The Songs! All Over the Place


The Songs!

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Take note as we go on the UK's strangest musical road trip!

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Joe goes a-rocking and a-rolling,

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Johny sings with his bling,

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Richard goes a bit Cheryl Cole,

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Lady Iain needs a scroll,

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Barney squares up to Snoopy

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and Ed goes a little loopy!

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Arghhhh!

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# All over the place

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# All over the place

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# North, south, east, west On a bizarre quest

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# Me and my mates all over the place!

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# It's true what you've heard Everything is absurd

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# Whatever we do is strange, but true!

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# All over the place

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# All over the place

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# Bet you didn't know this stuff was in the UK

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-# But it turns up

-# All over the place! #

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# The Songs! #

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Oh, mate, thank you so much for offering to help fix my car.

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To be honest, I don't really know what I'm doing.

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Here, Ed, mate, don't worry.

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Where I'm from, they call me the Jeremy Clarkson of Edinburgh.

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Wow, you must know a lot about cars.

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Not really, I just used to have a perm

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and enjoy shouting at cyclists but, er, anyway, how old is this thing?

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-Two years.

-Two years?!

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It's done 375,000 miles, where have you been driving it?

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Well, all over the place, really.

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You know, making this show we've been to 163 different locations?

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Oh, and there was that time I took it to the moon and back,

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but mostly All Over The Place.

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Yeah, all I want to know, as a Scotsman, is this,

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how far north did you go?

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Oh, right, that would be, er, Storybook Glen.

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That's...

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-ELECTRONIC:

-..near Aberdeen.

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Your voice went a bit funny, just then.

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Yeah, yeah, that's just how things go down at...

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-ELECTRONIC:

-..Storybook Glen.

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# Hey, we're here near Aberdeen

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# To check out something they tell us has got to be seen to be believed

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# It's called Storybook Glen

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# And it looks like we've gone and drawn the short straw again

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# Hey, it's set in beautiful grounds And there are fairytale characters

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# Scattered around

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# So come on, let's check in and see

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# Though it looks like it might be a bit babyish for me

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# I can't believe we've been sent to Storybook Glen

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# It's enough to drive us round the bend

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# For goodness sake we're mature fully grown men

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# This is the last time I agree to work with you again

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# You again

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# Whoa, whoa

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# Hang on!

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# This looks pretty good

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# I used to love the story of Red Riding Hood

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# And check this, Humpty Dumpty, too

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# And look, the old woman who lived in a shoe

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# That's not bad But hot-diggedy dog!

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# It's only Fireman Sam and Wallace and Gromit

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# Oh, yeah

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# Check out the Three Bears

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# I know this is for toddlers but really, who cares?

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# Just how cool is it here in Storybook Glen

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# Surrounded by statues of our favourite friends?

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# I know that we're both mature fully-grown men

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# But it just makes me feel like a kid again

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# Kid again

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# Whoa, whoa

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-RAPS:

-Thomas the Tank Engine Mary, Mary quite contrary

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Trolls and toadstools and all kinds of fairies

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The Owl and the Pussycat

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Even Snow White

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# Turns out this place is a bit of all right!

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# Look

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# It's Hansel and Gretel

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# And Little Miss Muffet This day just keeps getting better!

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# And no way! It's Postman Pat

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# And Snoopy, too Was he really that fat?

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# Just how cool is it here in Storybook Glen?

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# It's a place we'd heartily recommend

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# I know that we're both mature fully-grown men

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# But I will definitely come back here again

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# Here again

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# Whoa, whoa. #

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Storybook Glen.

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Ed, I've found out what's wrong with your car, mate.

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-Oh.

-Look, you've only got two wheels. I mean, this is, this is bad!

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It's got four wheels, Iain. There's two on this side.

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Oh-ho-ho, yeah. Look at that!

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Oh, there's a big hole in the back, mate.

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-That's the exhaust!

-Ah.

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We do have this not entirely convincing 18th-century mannequin.

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Oh, yeah.

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Yeah, that's a friend of Sir Francis Dashwood's

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he built the Hellfire Caves near West Wickham.

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Used to hold famous parties there.

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Did someone just said PARTY?!

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# Back in the 18th century Sir Francis Dashwood

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# Enjoyed partying with friends perhaps more than he should

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# And so that they could enjoy their secret late-night raves

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# He formed The Hellfire Club deep in The Hellfire Caves

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# The caves wind underground for a quarter of a mile

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# He'd had them excavated in an ornate style

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-# Hellfire

-Dark and secret caves carved out of the chalk

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# To reach the deepest cave is a 12-minute walk

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-# Hellfire

-Where members of the club once could be found

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# Partying the night away deep under the ground

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# One member of the club Name of Paul Whitehead

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# Had an unusual request for after he was dead

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# He donated his heart in this little urn

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# It really is enough to make your stomach churn

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# They say that Whitehead's chamber

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# Is colder than most

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# And the caves are haunted by

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# His heartless ghost

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-# Hellfire

-The Miner's Cave, the Steward's Cave, tunnels as well

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# A banquet hall for dining guests each with a tale to tell

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-# Hellfire

-The tunnel forks and there's a decision to make

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# Right if I'm good, left if not Ooh, which shall I take?

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# To reach the Inner Temple you must cross the River Styx

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# It separates us from the underworld according to Greek myths

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# The stalactites that hang here are beautifully displayed

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Yeah, I think you'll find they're actually man-made

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-# Hellfire

-The Inner Temple is deeper than a well

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# A church above us, heaven This cave below is hell

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-# Hellfire

-Dashwood and his posh mates partied all night long

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# Playing cards, having fun and singing cheeky songs

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-# Hellfire

-But now we know what these caves are all about...

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Can anyone remember which is the way out?

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I've tried everything. But it won't... It's not going to open.

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I've tried... There's not a single thing you can do

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to make this door open. It...

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That is a... That's new to me. I can't believe that.

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If you help me get this fixed quickly,

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I might have a thank-you present for you.

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What would you say if I told that I could give you...

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I'd say you can't whisper,

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I've got really bad hearing. I live right beside a big bell.

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Oh. What would you say if I told you I could give you...

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some gold?

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I'd say pull the other one, mate.

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Everyone knows the only CBBC presenters paid in gold

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are Dick and Dom.

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No, no. Honestly, I have got some. I know how to pan for it.

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Yeah, I don't believe you.

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I mean, maybe if you had a rap video about it, then I might believe you.

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HEAVY BEAT

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# So here we are in Wanlockhead at a museum about mining lead

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# But shall I tell you all the reason why we're here instead?

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# Be my guest, my rapping friend Please, go right ahead.

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# We're on the trail of a precious thing

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# So I can add to my collection of bling

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# Cos hidden in these hills here I've been told

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# Are enormous quantities of purest gold

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# Gold

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# Looking for gold

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# Looking for gold But we ain't gonna mine for it

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# There's a better way of finding it

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# Gold, I thought that gold was embedded in rock

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# You're right, Johny But prepare for a shock

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# Glaciers and rivers wash it out, it seems

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# And golden flakes get transported into these streams

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# That's why I'm wearing these rubber boots, yeah

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# Got to be honest, Ed They really suits you

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# The gold is hidden in the sand and grit

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# So how exactly do we look for it?

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# Gold

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# Looking for gold

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# Looking for gold, right here in the Scottish streams

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# Gonna be rich beyond our wildest dreams

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# You gotta use this plastic pan

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# And get a mixture of sludge and sand

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# Gently wash the top layer off again and again

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# If there's any gold it will be the last thing to remain

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# It's called gold panning It's been done for years

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# And it's not quite as easy as it first appears

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# The best I've managed is a tiny speck

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# That's not gonna look very clever round your neck

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# Gold

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# Panning for gold

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# Panning for gold

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# I was expecting bigger nuggets, it's true

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# The only nugget round here is you

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# Gold # Cos it's such a heavy metal

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# Yeah? # Gold

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-# Cos it looks so special, yeah?

-# Gold

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-# I can wear it on the telly, yeah?

-# Gold

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# Got a hole in my welly, yeah

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SCRATCHING

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# Gold

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# Panning for gold

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# Panning for gold

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# This golden flake's all mine, all mine

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# I think it's worth about £2.99

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-That's it?

-That's all the gold you've got?

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Yeah. It might not look like much now,

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but if I carry on panning for gold then in ten years' time,

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I'll have enough to make an earring.

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For a mouse.

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-IAIN BLOWS ON ED'S FINGER

-What did you do that for?

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Look, mate. Enough of this. We need to talk about big things.

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When's my songs on? The Iain songs? Some would say, the best songs?

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Oh, not long now. Actually, I want to show you one

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that London and I did, first, about a bus station.

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-I'm more of a car man.

-So you prefer cars?

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-Yes.

-Not buses?

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Cars, like I said?

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What if I was to show you a bus station with a car park on the top!

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I would say you were a witch!

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Then I'd, sort of, calm down and be quite embarrassed,

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but luckily, there is no such thing.

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Oh, really?

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# It's the largest bus station in the UK

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# With a thousand buses in and out each day

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# Heading off in all directions

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# London, Scotland, anywhere

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# Doesn't matter where you're going

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# There's a bus from here to take you there

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# Preston bus station

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# It's larger than your average bus stop

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# Preston bus station

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# And it's also got a multistorey car park on the top

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# What time is our bus home due?

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# But there's so much more I want to show you

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# Like the roof that stops passengers getting wet

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# Is that really as good as it gets?

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# This place is great You shouldn't diss it

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# It's just our bus is due And I don't want to miss it

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# Preston bus station

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# Seven million passengers a year

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# Preston bus station

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# It will be seven million and two once our bus gets here

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# Here's something that'll give you a laugh

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# A bus is shorter than an average giraffe

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# It weighs 15 tonnes Are you impressed?

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# That's the same as five elephants More or less

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# And three buses are the length of a blue whale

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# What's the deal with using animals as a scale?

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# Access is good with three subways

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# And 80 separate bus bays

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# Single and double-deckers use it

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# In fact, between them There's a 60/40 split

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# Yeah, if only one of them was our bus home

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# Preston bus station

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# Feels like we've been Waiting forever

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# Preston bus station

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# You wait all day and then two arrive together

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# Preston bus station

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# Look, it's here now So stop your moaning

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# Preston bus station

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-# Two tickets, please

-Sorry - correct change only. #

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Ha-ha! Ed!

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Ed, look at this!

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What sort of weirdo would wear this historical garb?

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Well, you wore it, didn't you? For this song we did, coming up now?

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-What?

-You know, the one about Shakespeare?

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-No.

-You visited Stratford-upon-Avon,

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his home town before he wrote all his plays?

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That doesn't ring a bell, so...

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Hi, everyone. As you can tell from my reaction,

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I clearly wasn't involved in this song.

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I certainly didn't dress up as Shakespeare's wife,

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walk about town and get judged by tourists.

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Ed?

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-Don't play it.

-Sorry, mate. It's too late.

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# Here we are in a rather pretty Midlands town

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# Famous for a playwright of quite huge renown

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# He was born back in 1564

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# No-one had written plays like him before

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# Him before

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# Him before-e-e-e

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# He wrote tragedies

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# Like Hamlet and Macbeth and he wrote histories

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# Like Henry V and he was born right here

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# Stratford, Warwickshire And his name is Shakespeare

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# All it all, he wrote 37 plays

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# And his wife She was called Anne Hathaway

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# Also built a theatre down in London town

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# Unfortunately it burned down

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# It burned down

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# It burned down

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# He wrote tragedies

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# Where everybody dies

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# He wrote comedies

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# With people in disguise

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# And what is more He wrote sonnets galore - 154

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# Back in Tudor times when his plays were on the stage

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# The female parts were played by boys of a very young age

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# When poor old Will Shakespeare finally wound up dead

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-# In his will he left his wife...

-His second-best bed?

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# Tragedies

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# His characters were cursed and he wrote histories

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# Some of them in verse

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# I don't like to gloat but the lines he wrote, I can easily quote

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# Go on, then

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# Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

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# Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him, Horatio

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# Is this a dagger which I see before me?

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# The most famous of all, To Be Or Not To Be?

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# Tragedies, the greatest playwright of all time

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# Comedies Boy, can that dude rhyme

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# Just let me say, many of his phrases we still use today. #

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You've been to loads of places in the last couple of years?

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-Sure have.

-Met some pretty wonderful people?

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I've been very privileged.

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I was just wondering what's your favourite rock'n'roll pastiche set in a Derbyshire church?

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That's a very specific question.

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Just as genre I'm particularly fond of.

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It's a toughie,

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there's lots to choose from but I would probably say it was this.

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# Come on everybody Do the twisted spire

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# It's the latest dance craze from Derbyshire

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# All you gotta do is lean and twist

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# It's a crazy little number and it goes like this.

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# Do the twisted spire Keep your feet on the ground

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# Do the twisted spire Turn your body halfway round

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# Do the twisted spire The next bit's the best

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-# Do the twisted spire

-Gently lean to the south-west

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# It was built around the time of the Black Death

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# And there weren't very many skilled craftsmen left

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# It only leans over because they weren't any good

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# They used the wrong kind of bendy wood

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# Here's some information that will make your jaw drop

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# The spire is literally just plonked on the top

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# The tower and the spire are not fixed together

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# Fingers crossed they don't get any windy weather

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-# Do the twisted spire

-Feet on the ground

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-# Do the twisted spire

-Body halfway round

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-# Do the twisted spire

-Lean over a bit

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-# Do the twisted spire

-Everyone's doing it

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# Local legend has it that what really caused the lean

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# Was the most beautiful maiden the spire had ever seen

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# It twisted and it turned to get a better view

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# It will probably straighten up if it claps eyes on you.

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# It's known throughout the world as the crooked spire

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# And has even survived a terrible fire

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# Some believe the twist was a deliberate design

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# So come on everybody One more time

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# Do the twisted spire

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# Feet on the ground

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# Do the twisted spire

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# Body halfway round

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# Do the twisted spire.

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# Lean over a bit

0:19:190:19:20

# Do the twisted spire

0:19:200:19:22

# Everyone's doing it

0:19:220:19:24

# Do the twisted spire

0:19:240:19:25

# The greatest dance there's ever been

0:19:250:19:27

# Do the twisted spire

0:19:270:19:28

# Just twist and lean

0:19:280:19:29

# Do the twisted spire

0:19:290:19:31

# Let me hear you shout

0:19:310:19:32

# Do the twisted spire

0:19:320:19:33

# Ooh, I've put my back out! #

0:19:330:19:36

Ian, are we any closer to getting my car fixed?

0:19:390:19:42

Actually, I was just about to check the oil.

0:19:420:19:46

-Yeah, it's still there.

-Still a big fan of cars?

0:19:500:19:53

No, I don't like them.

0:19:530:19:55

They're horrible dirty things, full of oil.

0:19:550:19:57

In that case, you'll probably fit in quite well at this place.

0:19:570:20:01

I'll just wash this oil out my eyes, so I can see.

0:20:010:20:04

You'll love this. It's performed by Richard and me, dressed as Cheryl Cole.

0:20:040:20:08

I think I might just stay like this for a bit.

0:20:080:20:10

# We're at the Centre for Alternative Technology

0:20:190:20:23

# Here to find ways to live ecologically

0:20:230:20:27

# This place is truly experimental

0:20:270:20:30

# With great ideas that are environmental

0:20:300:20:34

# From energy sources Both efficient and renewable

0:20:340:20:38

# To eco-living ideas that are entirely doable

0:20:380:20:42

# The people at CAT have some great suggestions

0:20:420:20:46

# So let me ask you an obvious question

0:20:460:20:49

# Wanna fight, fight, fight for this Earth

0:20:490:20:53

# The time to start living a little bit greener

0:20:530:20:57

# Let's fight, fight,

0:20:570:20:59

# It really is worth finding energy sources

0:20:590:21:01

# That are a little bit cleaner

0:21:010:21:05

# Solar power is energy idea number one

0:21:050:21:08

# Panels can collect power from the sun

0:21:080:21:12

# Idea number two is one in a million

0:21:120:21:16

# A massive wind turbine in the wind pavilion

0:21:160:21:20

# Using water flowing from a reservoir

0:21:200:21:23

# Is idea number three, it's called hydropower

0:21:230:21:27

# The whole site is run on energy that's green

0:21:270:21:31

# You can see how much on this handy touch screen

0:21:310:21:35

# Come and fight, fight Fight for this world

0:21:350:21:38

# We need to start taking responsibility

0:21:380:21:42

# Let's fight, fight Haven't you heard?

0:21:420:21:46

# Check out these solutions for sustainability

0:21:460:21:50

# This eco-house gives a great demonstration

0:21:500:21:54

# Of being sustainable Like, using insulation

0:21:540:21:57

# And buying A-rated electrical stuff

0:21:570:22:01

# Which doesn't use too much power, just enough

0:22:010:22:05

# Outside is a garden that has been designed

0:22:050:22:09

# To carry out many tasks at the same time

0:22:090:22:12

# Recreation, natural habitats Fruit and veg, too

0:22:120:22:16

# There's even a space for composting

0:22:160:22:18

# Pooh!

0:22:180:22:20

# Let's fight, fight Fight for this Earth

0:22:200:22:24

# Securing a world for future generations

0:22:240:22:27

# Let's fight, fight Fight for this Earth

0:22:270:22:31

# I think this toilet needs further explanation

0:22:310:22:35

# For this remarkable toilet Let me be your guide

0:22:350:22:39

# The waste is separated Then it's purified

0:22:390:22:43

# I might need that toilet a little bit later

0:22:430:22:47

# Though, I do draw the line at recycled toilet paper

0:22:470:22:51

# Fight, fight Fight for this world

0:22:510:22:54

# Let's use these ideas and I think we'll find

0:22:540:22:58

# If we fight, fight Fight for this world

0:22:580:23:02

# There'll been a better future for all humankind. #

0:23:020:23:06

Unfortunately, I caught the last ten seconds of that.

0:23:080:23:11

I'll never look at Cheryl Cole in the same way again.

0:23:110:23:13

-Well, I'll never ask you to help fix my car again.

-Hey, calm down, mate.

0:23:130:23:17

These things take care of themselves.

0:23:170:23:19

-They're sort of like babies.

-Babies don't take care of themselves.

0:23:190:23:23

What I meant was, I like...babies.

0:23:230:23:28

They're, sort of, quite cute little things, aren't they?

0:23:280:23:31

Anyway, this car will be absolutely fine.

0:23:310:23:36

CLANGING

0:23:360:23:38

That probably wasn't the car, so...

0:23:380:23:41

Anyway, we need to get this fixed. You need to take me to Blackpool,

0:23:410:23:45

so I can go on the Big One. I love rollercoasters. I lose my mind.

0:23:450:23:48

I tend to lose my lunch on them.

0:23:480:23:50

# I've wanted to come here since I was a nipper

0:23:530:23:56

# I'd heard about the Grand National and the Big Dipper

0:23:560:24:00

# But now that I'm here Which ride should I pick?

0:24:000:24:04

# Surely every one will make you feel sick?

0:24:040:24:07

# Poor old Holly Such a delicate flower

0:24:070:24:11

# Whereas I love travelling upside down at 80 miles an hour

0:24:110:24:14

# You reckon you can take a huge rollercoaster on?

0:24:140:24:18

# Well, why not try this? It's called the Big One!

0:24:180:24:23

# It goes up, it goes down, around and around,

0:24:230:24:27

# Way up in the sky 200-feet high

0:24:270:24:30

# It goes left, it goes right It will give you a fright

0:24:300:24:34

# Man, that looks easy No way I'll be queasy!

0:24:340:24:38

# Poor old Ed He'd better watch out

0:24:420:24:46

# Those modern rollercoasters, No, they don't mess about

0:24:460:24:49

# While I'm safely down here on my own two feet

0:24:490:24:53

# I think I'll grab a tasty little something to eat

0:24:530:24:56

# I'm no way worried No, really, I'm not

0:24:560:25:00

# There's no reason to be scared of a 200-foot drop

0:25:000:25:03

# Mind you, this height is getting rather severe

0:25:030:25:08

# Oh, look, I can see my house from up here. #

0:25:080:25:10

MUSIC ABRUPTLY STOPS

0:25:100:25:13

Oh, oh!

0:25:130:25:15

Argh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!!

0:25:150:25:18

Wargh! Argh-h-h-h!

0:25:180:25:21

Wargh! Arg-h-h-h!

0:25:210:25:23

Wargh! Arg-h-h-h!

0:25:230:25:26

Argh-h-h-h! Argh-h-h-h!

0:25:260:25:29

# Ice cream or chips? Candy floss - crisps! #

0:25:290:25:33

Argh-h-h-h! Argh-h-h-h! Argh-h-h-h! Argh-h-h-h!

0:25:330:25:36

# Burger, hot dog? Or maybe the lot. #

0:25:360:25:40

Argh-h-h-h! Argh-h-h-h! Argh-h-h-h! Argh-h-h-h!

0:25:400:25:44

Whoa. Eugh.

0:25:460:25:48

How was that?

0:25:480:25:51

SLURRING: # It went up, it went down Around and around

0:25:510:25:54

# 65 degree drop Thought it wouldn't stop

0:25:540:26:00

# It went high, it went low And, boy, did it go

0:26:000:26:03

-# Sounds like a winner

-Yeah, well, here comes my dinner.

-#

0:26:030:26:07

RETCHING

0:26:070:26:09

Ha! I knew he didn't have the stomach for it!

0:26:090:26:12

I think I've eaten too much.

0:26:140:26:16

RETCHING

0:26:180:26:20

I don't think you're cut out for rollercoasters.

0:26:210:26:25

And I don't think you're cut out to be a mechanic, Iain.

0:26:250:26:27

We spent that whole time trying to fix this thing.

0:26:270:26:30

I just looked under the bonnet. There's no engine!

0:26:300:26:33

Ah. Even I know that's, sort of, erm...

0:26:330:26:35

..unconventional, so...

0:26:360:26:38

Hang on...

0:26:400:26:41

Of course!

0:26:410:26:42

How could I forget?! There never was an engine!

0:26:440:26:48

This car is powered...

0:26:480:26:50

by friendship

0:26:500:26:52

-and whenever one of my CBBC mates are around.

-Hi!

0:26:520:26:56

ENGINE STARTS

0:26:560:26:57

-Belt up, Iain.

-Why, where are we going?

0:26:570:27:01

To the next series.

0:27:010:27:02

Do we need a satnav. Do we need a road atlas?

0:27:020:27:05

Roads?! Ha!

0:27:050:27:06

Where we're going, we don't need roads.

0:27:060:27:10

BOTH: Whoa!

0:27:120:27:15

You've been watching All Over The Place!

0:27:180:27:21

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:340:27:37

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