Snowmen, Bagpipes and Custard Pie Fights! All Over the Place

-Ed visits a winter wonderland, s'now joke!

-I'm frozen solid.

Naomi blows some tunes.

-Richard delivers the goods.

-It's got ham and pineapple

And Johny gets pie in the eye.

# All over the place

# All over the place

# North, south, east, west

# On a bizarre quest, me and my mates

# All over the place

# It's true what you've heard Everything is absurd

# Whatever we do is strange, but true

# All over the place

# All over the place

# Bet you didn't know this stuff was in the UK

# But it turns up

# All over the place! #

Oh... Oh, I'm so cold. I'm so cold.

Stop moaning, Ed, it's not that bad.

Not that bad? I'm frozen solid!

Well, it's lovely over here.

Well, I'm coming over there, then.

What are you doing?

Don't come and bring your snow.

-It was nice and sunny before you came!

-Why is it only snowing on me?

Because that guy over there is making it snow on you.

Hello, guy over there.

Could you stop this, please?

This is Darcey, from Stroud.

No, not that kind of snowman.

He makes fake snow.

Whatever, it's s'no problem at all.

So, Darcey, how do you make snow in the middle of summer?

We have lots of different ways, more than 200,

-but my favourite is this.

-200 ways to make snow!

My favourite is this one, it's a fine powder.

It looks like nothing,

but we can carry a snowdrift in our hand luggage on a plane.

All we have to do is add water...

and then, hey, presto,

we have snow...

You are a magician. How do you do that? That is...

It's like magic.

-..one of the best things I've ever seen.

-Now, feel it.

It's the most wonderful snow, ever.

-Is it safe, can you throw it at people?

-Erm, yeah.

-I was expecting that.

-You know me too well.

-Can we have a go at spraying some snow?

-Yeah.

-I've got this wonderful, kind of... jetpack.

-Oh, brilliant.

-Can I...?

-I said it first.

-Please...

-It's difficult.

-I am closest.

-Yes, you are.

-Ha, ha, ha! The power, the power!

Do I get nothing?

You can have what we call the snowstorm.

Oh, yeah, I like the sound of that.

-Ha-ha, this is more like it!

-Oh, what...?

-Let's see what you've got, Pitts.

-Oh, yes, look at that.

Let's see what this little baby does.

Oh, hey! Oh, wow!

This is awesome, this is a ridiculous amount of snow!

I had no idea this much was going to come out.

Now, aim it that way, then just walk backwards a little bit.

Yeah, I was getting a bit carried away there.

-Then look for any bits you've missed.

-Look at Johny.

I'm definitely losing the snow war.

You are definitely losing the snow war, I'm sorry to tell you.

There goes Petrie. The best day ever!

This would be the best way to get a day off school.

Go to the headteacher's house, cover the front garden

and they look out the window and go, "Oh, dear, school's off."

I can't turn this off, this is getting ridiculous!

Oh, that's s'no joke!

We are in the middle of summer, but with all this snow,

it would be rude not to have a bit of a...

-snowball fight!

-Argh!

The snow looks good and it covers up Johny's dandruff,

but I wonder who would look best if you put a real snowman

and a fake one in the same room?

Hello, Mr...

Man, Snowman.

What can we do for you today, Mr Snowman?

I've been told this is the place to come

if you're starting to get a bit...

embarrassed about your appearance.

I guess you want us to sort out your hideous nose?

-We can do that for about £5,000.

-I quite like my nose.

-Why are you here, then?

-It's the rest of my body.

I suppose I'm getting on a bit.

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

Five days.

My face is drooping, my tummy's sagging, I'm falling to pieces.

It's not your age, Mr Man, it's this lovely warm weather

that's started, and spring is on the way.

I cannot wait.

I don't know what you're so cheerful about.

It's not exactly good news for us, is it? We are made of snow.

-Ah, not me, I'm made of plastic.

-Plastic?

Technically, I'm GRP, Glass-Reinforced Plastic.

It's a posher version of fibre glass.

It's what they use to make snow in TV and films.

And you can have it done too.

You can be turned into

magnesium sulphate, vegetable wax.

At these prices? Not likely. Anyway, I'm not sure I hold with it.

It's people like you putting real snowmen out of business.

-And what business would that be?

-Being a snowman business.

No offence, Mr Man, it's adapt or die in this world.

Human beings lead very busy lives

and can't wait for some old-fashioned snow to fall.

There's all sorts of options.

You can be melted and mixed with petroleum.

Too late, maybe I should have left the heating off.

Ed, you know you like to talk? A lot.

I do have moments of intellectual genius

that have to be shared, if that's what you mean.

Since we're in Scotland, I've thought of a way

-we can put all of your hot air to good use.

-A bit rude.

We're going to visit this place.

-The National Piping Centre?

-Mm-hm.

-Am I going to be learning how to be a plumber?

-No, follow me.

You need a lot of wind to play one.

Ed, you suck.

What we've got here is the oldest pipe chanter in the world

and it's about 300 years old.

Every set of bagpipes has a chanter, to play the melody?

That's right, yes.

The chanter converts the air into a melody.

THEY PLAY OUT-OF TUNE

I said melody!

Proof of Scottish giants. Look at these, they're massive.

I like these, why has it got keys instead of the holes?

The keys are so you can play

sharps and flats, it's quite complicated.

Name that tune, Naomi.

-Do you think that sounds like it?

-I think that sounds just like it.

-Just like it, is it Adele?

-No, it was Justin Bieber.

-Oh, of course, yes.

-Baby, baby.

-Baby, ooh...

-Oh, I can hear it now.

-See?

That's as good as you're going to get. What was that?

-That was definitely Chipmunk.

-No, it was Katy Perry, Firework.

-Oh, yes!

-I ran out of note.

-Next one.

-I needed an extra note.

-Next one.

-OK.

-I'm sorry, I give up, no.

-It was Lady Gaga, Born This Way.

-I need to sit down.

-That was so bad, Ed. Terrible.

You two have no chance of joining

the 8,000 pipers...

I wonder who would win the All Over The Place Bagpiping Championships?

You're nae match fer me, wee mad Johny.

I'm the greatest piper in this land.

Dinna kid yerself, Ed, yer a jealous bag of wind, if there was one.

We'll soon find out about that, won't we?

Sorry, could you back off a bit? You've got quite bad breath.

Oh...

I've got the greatest set of bagpipes in Scotland,

whereas yours are probably not even Scottish.

They're probably made in England.

There's nae shame in that, the English actually had bagpipes

before the Scottish.

You wash your mouth out, that's a lie and you know it!

Everybody knows the bagpipes were made in Scotland.

Asia Minor, actually, in about 1,000 BC.

I don't care for history,

I'm too busy practising on the great pipe.

-Hold it there, hold it there.

-We haven't done nothing.

Ye canna arrest us for playing the bagpipes.

I'm not arresting you for playing the bagpipes,

but for crimes against the Scottish accent.

-Come with me.

-It's a fair cop.

-I cannae argue with that.

Ed, this place is huge, and what is that?

Ceallach, my young friend, that is Nelson's Column.

And on top stands Admiral Horatio Nelson, hero of the British Navy

when he defeated Napoleon in the Battle Of Trafalgar in 1805.

-What, right here?

-No, Trafalgar's also a place off the coast of Spain.

Oh, I see. I wonder if he can see Spain from up there?

-Er, I don't think so.

-Do you think that's his ship up there?

That's a piece of contemporary art, representing Nelson's ship.

The art here changes all the time.

Did they keep these huge lions as pets?

-No, they are based on models of real lions.

-Very lifelike.

Legend has it that if Big Ben chimes 13 times, they'll come alive.

Ah, that'll be on the 12th of never.

# London calling to the underworld

# Come out of the cupboard, you boys and girls... #

What's this, Ed?

-This, Ceall, is the world's smallest police box.

-Police box?

It used to be a lamp post, but in 1926, it was hollowed,

they put in a telephone and when someone called, the light flashed.

Ah, cool. That was a bright idea!

-Get it?

-Oh, yeah, brilliant(!)

-How many police officers can fit in there?

-Just the one.

-Do the police still use it?

-No, closed down about 50 years ago.

Oh, that's a shame. What do they use it for now?

Doctor Who just bought it to replace his old TARDIS.

Really, Doctor Who lives in there? That's amazing.

No, I'm only joking, obviously.

Oh, that would have been so cool.

Just imagine your house was like a TARDIS.

If my house was like a TARDIS, it would be a massive theme park.

The place would be filled with rollercoasters.

You would have water rides, you'd have loop-the-loop.

You could go ice skating, have snowball fights.

You could skate round with the penguins, holding fins and hands.

You'd have rides that go really fast without a track.

And it floats.

My nain is from Wales, you know. Nain is Welsh for gran.

Why don't the Welsh say gran?

It wouldn't be Welsh, would it?

Looking forward to getting back to my roots.

I've heard this North Wales village is beautiful.

I've always wanted to visit a typical Welsh village.

-I wonder what the main attraction is? Maybe a huge castle.

-Yeah.

Or a Chinese pagoda.

It's not just the Chinese pagoda that's the main attraction here.

In Portmeirion, there's buildings inspired from all over the world.

Asian, Italian, Spanish,

French and Welsh buildings.

This village was built by one man.

It took him over 50 years to complete his dream.

Ed and Richard, you have 42 seconds

to find out as much as you can about Portmeirion!

Ed, you've got Robin, who's in charge of the village.

Richard, you've got Meurig,

who looks after the daily running of things.

Whoever finds out the most facts is the winner. Three, two, one, go!

-So, Meurig, what country are we in?

-Wales.

-Did you know Clough Williams-Ellis?

-Yes, he was my grandfather.

-Really?

-Is there a beach here?

-Yes, there is.

-Is it a sandy beach?

-Yes, it is.

Why did he build this place?

To show you could develop somewhere beautiful without spoiling it.

-How many windows, do you know?

-No.

I heard it was a home for fallen buildings, is that

because they were rubbish and kept falling down?

He wanted to give a home to places that were in danger.

-How many swimming pools in this place?

-One.

-Which building travelled the furthest?

-The Bristol Colonnade.

-How many tourists do you get here each year, roughly?

-250,000.

-250,000?

Why are the buildings different colours?

-Did you have an indecisive painter?

-OUT-OF-TIME BUZZER

Oh! I'll never know why they are different colours. Why are they?

-To mimic the colours of the Italian coast.

-Oh, very interesting.

The person that found out the most facts is...

-Richard.

-Yes!

-Oh, what, how?

-I told you I'd beat you.

-How?

-I told you I'd beat you.

-Well, I have got one thing.

-What's that?

-Guide book.

-Oh, wicked.

-Shall we have a look round?

-Yes. Let's have a look.

We are pleased with the cruise. The food is lovely.

The entertainment is marvellous, but the scenery is a bit samey.

I've got to stop you there, you're going nowhere on this boat.

-Made out of stone.

-That would be why, then.

There was a real boat, but it got destroyed by a storm

so Clough made a stone one to stay forever.

-I do know something!

-Have you been reading the guide book?

-Er, yeah.

-I thought you might have.

What are you doing?

This is a hotel as well, don't spy on the guests.

I'm not spying. Look, they're painted on, these windows.

Some of the buildings have windows painted on.

Nothing is as it seems in Portmeirion.

The windows aren't windows, the doors aren't doors.

Oh, here's a door...

-Sorry, madam!

-Run!

It's all right. She wasn't real, she was just a painted lady!

Portmeirion seems to have loads of surprises.

Where did Clough Williams-Ellis get all these amazing

sculptures and buildings from?

Hello, is that Generic Deliveries?

Good.

I ordered some things for this

Italian-inspired village I'm building...

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-That will be them, thank you.

You've got my stuff for the Italian village?

That's right, sir. Come on, lads, bring 'em in!

-Hang on, bring what in?

-The dolphins for the dolphin house.

Be careful, the big one likes to chuck his fish about.

Wait, I wanted the house decorated with dolphins.

Paintings, sculptures, things like that.

What am I going to do with a dozen dolphins?

In the bath?

What about the other stuff I ordered?

Ah... One rubber ring for you, sir.

-I didn't order this.

-You ordered a stone boat, didn't you?

So you're going to need that for when it sinks.

At least tell me you've got me my...

It's a pizza.

-No fooling you, is there, sir?

-I ordered a piazza!

-A meeting place, where you meet people.

-Oh. You wanted a meat pizza?

No, I didn't want any pizza! I wanted a piazza!

With a fountain and a gothic pavilion and Roman columns.

This has got ham and pineapple.

He certainly gave him a piz-za his mind.

I doubt Clough Williams-Ellis used that delivery method.

Good day, madam, 'appen it's a lovely one again.

Good day to you, young street urchin, and where do we find ourselves today?

Ain't that a fine question to be asking a young gent

like my good self? You see...

# Pray tell, fair lady Haven't you heard?

# We stepped back in time into Dickens' world. #

Charles Dickens, Victorian novelist,

the man who wrote Bleak House and Oliver Twist?

# The very same Victorian gent

# And you can relive his past right here in Kent

# Walk the streets of gloomy London

# Just like him

# All misty, moody

# Dank and smelly, dark and grim

# Into Dickens' past, we need to delve

# He was born in 1812

# Married Catherine Hogarth

# She was a Scot and they had ten children

# Crikey, that's a lot!

# He started off a newspaper reporter

# But then decided he really ought to

# Have a pop at fame and wealth and glory

# And set about writing popular stories

# Dickens, Charles Dickens,

# Here, you can see it all

# Dickens, Charles Dickens

# Newgate Prison and the Music Hall

# Dickens, Charles Dickens

# If you want to feel like a fool

# Then spend some time in the class of a Victorian school

# Dickens' books were published week by week

# Soap operas of the day, so to speak

# It's what was known as serialisation

# His stories truly gripped the nation

# Used techniques never seen before

# Cliffhangers left the readers wanting more

# Like a Victorian Eastenders, I'm guessing

# A bit like that, but much less depressing

# Dickens, Charles Dickens

# At Dickens World, you can choose

# Dickens, Charles Dickens

# To visit the house of Ebenezer Scrooge

# Dickens, Charles Dickens

# Have a Great Expectations boat ride

# The water's realistically brown

# It's OK, it's been dyed

# And you don't need to be a historian

# To know what it's like to be a Victorian

# This world transports you through the ages

# Brings to life old Dickens' pages

# Dickens, Charles Dickens

# A novelist second to none

# Dickens, Charles Dickens

# Was partial to word play and a pun

# Dickens, Charles Dickens

# So right, don't know where to begin

# He must be good

# He's got a world named after him! #

That was a great banana.

Really? I'm more of a satsuma man, myself.

-Argh!

-Oh, yes, the banana skin trip,

it's up there with other classic slapstick comedy like,

the boxing glove punch.

Oh! This is no way to treat your co-presenter.

I've worked with lots of people on this show and they show me respect.

He'll be able to get his own back. We're here for this...

Welcome to the World Custard Pie Championships,

taking place here in Coxheath, Kent.

Started in 1967,

it's held here in honour of a great film slapstick tradition,

the custard pie fight.

The rules of custard pie throwing are fairly simple.

Six points for a pie in the face.

Three points for a pie on the shoulder.

One point for anywhere else on the body.

So who better to show you the ropes,

and put pie in your eye, than the man who runs it all?

So, Mike, you're the King of the Custard around here, are you?

I'm the custard pie man.

What's this custard made out of?

That's a long story but, basically, it's flour and water

to exact proportions, because custard doesn't travel.

So, it's not proper custard, then?

-It's the championship custard.

-Oh, they look delicious.

-Wow, yum, championship custard.

-That's one.

If I ordered one of these in a restaurant, I'd be disappointed.

I don't like how your hand's shaking, Ed.

We haven't put any cream on them.

Can we have a bit of target practice?

-You're welcome to, I've got a lad here, Luke.

-Brilliant.

-You can have a little go.

-Hello, Luke.

Hello, Luke, sorry.

-Are you sure you're all right about this?

-That's fine. Ready, steady...

-Go on, Johny!

-I feel really bad!

-Oh!

-And again.

-Yay!

-Yay!

Oh, dear.

-Johny, I think you should give Luke a hug to apologise.

-Oh, no!

Trust me, guys, you will be covered by the end of the day.

As the judges can also award up to six points for a team's fancy dress,

the competition has started before

the first pie is even thrown.

Ed and Johny have joined opposing teams.

I wonder they will cover themselves in glory

before they're covered in custard?

Looks like Ed's team have gone for the superhero look,

a few points there, maybe?

And Johny's team are... Care to tell us yourself, Johny?

What's up, this is Johny Pie Pants And The Bad Boyz. Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Bad Boyz? You should be called Badly Dressed Boyz.

You should be called Rubbish Heroes.

Rubbish Heroes, brilliant, nice one.

Our team has even got our own handshake. Check this out.

Ooh, yeah!

We've got our own handshake, look,

much more efficient.

That just wastes everyone's time.

Seconds before the first pie is thrown,

Ed finally reveals his true superhero identity.

Can you just do me the honours for me?

Look at me, I am Flan Man.

If Flan Man and his team, or the Bad Boyz,

can make it through two qualifying rounds,

only a few pies stand between them and the semi-finals.

Come on, everyone, make Flan Man proud!

Ready, steady, fire.

Rah, rah!

Rah!

Flan Man, the rahs are good,

but I think you'll need to work on your aim a little.

Let's see how the Bad Boyz get on.

Who won, how do you win this? Some superheroes you are,

-you can't even spell your name right - Heros.

-Oh.

Eat my pie!

I was taken unawares.

Where are all these pies coming from?

This is like superglue, this is never coming off.

People get into this though, don't they?

This is just an average Saturday afternoon in Kent.

Prepare to face the custard!

I thought that went well.

Oh, did you, Johny Pie Pants?

Is it enough to get you through to the next round?

We got our results. Did you get yours?

When you say get yours...

Did you get through to the semi-final?

-Well, semi-final... No.

-You didn't get through?

You didn't get through!

-You got through, then?

-No.

The competition may be over for Ed and Johny,

but the pies keep on flying until only the two best teams are left.

And 'Luke' who's leading that team.

-Congratulations, you're in the final.

-Thank you, yeah!

Can Luke and the Stocky Crusaders win the day,

and become World Champions?

Come on, do it for Flan Man. Come on, remember your training.

Yes, all the training we gave you.

Remember what Johny Pie Pants taught you earlier.

The winning team is team number one.

And Luke's won, this is his moment of glory.

-All down to us. All down to us.

-All down to us, the winners' photo.

Oi, stop trying to steal the limelight from the World Champions!

We still don't know who's the best between you two.

To decide that, we need a pie-off

between the Superheroes and the Bad Boyz.

To the victor the spoils!

Eat flan, man!

Here's pie in your eye, Pitts!

Face the wrath of Flan Man!

Take this, Flan Man!

Hang on, left hand... Oh, dropped it.

This is a disaster.

Who's it going to be?

Bring it on for the Bad Boyz.

Could be anyone.

I'd just like to say, congratulations.

Yeah! The Superheroes!

You might have foiled my plans this time, but I'll get you next time,

Flan Man! I'll get you next time! Ha-ha-ha!

You've got custard on your face.

You've been watching

All Over The Place!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd