell me.

Bleach it?

Oh...

If you say so.

He said no toilet stops.

I'm not using that chemical toilet. Not after the last time.

-LAUGHTER

-What happened last time?

Oh, Dad got locked in the loo

by some kids from the single parent support group.

It was pretty funny.

LAUGHTER

Right, everyone, while I'm in the toilets, Mr Nunn is in charge.

Any of you lot move and I'm telling the driver to put on Radio 2.

Is that...?

-Godzilla.

-Godzilla.

It's a symbol...

..of...

Of...

..the destructive power of climate change

and the terrible toll it could take.

Wow.

Look at you.

I'm really impressed.

I know I see myself as a maverick.

Some people...

It's not for me to say, really, but some people have described me

as a...genius.

It's powerful stuff.

Excuse me. Another visitor.

What are you lot still doing in school?

Who's that?

No-one.

-Must be someone.

-Hm.

Hello. Can I help at all?

Oh, no. I'm just here for the art exhibition

and this lot are doing a wonderful job of showing me around.

Ah, yes, the art exhibition. I remember now.

-You do?

-Yeah.

Yeah, it's all here. Let me give you the guided tour.

Stop running. Stop running! Listen to me!

34... We're definitely missing somebody.

Get off that skeleton! Get off!

Sir, did you know there's a cursed mummy at this museum?

What are you going on about?

Apparently, if it's disturbed from its deathly slumber,

it rises from the dead

and strangles the first person it sets its boggly eyes on.

Oi, Spamber, you complete whatever.

CJ, when was the last time you saw Jack?

He got off at the service station to buy a Twix.

What?

Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

# All I wanted to do is impress

# Make Maddie believe I'm the best

# Responsible, caring Stepdad material

# Crispin Bell, a real superhero

# But I've got one child unaccounted for

# Lost a kid on an outing

# Not the work of the hero

# More like the work of a clown

# Whose dad skills aren't desirable

# I've done my cover Now what will I do?

# Wanted to prove to Bell I'm the one

# My teaching skills are second to none

# Instead, this trip has been a disaster

# Kids running riot Hard to look after

# Not at all what I set out to be

# What do I do? I'm in too deep!

# Big trouble

# We had the best intentions

# But it wasn't enough

# We're in big trouble

# We should be the ones in detention

# We really messed up

# Big trouble!

# The object of my desire isn't to run round looking for fire

# On the school premises Wanted to impress the head

# But instead I've glommed it in seconds

# And if the school burns up into flames

# Whilst I'm in charge then who's to blame?

# Me, not you I've got to keep cool

# I don't want to blow it What should I do?

# Put a smile on the face of my mum

# That's all I ever wanted

# But somehow I took a wrong turn

# Stories of fire Nothing was burnt

# Fake exhibitions Watch where I tread

# Looks like I'm way out of my depth

# Took it too far, made a wrong move

# Now what am I going to do?

# Big trouble

# We had the best intentions

# But it wasn't enough

# We're in big trouble

# We're in big trouble

# Now what are we going to do? #

Graham, there's been an emergency. You're in charge.

-What? You're going to leave me alone with this rabble?

-Yes.

-Is there a problem with that?

-No. Of course not. It's all cool.

Oi, Kumar! Stop snogging that elephant!

CJ, you're coming with me.

-Do I have to?

-Yes.

-Two pairs of eyes are better than one. Come on.

-All right.

Taxi!

I need to go to a petrol station.

I can't remember what it's called, but I'll recognise it

-when we get there.

-PHONE RINGS

It's next to a road.

It had petrol pumps in it.

Hi, is that Crispin?

Dad's busy.

Can you pass on a message?

Whatever.

Tell him Jack's with me. He called me.

I've picked him up now.

Sorry he wandered off. He can be a bit absent-minded sometimes.

Fine.

Who was that?

Someone trying to sell insurance. I told them to shove off.

Oh, good lad.

Anyway, into the taxi, quick.

He's only gone a few minutes. He can't have got far.

Now, remember what I said.

Just mope about until you hear Ingrid.

Mope about. Got it.

Then jump out and scare her.

He looks more like a blocked toilet.

Oi! I am the scariest mummy this museum has ever seen.

Do you think I'll bump into another one,

and we'll have a mummy fight?

Right, we're off to find the others. Smell you later, mummy face.

Later.

Mummies don't wear glasses.

-How am I meant to see, then?

-Well, you see that statue there?

Kind of.

Hide behind it until you hear Ingrid's annoying yakking.

Wait...

That statue or that statue?

HE SIGHS

Now I see why mummies are always in bad moods.

-Yeah, this looks like the place.

-Yeah.

-Oh, that's him.

-Mm-hm.

-There he is. Ah, good.

Right, come on.

There you are. Get in the car. Oh, sorry. Wrong boy.

Oi! What are you up to?

It's a mistake. Nothing to see here.

Did you just tell my son to get in your car?

Sorry, I got him mixed up with another boy.

-There's nothing to worry about.

-Yeah, yeah. Tell it to the police.

-Oh, come off it. I'm not a criminal. Am I, CJ?

-Er...

-Right, come on.

-Whoa, whoa. You're not going anywhere.

-That's 40 quid, mate.

-£40? I could have been carried here for that.

-You're not paying?

-I am not.

Oh, right.

So I suppose you're going to phone the police on me as well, are you?

Look, there's no need for the police. No, wait. Stop.

-They'll just be engaged if you phone them together.

-Classic.

Excuse me, madam,

you don't happen to have seen a group of schoolchildren?

Rude!

Look, mummies lived ages ago and they're all dead now,

so there's no way they can be.

Wait, hold it. Sh!

Freeze.

Why's that, sir? Are you scared it was the mummy?

No, obviously.

If anyone's scared of mummies round here, it's her.

Am not!

Yeah, you are. You're both a pair of scaredy bears.

Scaredy bears! Scaredy bears!

Shut up! Shut up! There are no mummies!

Oooh!

Aargh!

You were supposed to scare Ingrid, you plank.

Someone is in serious trouble about this.

I don't know what you're looking so grumpy about.

It wasn't me, it was them.

Anyway, it's not like I smashed it. I've got amazing balance.

Woo...

SIREN WAILS

I paid the fare. Can I please go now?

OK, but no more arguing with taxi drivers or attempted kidnap,

if you think that's something you can handle, Mr Bell.

Yes.

How was I supposed to know it was a Grecian urn?

It looked like the sort of thing the funeral parlour stuck my Nana in.

Trust you, Spamber, getting the teacher arrested.

Guess you were right. Mummies ARE cursed.

Lol.

Silly question,

but weren't we supposed to be making Ingrid look stupid?

AMBER SIGHS

Crispin Junior, come on.

Graham. I thought you had everything under control.

I did, until I was attacked by a mummy.

Ow! Get off! That pinches!

Remind me never to leave Graham in charge of a school trip again.

You won't have to, cos once Maddie finds that you lost her son,

you won't have a school.

KIDS LAUGH AND SCREAM

You're right.

We'll have to take these back and

then round up some sort of search party and look for Jack. Come on.

All right, fellas. You've got me.

I'm the brains behind the heist at the museum.

But I don't want to spend the rest of my life rotting away

in some lousy downtown jail, so why don't you fetch me a cola whisky

and I'll start singing like a canary?

Mr Nunn, I've already told you, the investigation's over.

You're free to go.

Can I take these handcuffs as a souvenir?

Killjoys!

Right, everybody off. Quickly.

Right, he can't have got far.

Unless he's hitchhiked.

Crispin?

Ah, I didn't see you there.

About Jack - look, I don't want to worry you...

Ah, there you are. Little scamp.

Did CJ pass on my message?

Message?

Oh, I forgot. Maddie got Jack.

Everything's fine.

Right.

I hope he hasn't caused too much trouble.

Trouble? No.

Enjoyed every minute.

Good, because I wanted to ask if Jack could move in.

-What?

-Move in?

-To the flat?

-Yeah.

Unless that's going to be a problem.

-WHISPERING:

-It's a problem!

-Problem?

No, of course not.

He can share CJ's room.

Dad!

-Everything all right at school? Please say yes.

-Absolutely.

-The art exhibition was a big success.

-Art exhibition?

Polly made an amazing tour guide, didn't you, love?

I'm not sure why.

She was supposed to be in detention.

It's getting late. We should be going home.

You never told me you got another detention.

Of course she isn't going to

tell you if you threaten to ground her all the time.

Right, so you just lied to me on purpose.

Thanks, Eli.

Is that the time?

Yeah, we're going to miss our...

I can explain.

Too late. You're grounded.

And you need to get a grip on your pupils.

Come on.

# Can't live with 'em

# And you can't kick 'em out

# When they're up they rub it in your face

# Kick you when you're down

# But when no-one understands them

# You know what they're on about

# Always gonna be around

# Gotta find a common ground

# If you know so much about me

# Where do I go from here?

# If you see 'em every day

# You can never get away

# Only time that you're the boss? 4 o'clock. #