Sheep, Shakespeare and Bog Snorkelling! All Over the Place


Sheep, Shakespeare and Bog Snorkelling!

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Don't be stick-in-the-muds,

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sit back and enjoy Ed and Barney bog snorkelling...

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HE YELPS

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Iain in a lovely dress...

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Andy sheep racing...

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Chris having a right royal laugh...

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Naomi scaling new heights, and Johny get lost.

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I'm not being rude, he's in a maze!

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# All over the place

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# All over the place

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# North, south, east, west On a bizarre quest

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# Me and my mates, all over the place!

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# It's true what you've heard, everything is absurd

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# Whatever we do is strange but true!

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# All over the place

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# All over the place

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# Bet you didn't know this stuff was in the UK

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-# But it turns up...

-# ..all over the place! #

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What did you go and do that for? I mean, look at this!

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I'm sorry, Ed. I didn't think it through.

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What did you think would happen

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if you stepped into an inflatable dinghy wearing stiletto heels?

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That's our trip to the beach ruined.

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Not necessarily. Looks like we're in a shipyard.

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Surely somebody here can help us mend our boat.

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Oh.

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I wonder if there's someone in that?

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# Higher, higher... #

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This is the Titan Crane in Clydebank.

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Ed and Naomi, it's the clash of the Titans!

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You have 34 seconds to find as much as you can about the Titan Crane.

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Ed, you've got Ian.

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Naomi, you've got Amy.

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Whoever finds out the most facts in is the winner!

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Three...two...one...

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GO!

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Hello, Amy, I'm Naomi. Right, let's do this.

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-So what kind of crane is it?

-It's a cantilever crane.

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-When was this crane first built?

-1907.

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How much does it weigh?

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It weighs 800 tons.

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-When did they stop using it?

-2000.

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Why is it blue?

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That was the original colour over 100 years ago when it was built.

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-And what was it used for?

-Fitting out ships, completing ships.

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If anything came loose on the crane, how would you TITAN it?

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We'd have to get another big crane to go up and tighten them.

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What sort of ships did they build here?

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Warships, liners, merchant ships.

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I'm running out of questions!

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-What's it made out of?!

-Steel.

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KLAXON Oh!

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I ran out of questions there. I'm sorry. You did brilliantly.

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-Thanks.

-Good work. Fingers crossed.

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And the person who found out the most facts is...

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ED!

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-Oh!

-Yay!

-Are you serious?

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A Titan Crane and a Titan Brain!

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Rarrgh!

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These are some of the ships that were built here.

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-Why's the crane so big when the boats are so small?

-Oh, ha-ha-ha(!)

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One of the world's most famous ships was built by Titan -

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The Starship Enterprise.

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Ha, ha, no, the QE2.

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-That was a posh one, wasn't it?

-Mm-hm.

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Built in 1969 and luxurious, with two swimming pools on board.

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-You know, each one of these rivets had to be put in by hand.

-Really?!

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-Yeah, look.

-There's loads!

-It's crazy.

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-You know what noise the frogs here make?

-Oh, don't tell me!

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Have a guess.

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-"Rivet"?

-Yep!

-Rivvvvit!

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HE LAUGHS

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Back in the day, to get to the top, you had to climb the steps outside.

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-Yeah. That would've taken ages!

-Mm.

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-I think I prefer this.

-Yeah, this is better.

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-Lovely view.

-Isn't it nice?

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-Hey, Ed, have you looked down yet?

-Argh! Argh, no!

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Hello!

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-Ah...

-It's quite a scary view.

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Why didn't they build a floor?! Ah, no!

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THEY LAUGH NERVOUSLY

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This is the engine room.

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Good, there's a floor in here. That's nice.

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Well, it's not that nice. It's where the greasers used to work.

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A couple of greasers, all covered in oil,

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and covering all the machinery in oil

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to make sure everything kept moving.

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Can't have been nice, being covered in oil.

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Trying to get down the stairs?

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Slip down them a bit faster than you planned!

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What were they doing? Slow coaches!

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I feel sorry for the guy at the end. The crane operator - he was alone.

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-Ahh.

-He wasn't even allowed to go to the toilet.

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-He had to take a bucket up with him.

-What?!

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FLUSHING

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You've got to hand it to crane operators, Naomi.

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-That's not an easy job.

-You're not wrong there, Ed.

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You'd need brilliant eyesight to see objects way down here.

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One wrong move with these girders and you could cause a lot of damage,

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so just very gently try moving them to your left.

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CRASH!

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Your other left!

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-I think I just hit that building, Dad.

-Never mind.

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Cannae make an omelette without breaking eggs.

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Still, better put the girders down next to that old factory

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before someone notices.

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I can't, the lever's stuck!

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Gently, don't force it.

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I got it! I got it!

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CRASH!

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Och, Son. You've only gone and destroyed a chimney in the 1970s.

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Sorry, Dad. Better just put the girders back where they were.

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Don't worry - I'm going to do it very gently this time.

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That's it.

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Nice work, son.

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Set it down carefully

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next to that world's largest display of standing dominoes.

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-CLANG!

-See, Dad? Told you I could do it.

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Nice work, son.

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CRASH!

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Whee!

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MUSIC: "Tragedy" by Steps

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# Here we are

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# In a rather pretty Midlands town

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# Famous for

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# A playwright of quite huge renown

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# He was born

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# Back in 1564

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# No-one had written plays like him before

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# Him before

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# Hiiim befoooooore

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-# He wrote

-# Tragedies

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# Like Hamlet and Macbeth And he wrote

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# Histories

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# Like Henry The Fifth

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# And he was born right here

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# Stratford, Warwickshire

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# And his name is Shakespeare

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# All in all

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# He wrote 37 plays

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# And his wife

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# She was called Anne Hathaway

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# Also built

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# A theatre down in London town

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# Unfortunately, it burnt down

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# It burnt down

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# Iiiit burnt doooown

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# He wrote

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# Tragedies

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# Where everybody dies And he wrote

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# Comedies

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# With people in disguise

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# And what is more

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# He wrote sonnets galore - 154

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# Back in Tudor times

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# When his plays were on the stage

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# The female parts were played

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# By boys of a very young age

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# And when poor old Will Shakespeare

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# Finally wound up dead

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# In his will he left his wife

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# His second best bed?!

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# Tragedies

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# His characters were cursed And he wrote

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# Histories

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# Some of them in verse

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# And I don't like to gloat

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# But the lines that he wrote

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# I can easily quote... #

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Go on, then.

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Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

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Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio.

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Is this a dagger which I see before me?

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And the most famous of all?

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"To be or not to be?"

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# Tragedies

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# The greatest playwright of all time

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# Comedies

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# Boy, could that dude rhyme

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# And just let me say

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# Many of his phrases

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# We still use today. #

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Oh, well, Ed. All's well that ends well.

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Yep, that's one of his.

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What?

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That phrase was first used by Shakespeare.

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Oh, fair play.

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That one as well.

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For goodness' sake!

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That, too!

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Are you pulling my leg?

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Nah, he didn't write that one.

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Uh...

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Argh!

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Oh...

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I keep having this terrible dream that Chris Johnson's the Queen.

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Ooh!

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What are you dressed like that for?

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Just getting in touch with my royal roots, Mr Petrie.

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I believe I may be a member of the Royal Family.

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-You?

-Mm-hm.

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A member of the Royal Family?

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ED GIGGLES

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Oh, fine!

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Hang on, where are you going?

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To the Buckingham Palace of Wembley. Good day to you!

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Margaret, what's going on? What is this?

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This is my collection.

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This is my lounge, and here we have William and Kate.

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And here, Her Majesty The Queen.

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-This is the house you live in?

-Yes.

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MUSIC: "Rule, Britannia!" by Thomas Arne

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And speaking of mugs...

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This is brilliant!

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-I feel so at home.

-You feel at home?

-Yep!

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-On a throne?

-Yep!

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Chris, you are not next in line to the throne!

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After the Queen, he's the top of the family tree.

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So let's play...

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Match the Royal face to the Royal name,

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using Margaret's collection of Royal mugs,

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and complete the Royal family tree.

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Chris, you have to find the Queen, her hubby, and her children.

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Ed, you have to find the Queen's grandchildren.

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A completed family tree means you will be rewarded with cake.

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Right. Oh, there's Andrew.

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And Edward's there. Ha-hey!

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Oh, there's loads of Annes in here, Chris!

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OK, and Zara...

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Yes! Zara and Peter, her kids!

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Anne, Anne, got to find Anne. Got to find Anne. Erm...

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There's got to be one here somewhere.

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Aha! There we go. Nice mug as well. OK.

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Ha ha! William! Yes, there you are. Good.

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And Harry? Harry... Harry!

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Prince Charles... Aha! Prince Charles, yes!

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Where's Harry?! He's in the Army - he's probably camouflaged!

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Ah, Your Majesty. There you are.

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I just need Prince Philip. Erm... Aha! Here he is!

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Come on, off the hook! There we go! Ha-hey!

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Erm... Argh, Harry!

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HARRY! Where are you?! Come here right now!

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KLAXON Argh!

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-Out of time.

-Oh. And with a big chunk missing, as well! Look at that!

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Yeah, that's all my fault, actually.

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No Beatrice, no Eugenie, no Louise, no James.

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-No cake.

-No me!

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ED GROWLS

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I'm very impressed with your collection, Margaret.

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Thank you. It's absolutely priceless to me.

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-So you've never been tempted to sell any of it?

-Never. I'm a collector.

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Chris, you couldn't sell it.

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It's so large, where would you start?

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Indeed, Ed! But imagine if Her Majesty had to sell

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some of the real Royal Collection. Where would SHE start?

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Yes, and don't forget your priceless Ming vase!

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SMASH!

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And don't forget to get it insured!

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Ah, hello, dear.

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What old tat - sorry, "antiques" - have you got for me today?

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How much wonga can I get for all this?

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I'm saving up for a new games console,

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and I need to get my hands on some readies, pronto!

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This looks interesting.

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Has it been in the family long?

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That's my lunch, you silly little man.

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Now what about this?

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Ah, now not many people know that Buckingham Palace

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has its own Post Office.

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Yes. This is the original design for the first class stamp.

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Although this is what I originally wanted to go for.

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-And for some reason, they didn't want this one, either.

-Mm.

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I wonder why(!)

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Oh, now this looks like old film.

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Is it?

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Yes, yes.

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The palace has its own cinema.

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At 12 o'clock, it's the Oscar-winning film, The Queen.

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At one o'clock, it's The Queen. At two o'clock, it's The Queen.

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At three o'clock, it's The Queen.

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Hang on. Is there anything except The Queen?

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Erm...

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-At seven o'clock, there's Alien Vs Transformers.

-Really?

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No, it's The Queen.

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Now, let's talk wonga. What are we looking at?

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Well, for all this...

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..I would say it's worth an amazing...

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-REFINED:

-So, are the antiques

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the Queen has brought along today worth a fortune?

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-COMMON AS MUCK:

-Or are dey worf nuffink?

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Yes, that one. A big, fat zero!

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What?!

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But...I wanted a games console!

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Argh! Arrrrghh! Aaaaarrrrrrgh!

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I think she handled it rather well.

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'This is Leeds Castle Maze.'

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'It's a-MAZE-ing.'

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'Terrible gag, Johny, terrible.'

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# Cos you're amazing

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# Just the way you are... #

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'Mazes have been popular for thousands of years.'

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'People like getting lost, then?'

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'Yeah, I wish you'd get lost!'

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# Cos, girl, you're amazing

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# Just the way you are... #

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'Look, I can see the way out, Ed!'

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'Oi! That's cheating!

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'There's only one way out of here.

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'That's through the underground grotto.'

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'So this is the grotto?

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'I cannot wait to meet Santa!

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'You won't meet Santa here.

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'For a start, this place was only built in the 1980s.

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'But you will come face-to-face with Typhoeus,

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'a giant from Greek myth, who tried to overpower the Greek gods.'

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'Was he mad?'

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'Maybe.

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Zeus defeated him,

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'and he was said to have been put under the volcano Mount Etna.'

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'Bet he doesn't feel so hot now!'

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# Just the way you are... #

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'This maze was planted in 1986, and it contains 2,400 yew trees.'

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'All right, mate? How are YEW?

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'No, how are YEW?'

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If we woke up and we were in a maze, adults wouldn't have to work

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and we wouldn't have to go to school,

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cos we'd wake up and everyone would be lost.

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We wouldn't have to make up excuses any more.

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We would sit on a big, giant space hopper and jump over the hedges.

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The only way to get out of the maze would be to blow up a balloon,

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put it over your pet's head, then use it as a rocket and fly upwards.

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LAUGHTER

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Ed, what are you doing?!

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Morning, Andy! Sorry, can't chat - I've got to finish this off.

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-I never knew you knitted!

-There's many things you don't know about me.

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-I don't like to boast.

-OK. So what you knitting? A jumper?

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Sort of. I'm making a knitted version of you.

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What would I do with a knitted version of myself?

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We're going to race it against me, obviously.

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Yeah, obviously!

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Because we're at the Big Sheep, in Devon.

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They run sheep races here every day.

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People have to guess which sheep will win the race.

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And they also have duck trials.

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BOTH: Ducks?!

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Ducks flock together like sheep and they're a bit closer together,

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a bit smaller, and easier to work with.

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-Sound weird, but I'll give it a go.

-Let's give it a go, then.

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There are four basic commands.

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Walk on. Come by, come by. To the left.

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Away.

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Walk on.

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Lie.

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Ed, Ed...

0:17:130:17:14

Lie! Stand! Not you, Ed!

0:17:140:17:18

I won't take you anywhere again.

0:17:180:17:19

I can't wait to do this. Can we have a go?

0:17:190:17:21

We can, yeah. Let's get on with it.

0:17:210:17:23

Walk, walk.

0:17:230:17:25

Walk on.

0:17:250:17:26

DUCKS QUACK

0:17:270:17:29

Walk.

0:17:290:17:31

-Good girl.

-Hey!

0:17:310:17:32

Lie down, lie down. Do a bit of lying down. Lie down.

0:17:320:17:35

That's good. Well done.

0:17:350:17:36

Come by.

0:17:360:17:38

Ooh, erm...

0:17:380:17:39

And stop!

0:17:390:17:41

Stand there with your tongue out!

0:17:410:17:44

Walk. Walk.

0:17:440:17:46

Walk. No! No!

0:17:460:17:48

ED CACKLES

0:17:480:17:50

You...! What are you doing to me?! Like, literally the last minute.

0:17:500:17:53

I think we're done.

0:17:530:17:55

You lie down. Go through there! Go through there!

0:17:550:17:58

Hooray! I did it!

0:17:580:18:00

Walk, walk, walk, walk.

0:18:000:18:02

-Boom!

-Yay!

0:18:020:18:04

APPLAUSE

0:18:040:18:05

It kind of worked. I don't know what I did, but it worked.

0:18:050:18:09

Do you like your jockey?

0:18:090:18:11

-Yeah, he's a pretty little guy.

-These are the other ones.

0:18:110:18:14

BAA-rney Harwood.

0:18:140:18:15

Then Naomi WOOL-kinson.

0:18:150:18:18

And RAAA-ni.

0:18:180:18:19

Oh, no, Iain! Iain! What have they done to him?!

0:18:190:18:23

He really cares about his appearance. He won't be happy.

0:18:230:18:26

I know you're the best-looking jockey in this race,

0:18:260:18:29

but don't let it go to your head, OK?

0:18:290:18:31

It's not important - get ahead of the flock!

0:18:310:18:33

This is it. This is game time.

0:18:330:18:35

I don't want a SHEEPISH performance. RAM it home for the team!

0:18:350:18:38

And the gates are open and they're off!

0:18:380:18:40

They head for the first furlong and it's all to play for.

0:18:400:18:43

It looks like... Oh, it's Barney in a surprise move!

0:18:430:18:46

Ed and Andy towards the back of the pack.

0:18:460:18:49

We're coming in round the first furlong and they're doing well

0:18:490:18:52

and sloooowing down for no apparent reason.

0:18:520:18:55

What's going on, you woolly nits?

0:18:550:18:57

Oh, here's one of the judges speeding them up, and they're off!

0:18:570:19:01

-Come on, Number 3!

-Number 5! You can take Baa-rney Harwood!

0:19:010:19:04

Let's see if Ed's right - can he take Baa-rney?

0:19:040:19:08

No, it's not looking good.

0:19:080:19:09

Baa-baa-baa-baa-rney is running away with it.

0:19:090:19:12

And there's Ed - he's a wolf in sheep's clothing!

0:19:120:19:14

It's going to be a close shave - he's coming up, he's coming up!

0:19:140:19:17

Oh, let's have a look at the replay.

0:19:170:19:20

Barney was the winner, Iain came second, and Ed came third.

0:19:210:19:27

Then Naomi, then Andy, then Rani.

0:19:270:19:30

Ed's sheep has beaten Andy's!

0:19:300:19:32

Why are you running away? Stop running away! Don't be scared!

0:19:320:19:35

No, this is... I'm happy! Don't...! No, come here!

0:19:350:19:38

I'm going to be here for ages.

0:19:390:19:42

Ah, finally. High five!

0:19:420:19:44

Well, this is no bog-standard event today, eh, Ed?

0:19:540:19:57

You all psyched up and ready to go? Are you wearing your swimming cap?

0:19:570:20:00

Mate, the lengths you will go to to protect your hair, honestly.

0:20:000:20:04

-I've never snorkelled in a bog before.

-Uurgh!

0:20:040:20:07

No, not that kind of bog.

0:20:070:20:09

That's a toilet, which is gross and disgusting.

0:20:090:20:12

Come to think of it, this is also gross and disgusting.

0:20:120:20:15

You're not wrong, Barney. You and Ed are taking part

0:20:150:20:18

in the Northern Ireland Bog Snorkelling Championships.

0:20:180:20:21

Ed, you OK? You look a bit weird. HE GRUNTS THROUGH HIS SNORKEL

0:20:210:20:24

-I can't understand you. Take the snorkel out of your mouth.

-Hi, there.

0:20:240:20:28

Wait a minute...

0:20:290:20:31

You're not Ed! I knew it.

0:20:310:20:34

Ed Petrie!

0:20:340:20:36

I'm not doing it. Look at it! It's a dirty, disgusting ditch!

0:20:360:20:39

You wouldn't swim in that normally, but they put a sign up.

0:20:390:20:42

I'm not doing it.

0:20:420:20:43

I blow-dried my hair this morning, looks lovely, doesn't it?

0:20:430:20:46

Get your tall, lanky, well-groomed self into those snorkels

0:20:460:20:50

and into that bog.

0:20:500:20:51

Stop being a wimp.

0:20:510:20:52

It's all your fault. Why aren't you taller?

0:20:540:20:57

And vainer, and also have a bigger nose?

0:20:570:20:59

In Bog Snorkelling Championships,

0:20:590:21:01

50 people swim up and down this bog using a snorkel.

0:21:010:21:04

-Not far, dude, not far.

-Show that bog who's boss!

0:21:040:21:08

The winner is the person who does it the quickest.

0:21:080:21:10

The rules are, you can't use any normal swimming strokes.

0:21:100:21:14

Ed and Barney'll be just fine, then.

0:21:140:21:16

And you have to breathe through the snorkel at all times

0:21:160:21:20

whilst swimming.

0:21:200:21:21

So I thought I'd enter us into the men's race.

0:21:210:21:25

Oh, what?! A lap of that? I'm never going to be able to do it.

0:21:250:21:28

Actually, it's two laps. ED SIGHS

0:21:280:21:30

Come on, you're going to love it! Man up.

0:21:300:21:33

Actually, the quicker I swim, the quicker I get out,

0:21:330:21:35

and the more chance I've got of beating you. Yeah, yeah!

0:21:350:21:38

So bring it on, Harwood! I'm going to quickly get some tips.

0:21:380:21:41

It's quite hard to make a fast exit, though, wearing these.

0:21:410:21:45

The full course is like swimming the length of a football pitch...

0:21:450:21:49

if it was flooded.

0:21:490:21:51

I've stumbled across the world ladies' junior champion

0:21:510:21:54

at bog snorkelling.

0:21:540:21:55

What sort of stroke are you going to do?

0:21:550:21:58

Sort of doggy paddle and a bit of flippers.

0:21:580:22:00

-Do you want to demonstrate that for us now?

-Sort of...

0:22:000:22:03

A bit of doggy paddle.

0:22:030:22:05

The way I do it, I keep my hands out in front,

0:22:050:22:07

and use the streamlined position and kick my legs.

0:22:070:22:10

Show me the streamlined position.

0:22:100:22:12

-Um... Put your two hands on top of each other.

-Yeah.

-Head down.

-Yeah.

0:22:120:22:15

And when you need to look up, just take your head up and down.

0:22:150:22:18

-How do you steer?

-Just turn your hands.

-Like that?

-Yeah.

0:22:180:22:21

The fastest time this course has ever been snorkelled

0:22:210:22:24

was one minute, 25 seconds.

0:22:240:22:26

That's mind-bogglingly fast!

0:22:260:22:28

I think he's got a little outboard motor on his wetsuit.

0:22:280:22:30

You could hide one in the bog, strap it on, no-one would be the wiser.

0:22:310:22:34

It's three degrees. That's quite cold, isn't it?

0:22:340:22:37

You won't be able to swim.

0:22:370:22:39

That's three degrees off having to break ice off the surface.

0:22:390:22:42

You look like you know what you're doing.

0:22:420:22:45

I've been doing it for six years,

0:22:450:22:47

and I'm currently second in the world.

0:22:470:22:49

-Are you?

-I am. You know, it's very good for the skin, the mud.

0:22:490:22:52

-Just buy some moisturiser.

-COMPETITOR LAUGHS

0:22:520:22:54

-It's a lot easier.

-It's a lot cheaper here.

-I suppose so, yeah.

0:22:540:22:57

Swings and roundabouts, yeah, hmmm.

0:22:570:23:00

-Who do you think's going to win out of me and Barney?

-You are.

-Yeah?

0:23:000:23:03

-Is Ed going to win or am I?

-I think you're going to win.

0:23:030:23:05

I've found out all sorts of interesting things.

0:23:050:23:08

-Me too.

-What was your top tip?

-Uh... Get on a boat.

0:23:080:23:10

Yeah? My top tip was be really, really, fast at the beginning,

0:23:100:23:13

-and keep your eyes closed.

-I know what you're doing.

0:23:130:23:16

-I'm giving nothing away.

-Neither am I.

0:23:160:23:18

I'm so confident, I nominate you to go first.

0:23:180:23:21

That's the game, is it? Watch me, see how I do it, and then copy?

0:23:210:23:25

It's going to do him no good, I'm going to sink like a brick.

0:23:250:23:28

-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-He came, he wanted to conquer,

0:23:280:23:31

but first, Barney must become...

0:23:310:23:34

-The Bog Monster!

-GROWLING

0:23:340:23:37

Here we go.

0:23:380:23:39

-Go on, Barney!

-WHISTLE

0:23:410:23:43

CROWD CHEERS HIM ON

0:23:430:23:45

Good start, actually.

0:23:450:23:47

-Go Barney! Go Barney, go! Woo!

-APPLAUSE

0:23:470:23:49

He's going really fast!

0:23:500:23:52

I quite like that he's got his head out of the water,

0:23:530:23:56

so hopefully I can do the same thing.

0:23:560:23:58

-Oh, he's stopped! He's stopped!

-It's a bit chilly.

0:23:580:24:02

Yeah, keep talking, Barney, keep talking.

0:24:020:24:04

Oh, he's off again.

0:24:060:24:08

CROWD CHEERS AND CLAPS

0:24:080:24:11

He's stopped again, that's the second time.

0:24:130:24:16

Something round me legs. It's the real bog monster.

0:24:160:24:19

See, Barney's problem is he loves the camera too much.

0:24:190:24:21

He can't help stopping and having a chat.

0:24:210:24:23

It's hardly going to be a world record.

0:24:230:24:26

But I'm going to get there.

0:24:260:24:28

The thing is, I can't feel smug about this,

0:24:280:24:31

because I'm going in next.

0:24:310:24:33

Halfway, Barney!

0:24:330:24:36

I reckon he's had a cheeky little wee in his wetsuit.

0:24:370:24:41

Can't get my breathing right.

0:24:450:24:47

Less chatting, more swimming, Harwood!

0:24:470:24:50

I think as long as I don't lose my flipper, drown,

0:24:530:24:56

or get abducted by aliens, I could win this.

0:24:560:24:58

DOG BARKS

0:24:580:25:01

Nearly there!

0:25:010:25:02

CROWD: Come on, Barney!

0:25:020:25:04

CHEERING

0:25:040:25:06

WHISTLE

0:25:060:25:07

APPLAUSE

0:25:070:25:09

What's hard about it, you can't breathe through your nose.

0:25:100:25:13

It's tough.

0:25:130:25:14

-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-He smirked at his friend,

0:25:140:25:17

he flounced his hair, but now, Ed must become...

0:25:170:25:20

The Bog Thing!

0:25:200:25:21

GROWLING

0:25:210:25:23

Oh, no.

0:25:240:25:25

HE WHIMPERS AND SCREAMS

0:25:250:25:29

Oh, that's great!

0:25:290:25:31

WHISTLE CROWD CHEERS HIM ON

0:25:330:25:37

When you're out here looking down, it just looks like a bit of water,

0:25:370:25:42

but actually, underneath it, it's like soil and thick mud.

0:25:420:25:46

These reeds that grab round your legs, they wrap round your legs,

0:25:460:25:49

they make it very difficult to swim.

0:25:490:25:51

See, he's waving.

0:25:530:25:54

He's now waving. That's how cool he is.

0:25:540:25:57

He's making it look easy. He's making this look so easy.

0:26:000:26:03

He's at the end, touch the yellow post, turn round...

0:26:050:26:09

..and he's on his way back.

0:26:100:26:11

This is his home straight.

0:26:150:26:17

Not bad.

0:26:190:26:21

CROWD CHEERS AND APPLAUDS

0:26:240:26:26

WHISTLE

0:26:260:26:27

There's things in there.

0:26:280:26:30

There's horrible, weird, hairy things in there.

0:26:300:26:33

Still don't like it.

0:26:330:26:35

-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-They got in the bog, they swam for their lives,

0:26:350:26:40

but which Bog Monster Thing snorkelled the fastest?

0:26:400:26:45

So, Colin, how did we do?

0:26:450:26:46

You both did very well. I can tell you your times...

0:26:460:26:49

HEARTBEAT

0:26:490:26:52

Barney, you did it in six minutes and seven seconds.

0:26:520:26:56

Not bad. It's not a bad time, I think.

0:26:560:26:59

-Ed, you did it in two minutes and 42 seconds. Congratulations.

-Oh, wow!

0:26:590:27:06

That's pretty good, isn't it?

0:27:060:27:08

-And here's your award for being the fastest.

-Oh, wow.

0:27:080:27:11

-And, Barney...

-Look at that.

0:27:110:27:14

-Bog Man.

-Oh, dear.

-You get the bog seat.

-The human bog brush.

0:27:140:27:18

It's a proud moment. Well done.

0:27:180:27:19

-That was fantastic.

-I've finally found a sport I'm good at,

0:27:190:27:22

-and it's one of the most disgusting things I've ever done.

-There you go.

0:27:220:27:26

Do you know what I fancy? A nice jacuzzi.

0:27:260:27:28

Funny you should say that, actually, cos I know the perfect spot.

0:27:280:27:33

Oh, really?

0:27:330:27:35

BOTH: Aaaargh!

0:27:350:27:36

THEY LAUGH RAUCOUSLY

0:27:360:27:38

Aaargh!

0:27:410:27:43

Nice!

0:27:430:27:45

You've been watching All Over The Place!

0:27:450:27:48

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0:28:050:28:08

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