Episode 5 Airmageddon

Welcome to Airmageddon, the ultimate test of flying fortitude.

Our aviators and their highly-tuned drones take on a triad of trials.

Each game, we'll wave bye-bye to one team, as they will be grounded.

And, after three challenges, just one team will soar to the semis.

Flying in their way is our fearsome foursome of resident drones,

ready to turn your cosy little world upside down.

Who will be master of the skies?

Aviators - buckle up your boots,

polish your helmets, stand to attention...

this is Airmageddon!

Welcome to the Airena, the home of drone-on-drone competition

and big-screen entertainment.

Big-screen entertainment?

Yeah, you know, like X-wing fighter pilots take on the Death Star,

or Superman out-flying Batman,

Ironman with his suit that goes faster than the speed of sound.

Mm? Will?

What you doing? Will?

SHE GROANS

-It's Top Gun.

-OK, let's meet some people who can ACTUALLY fly -

let's meet our aviators.

Yes, the people that don't have to try hard to be cool...

AUDIENCE CHEERS ..it's the Pie Flyers, in blue.

Next up, Team Ace.

Out of the dark, Team Shadow.

And the might of Quadflight 101.

So we've met the teams.

So now let's meet our personalised interactive gyrocopter.

He's the Pig, and he'll show these guys how it's done.

The airsault course - like a trip to the funfair,

but much more like a nightmare for our aviators.

Forget the candyfloss - one lap and you meet the boss.

Yes, a whistle-stop tour of ghoulish gates,

harrowing Hurdles of Horror,

putrefying Pillars of Precision,

then the famed funnel of fury - the Vortex.

Burn past the boss, cross the line, set a time

and, if it's quick enough, you'll go through.

Pig there, he's got a flair for air.

His moves are flamboyant and he creates

significant turbulence with his flatulence.

Yep, let's see who'll be sharing his air

on this heat's assault course.

-AIR MARSHALL:

-It's the Dragon.

A genius acronym standing for

Devious Reconnaissance Aerial Goon.

Oh, no, it's actually Direct Response Aerial Gyrocopter,

but its only pleasure is your pain.

The airsault course is set and our aviators are itching to

get out there and tame it,

so let's get them into the control tower - it's Team Ace.

Thanks, Will.

14-year-old aviator Marcus,

with grandad Steve as wingman.

Marcus once saved a dog with his drone.

Let's hope this hero, his drone ranger and Grandad

can handle the heat.

You guys are first up. Pressure?

No, not really.

"No, not really"? Super-chilled, casual.

So, have you had a chance to check out the competition yet?

Have you seen the other flyers in action?

-Yes, we went up there yesterday...

-Yeah?

..to see how everyone else was flying.

-And what are your thoughts?

-They're good.

"They're good, they're good."

OK, well, let's see how good YOU guys are. You ready?

-Yes.

-Aviators stand by.

Well, best of British, Marcus and Grandad, sounding a little pensive.

He does have to face this man - the dreaded Dragon.

His breath is so bad, his dentist treats him over the phone.

There's Pig! PIG GRUNTS

He's in place of the absent Air Marshall.

Last thing we heard, he was being treated for a little rust

in his undercarriage.

The less said about that the better, I think.

Holy helicopters, here we go!

PIG GRUNTS

KLAXON SOUNDS

Swift throttle up towards the first of four gates.

It's 1.5m wide, the drone.

Beautifully through now,

towards the Hurdles of Horror.

Very tricky indeed, the descent.

Pushes forward, perfect.

You can see Pig in the background there,

watching on in place of the Air Marshall.

Now gate number two,

the Pillars of Precision.

Taking it steady.

Now he must yaw to the left.

This is the difficult bit, I think.

Yeah, no kidding. Difficult?

This is one of the hardest things in the entire aeronautical world,

and he's done it with ease.

Beautiful!

He was lower than a snake's belly as he went through there.

Spot on!

Gate three.

Don't call them hoops, they're hi-tech gates.

There's the Dragon!

Best to avoid this big, flamin' fella.

The Vortex now.

Right below the red line, is it?

Under the red line, that's right.

Watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out.

There we go. Grandad, good advice.

As they head towards the final gate,

the Dragon's-eye view.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Go for it.

2m flames could be coming out!

Go for it, go for it, go for it...

Absolutely. An expert in stating the obvious, Grandad - "go for it!"

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1.31. Magnificent...

flying.

Well, let's have a look at the replay.

The final manoeuvre, a thing of flying beauty.

He left the Dragon for dust.

Ha! Sucker.

Team Ace, come over.

I think you pretty much aced that, didn't you?

-Marcus?

-Yes - I hope so, anyway.

-How was it out there?

-It was good.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, I enjoyed it.

Are you telling me it wasn't very hard out there?

-It wasn't really difficult, no.

-HE LAUGHS

Well, Pie Flyers are next, let's go

-and see how they're going to get on.

-OK.

Why, thank you, Rachel.

Yes, the next duo are called the Pie Flyers.

Piloting their tasty-looking drone

is 14-year-old aviator Andrew.

He can throw stones with his feet.

Dad Stuart's the wingman. He has...

no silly facts about him at all.

Their self-designed drone will probably never be a big seller.

Pie Flyers are up next

and you're going to be out there with the Dragon.

How are you feeling about that?

As long as he doesn't get in my way.

-Yeah, exactly...

-Yeah.

-..he'd better watch out cos

if he does get in your way, he's going down.

OK, guys. Aviators, standby.

Fire up your motors.

Rev up your rotors.

You're cleared for takeoff.

Fighting talk from aviator Andrew.

Coming out on top of the Dragon

sounds a little pie in the sky to me.

PIG GRUNTS And there's my little piggy...

starting us off.

Bakers unite - this is your drone.

There's Rachel with Team Ace,

watching on in the workshop.

Of course, this team do not know

what Team Ace did in terms of time.

Everyone must enter the Airena

without any knowledge of what's gone before.

You're doing great there, Andrew. Great.

Take your time.

PIG GRUNTS

Under the second Hurdles

of Horrendous Horror.

Now the third, even deadlier.

Oh, onboard view from Dragon.

To the next gate.

Oh-h-h, this is going to be close.

Oh! Pie Flyers just slip it through.

-You OK there? Brilliant.

-Yep.

Steady...not too quick, though.

I've seen continental drift move quicker than this.

Up to the next gate, gate three, and then you know what's coming next -

the Vortex! Oh-ho!

Here we go...

the descent to take it on.

Dropping like a stone.

This natural phenomenon,

created by that machine. Up he goes!

Handled it beautifully.

Perfect.

We have the final gate, and then you-know-who...

Yes, the Dragon's breath's so bad

you look forward to his flatulence.

Over the line, over the line.

Oh, but he's been burned! What a run!

Dragon, you're fired, buddy...

if only I could fire you, but I can't

because I'm just the voiceover guy,

but I am friendly with the Air Marshall.

Anyway, the replay.

Sterling job all round.

1.38 the time, seven seconds slower

than Team Ace, though.

Nice one. Really solid time there, 1.38 - how does it feel?

It feels like a massive weight's been lifted off my shoulders

now I've done it, yeah.

Wingman, how do you think he got on?

Absolutely brilliant.

He did exactly what he said he was going to do - keep calm.

He was brilliant.

Did you do exactly what you were going to do?

-Words of encouragement?

-Panic?

-AIR MARSHALL:

-Trial over.

The only one who should be panicking right now is the Dragon -

poor show from him.

Team Ace lead,

Pie Flyers just behind,

but right now, they're in the drop zone -

will they be grounded?

They have to beat the next two teams.

Team Shadow out next.

11-year-old Shannon is at the controls

and Tracey is her Wingmum.

Shannon has 38 cats, which sounds a tad strange but it's

in my script so it must be true.

Her feline-inspired drone is named after her favourite - Shadow.

Let's see if they're PURRfect.

How are you feeling?

You're up here in the control tower

and taking a look at it all for the first time.

Very excited, but a bit nervous at the same time.

Don't be too nervous - that's what your Wingmum's here for.

Have you been giving her words of encouragement?

Yeah, she's going to try her best.

Is there any bit of the course that

you're particularly worried about?

Erm, not really, just...

just not crashing.

That's good, just focus on not crashing

and it's a good place to start.

All right, then. Aviators, stand by.

Yes, not crashing, good advice, Will.

Fire up your motors.

Rev up your rotors.

Great place to start...now.

Little bit of thrust

when the Pig gives the signal.

PIG GRUNTS

He's always hamming it up. Come on, Pig!

PIG GRUNTS

And they're off.

Good, rapid rise there for Shannon.

Certainly looks promising so far.

Now towards the gate.

Her aerial assistant, Wingmum.

Go for the middle of the hoop.

-I got it.

-Good girl.

"Go for the middle of the hoop," yes. Good advice.

Oh, goodness, she's got herself snagged.

Oh, the control, it's not so much

Lionel Messi as Lionel Richie.

Where's she going?

I can't stop, I can't stop.

Oh! She's not dancing on the ceiling, she's against the wall!

Rickety rotors! We have a problem here, folks.

Well, Shannon's not the first to come unstuck on this dreaded

Airsault course. We've seen worse.

Oh! Oh! No!

Those Pillars pranged the Hovering Hornetz,

the Hurdles hammered Stealth 2.2...

..and the Vortex absolutely annihilated

our very own Air Marshall.

One false move, a misdirected manoeuvre

and, as Sir Isaac Newton would say, "What goes up must come down."

You did very well because you nearly held it together,

and for a second I thought you were through and were going to plough on.

You made it through the first gate, so there's a chance that

the next team won't and you might still get through to the next round.

OK, you'd better go and look after your drone - think it needs you.

-AIR MARSHALL:

-Trial over.

Good news for the Pie Flyers - they've moved out of the drop zone

after that Did Not Finish from Team Shadow.

It'll be a nervous wait for them with just one team left to go.

They'll have to hope the final team don't get beyond the first gate,

otherwise it's curtains for Team Shadow.

Today's final team is Quadflight 101.

Captaining the ship, 11-year-old aviator Oliver,

with big brother Joshua as his wingman.

And check out the black and yellow go-faster stripes.

I think this drone is a wannabe wasp.

Quadflight 101, AKA Oliver and Josh,

how are you guys doing?

-Good.

-Very good.

-Yeah? Are you excited about this?

-Yeah.

-What's with the name? Why Quadflight 101?

Is it just because it's really difficult for me to say?

-No.

-No?

-Well, slightly,

but Quadflight because it's quadcopters,

and 101 because it is your worst nightmare.

We are your worst nightmare.

Oh, my goodness! The other teams had better watch out.

All right, then, mate,

well, you'd better get underway. Aviators, stand by.

This rivalling rotor show is heating up.

There's the Dragon.

PIG GRUNTS Me old mucker, Piggy.

And we're away.

Oliver, the aviator, fan of origami.

Through the first one.

I don't eat processed meats,

-but let's see how things unfold for them.

-Perfect.

Now then, Team Shadow crashed here.

Quadflight 101 must get beyond to go through to round two.

Over that one. Over this next one.

They don't know it, but they're through.

Yes, great stuff for them.

Now the Hurdles of Horror.

Always so tricky.

Brilliant. That's perfect.

He's going very low. Goodness!

He's lower than an ant's ankle.

Now he can't go too slowly here. Remember, time flies.

Look! It just did it with the magic of television.

1.53 in and we're going towards the Vortex.

Someone press the button, come on.

There we go! The vicious Vortex

finally is powered up, just in time.

Oh, they dealt with that brilliantly.

Time travel's so difficult to deal with.

Now the final gate and, look -

the face-off with the Dragon.

Has he got the skills to pay the bills...

that 11-year-olds have? Yes, he does!

Oh-ho!

What a time! It's the slowest, though.

It's not that great, but well done, boys.

They're through!

Here's the replay.

The face-off with Dragon.

Certainly saved his best for last, Oliver.

Over the line,

albeit not the quickest time.

-AIR MARSHALL:

-Trial over.

Team Ace on top,

Pie Flyers in second,

Quadflight 101 in third,

but sadly, back to the shadows for Team Shadow,

a DNF - Did Not Finish.

Team Shadow, you are grounded, but, guys, come in, team hug.

I think she did fab, didn't she?

Well done, guys. Thank you so much for being brilliant.

Does mean you're grounded - Shannon and Tracey,

I've got to lead you out. Follow me.

Yes, save a thought for the poor drone.

Look, he's still hanging there.

Teams of aviators competing with customised drones could never

be described as "normal". Neither can a flying pig.

Pig, what are our surviving teams facing next?

Our next challenge tests teamwork.

The wingman works the highly-technical electromagnetic

button, while the aviator must hover over the target long enough

to winch up the weight, then release the weight in the

scoring zone and, bingo, you have a point.

The winning team gets five points going into the Dogfight.

The losers? Grounded.

Air Marshall, who will they meet in the next round?

-AIR MARSHALL:

-The Wasp.

Oh, the Weaponised Assault Ship is the bolshie bad boy in our stable,

these thoroughbred drones that are ferociously fickle.

If you cross this one, wind him up,

the sparks will fly!

Are the Pie Flyers ready for the drop, Andrew?

Erm, I think we'll be all right, yeah.

How many magnets did you get in the practice?

-None.

-None.

So we're hoping you do a little bit better,

-but you're up against the other two teams in this one...

-Yeah.

..and you've got stiff competition, haven't you?

-Yeah.

-We have, very much, yeah.

Are you afraid of anyone in particular?

-No.

-No.

-No?

We have... We have no fear.

-How are you feeling, guys?

-ALL:

-Good!

Good stuff.

OK, Quadflight 101, Oliver - you guys came third in the last round,

It's really important you don't come third in this one.

How are you going to make sure you don't do that?

This is our strong point on this one,

cos in the practice we were the only ones

that actually got it in, so pretty confident about this one.

That's a good sign. You're nodding vigorously, Josh.

-Absolutely. This is our round, we're going to win.

-Yeah.

Phwoar! Guys, fighting talk over here.

All right, then, aviators, stand by.

Fire up your motors,

rev up your rotors.

Roger that one, Will, and I have

some exciting news for you all -

the Air Marshall's back, our sheriff of the skies.

How are you, sir?

It's great to be back. How did Pig do in my absence?

Oh, he did a marvellous job, Air Marshall...

trot a patch on you, though, sir!

Is that meant to be funny?

Erm, just a joke, old boy. I'm terribly sorry.

Shall we get on with the proceedings, sir?

As you wish. Aviators, stand by.

Launch in three, two, one...

KLAXON SOUNDS

Oh, we're underway. Well said, sir.

Why, thank you.

I think we need to subtitle him, personally.

Now, the wingmen, technical task -

they've got to press their electromagnetic activator...

Activate.

..to lift and then release the weight.

Team Ace, first weights on the far side.

Don't knock it down.

Quadflight 101, the yellows, looking to get in on the action.

That's Team Ace already over the target zone.

Can they drop their first weights?

Yes - point for Team Ace.

Done. Right.

Oliver and Quadflight 101

trying to get close to that weight.

They've done it.

They've picked it up. Well played, boys.

The Pie Flyers in blue...

they've also picked up their first weight.

There it is. Activating the electromagnet,

releasing it perfectly in the target zone.

-AIR MARSHALL:

-Proximity alert! Proximity alert!

Oh, my goodness.

The Air Marshall - what's up?

Oops, sorry.

He's been out of action for ages.

He can't stay away from the drama, can the old boy?

-OLIVER:

-Whoa!

Ah!

Now, Quadflight 101

still looking to drop their payload into the target zone.

Looks like they're having trouble.

Ooh, some horrendous hovering.

-Steady.

-I've got it.

Over on the far side, Team Ace, well done.

They're on for number 2.

Now here come the yellows.

Can they get there first?

Yes... Oh, did that bounce out?

Oh, no!

Air Marshall, does that count?

No, it doesn't.

The rule book clearly states, chapter four, paragraph nine -

"Any droppage leading to barrier hoppage,

"nul points," as they say in Spain.

Team Ace, 2. Easy.

Good counting, Will(!)

Now, to team Pie Flyers...

..just missing their second weight.

Quadflight 101 still to get on the scoreboard.

Oh-ho! That's not going to help!

-HE MOANS

-Oh, well.

Goodness me. Flying that like an overweight ostrich.

Now, coming in for another red.

They're already up 2-1.

Just the yellows that need

to get off the mark. Bingo!

What a brilliant pick-up.

Blues coming in.

Remember, two go forward to the Dogfight.

The winner gets the five-second advantage.

Wait, wait, wait - go.

Looks like the reds are going to be having that.

That's it.

Where are the yellows?

Don't worry, we can get this one.

Oliver seems to be losing his bearings a little bit.

Oh, yes!

The Pie Flyers...

..and the reds, too - they're going for 4.

Oh, the Pie Flyers so nearly scoring.

THEY GROAN

Oh, unlucky!

Yeah, quite right.

Did you see that?

The replay here - look at that nasty rollage.

Now the reds...

4!

(They've got 4!)

Oh, this is posing, showboating!

Now the yellows - their first pick-up.

Well done, boys. Come on!

Take it to the target zone.

Take her home!

I have huge confidence in you.

Steady.

There - go, go.

Reds going for another - they're greedy.

Oh, dainty touch from the blues, on 2.

Come on, yellows...ye-e-e-ah!

Yes!

It's a point, well done,

they're off the mark.

Hang on, that'll knock it off.

4-2-1. Oh, and the reds, their first fluff.

Let's see it from the Air Marshall's point of view.

Yes, plop to the floor -

that's their last one.

-AIR MARSHALL:

-Too late.

Now the blues and the yellows...

oh, the blues miss theirs.

It's a lifeline to the yellows.

Come on, boys!

The yellows inside the control tower.

Face of concentration.

THEY GROAN That was their chance!

That's it, I've lost.

Holy horrendous hovering, it's over!

The blues'll go through,

and the reds in the lead.

Squad nullified.

It's Team Ace who'll get the five-second lead

going into the Dogfight.

4 points for them, Pie Flyers, 2...

..Quadflight 101, 1, equals grounded.

Oliver, Josh, you guys only managed to get one in your target area,

so that does mean I'm going to have to say, "You're grounded."

You were a great competitor, brilliant out there.

-Nice one.

-Nice one.

OK, that means that, Pie Flyers,

Team Ace, both of you guys are

through to the dogfight and, Team Ace,

because you aced that challenge

and got four in the target, you go in with a time advantage.

Nothing says "Airmageddon Dogfight"

quite like a flying farm animal

going toe-to-toe with a motorised insect

in a laser firing contest.

Yes, you know the score -

throttle through the entry activation gate

to power up your lasers,

then make a short dash to the flaming combat zone

for a bout of aerial laser jousting.

Zap your opponents' infrared sensors with a well-directed laser

and they will lose their life.

Lose all four, you're grounded.

Our two finalists are about to battle it out in the combat zone.

They face each other,

and they have, of course, to avoid our resident drones.

Spin that wheel of misfortune - who will it be?

The Guard.

Oh, yes, indeed, and he has quite the fight record.

Weighing in...quite a lot more than all the other resident drones,

it's the Guard!

Large, bulky, not so smart...

he thinks Sputnik plays for Chelsea.

So, teams, remember, if you stray

into the no-fly zones, our resident drones may engage.

And, believe me, you do not want that to happen.

-Are you all prepared?

-ALL:

-Yes.

All right, then. For the last time,

start your pre-flight checks,

adjust your straps, calibrate your sights.

This is the Dogfight.

Well, we're all set in this crucible of carnage

for today's final round - the Dogfight.

Air Marshall airborne.

One team gets celebrity and the semifinals.

The other? The only big movie part

they're going to get is Drone Alone.

Team Ace will lead from the front, five-second advantage.

Over to you, Air Marshall.

Stand by. Team Ace,

launch in three...

two...

one...

Here we go!

Pie Flyers, launch.

The reds have to get through their activation gate,

five-second advantage.

Team Ace, targeting systems engaged.

Now can they TAKE that advantage?

Pie Flyers, targeting systems engaged.

Blues also activated -

it's a shoot-out now.

Dad, go.

Ooh, air-crafty there.

Lots of firing, lashings of lasers,

but no-one's taken a hit yet.

On board with the Air Marshall.

Good to see he's not snoozing.

Another zap, that was close indeed.

On with the Pie Flyers.

Look at this, face-to-face.

Is someone going to shoot?

It's a Mexican standoff.

Now there's a couple of zaps...

too bad they're not on target.

Fire.

-Ooh!

-Fire.

Need to get your sights in here.

Fire.

Still no-one's lost a life. On board with the blues.

Now the reds,

Team Ace getting him in their sights - take the shot!

REDS CHEER, BLUES GROAN Yes! They've got him!

Strike, blue team, three lives remaining.

First life lost.

Goodness me, smoking away,

and that is illegal when you're up in the air.

And he's got him again!

-Strike, blue team...

-Two hits on the Pie Flyers.

-..two lives remaining.

Oh, my goodness,

the blues are taking more punishment than a one-armed boxer.

So just two lives remaining for the blues.

Make that one. Oh, my goodness!

Strike, blue team, one life remaining.

I think they're into freefall here, in terms of confidence,

and they may well be out soon

if they don't pull something off.

Come on, blues.

I think Dad's got the yips.

Come on, press the button... there we go!

I'm going for the kill.

One more for Team Ace...

o-o-o-oh!

That's it, it's over!

Team Ace, they've done it.

Power down. Power down.

Here's the replay -

Team Ace dominant throughout,

a resounding win in the Dogfight.

The Pie Flyers just overcooked it.

-Oh, that was exciting.

-It was. I think we know what happened, but...

-Let's double-check...

-Yes, let's.

-..with the Air Marshall.

Well, if confirmation is indeed needed,

the Pie Flyers sadly lost all four lives.

Team Ace - magnificent...

they move on to the semis.

The Air Marshall has verified...

-unfortunately, Pie Flyers, you didn't get any hits in...

-No.

-..but you WERE hit four times...

-Yeah.

-..no lives left.

You are grounded.

But how was that? Have you had a good day?

-Loved every second of it, yeah.

-So proud of my boy. So proud.

Well, you were a great team. Well done.

You were absolutely great, but that does mean today's winners

lived up to their names - Team Ace, well done.

-BOTH:

-Thank you.

-Marcus, how are you feeling?

Erm, I'm happy with that, yeah.

-Really happy? Steve?

-Oh, it's cool.

"Oh, really cool, really cool."

We'll be seeing both of you in the semifinals.

Until then, it's time for you guys to power down...

And for these guys to step up.