Tattoo 4 O'Clock Club


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Tattoo

Comedy series. Polly can't wash off a fake tattoo. Can she get through the day without Bell discovering? Plus Ingrid gives a remarkable performance.


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# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

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# When it's just too much to handle?

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# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

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# Washed out, stressed out like it was shampoo

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# You should stay It can change

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# There's good days and bad days

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# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

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# So the only time is now 4 O'Clock

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# 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock. #

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-Hey, Owen.

-Hi.

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Thanks for inviting us to your party last night.

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OK, a few things.

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One, I didn't actually invite you. You just...

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You just showed up.

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Two, a home invasion, it isn't technically a party.

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And three...

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Oh, yeah, the tattoos.

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You should've washed that off. You might get into trouble.

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It won't come off.

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Fleur and Eli's have come off.

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You said they only lasted for three hours.

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Oh, yeah. I always gets my hours and days mixed up.

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Three days?!

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We can't have these on for three days.

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It's a major uniform infringement.

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We'll get excluded for sure.

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Ice it, spod-job, it's Friday.

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We've just got to get through today.

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You keep that in there, me and Eli will

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keep our hands in our pockets and no-one has got nowt to worry about.

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See, Owen? We're all fine.

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THEY COUGH

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-SHE SIGHS

-Oh.

-Oh.

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SHE LAUGHS

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I thought we were broke. How can we give everyone tablets?

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Because a certain acting head

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managed to source a job lot from abroad.

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They carry a few adverts...

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..and we harvest and sell the students' data, so, really,

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they pay for themselves.

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-It's a racket.

-It's not a racket.

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This is going to transform our delivery of education.

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-And make you look good?

-And...

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Battle of the bands.

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I'd love to see people whacking each other with guitars.

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It's not a fight, it's a competition.

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Like a dog show, but for bands.

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Could we win some dog biscuits?

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Let's form a band.

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The first round's tonight, Darnesh. That doesn't give us a lot of time.

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And there ain't no way I'm entering anyways.

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Can you imagine the kind of hopeless wannabes they get?

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Oh, no, don't tell me YOU'RE entering battle of the bands.

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How will I win against a screeching clump of swamp pixies?

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-Ah, what did I tell you?

-Mm-hm.

-Wannabes.

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Shut your voice hole, Spamber. We're, like, totes amazoid.

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I've got a whatev' attitude and my lyrics are, like,

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completely shut up.

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SHE EXHALES SHARPLY That does sound good.

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It's almost worth entering just to beat you.

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Go on, dare you.

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You ain't got the talent to play music on a thing.

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Oh, ain't we? We'll see, shall we?

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Amber, no.

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Ah!

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PHONE CHIMES

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There. We're in.

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You still competing for a beating?

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As if. That's us there.

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See you later, loser cruisers.

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I can't keep this here all day.

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She's right, we are all doomed.

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If any one of us is caught,

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they're bound to notice the rest of us acting suspiciously.

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HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

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Like that, you mean.

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Morning, Evan. Ah!

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Are you OK?

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-I'm fine.

-Oh. I'm so sorry.

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I didn't know where else to put these.

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-No, no, no.

-Oh, thank you.

-Are you...?

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Are you moving in?

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My car's kaput and I've just been thrown out my flat this morning.

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If I don't find somewhere today

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I'll have to move back in with my mum and dad.

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Can you think of anything more tragic?

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Erm, I live with my mum and dad.

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Of course you do! I just meant...for me.

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For me it would be bad because...

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Because I... Well...

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Ah!

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This is not a storage room, Mr Boyd.

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Find somewhere more appropriate for your junk.

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Sorry, Crispin, it's my junk.

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Oh. Oh, your...

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Well...

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I hope I haven't broken anything.

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Silly me.

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Are you in some sort of trouble?

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No, I'm fine. It's just...

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She's lost her flat.

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Oh. That's terrible.

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I was homeless for a while.

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Fortunately, Dexter, another teacher here, took me in.

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Oh, well, no such luck for me, I'm afraid.

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# Maddie is homeless I'm far from upset

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# She'll need somewhere to chill and rest her head

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# A place to call home

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# But here's the big thing

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# I don't mind taking her under my wing

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# She could be my lodger

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# I'll grant her a key

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# Then I'll be a hero

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# How happy she'll be

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# If I provide shelter

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# A port in a storm

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# She'll be all wrapped up, cosy and warm

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# Me and Maddie

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# Opportunities are endless

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# Laughing at my jokes

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# No stress Just bliss

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# And who knows, maybe...

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# Don't go there

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# But us two together are a right pair

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# I'll be a saviour

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# And this is the hero song

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# When things go wrong

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# I'll her port in the storm

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# Under pressure

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# A storm is brewing

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# Need to get back on my feet

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# Keep moving

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# Act like a normal person

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# My parents are so concerned for me

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# Since I came out of the army

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# They think I can't take care of me

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# But I survive with scraps to eat

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# Yet I can't get a flat to rent

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# Maybe I should make an offer to move her in

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# But I can feel my heart trembling

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# With fear of rejection

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# I could get tongue-tied and mess up the question

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# Er, do you want, like, moving in here?

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# That would be embarrassing in front of the rabble

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# No, I'd rather not get myself in trouble

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# I'll write a note to show I'm hospitable

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# Sign it CB and put it in her pigeonhole. #

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Leaving a love letter, Crispin?

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Don't you have somewhere sweaty to be?

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Nah, some kid cracked their head on a pommel horse

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so I nipped back for a snack.

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You do realise that injury supervision is part

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of your responsibility, don't you, Graham?

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HE LAUGHS Yeah, right.

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Perhaps you should drive the student to a hospital

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before you end up on a disciplinary.

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Of course, yes, the hospital. That...

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I was just coming back to get my keys.

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Perhaps you could also pass on Ms Harper's I-tablet

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as you hurry back to the gym.

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But I'm coaching a five-a-side lot.

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Right, sorted.

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Well, there must be something in here that will take off a tattoo.

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What about this?

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No-one's putting toilet cleaner on my face.

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Oi.

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What are you lot doing in here?

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OK, I get it, unwanted tattoo, I've been there.

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Leave this to me.

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Can't I pick it up after school?

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OK, I'll...

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I'll get a taxi and come straight over.

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Ah, Maddie. I...

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..put something in your pigeonhole.

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Oh... Yes...

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Thanks, I got it.

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And what do you think?

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Uh, well...

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..will there be room for my files, my photos and music?

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-Oh, don't worry, there's plenty of room for all your stuff.

-Right.

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Well...

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..I guess it's probably going to work out just fine then.

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Fantastic.

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Well, why don't we rendezvous at the end of the day

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and I'll get you set up.

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Um... Yeah. OK.

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Thanks, Crispin.

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Oh.

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We can borrow some instruments from the music department.

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-Instruments we don't know how to play, you mean?

-Relax.

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We just need a beat.

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I'll do some bars, CJ's the hype man...

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And I'll be the dancer.

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Can I wear a cape?

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Of course not, it'll look stupid.

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Stupidly brilliant.

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Look, this ain't the X Factor.

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We don't have to be amazing, we just have to beat Ingrid

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and her stupid little teenyboppers.

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ROCK BAND PLAYING

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SHE SINGS

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They're well good.

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What are we going to do?

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We could chicken out.

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We ain't chickening out.

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Yeah, Darnesh, we've got no song, no talent and no instruments,

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obviously we're going to go through with this.

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CJ.

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-What?

-We need music.

-I've got music.

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SMOOTH RAP MUSIC PLAYS

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-Wow, this is really good.

-Yeah, this is great.

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I found it behind the radiator in the flat.

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Natty C? Who's that?

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Oh, this is Nero's cousin.

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He used to live there before you.

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He never made it as a rapper. He ended up as a schoolteacher.

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That is the saddest thing that I've ever heard.

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Which means no-one will have heard it.

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We could pass it off as ours.

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Yeah, but we need an instrumental version to rap along to.

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We'll get Mr Boyd to do it. He's well into music.

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And how are we going to do that?

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What are you four doing out of class?

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See me later in detention.

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Job done.

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And there we go. Totally fixed.

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That's such a relief. You've no idea.

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It's OK. I've seen people do it on the telly.

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It's easier than you'd think.

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They make TV shows about washing off transfers?

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No, fixing tattoos.

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No more skull and crossbones.

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SHE GASPS

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# What's worse than a skull and crossbones on your face?

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# A massive skull moth

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# That leaves a foul taste in my mouth

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# I hate moths

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# They flap round with no spatial awareness

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# Now there's one on my face

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# I'm going to get expelled for being so careless

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# This evil looking thing's going to mess up my life

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# Uniform code's a shirt, a skirt, a tie

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# Not a dirty big moth

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# That's impossible to hide

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# I'll get away with it on a whim

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# Who am I kidding?

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# My future's in the bin

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# It's like this whole year my luck's running thin

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# It really feels like the walls are closing in

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# Walls closing in Walls closing in

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# Walls closing in I feel them closing

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# Walls closing in like a booby trap

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# How will I escape from that?

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# School is very clear

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# Rules are for order

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# Or else we'd have chaos, riots and raucous

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# Inside these walls we obey the code

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# The law of the school, what the teacher says goes

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# I want to be good

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# I've tried to behave

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# But it always goes wrong when I step in this place

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# I'm stuck, there's no way out No way to break through

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# The booby trap gets worse, it all leads to doom

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# Walls closing in Walls closing in

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# Walls closing in I feel them closing

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# Walls closing in like a booby trap

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# Time that I escape from that. #

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Where are you going?

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-Oh!

-That's not good.

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I've got a skull moth on my face.

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What would you suggest?

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Well, truancy is never the answer.

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You can't just run away at the first sign of trouble.

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-Nunn's coming.

-Oh, run away, run away.

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Oi, you lot!

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Oh, forget it.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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Can I have a quick word?

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I've been working on my lesson plan for hours.

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But I think the spellchecker has translated it into Korean.

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-HE SIGHS

-There may be the occasional

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unwanted translation or unscheduled reboot,

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but these tablets really were a very good deal.

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-Plus, I can see where every student is at any time.

-Ah.

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And at the moment...

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-TABLET BEEPS RAPIDLY

-..five of them are playing truant.

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See?

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They'll get quite the surprise when I catch them.

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-TABLET:

-Files deleting.

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No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no!

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Ah!

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File deleted.

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Thank you.

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There you go. Everything's better with chips.

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How about getting expelled?

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Well, you might need some mushy peas then.

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What am I going to do?

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It's like every day it seems to get worse.

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You could put a bag over your head.

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You know, before I met you lot, putting a bag over my head

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never seemed to be a solution to any of my problems.

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See you later.

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Ah... What are you lot doing out here?

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Hey!

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-Scarper!

-Oi, Eleesh, leave it!

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TABLET BEEPS RAPIDLY

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At least I've got one of you.

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-Gotcha!

-Ah!

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Oh, I'm so sorry. I...

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It's just my training.

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I didn't think it was...

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No, no, no, no. It's my fault.

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I thought I was jumping out on a student.

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Oh.

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Right, well, that's one decision made. You are not bunking off.

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Yeah, I'll get you a bag.

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I'm not wearing a bag. I'll just hide behind the book.

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Yeah, just one problem with that.

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HE BLOWS WHISTLE

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Right, my favourite lesson of the year.

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Boys versus girls hockey.

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Boys, say goodbye to your shins.

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I'm so looking forward to this.

0:15:390:15:40

Right, get on with it.

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HE BLOWS WHISTLE

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HE BLOWS WHISTLE Spread out!

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HE BLOWS WHISTLE

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You're supposed to actually score a goal before you celebrate it.

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Come here.

0:16:010:16:02

Ah, my chin!

0:16:080:16:09

Grant, what are you doing, you numpty?

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Keep back, sir. Just give them some air.

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Oh! Oh, this is bad.

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She needs to sit out for the rest of the match with an ice pack on this.

0:16:170:16:20

Oh, no, no.

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Adequate care of injuries is my responsibility.

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I'll have to take her to the hospital.

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What? No, no. I'll just...

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I'm not getting a disciplinary cos of your face, Morgan.

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-On your feet.

-Sir, I can handle this.

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Good, then you're coming too.

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BELL RINGS

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Hi, Mum. I can't find anywhere at short notice.

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I just wondered if I could stay at yours for a few days.

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Uh, hang on. I'll call you back.

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Where's my stuff?

0:16:530:16:54

Oh, no. Ladies' things.

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What are you doing?

0:16:590:17:01

If you wanted me to move it, you could have just asked.

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I thought we'd agreed that I'd get you set up.

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You know, in the flat.

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You've got me somewhere to live?

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Well, yes. We discussed it earlier. I...

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..put something in your pigeonhole.

0:17:160:17:18

Oh, wow. Really? I'm so sorry.

0:17:180:17:22

I thought you were talking about the tablet.

0:17:220:17:24

Thanks, Crispin. You're a life-saver.

0:17:240:17:27

-Well, jump in.

-Thanks.

0:17:290:17:31

Oh. That fell out as well. I don't know what it is.

0:17:340:17:38

OK, so today we're going to be talking about what makes us angry.

0:17:380:17:42

When I throw you the ball, just say

0:17:420:17:43

-the first thing that just pops...

-Music!

0:17:430:17:46

I think I could talk about my disruptive tendencies

0:17:460:17:49

much better through the gift of music.

0:17:490:17:53

-Yeah, yeah.

-That's a really good idea.

0:17:530:17:55

Hmm.

0:17:550:17:56

BEAT PLAYS

0:17:590:18:03

I think put the bass a little bit higher.

0:18:040:18:08

That's amazing, sir.

0:18:080:18:10

I really think you're getting through to us.

0:18:100:18:13

I can feel my disruptive tendencies just floating away.

0:18:130:18:18

This is great. I am so glad we did this.

0:18:190:18:21

And as you've recorded it for us, sir,

0:18:210:18:23

we can listen to it for homework.

0:18:230:18:25

Well, I guess.

0:18:260:18:27

-It's all on here.

-Brilliant. Thanks, sir.

0:18:280:18:31

It's not bad at all.

0:18:450:18:47

My own flat.

0:18:500:18:52

Maybe you can come round later when I've unpacked.

0:18:520:18:54

DOOR OPENS OK. Yeah, bye.

0:18:540:18:57

-I think that's the last of it.

-Oh, fantastic.

0:18:590:19:02

You don't know how much this means.

0:19:020:19:04

I'm just happy to help.

0:19:040:19:07

HE PANTS Um...don't you need to...?

0:19:070:19:11

Need to what?

0:19:110:19:12

Oh, how about a cup of tea?

0:19:120:19:14

Uh, sure. Yeah, I'll pop the kettle on.

0:19:140:19:17

Dr Mackay to ward seven.

0:19:290:19:31

Right, that's it, I'm getting crisps.

0:19:320:19:34

Now's our chance, we could make a break for it.

0:19:360:19:39

That won't work. We'll just get busted on Monday.

0:19:390:19:41

What if you leg it and we tell Nunn that the doctor took you?

0:19:430:19:47

You could come back with all bandages on your face.

0:19:470:19:50

You know, that might work.

0:19:500:19:52

Yeah, one tiny flaw with that plan,

0:19:520:19:55

we haven't got any bandages.

0:19:550:19:56

Ah, leave that to me. Come on.

0:19:560:19:59

Now we're burgling a hospital, great.

0:19:590:20:02

The thing is, the guy who set me up with the flat,

0:20:020:20:07

he's still here.

0:20:070:20:09

Yeah... He doesn't seem to want to go.

0:20:090:20:11

Maybe come round mine tomorrow instead.

0:20:140:20:17

It's getting late now.

0:20:170:20:19

Really, really late.

0:20:190:20:22

-Anyone interesting?

-Just my mum.

-Ah.

0:20:260:20:28

Well, I guess I better start unpacking.

0:20:290:20:31

Oh, leave all that for now.

0:20:310:20:32

You must be starving.

0:20:320:20:34

-Let me knock you up an omelette.

-What?

0:20:340:20:36

No, no, don't... Don't go to any trouble.

0:20:360:20:38

No trouble at all. You just make yourself at home.

0:20:380:20:41

Go, go, go.

0:20:420:20:44

Right. Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs.

0:20:440:20:48

# Whip them up all nice and fluffy. #

0:20:480:20:51

# Ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh

0:20:540:20:58

# Ooh-ooh-ooh. #

0:20:580:21:00

We've got this down. We're going to own this competition.

0:21:000:21:04

You know what?

0:21:040:21:05

For once, I think something actually might work out.

0:21:050:21:08

Oh, my cheese. You actually turned up.

0:21:100:21:15

You must love being made to look like a total thing

0:21:150:21:17

in front of a huge crowd of everyone.

0:21:170:21:19

Whatever, Ingrid.

0:21:190:21:21

Suck it up. We're going to wipe the floor with your stupid band.

0:21:210:21:24

Yeah? Well, I'm going to wipe my face with your whatever.

0:21:240:21:27

Slurp THAT up.

0:21:270:21:28

Whatever, loser.

0:21:280:21:30

-Yeah, loser.

-Loser.

0:21:300:21:32

Erm, guys. Guys!

0:21:320:21:34

We might have a slight problem.

0:21:340:21:36

"Judged by Natty C."

0:21:360:21:38

He's one of the judges?

0:21:380:21:40

Well, we can't do the song. He's going to know we ripped it off.

0:21:400:21:43

What are we going to do?

0:21:430:21:45

Chill, people.

0:21:450:21:47

I've been spitting some sweet rhymes and banging tunes back at my crib.

0:21:470:21:51

I got this.

0:21:520:21:53

MUSIC PLAYS

0:21:560:21:59

# We got entry but hard up on time

0:22:010:22:03

# Give us a beat, we'll knock 'em down with a rhyme

0:22:030:22:06

# My keyboard skills are a little bit of bass

0:22:060:22:08

# We'll smash this competition, blast Ingrid to space

0:22:080:22:10

# Yeah, we can do this freestyle on the tune

0:22:100:22:12

# Harmonies from Violet

0:22:120:22:13

# We'll launch to the moon

0:22:130:22:14

# We've got CJ as a hype man too

0:22:140:22:16

# I guess you could say that there's nothing to lose.

0:22:160:22:19

# We have liftoff Space jam

0:22:190:22:21

# Like how this is sounding Space jam

0:22:210:22:24

# Get this party bouncing Space jam

0:22:240:22:26

# Improv is the sound of it Space jam

0:22:260:22:28

# We have liftoff Space jam

0:22:280:22:30

# I like how this is sounding Space jam

0:22:300:22:32

# We'll get this party bouncing Space jam

0:22:320:22:35

# Our win will be resounding Space jam

0:22:350:22:37

# We've got this locked

0:22:370:22:38

# Ingrid can't bother this

0:22:380:22:39

# Strap her in a shuttle

0:22:390:22:40

# Shaped like an omelette

0:22:400:22:41

# Blast her to space

0:22:410:22:42

# She'll stay hovering

0:22:420:22:43

# Look down at us with great astonishment

0:22:430:22:45

# Watch me spitting bars

0:22:450:22:46

# We'll get this party kicked off

0:22:460:22:48

# Accelerate to Mars

0:22:480:22:50

# We're hyper-galactic

0:22:500:22:51

# Mega fantastic

0:22:510:22:52

# Supercalifragi

0:22:520:22:53

# All of that

0:22:530:22:54

# In the space-time continuum

0:22:540:22:55

# We continue our legacy of being the best that we'll ever be

0:22:550:22:59

# Funky robots cover every angle

0:22:590:23:01

# Blast competition into a black hole

0:23:010:23:03

# We're the rapping androids

0:23:030:23:04

# Humanoids

0:23:040:23:05

# We've got the skills to fill the void

0:23:050:23:07

# Space jam for all the girls and boys

0:23:070:23:09

# Put your hands in the air

0:23:090:23:11

# Make some noise

0:23:110:23:12

# We have liftoff Space jam

0:23:120:23:14

# Like how this is sounding Space jam

0:23:140:23:16

# Get this party bouncing Space jam

0:23:160:23:18

# Improv is the sound of it Space jam

0:23:180:23:21

# We have liftoff Space jam

0:23:210:23:23

# I like how this is sounding Space jam

0:23:230:23:25

# Get this party bouncing Space jam

0:23:250:23:27

# Our win will be resounding Space jam. #

0:23:270:23:29

HE PLAYS ONE NOTE # Spacey jam

0:23:300:23:34

# We've got some robot ham

0:23:340:23:36

# Spacey jam

0:23:380:23:40

# Something, something

0:23:400:23:43

# In a pram. #

0:23:430:23:45

We're so dead.

0:23:520:23:54

Unbelievable. Not a single bandage to steal in this entire hospital.

0:23:550:23:59

What is the NHS coming to?

0:23:590:24:02

Maybe you should put in a complaint.

0:24:020:24:04

That is a great idea. I need a pen.

0:24:040:24:06

What are you doing here? This area's out of bounds.

0:24:060:24:09

Uh... Sorry. I think we've just gotten lost.

0:24:090:24:12

Who's we?

0:24:120:24:14

-That was close.

-I'll close the blind.

0:24:190:24:22

-Will you lookie here.

-I don't think she saw us.

0:24:220:24:25

I think we've found what we're looking for.

0:24:260:24:28

ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

0:24:290:24:34

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:24:390:24:42

OK, we can do this. I know we can do this.

0:24:450:24:48

Are you sure?

0:24:480:24:49

Are you sure we can do this?

0:24:490:24:51

We've come this far, we ain't going to give up. This is our moment.

0:24:510:24:56

You with me?

0:24:560:24:57

That was the unnecessarily abrasive Oojah.

0:25:090:25:14

And now, put your hands together for our next act,

0:25:140:25:18

from Elmsmere School, it's...

0:25:180:25:20

-We're splitting up the band!

-I hear you, sister!

0:25:220:25:25

Right. Well...look at the time.

0:25:270:25:31

I suppose I ought to go to bed then.

0:25:370:25:39

I suppose. Busy day tomorrow.

0:25:410:25:43

Yes.

0:25:430:25:44

Right, well, I'll do these dishes.

0:25:490:25:52

DISHES CLATTER

0:25:560:25:59

WATER RUNS

0:25:590:26:01

Just thought I'd say goodnight. Time to get my head down too.

0:26:030:26:06

Brilliant. I mean, great.

0:26:060:26:09

I mean, thanks for everything you've done.

0:26:090:26:12

This is going to work out great.

0:26:140:26:16

Do you know what? I really think it is.

0:26:160:26:19

-Goodnight, Maddie.

-Night.

0:26:190:26:21

DOOR CLOSES, SHE SIGHS

0:26:270:26:30

HE CLEARS THROAT

0:26:330:26:35

Oh, have they finished with her yet?

0:26:350:26:38

I'm afraid it was worse than we...we thought.

0:26:380:26:40

Wow. Well, as long as my backside's covered, that's all I care about.

0:26:420:26:47

If I never see the inside of this hospital

0:26:480:26:50

or any of you lot ever again, it'll be a happy day.

0:26:500:26:53

Right, just might make the second half.

0:26:540:26:56

I can't believe we actually got away with that.

0:27:000:27:03

MUFFLED: Whoa!

0:27:030:27:05

What?

0:27:090:27:10

SHE SIGHS

0:27:130:27:15

SHE GASPS, HE SCREAMS

0:27:280:27:32

Like I said, it's just my training.

0:27:340:27:37

Oh, you've just got a little...

0:27:410:27:43

Detention.

0:27:480:27:49

# Can't live with 'em

0:27:520:27:53

# And you can't kick 'em out

0:27:530:27:54

# When they're up they rub it in your face

0:27:540:27:56

# Kick you when you're down

0:27:560:27:57

# But what no-one understands them

0:27:570:27:59

# You know what they're on about

0:27:590:28:00

# Always gonna be around

0:28:000:28:01

# Gotta find a common ground

0:28:010:28:02

# If you know so much about me

0:28:020:28:06

# Where do I go from here?

0:28:060:28:07

# If you see 'em every day

0:28:070:28:08

# You can never get away

0:28:080:28:09

# Only time that you're the boss? 4 o'clock. #

0:28:090:28:12

Polly can't wash off a fake tattoo. Can she get through the day without Bell discovering? Plus Ingrid gives a remarkable performance in a battle of the bands competition.