Dog All At Sea

SEAGULLS CALL

I thought you asked for a games console.

Mum and Dad said this would make me more mature and responsible.

DOG BARKS

What have you called it?

Iron Man 3.

Hey! Good-looking animal.

Can you make him do tricks?

Ah, well...he's not really that type of...

I was asking the dog.

Nice one, Dad.

Hey, come on. There you go, son, you forgot your shades.

Oh, OK.

DOG BARKS

So, I was thinking, we could maybe take him out for a

waaaaaaaaaaaalk!

Aah!

What's his attack word?

His what?

All dogs have an attack word.

They hear it and go straight for the throat.

He doesn't have an attack word.

You just haven't found it yet. Action! Vamos!

Unleash! Banzai!

Oh - but, whatever you do, don't make chicken noises at him.

Why not?

Well, he used to live on a chicken farm

and whenever he hears chicken noises, he goes nuts.

THEY MAKE CHICKEN NOISES

DOG BARKS

-Aah!

-Not funny!

BOTH: Excellent!

Fantastic. I'll see you in about an hour. Thank you. Bye.

How about that?

Fully booked - not bad for midweek, eh?

No need to thank me.

Why would I thank you? I took the booking.

No, I booked the final room this morning. It's on the spreadsheet.

The bookings go in the book, Kevin.

-That's why they're called bookings, not spreadsheetings.

-Dad?

What's the point in having an elaborate electronic system?

Good question. What is the point?

-Mum!

-So, we don't have double-bookings!

-Mum!

-Well, you're going to have to ring yours back.

Well, it seems a shame to turn away business, don't you think?

Well, what are you thinking?

Maybe...maybe there's a way to create an extra room.

Hannah, have I gone invisible?

That's right, sir, for just 50p,

your child can have five minutes on our dog-powered roundabout.

Allow me to demonstrate. Ben.

He's our dog handler.

Eh...yeah.

I give the word, the dog will run in circles, pulling Charlie

and therefore, pulling the roundabout.

Well, go on - show them!

OK, um...

Come on, Ironman 3. Walk on.

Walk on, boy.

Walkies. Walkies. Trot! Trot!

Hup! Hup! Hup!

Wait. Don't go! He'll move once you make chicken noises - watch.

Not the chicken noises!

Charlie and Louie's room, we could give that to a guest.

Their room's a swamp. I wouldn't keep a pig in there.

OK... Well, that only leaves...

Hannah, sweetheart...

No way.

You don't know what I'm going to say yet.

OK, let me take a guess, "Hannah,

"we're going to kick you out of your room so a guest can stay there."

Well, it's just for two nights. You could share with your brothers.

I just said their room's a swamp!

It's not that bad.

It is! Dad, you just agreed with me.

Well, let's not get involved with

who said who to whom and what...

I'm not sharing with the boys, their room stinks of compost.

Well, it's tough, I'm afraid, cos I've decided.

There you go. Nice and democratic.

INAUDIBLE WHISPERING

Are you going to move your stuff, then?

-No.

-Fine, I'll do it for you.

SHE GROANS

Are you trying to make me run away from home?

I mean, is that what you want?

OK, I definitely am invisible.

Ahh!

HE BLOWS

Wooooo. Wooooo....

This isn't the usual place.

I'm banned from all the others

for sticking my hand up the penny waterfalls.

This is the only arcade where they don't know me.

Oh, oh. Problem.

No dogs allowed.

Just tie it up here.

I'm not allowed to leave him.

What's he going to do, tell your mum?

Look, I'm not leaving him here.

If you want to tie him up, you'll have to tie me up as well.

-OK.

-No-one needs to be tied up.

We'll take him in with us.

But the sign...

What about the sign?

Dogs can't read.

THEY LAUGH

You cause a diversion.

-I'll sneak him in by the meerkats.

-Roger.

Can you change this into 2ps, please?

This is Japanese yen.

Yeah, it's 150 to the pound at the moment.

Shh, keep calm.

See? Easy.

-What if there's a security camera under there?

-Will you relax?

If I went to Japan and gave them English money, they'd change it.

Look, I'm sorry, I'm not taking it. No, go on!

-DOG BARKS

-Oi! You with the dog! Out!

Oops.

Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you two! Can't you read?!

Oh!

Oh!

I'm really, really sorry.

I...I just didn't realise.

Realise what?

That you're blind.

I'm sorry, you must've made a mistake.

Blind. That's right. I'm blind and that's my guide dog.

He's beautiful.

Is he?

How long have you had him?

Eight years. Ever since I was little boy.

And what's his name?

Ironman 3.

Right. Well, I'm so sorry to have disturbed your game.

Ended my game, actually.

Yeah. Erm, let me make it up to you...

I can't believe you pretended to be blind!

I didn't pretend anything. She assumed it.

Then you pretended.

Because I didn't want to embarrass her. I was being a gentleman.

Come on, let's go.

Free drinks and snacks for you and your friends

by way of apology.

Thanks, but we really have to be going.

No, we haven't.

Come on, Ben, we can stay for a bit. It's only polite...

It's only for two days.

Oh, hello, love. Thought you'd already gone.

What are you doing?

Me? No, nothing, nothing.

Just...taking that sign down and putting that one up.

-I will never forgive you for this.

-It could have been worse.

This place was nearly called "The Horse Chestnut Room",

-but I just thought it sounded a bit weird.

-Not the name.

Mrs Bolton? We've got a lovely room for you. Lots of character.

Just through here is the guest lounge.

-We serve breakfast in here.

-SHE SIGHS

You're very good at this game, aren't you?

I always thought it was a myth.

Oh, sorry, Charlie, I've put you off again.

That's all right. It's just...

I rely on sound to play the game.

Here, let's get a quick pic...

Erm...Charlie, I think it's time we were going.

Yeah, you're right. Thanks for the snacks.

You're welcome and please do come back, any time.

Alison...

I just have one more token.

MACHINE MAKES CHICKEN NOISES

Oh, no...

DOG BARKS

Hey! Come back!

It's OK. I'll just find my own way out.

Don't be ridiculous. Stay here with me till they get back.

Oh!

SHE SNIFFS

This is disgusting. I think I'd rather be homeless.

An electric razor?

RAZOR BUZZES

He's ten, why's he even got a razor?

That's to shave our heads for when the sea monsters come.

Oh, it's me, Louie. I'm standing over here, on my bed.

You're a deeply strange person.

Do you see the mattress moving?

That's me. I'm doing it.

There's no need to be afraid of me.

I'm pretty sure there is.

Does he run away like this often?

Yeah, quite often. He's a rubbish guide dog,

but I can't afford a proper one. You know, with the recession and...

the cuts...

-That's awful.

-Anyway, it looks like they are not coming back...

You can't go off alone. Here... Let me ring your parents.

-You can't do that!

-Why not?

Because...sadly, I don't have any parents.

And you can't ring the orphanage because they don't care.

Alison! I mean...

is that Alison?

Where's the dog?

It ran into the sea and tried to eat a canoe.

Oh, well, never mind.

Come on, let's go, Alison.

Charlie, it's me. Your brother.

From now on, I'm going to ring a bell so you know where I am.

OK, buddy, whatever.

Right, here's the rules.

No-one speaks to me unless I ask a direct question.

The window will stay open for air to circulate.

And you will both remain clothed at all times.

Where's the mirror?

Why would I want a mirror?

SHE SIGHS

HE RINGS A BELL

It's Louie, by the way. Don't be afraid.

Does he sleep with a bell every night?

No, this is a new thing.

Charlie, why is the carpet damp?

Louie sprays it with vinegar. It keeps my insects off his bed.

Your insects?!

They're mostly nocturnal, just try to sleep with your mouth shut.

Apple, banana, clementine...

What is he doing?

That does happen every night.

He alphabetises fruit to help him to sleep.

..guava, huckleberry...

Don't worry, I know a way to block it out.

HE HUMS

SHE SIGHS

..juniper...

I cannot exist like this any more.

..kumquat...

HUMMING CONTINUES

So, I did the maths, and if we hired out Hannah's room

on a regular basis...

..then in six months' time, we'd have enough money to buy a car.

Charlie, do you like sharing with your sister? Is it fun?

It's like sharing

with an angry hippo.

Come on, it can't be that bad.

That was the worst night of my life!

We'll come back to this.

Will you please stop humming!

I'm not humming.

Oh, no. That means I've got it in my head.

Get used to it. Mum and Dad want you to move in full-time.

Never.

This has gone far enough.

-Hi...

-SHE HUFFS

Still alive then?

I thought you'd have died of shame like I nearly did.

Where's the dog?

A motorbike came down our street today and it got knocked over.

Ironman 3!

Oh, no, I mean the bike got knocked over by the dog.

He's a lunatic.

So, my mum swapped it for a gerbil.

Maybe we shouldn't go back to that arcade for a while.

Maybe? MAYBE we shouldn't go back?

Charlie, we can never go back there as long as we live.

It's on the list, the art gallery, the chip shop,

the aquarium...

OK...I'll lie low for a bit.

I've got chores to do anyway.

..the pet shop, the butcher's...

..oh, and the crematorium...

Mrs Bolton, there's been a mistake.

You're trespassing in my room...

..so kindly shift your...

Oh!

Hello.

Uh, who are you?

Sam. This is my room, obviously.

Well, I'm Hannah, but, actually, this room...

-How long are you here for?

-What?

I'm here one more night, but I wish I was leaving sooner.

Well, me too, actually...

Is it me or are the family that run it a bit weird?

No, they're definitely weird.

Hannah, don't forget to put the bins out.

Like, why would you ask one of your guests that? Total freak.

Yeah...and the place is a dump.

Oh, tell me about it. No style. No taste.

I'm so glad I don't have to live here all the time.

You want to see my room! Seriously, come and look.

It's hilarious!

Can you believe this? It's like a six-year-old girl's room.

Yeah. Maybe a bit older than six.

That would explain the posters.

Yeah. That's really tacky. A kitten and a teapot.

And look at these stickers - fairies!

Well, they look like old stickers and they can be hard to scratch off.

You're not telling me this is a room where

a normal person would live, are you?

No. You're right, only a total loser could live in a place like this.

-Bye then.

-Bye.

Well, that was humiliating.

Charlie?

Judith!

I mean...

Judith? Is that you?

I can smell your perfume...

Yes, Charlie, it's me.

-What are you doing here?

-I'm going to every building in town

trying to raise money, to get you a decent guide dog.

I don't need a decent guide dog.

I like the one I've got.

But, Charlie, Ironman 3 tried to eat a canoe.

Yeah, just one canoe.

Anyway, what are you doing in a Bed and Breakfast?

-I thought you lived in an orphanage.

-I do.

I'm here because...

I work here.

HE RINGS BELL

Louie? Is that you? Where are you?

I'm here. I'm standing right next to you.

He rings a bell so I know where he is.

You can go now, Louie. I'm talking to this lady.

Why is the lady crying?

I'm sorry. It's just...

you're so brave.

Anyway, you'd better go now.

The people I work for don't like me wasting time

-when I should be working.

-Oh, that's awful.

Charlie? Who are you talking to? You're supposed to be polishing.

That's my...boss. You'd better go.

Hello? Can I help you?

Yes, I very much hope you can.

I'm raising money for a much-needed guide dog for

a very deserving young man and I was just hoping...

Yeah, not interested. Sorry.

Thanks very much, bye.

Don't give up hope, Charlie!

I won't give up on you.

SOME of us care!

What was that about?

-Don't ask me.

-I am asking you, Charlie.

How did that woman know your name?

What does she mean, "some of us care"?

OK, I'll tell you. The thing is...

she's raising money for a boy who she thinks needs a guide dog.

Well, what's that got to do with you?

I...inspired her.

Oh, is that right? Well, inspire yourself to clean the family room.

If anyone asks, I'm not part of this family.

Fine by me.

But THAT might be a problem.

Oh, no.

SHE LAUGHS

(Yes!)

Hi, Hannah. That's your room, is it?

-Erm...

-Obviously! Why else would you be in there?

Yeah, it's my room. It's a dump.

Can I see?

Uh, what?

I showed you my scabby room. Can I see yours?

Yours is OK compared to mine.

Not really. If you look at that lighthouse

-and these bed sheets...

-Erm...

Is this your wig?

Yeah. I sometimes wear it, just for a laugh.

Is THAT a wig?

No.

SHE LAUGHS

I found them on the pavement.

Do you wear them for a laugh too?

No.

Look, can I have some privacy, please?

This is my room.

I can never talk to that boy again.

So, let me get this straight...

You've helped start a campaign to raise money for a guide dog?

Yeah.

You...Charlie...my son?

Yeah, like I told you.

I think it's fantastic.

You believe all this?

It's true. The town is absolutely covered in posters all about it.

Oh, no...

They're doing a 5K fun run along the beach.

I got some leaflets, I'm going to put them in the display rack.

And who is this blind boy?

No-one you know.

I wasn't that interested if I'm honest,

but now I know our Charlie's behind it, well, that's a different matter.

I'll tell you what,

why don't I volunteer to help you on the beach run?

Oh, Dad! No need!

He's so modest, isn't he?

Listen to me, I am very proud of you

and you should be very proud of yourself.

I feel a bit sick.

Oh, by the way, love, what have you done with the picture?

What picture?

The family portrait.

Well, I haven't moved it.

-Well, somebody has.

-That's weird.

You don't think one of the guests has taken it, do you?

No. I mean, I've known them steal towels or light bulbs

and the toilet seat that one time, remember?

But a family picture...

Mum, Dad.

-Not now, Louie.

-Don't be afraid. It's me, Louie.

The Danish couple that are upstairs...

-No!

-I can use my powers to find the thief for you.

-But she's lovely.

-Light fingers.

They wouldn't take it.

Well, they had an apple without asking.

-I'm going.

-So, it all adds up.

-Well, are you going to go in and look for it?

-No.

What are you doing here? It's only half seven.

Fancied an early night.

I thought you hated it here.

I thought you were taking your own room back.

Change of plan.

I'm not leaving this room till that boy checks out.

Bad things happen outside that door...

I know the feeling.

I hope you're ashamed of yourself.

What have I done wrong? Guide dogs are a good cause.

Guide dogs for BLIND people are a good cause.

Guide dogs for kids who can see perfectly well and tell lies -

not so impressive.

So, what can I do?

I know. Dig a trench on the beach, cover it with bracken.

They'll fall right in.

And how's that supposed to help?

No more fun run.

Yeah...you're right. Thanks, Alison.

You could just tell the truth. Tell Judith that you're not blind.

Are you mad?

It's either that or tell more lies.

Yeah. You're right.

Thanks, Ben. That's good advice.

You're going to tell her the truth?

No, the other bit you said...

More lies.

I should have thought of it myself.

Thank you very much, I do hope we'll see you again soon. Thanks.

HE RINGS BELL

I haven't found the picture yet, Mum, but I will.

Have you got everything? Good.

THEY SCREAM

Get out of my bedroom!

You can see me! I'm cured!

Thank you, Mrs Riley! Thank you!

Is everything OK? Louie, what are you doing in here?

You can see me too!

I'm so sorry, Mrs Riley. He doesn't usually behave like this.

I've found the picture. Mrs Riley stole it.

Will you stop making up stories about our guests...!

I'm so sorry.

What?

(Come on now, Charlie.)

Charlie!

Judith! Good news...

-I've put posters up all over town.

-I know.

A millionaire saw them, and saw I needed a new dog,

so, he's getting me one!

Top of the range. German.

So, thanks to you, I don't need you to raise money for me any more.

Oh. That's wonderful news.

So, you can take down all the posters

and cancel the fun run.

Well, it's too late for that now.

They'll be setting off in five minutes.

It's OK though, we'll give the money to a guide dog charity.

Brilliant. So, we've done something good after all.

Well, it's all thanks to you.

Oh, wait there a moment. I've got something for you.

How about that?

Just by telling a few lies, turns out I've really helped a charity.

Yeah, but...

And to think - you didn't want me to do it.

You know what? I'm going to give her 10p of my own money.

Makes me feel warm inside.

I had special T-shirts made up for all the fun-runners,

Special T-shirts?

Well, the run's in your honour, so...

Oh, sorry, I should be describing it.

Basically, it's a big picture of your face

and then at the bottom it's got "Jog For A Dog"

and a couple of green...paws...

Charlie? Charlie?

He has, uh, good days and bad days...

Hannah! Hi!

I thought you were gone.

Just about to. We're loading the car now.

Yeah... I'm just about to leave too.

That's my bag.

No... it's not. That's my bag.

Um, that's what I came back for.

Your bag, right. That's what I meant.

Anyway, I can't wait to get out of this dump.

Yeah, me too.

I mean, the place is horrible and the food is disgusting,

and don't you think the family's a bit weird?

Yeah. Yeah, they are weird.

I'm never coming back here like ever again. Ever.

They've even got a picture of me on their wall.

Why would you do that?

You live here then.

Yes. yes, I do.

-Bye, Hannah.

-Bye.

And some people like kittens in teapots!

Look on the bright side, love...

he did say he was never coming back.

SEAGULLS CALL

First man on front!

How are you doing? Have you hit the wall yet or...?

That's weird...

Why have you got a picture of my son on your T-shirt?

Your son? He can't be your son, mate, he's an orphan.

No, I'm telling you, that is definitely my son.

You mean that boy running towards us?

He doesn't look blind.

Blind? He's not...blind.

CHARLIE!

Charlie, you get yourself back here!

Sorry, Dad, I can't hear you!

How can this be right?

Clean out all the dog poo in the entire park!

And for what? For trying to help blind people!

What kind of lesson is that for a child?

It's a travesty of justice!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd