Vase All At Sea

CHEERING

I've got it! Let me cut it!

Oh, thank you!

Thanks, everyone.

Thanks, Charlie.

And thanks, everyone, for the present,

for the six-pack of discount cola.

It's way sweeter than the ordinary stuff.

And the Teen Vampire film.

I'm dying to see it. Part 1 was brilliant.

And Louie's picture.

And my vase.

And your main present. I'm taking your mum out to dinner.

A new Italian, Amici. It's supposed to be really good.

Really...good cake.

-DOORBELL

-That'll be the sitter.

Now, you're all to be good, Charlie.

Of course I will. We'll play quietly...maybe a game of Scrabble.

Really? I'd love that!

Carol!

-You two know each other?

-She's...Carol's the babysitter?

She's 14, she's in my class.

Outstanding!

14? Does seem a bit young.

If you'd like to get a telephone reference,

-here's a list of my clients.

-Oh?

Oh, Dr Gilchrist...the Ericksons...

she's that lawyer, yeah, with the beautiful...

-Mum...

-I think Carol will be a brilliant baby-sitter.

-I feel really safe with her.

-You shut up!

Hannah! You shouldn't speak to your brother like that!

Oh!

So Louie goes up by 8, Charlie at 9 and Hannah...?

DOOR SLAMS

She'll take care of herself. Yeah.

Thank you.

I wouldn't sit there if I were you.

We had a really old lady staying last week

and, well, she weed on it.

Go on, Charlie.

I thought... aren't we playing Scrabble?

No! We're doing night combat.

That's why he's blindfolded.

You have to run around the whole room on the furniture

without touching the floor. And Alison tries to hit us...

..With this. Ben, you're next.

MARTIAL ARTS NOISES

MUSIC: "Raiders Of the Lost Ark"

Is this a good idea?

Go!

-Go.

-OK.

Small steps.

At the edge.

Be careful.

-Wow!

-Steady.

Do the biggest leap you can, Charlie, go for it!

-Remember, safety comes first.

-Shut up, Ben!

Nearly there...

Charlie!

Mum's vase!

-Ben, why didn't you move it?

-Me? It was your idea!

You were engaged in a combat op, you were back-up.

But I... Ow!

There's no I in special forces unit.

Actually...there's two.

S-P-E...

It's OK, we can fix it.

Sorry, guys. have to pull out.

Curfew at 1900.

Oh! How convenient.

You cause all this with your insane game,

but when the trouble starts...

Are you questioning my loyalty?

Absolutely not. Please don't hurt me.

That's what I thought.

Hi, Hannah.

Do you want some juice or a nice banana sandwich?

Get a life, you loser!

-'On this week's...'

-I'm not sure that's suitable!

Hannah!

I hope we're not going to have any trouble.

I don't want to have to tell everyone at school

you're a naughty girl.

-Wh...? You better not!

-Now stop being silly and give me the remote.

Gardening.

There! That's better.

PEACEFUL PIANO MUSIC

A-hem.

Hello?

-Table for two, please. Enwright.

-By the window over there.

-Yes, lovely.

Not here.

Sorry, we're full.

No, I definitely booked.

I spoke to a woman.

A woman?

Nah.

No, I booked, I booked... there's tables empty.

Not empty, reserved.

OK, OK. See that table there, Missy? We're sitting there. End of story.

Barry!

Mmm...

I booked, I booked, I definitely booked!

How do they say this in Italian? Fiasco!

Yeah, nice one.

Oh!

It's probably best just to own up?

-What? I'll get the blame!

-Well, you des...

It's them! Quick! Twist it round so you can't see the broken bits!

We'll never fix that now.

You idiot!

-And the kids were OK?

-Good as gold.

-Well, it took a while to get Hannah settled.

-Oh...!

She's at that age.

Yeah. Really annoying about the reservation.

It must have been so disappointing for your wife.

Yes, yes, she's upstairs having a lie-down.

Anyway...

-There we go.

-Oh, no, please, £5 is fine.

Oh!

-No, we said 20.

-Yes, but you're back so early.

Thank you, Carol. That's very good of you. Definitely use you again.

WHINING What is that noise?

Careful...careful.

-Hang on.

-Yeah.

-Good night, Carol. >

Quick!

OK, boys?

Just chatting about jobs when we grow up.

-Ben wants to be an architect.

-Mmm?

I like, er...

buildings.

OK, well, come on. You know Mum doesn't like you being in here.

We'll go up to my room, maybe have a game of Scrabble.

Ah, Scrabble fan, eh?

Yes.

Your mum will see, she'll tell my mum...

Forget all that. Look what I found at the bottom of the vase.

-Thompson's. So?

-That's where Dad bought it.

We'll go down there, get a new one.

28 quid?! Where are we going to get that kind of money?

-Are you sure this is a good idea?

-Shhh!

What are you doing?

Louie! Louie!

-Huh...?

-You were sleepwalking. We tried to stop you but we couldn't.

Look.

You broke Mum's vase. I think you were having a dream.

-Crows rule the world.

-That's right.

-You was making a squawking noise, wasn't he, Ben?

-Er...yes.

And then you just ran at the vase flapping your arms and smashed it.

Didn't he, Ben?

Yeah.

It's going to be awful when Mum finds out.

-She loved that vase.

-Will I be in trouble?

-Yeah.

-She'll probably send you to boarding school.

-Oh...!

You better go up and get your bags packed, unless...

you got any money in your piggybank?

£32.44.

I've got an idea. I could go to the shop,

buy a new vase before Mum finds out.

That way she'll never know and you won't be in any trouble at all.

-What do you think?

-Thanks, Charlie.

This is a low point even for us!

Oh, dear, oh, dear!

Terrible.

A poor chap went in the sea after his dog, drowned.

Death.

Certainly puts our little problems into perspective, doesn't it?

Well, that's the good thing about death, isn't it?

It just sort of happens. You don't have to book for it.

Mum, when you sleepwalk,

can you go into the road and be run over?

I don't know. Why are you worrying about sleepwalking?

Just something we saw on the telly.

I told you it wasn't suitable, Ben.

I didn't...

I don't want any breakfast.

If this is about the baby-sitter, I'm not in the mood.

I can't stand it! I can't stand another minute.

Right, you can finish tidying up in here.

I'm going to do the rooms

and then I'm going for a drive round the industrial estate

for a bit of peace and quiet.

We'll help, me and Ben we can do all that dusting, vacuuming...

You've done something, haven't you? What have you done?

I just want to help.

Cos you're sad about Dad ruining your birthday.

Thanks, Charlie.

See that? More feeling in his little finger than you'll ever have!

I booked, I booked, I did, I booked!

Bye, Mum. Have a nice time.

See you later. Bye.

Come on! We have to go and get the new one before she gets back.

I'll just put this away.

Hurry up!

Louie, the money!

Are you still worried about sleepwalking into traffic?

I thought what we could do about that.

Every night after you go to sleep,

I'll tie you to the bed with sticky tape,

and in the morning before you wake up, I'll take the tape off.

I don't like being sticky.

I'll get the special German tape,

the one that doesn't leave any sticky on you at all.

Thanks, Charlie.

You can't be serious?

The coins, they're stretching my pockets!

Look!

Do you really think they'll let us pay in 2p pieces?

We'll say you've been saving up for ages.

They'll probably think it's cute.

They like that sort of thing, grown-ups.

There's the woman from the shop and she's got the vase!

Bigger job than I thought. Take about three days.

-Oh, for goodness' sake!

-A-hem...

Yes?

I'm afraid there's been a little bit of a mix-up.

Mr Thompson said he'd sold you a vase, but my...

-mum had already paid a deposit on it.

-Sorry, what?

Look, technically...

my mum owns that vase.

I don't know who you are but would you please go away?

It's for our dad's ashes.

You probably saw it in the paper...

He jumped in the sea to save this dog.

-The bloke who drowned?

-Yeah.

You should be proud, son.

Your dad's a legend.

Hey, lads, that drowning dog bloke, these are his boys.

Come on, let's have a whip-round, eh? Help with the flowers.

Here...

Thanks.

But the vase...? Our mum picked it out especially for Dad's ashes,

didn't she, James?

Er...yes...

Henry.

All right. You can have it.

Let's say £28.

2...

4...

6...

It's fine.

You can give it to your mum.

Say it's from me, Mrs Sheppard,

and I'm sorry for her loss.

Thanks.

OK.

Just like our dad was.

Better get on.

No!

Didn't need your money in the end.

Charlie!

My vase!

Charlie!

-Hi, Mum.

-What have you done... what are you doing with my vase?

A bit dusty. Thought I'd give it a polish.

Came up well, didn't it?

What's got into you today?

Just you...being sad

about Dad ruining your birthday.

Oh. Well, you're not really upset about that, are you?

Aw! Listen...

All mums and dads fight, it's no big deal, all right?

All right?

Yeah...er...

..sorry about this morning... the restaurant, wasn't your fault.

Really?

Yeah, we'll go another time.

OK. Tonight?

Yeah.

All right, Mister?

OK. Yes.

So listen, it's 7 o'clock, table for two, Enwright.

And that is definitely confirmed for tonight?

No, it's just that I need to let you know

that I am recording this conversation.

And if there is a problem with this booking,

I will be forced to take further steps.

And you'll find I'm not a man... DIALLING TONE

Hello?

You going out tonight?

Yes. Touch wood.

Or whatever that is.

Your mum's going to ring Carol,

so, please, for my sake, do not make a song and dance about it.

OK, Dad.

Right.

Hello... DEEPER VOICE: Hello.

Hello, is that Carol?

Hello, Carol, this is Jane Burke, Dr Burke.

We need a sitter for tonight and we've heard good things about you.

Are you free?

Excellent, excellent.

I gave Louie his money back and we've still got £40 left!

-Let's go down the arcade!

-No!

We can't just start throwing money around.

We'll be caught.

I say we wait a month and then spend it carefully,

little by little.

I'm going to buy a rat with my share.

Good idea. We could put Sparrow in with it, see what happens.

I'll take a wild guess.

I don't want it as a pet. I'm going to cook it and eat it.

Practice for surviving in the jungle.

What is wrong with you?

MUSIC: "One Step Beyond" by Madness

Come on!

Quick!

Come on!

Yes!

Come on!

SCREECHING

I can't bear being around a lot of hammering and banging.

But you'll find it nice and quiet here.

I've put you in our best room.

Remember the vase you broke?

-There's a lady staying and she mustn't see it.

-Why?

Cos I got the new vase from her and I told a little lie.

And anyway I need you to go down and stand in front of it.

Why can't you stand in front of it?

-I can't. It's really important that the lady doesn't see me.

-Why?

Because...because she's a witch and I stole the vase from her

and if she sees it she'll take it back.

-But she might put a spell on me.

-No... You see this chimp?

It's a magic chimp. As long as you hold it, you'll be safe, all right?

Yeah.

And you won't have to stand there long,

because you know what I'm going to do? Get rid of the witch!

No, it's fine, Carol.

I'm sure we'll find someone else. OK, bye.

Carol's not free.

Mum you know that lady who's staying, Mrs Sheppard...

-Yeah.

-I heard in town she's a thief who steals TVs and laptops.

-Don't be ridiculous.

-He's such an idiot.

-It's true!

They called her Mrs Sheppard the thief.

You should probably tell her to get lost.

-You know, she's probably here...

-Charlie, be quiet.

..although Mrs Sheppard! Maybe she could baby-sit.

-No!

-No!

Let me do it. Please, Mum, I'll do a really good job.

-Just give me one chance.

-Yeah, Mum, let Hannah do it.

I promise I'll be good for her, please!

Please, Mum...

OK.

One chance.

Hello.

Grrr!

-I've got serious problems.

-Me too.

A rich source of protein, I just couldn't do it.

It's Pattern, he's so cute!

-Pattern?

-I know, I shouldn't have named it.

< Charlie!

Mum and Dad have gone, and if you do anything, anything

to mess this up for me, I'll turn your life into a living nightmare.

I'm just sitting here quietly.

I bet other kids don't have to put up with people charging in

-threatening them, I bet!

-Seriously! You have been warned.

Then my mum found Pattern,

went completely hysterical... Typical civilian!

Yeah! Women hate rats, don't they?

HOWLING AND EVIL CACKLING

When Mrs Sheppard sees Pattern, she'll run a mile.

Who'd stay in a B&B that had rats?

Outstanding!

Go on. Best if we're not around.

Louie?

Mrs Sheppard, you haven't seen L...?

-Louie, get down!

-No!

Louie, I'm warning you!

You should stand on something too so you won't get bitten!

Eeek!

-A rat!

-Get it away from me!

We had a plague of those in the garden.

The important thing is... never let them escape!

Eeeek!

Counterattack! Pattern's under fire!

-SCREAMING

-It's Mrs Sheppard,

she's jumping around, she'll see the vase.

-We need to pull Pattern out.

-Give me three seconds!

It's stuck!

What's going on? Someone's locked us in.

Wait! She stole the magic vase!

Please, don't tell my parents!

I'm not.

Finally...

-It's from Hannah.

-Oh?

"I hope you're having a lovely evening.

"If police phone, don't worry, everything fine."

Can we get the bill, please?

-There was no need for you to come. It was nothing...

-Nothing?

I was imprisoned.

-She's a witch, she stole the magic vase!

-Louie!

I'm sorry, he's not normal.

So someone locked you in?

That's what I'm telling you.

I was held against my will.

It was my other brother, you see, because I climbed out the window

and went around to let us out,

-because he jammed a chair under the door handle.

-What?

Well, why would he...?

I knew I'd been here before.

-Your brother, is his name...?

-Charlie.

That went brilliant.

Mrs Sheppard must have been really upset if she phoned the police.

-I bet she's leaving.

-Thanks for minding Pattern.

Maybe if I don't see him for a few days, I might not like him as much.

Then I'll be able to cook him.

Don't worry, I won't let her cook you.

You're the best rat ever. Me and you...

Charlie, the police want you downstairs.

Charlie!

I know you're in here.

Yes, we did it!

Why's everything so hard?

Oh, what are you d...?

Mrs Sheppard, wait...

Not for one second, the place is a madhouse.

What happened? What did you do?

It wasn't my fault, it was Charlie, you see...

-He locked us in a room with a rat...

-You were in charge!

Never again! You will have Carol baby-sitting till you're 20!

It was Charlie!

Oh, no!

You?

The boy whose father drowned...

What?

-Charlie!

-It's OK, Mum, I caught the rat! Do I get a reward?

How can this be right?

Do all the dishes for a week and for what?

For trying to fix my mum's birthday present!

What kind of lesson's that for a child?

It's a travesty of justice.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd