Seagull All At Sea

UPBEAT MUSIC

Three, two, one. Go!

What do you think? Can Charlie really kick a ball

over the roof of that house?

I've got a better question. Why do I have to hold the ball?

Precision targeting.

If Charlie misses the ball, this will all go completely wrong.

-If he misses the ball, he'll kick my head off!

-Outstanding!

HE SHOUTS

Charlie,

what are you going to do?

Maybe take a longer run-up next time.

I mean about the mirror.

It should pop back in, you know, like a dislocated shoulder?

-Has anyone got some sticky tape?

-Charlie?

Code red! Fall back! Regroup!

-Oh, no!

-Now, don't jump to conclusions.

I hear a smash, see you holding my wing mirror. It's not a huge jump.

-The thing is...

-Yesterday, you rode a shopping trolley into my fence.

Last week, you converted my wheelie bin into a beehive.

You didn't see what happened, Mr Leith. I did.

So who broke my mirror, then, eh?

-That boy, cowering behind the lamp post?

-Erm, no.

Someone the total opposite looking. Tall, dark hair...and a hat.

-So a tall boy in a hat broke my mirror?

-Yeah, then just ran away.

-I find that very hard to believe.

-Kids these days have no respect.

Bye, Mr Leith.

-I call that thinking on my feet.

-I call it lying through your teeth.

Oh, Roy, don't go round that corner, mate.

My mum says I shouldn't talk to you. She says you're a bad boy.

-That's good advice. You should listen to her.

-Fine.

Don't go round that corner, mate. There was...an incident.

I'm not listening. La-la-la-la-la...

-You broke my mirror, then, did you?

-No.

Told him not to go down there. It was his own fault.

-What are you doing?

-Locking my bike up. There's a bike thief around,

as you'd know, if you paid any attention to the world around you.

No, I mean, why are you wearing that top? You look like a highlighter pen.

Dad made me promise. You think I'd wear this if I didn't have to?

Tell me about it!

MUSIC: "Take My Breath Away" by Berlin

Oh... Hey. Hello. Hi, there. Hey.

-Are you with the beach party?

-Beach party?

Stupid question, I suppose.

-Why else would you be dressed up like a...

-Radioactive lollipop lady!

Shut up, Charlie! ..Yeah. The beach party's where I'm going.

We could walk down together, if you want. I'm Ryan, by the way.

-Hi, Ryan, By The Way! I'm Hannah.

-And I'm about to throw up.

SHE SIGHS

-What do you think of the new website? Like it?

-No.

I don't like it. I absolutely love it!

You've done a brilliant job. The photos, the layout...

Makes me want to book a holiday here myself.

This is the best bit. Click on the picture of the door and...

THEY LAUGH

-DOOR BELL RINGS

-You're a genius!

That's put me in a good mood for the rest of the day.

-It's Mr Leith from next door.

-Can I speak to your Charlie, please?

-Spoke too soon.

-Charlie!

Sorry, what's he done now?

Nothing. I'm here to...apologise to him.

I didn't catch that. It sounded like you were here to apologise to him.

I'm, er...

I'm sorry I accused you of damaging my car.

Turns out you were telling the truth.

Please accept this.

-Charlie, what do you say to Mr Leith?

-I forgive you.

-Well, good. That's that, then.

-This might be a good day after all!

By the way, I think your other boy's got head lice.

Oh! Ugh! Agh!

-It's weird we haven't met before.

-Yeah.

I come to these beach parties all the time. I love them.

-You love them?

-I mean, they're O...

Actually, I hate them.

Still end up coming, though.

-So what are you here for?

-Whatever, something to do.

No, I mean, I'm here for smashing up a bus shelter,

-Jazza's here for shoplifting...

-Wait, is this Community Service?

-Yeah. That's why you're here, right?

-Of course. Definitely.

Just checking. I'm here because I stole...

-a Jet Ski.

-Wow!

-You're pretty extreme.

-No big deal. It's who I am.

You shouldn't have accepted that cash, or you should give it to Roy.

I am giving it to Roy, kind of, by spending it in his mum's shop.

What do you fancy? I fancy a pie.

I'm so ashamed to have a phone call telling me my son's a vandal.

-Mum, I didn't.

-I'm too soppy with you, that's my problem.

Wait until your dad gets home. He'll sort you out!

I've had enough of this, you're never listening!

You know what? I'm not that hungry now. My stomach feels all weird.

-You know what that is? A guilty conscience.

-Nah. Probably just wind.

Roy's in trouble and it's all your fault.

-That's why you feel bad.

-OK.

So I'll get him out of trouble.

-You're going to tell everyone what really happened to the car?

-What?!

Don't be stupid. I've got a much better idea.

Oh!

-Line up, I'll put you in teams.

-Go on the same team, yeah?

-OK.

Listen for your letters.

A, B, A, B, A, B, A, B,

A, B, A, B. OK...

All the red As, step forward.

Team A, you are on deckchair duty.

-Go and help the tourists set up the chairs...

-I want to go with...

Team B, you are on beach clean-up, so grab your bags and get clearing.

Just head lice, Louis. Nothing to worry about.

Basically, they're little insects

that lay eggs in your hair.

What's in the eggs?

Erm, baby insects, I guess.

Or maybe little worms with teeth.

-I'm not really sure.

-Kevin,

do you mind not grooming the children for parasites

-where the guests can hear?

-Oh, yes. Sorry, love.

What's a parasite?

That means they survive

by eating your flesh

and sucking your blood.

-Off you pop.

-LOUIS GASPS

Kevin, look at this.

-That website of yours has got a guestbook.

-Yes. Little idea I had.

Maybe the guests could leave feedback.

I know what a guestbook is, but look.

Bobo35 has put, "The service here is poor,

-"the hygiene lax and the towels damp. Avoid."

-Ouch!

-What are you going to do about it?

-Leave them in the drier longer.

-Not the towels, the comment. How do I delete it?

-You can't delete it.

Freedom of Speech is a cornerstone of a healthy democracy.

This isn't a democracy, Kevin. This is a B&B.

I'm going to find Bobo35 and I'm going to sort him out.

Oh, Roy. Come in... Sorry about the blindfold, mate,

but we've got to keep this place a secret.

-So why tie my ankles together?

-I had some rope.

-Tell me the idea. Then I'm going.

-You're going to love this.

Your mum's going to think you're a superhero. Ready?

-We're going to steal a bike.

-Goodbye.

-No, that's not the whole plan.

-You know there's a bike thief on the loose?

-I'm not stealing a bike.

-Of course not. Ben's going to steal a bike.

-What?!

And then you'll return it back to its owner, like you've tackled the thief.

-It's a brilliant plan.

-It's a terrible plan!

I'm not stealing a bike! You steal it.

-I'll steal it.

-Thank you, Alison. So what do you think?

-Well, I suppose...

-Great! Let's go!

It's disgusting! There's a dead seagull here!

Don't shout, everyone will want one.

Team A, excellent job.

Hand in your sashes. We'll see you again tomorrow.

Team B, I want two more bags full each before you go.

SHE SIGHS

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Oh! Oh! Sorry! I was just trying to see what you were typ...

You're not typing, are you? You're playing a game. Oh...

Just tap that one in mid-air.

Lays an egg. Ha-ha!

SHE CHUCKLES

You're so beautiful. Hello, little buggies.

Ah, Louis, just the man.

Listen, I don't want you to worry about these nits.

-I'm not worried, Dad.

-Good, good, cos I've got some special shampoo.

Going to pop it on your head for 30 minutes and they'll all go.

-Go where?

-Go where...?

Basically drowns them in poison.

HE GASPS

You too, love. We all need a dose of this nit shampoo.

(Stop saying nits where the guests can hear.)

It's no secret, the guests'll have to have it too.

It says, "everyone in the entire household."

I'm the victim of an online smear campaign.

I can't go giving Bobo35 more ammunition by dousing him

-or her in nit shampoo. Anyway, it's only Louis that's got them.

-Really?

Then why are you scratching your head?

Stress. All right, all right!

If you must shampoo everybody, then do it,

but do it without them noticing.

Right.

Padlock, eh? Think you can beat me THAT easily?

-HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

-Green tea and lemon grass.

Don't know whether to wash your hair in it or drink it, do you?!

Do you wash your...? No.

Right.

-Tap that one in mid-air, it explodes.

-Ahem...

-Sorry.

Carry on. Good game, that.

-Charlie!

-Did you get it?

-Affirmative.

-Is that the one that means yeah?

-Affirmative.

Come on, let's go!

(Louis. Come here. Listen... Does that sound like typing to you?)

TAPPING

Right, Bobo35, the game's up!

-Oh, it's you! I thought I heard typing.

-No.

(I'm just sneaking nit shampoo into the bottles.)

It's funny really, because you're bugging the guests... Ha-ha-ha!

-..and I'm debugging them!

-HE LAUGHS

Hilarious(!)

Well...

What happened to you? You look like the inside of the green bin!

I want to get these clothes off,

have a shower and give my hair a good, deep wash.

-Oh, good. Use that.

-SHE SNIFFS

-This is nit shampoo!

-Yes. It's nit shampoo because Louis has got nits.

If he's got nits, why do I have to have nit shampoo?

-Because nits can jump from head...

-Just stop saying the word nits.

-Nits, nits nits. I'm not doing it!

-Fine! We'll shave all your hair off!

-Your choice. You too, Louis.

-In a minute!

You hide in here until it's safe, buggies.

Now, go and knock on the door,

give them the bike and tell them what I told you to say.

-Yes?

-Oh... I've got your bike.

-What?

-This bike. It's for you.

-I don't want a bike.

-It's yours. It got stolen.

-Are you all right, Katie?

-This boy wants to sell me a bike.

-He said it's stolen.

-What I mean is...

-Hang on a minute.

This is my bike. This is meant to be chained up

-in my back yard.

-Your bike?

So you're that bike thief

-who's been going round...

-Stealing bikes.

-Yeah.

Wait... You've made a mistake.

The guy who stole your bike was a great big...woman. She went that way.

-Please...don't tell my mum.

-Oh, I'm not going to tell your mum.

Psst! Roy, if you get sent to jail, we'll come and bust you out.

-Don't say a word about how I look.

-You look the same as normal!

What's that smell? Has a guest died?

Not yet, Charlie, but one's about to. Listen.

"Today, my shampoo was replaced with some kind of foul-smelling syrup.

"This B&B is clearly run by a pair of escaped lunatics."

-Which guest wrote that?

-I don't know. We did that to all of them.

-You realise what this means, don't you?

-Yes.

It means it's time to let it go and move on.

It means it's time to treat each guest badly, but in a different way.

Exact... What?

That way, we'll find out who's posting the comments.

-Won't that damage our reputation?

-Bobo35 is damaging our reputation.

-I'm acting in self-defence.

-Right.

You're not going to do anything crazy, are you, Helen?

-Do I look like a crazy person?

-No.

-You're next.

-OK.

-Remember, not a word.

We don't want Environmental Health finding out about this.

Don't worry, I've got backup.

-Oh!

-Agh!

-Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry!

How clumsy of me!

Sorry. Sorry.

OK, guys, it's safe to come out.

Go, little buggie buddies.

-Hi, there.

-Hey.

-Sorry about yesterday. We got split up.

-I was thinking, today, we could...

-Something smells weird.

-Do you think it's one of those dead seagulls?

-Yeah, probably.

Right, are we all lined up?

We know the system now. We can get on the same team.

OK, so we've got a new volunteer for the day

whose mum thinks he needs to learn some discipline.

Everyone say hello to Roy.

ALL: Hi, Roy.

OK. A, B, A, B, A, B,

A, B, A, B, A, B.

Team A, step forward.

Team A, deckchairs.

But...

Team B, bin bags. Get picking.

Morning, Roy boy. Digging the sash.

Please, leave me alone. I don't want your help.

I don't want to see you or speak to you or think about you ever again.

-All right. I understand.

-So is that it?

Are you joking? That was a cry for help. He needs us more now than ever.

So here's what we've got to do.

Change this...into this.

-Alison, what are you staring at?

-Dead seagull.

-No, really. What are you...

-Urgh! Why would you even do that?

-Watch it go rotten.

That's brilliant! That's exactly what we need, a manky dead seagull.

-What?

-Dad said if the council knew we had nits, they'd close the B&B,

so imagine what would happen if they found a dead seagull in a chip shop.

-So what's the plan?

-We hide the seagull in the chip shop,

Roy finds it before anyone else

and saves the business. What could go wrong?

Tonnes of things. You could get caught sneaking in.

I won't get caught, cos you're the one sneaking in.

Yeah, Ben. I stole the bike. Now it's your turn.

But I can't go in there on my own.

Don't worry. You won't be on your own.

Two down, one to go.

We need to distract Roy's mum,

so Ben can plant the seagull inside.

That's easy. Street fight!

Or...maybe I could pretend to be sick.

-No. Definitely street fight!

-Too late!

HE GROANS

-What's happened?

-A dog bit him. I think it had rabies.

Oh, there's nowhere to put it!

You call the ambulance, I'll do mouth-to-mouth.

Get off!

Oh, think! Think!

FAT SIZZLES

-I'm OK now. I think it was hiccups.

-Are you sure you're OK?

100%. Never better.

I won't detain you from your business any longer.

I can't believe Ryan went home early AGAIN. Life's not fair.

-I'm increasingly aware of this.

-It's not going to beat me.

I'm going back tomorrow and every day, for as long as it takes.

I WILL get on Ryan's team.

-Anyway, good chat. Thanks for the advice.

-What advice?

That was so exciting!

Look at me, I'm shaking!

-You hid the seagull, right?

-Yeah. In the chip fryer.

It was the only place it would fit.

-You deep-fried a dead seagull?

-Yeah.

-Cool!

-So, er, now what?

Easy, we just have to tell Roy before he goes into the shop.

I've had enough of this! You never listen! You need to pay attention!

I hope you learned an important lesson today at the beach.

This is what happens to boys who steal.

THEY SQUAWK

-Are you listening to me?

-THEY SQUAWK

-Go and see what they want.

-I don't want to.

Well, I don't want them standing there all night. Go outside.

-Why won't you leave me alone?

-I'm trying to help!

After I broke the wing mirror and you got the blame, I thought...

-YOU broke the wing mirror!

-Anyway, that's not the point...

-You're a bad boy! A very bad boy!

-OK, Roy, but I've still got to...

You're a bad, bad boy!

HE GROANS

I'm sorry, buggies. I wasn't thinking.

So, I've spilt water on Mrs Twig, I've left wet tea bags

-in Mr Blake's sink, so that just leaves Mrs Cox to upset.

-Oh!

So you're deliberately trying to annoy the guests?

It's got to be done.

You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs... Oh!

-BOTH: Afternoon, Mrs Cox.

-Good afternoon.

Oh! Argh!

Agh! Sorry, bugs! Agh! Argh!

-Argh!

-That should do the trick.

Argh!

-You're a bad, bad, bad boy!

-OK, Roy, I hear you. I'm a bad boy,

-but I've still got to tell you something.

-No, I won't listen.

-You are bad. La-la-la-la-la-la...

-HE SQUAWKS

-Good evening, sir.

-You know your boy is out there behaving very oddly!

I don't know what's up with him. Tried to help him.

-Took him to the beach to pick up dead seagulls. Did it work?

-Right.

Fish and chips, please. Nice, big piece of fish, if you've got it.

It wasn't me.

-You're going to the beach again?

-Every day, until I get what I want.

Well, don't be back too late.

We've got another family shampoo session tonight.

-The first one didn't take, for some reason.

-Gotcha!

-What's this?

More bad reviews? What are they complaining about this time?

-The spilled vase, damp tea bags, or the scratching boy?

-All three.

Three separate bad reviews. Just as I thought. They're all guilty.

Oh, Mrs Twig. Hope you enjoyed your stay.

Thank you.

By the way, you're going home with nits.

Thought you were only here a day.

My mum says I've got to come here every day for a month. I don't care.

-I don't care about anything any more.

-OK, listen up, people...

A, B, A, B, A, B,

-A, B, A, B, A, B, A, B.

-Yes!

-Team A, deckchairs. Team B, bin bags.

-Yes!

-Were both on the B team!

-Ryan Maxwell, you shouldn't be here.

You've already completed your 100 hours. Well done, lad. Off you go.

-Don't let me see you down here again, all right?

-Great. Thanks.

Ryan, listen. The thing is, I really like you.

I was wondering if we could, you know, hang out sometime?

I really like you too, Hannah, but all this has made me realise

I want to stop being a criminal,

sort my life out. That means I can't hang around with bad influences.

-I'm not a bad influence.

-You did steal a Jet Ski.

-No, I didn't.

I'm not even a real criminal. Check the list.

-I'm not on the list, am I?

-You, back to work. You, clear off.

Goodbye, Hannah. I hope one day, you'll see the error of your ways.

My ways have no error. I'm not guilty! Ryan, check the list!

Ryan! Ryan...

Ryan.

-Listen, about last night...

-No. This time, you listen to me.

I am a patient boy and I will have my revenge,

no matter how long it takes, I will have payback!

Talk about ungrateful!

It goes to show, you shouldn't try to help people.

-They never appreciate it.

-Well, you live and learn.

-That reminds me.

I've been practising and I can definitely kick the ball over

-Mr Leith's house now. Want to come and watch?

-Yes!

-Yes!

How can this be right?

Cleaning out the oven until it's sparkling new, and for what?

Leith's lucky I smashed his bedroom window with that ball.

The way it collapsed, it was dangerously weak.

It could have hurt someone! What kind of lesson is this for a child?

It's a travesty of justice!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd