Ravens, Time Machines and Shirt Racing! All Over the Place

Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a windy ride!

Coming up, Ed and Naomi have one too many lemonades,

Barney's teeth fall out,

Ceal's gone RAVEN mad, and Johny's having a bad day.

This is a total catastrophe!

# All over the place

# All over the place

# North, south, east, west On a bizarre quest

# Me and my mates All over the place!

# It's true what you've heard Everything is absurd

# Whatever we do is strange but true!

# All over the place

# All over the place

# Bet you didn't know this stuff was in the UK

-# But it turns up...

-All over the place! #

I know, my little friend. I know. I understand you.

Coo! Coo!

Now, be free!

What was that?

-Oh, basically, Ceal, I can tame any bird.

-Any bird?

Yep.

-All right. What about seagulls?

-I am the seagull master.

-Parrots?

-I am the parrot master.

Ravens?

I am the... Oh, no. Actually, you can't tame a raven.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Well, who is this?

Some bloke going to a fancy dress party?

No, Ed, this is the Tower of London's Raven Master.

His job is to tame the ravens.

I want your job! How do I become a Raven Master?

First of all, you need a love of birds.

Me and birds get on brilliantly. I can charm them down from trees.

-We'll see.

-These must be like your babies.

They're not really like babies. They do bite.

They particularly like eyes.

-Our eyes?

-Absolutely.

-Human eyes?

-Human eyes.

That's their favourite.

I quite like my eyes. I'm keeping my eyes shut from now on.

RAVEN CALLS

-Big, aren't they?

-Yeah, I didn't realise they were that big.

They certainly are!

How come they don't just fly away?

We trim their flight feathers. It keeps them on the ground.

We take off a couple of feathers on one wing,

and they hover and stay round here, and they're quite happy doing that.

It's like cutting their nails, it doesn't harm them in any way.

Ravens have been at the Tower Of London for hundreds of years.

There's an old saying that if the ravens ever leave the tower,

the country and the monarchy will collapse.

It's breakfast time.

I'm starving! Scrambled eggs? Nice croissant?

I don't think he had breakfast in mind for you, boys!

We're going to go over and feed these three over on the lawn.

You stay behind me. Remember what I said about the eyes.

There we go, girl!

Today's breakfast is...fresh meat.

He's just eyeing us up. Literally, eyeing us up.

-LAUGHTER

-Don't talk about eyes!

Then she'll come out. Hopefully, she'll come out.

That good?

Look, I've just fed this one, over here.

All that lovely meat, and all she wants to do is eat a grape.

-How un-GRAPE-ful!

-THEY LAUGH

There's a particular delicacy that ravens enjoy even more.

These contestants have battled against each other for weeks.

This is their last chance to impress the raven with delicacies.

The first up is Ceal. He's cooked one of the ravens' favourite dishes.

I've done a biscuit soaked in blood.

I love the colours, I love the presentation.

Visually, this is great. Let's see what Ed has made.

I've...baked a biscuit soaked in blood.

Oh, this dish lacks elegance and style.

Our Raven MasterChef champion today is...

Ceal.

Come on! I'm the winner! Ooh!

RAVEN CALLS

-Did you know, they're actually really clever?

-Really?

-Yeah. They can mimic human talking.

-Hmm.

IN SQUEAKY VOICE: Hey, what you looking at?

Oh, wow! Really does sound like someone's...

-That was you, wasn't it?

-Yeah, it was me.

But did you know, they can actually make their own tools

using twigs and other stuff?

What does a raven need tools for?

Caw! Caw!

Here, Dave.

Guess what the Raven Master's given us to dip in our biscuits again?

-Oh, not blood!

-What's wrong with a cup of tea?

Just think, mate! Use your bonce!

Earlier, I heard him tell some tourist,

"Yes, ravens are very clever,

"they use things around them to build their own tools."

If only he knew what I'd really been building.

-Ta-daa!

-Whoa! What is it?

It's a time machine, innit? We're the smartest birds on the planet.

I got bored of just saying hello to tourists. Quick, here's some, now.

-Good morning! Bonjour!

-Guten Tag!

Hang on, I think they're from Essex.

Oi-oi!

Good, they're gone. Quick, get in!

-Right, John. Pick a time.

-Half 12.

No, a year, you numpty! Let's just see where it takes us.

Aaagh! Oh!

Here, Dave. What year are we in?

I don't know. We must have gone way back.

There's a castle, some bloke over there wearing funny old clothes.

That's just the Raven Master.

We haven't gone anywhere, have we, Dave?

Oh.

Quick, he's looking over. Act normal!

WHISTLING

-Think we got away with it?

-Yeah, sorted, John.

# Things that stick Out of the...

-#

-Ground!

-#

Armagh!

I give you...our sun!

Wow!

Think I'm a bit star-struck.

The sun's a star.

Ed and Barney, you have 40 seconds each

to find out as much as you can

about Armagh Astropark and Planetarium.

The winner gets to launch their own rocket.

Ed, you've got Professor Mark, who's an expert in astronomy.

Barney, you've got Martina,

who knows all about the astropark and planetarium.

Whoever finds out the most facts is the winner.

Three, two, one, go!

-Why is it called a planetarium?

-We show the planets.

-Can you tell my horoscope?

-No.

-Is it the only planetarium in the area?

-It's a new one in Ireland.

-I thought you were an astrologer?!

-They don't work.

-How long has it been here?

-From 1968.

Ith thith an eclipth?

-No, it's not.

-It's a lisp! Ha-ha!

-How many visitors come every day?

-200-300.

How come, when everyone see the moon, they go, "That's nice!"

But if I show MY moon I get arrested?

-Cos it doesn't look so nice.

-Good. Oh! How dare you?!

-Do you know how big the moon is?

-It's pretty big.

-Do you believe in aliens?

-Yes!

-What happens if it rains?

-We go inside.

OK. Erm. I, er...

BUZZER SOUNDS

-I'm glad we got that in.

-Good.

-Do you really believe in aliens?

-Yeah.

-Oh, good!

So, the person who found out the most facts

and gets to launch the rocket is...

-Barney!

-Yeah!

-Oh, blast!

Now that is what you call star treatment!

For anybody who's ever wanted to launch a rocket,

this is for you.

Three, two, one,

blast off!

Whoa!

So, from the rocket launch pad, back to the astropark's solar system.

-This is our solar system, all right? These objects are all to scale.

-OK.

OK, so this is the sun, that's half the sun.

You could fit a million earths inside the sun.

-Wow! The sun's big, innit?

-Yeah, it's big compared to these.

These are the planets. That's Mercury, the first one.

That's the closest planet to the sun.

-That's Venus, there.

-Wow. Hi, Venus.

-And then Earth! We're home!

-Look, you can see our house!

-Look how small it is!

-That's where we are.

-That's exactly where we are.

-That's the UK.

-You've just reached Mars.

-Wow! Do you reckon it tastes like chocolate?

Maybe, maybe. Maybe if we get there one day, we'll find out.

Are all solar systems in a garden centre?

No, not all of them. Just keep going.

That's Jupiter.

In front of you is Saturn. It's quite a long way away, isn't it?

It's REALLY far away.

Saturn is the furthest planet you can see from Earth

without using a telescope.

Barney, put your hands on this.

That is probably the oldest thing you've ever touched.

-Well, I shook Bruce Forsyth's hand, once.

-It's even older than that.

-That old?!

-Yes, this is 4.6 billion years old.

It's as old as the planets.

That's amazing! What is it, apart from a lump of something?

It used to be part of a planet.

It's mostly made out of iron, it's a meteorite.

It fell to Earth from space.

-A real meteorite?

-Yes.

-That fell to Earth from space?

And just happened to land on this plinth in a planetarium?

-Yeah, it was lucky.

-That's really cool.

-They must've built the building around it.

-Probably.

Oh, mate! I love this show. Where's Phillip Schofield?

-It's not The Cube, Barney, this is the hypercube.

-What's that?

Well, I'm probably not the best person to explain, actually.

But I know a man with a lovely set of teeth who can.

And now, the wonders of the Armagh Astropark

with all-round swotty pants, Professor Brian Cox.

I'm Professor Brian Cox.

And I'm Professor Brian Cox.

And, together...

BOTH: we're gorgeous.

If Brian's mug is the universe,

and this salt is the planets...

..what you get is...

SPITS OUT TEA

..is a really minging cup of tea.

This is the hypercube.

And it gives you some idea of the scale of the universe.

But this universe looks quite small, Brian.

Each of these cubes is ten times bigger than the cube inside.

The first cube is 8cm cubed.

The second cube is 80cm cubed.

The third cube, this big one on the outside,

is 800cm cubed.

Now, they've only made three cubes.

But if they'd made 11 cubes,

the 11th cube would've reached the moon.

If they'd made 28 cubes,

the 28th cube would be as big as the visible universe.

So, what have we learned?

Well, we've learned that I am one billion...

-Trillion...

-Gazillion...

St Trinian...

Sardines in a tin-ian...

Look at him, he's got a rat on his chin-ian...

All these times...

BOTH: More clever than you.

# What are you thinking? What are you thinking?

# What are you thinking? #

Alcester!

'Ooh! This looks lovely, and smooth and strange.

'What is it? An alien egg?

'A spaceship?

'I know! It's a time machine!'

'Actually, Ed, it's a sculpture. And it's called Tin.

'It was made by an artist called Gereon Krebber,

'and sits here at Jerwood Sculpture Park in Worcestershire.'

'Wonder what it's made from?'

'It's made from aluminium.'

'Wonder why he called it Tin?'

'Well, it's supposed to represent

'something you can find in your kitchen cupboard.'

'Like a tin of baked beans!'

'Actually, tin cans aren't made from tin anymore.

'Nowadays, they're made from aluminium.'

Tin foil! Aaargh!

'Oh, no. Sorry, Ed. Tin foil is also now made from aluminium, too.'

'I think this sculpture should've been called Aluminium, then.'

Or Time Machine!

ROBOT NOISES

'There's lots of things I could do if I found a time machine.'

If I'm in my time machine, it'd be really complicated,

cos there would be loads of buttons to press.

It could be really weird,

cos in the future we might be living on Mars or Pluto.

Aliens would eat cat food mixed with dog food.

You would see things like whales with two heads,

or sharks with no gills.

I might have a hat that's got a rubber duck on it,

and everyone in the world has got that on.

# Grown-ups collect stuff, too. #

Burntisland.

This is the All Over The Place news. Here are the headlines.

Ed Petrie confirmed CBBC viewers' favourite presenter.

Ed Petrie shambolic research strongly disputed by fellow CBBC presenters.

Ed Petrie's message to Johny Pitts -

"If you don't like it, get off my show."

And, coming up later, Johny Pitts's angry response to Ed Petrie -

"I only came on this show because you begged me to!"

Ah! Paper cut! Paper cut!

And, this just in.

CBBC bosses appeal to two of their presenters

to stop larking about and get on with the rest of the item.

I think that's us, Johny.

-I thought we were doing quite well.

-We were working, actually.

We're going to have a look at a collection of televisions,

hence the tenuous newsreader link.

Doesn't matter. Let's go, mate.

Let's get on with today's show!

This was in the Guinness Book Of Records in 2004

as the world's smallest TV.

You need a magnifying glass to watch it.

Which means it's completely pointless.

Today, you can watch more than 400 TV channels.

Wha-a-a-at?!

There was only BBC, in black and white,

and it was not broadcast all day.

-And it was boring.

-Yes!

Ed, you big-head. What's that all about?

-This is a magnifier.

-For what?

Well, TVs in the 1940s had quite small screens,

so you use this to get a bigger picture.

But in 1956, this is what a remote control looked like.

It's fair to say things have moved on.

Yeah, although you can still get quite far from the telly.

-Yoo-hoo!

-You could probably do a good workout with that thing.

Oh, yeah. Definitely. Burn a few calories.

This is a televisor.

It's a replica of the world's first television,

and was designed by John Logie Baird.

Just imagine something's being filmed,

that's turned into a signal, which is sent down that wire.

That wire sends the signal to the light,

and that tells the light to shine at varying brightnesses.

You've got this disc that's got lots of holes in different places.

If it spins at a certain speed, that creates lines,

which form an image on that lens. A moving image.

I can actually see an image, there.

You should be able to see a flickering image of a face.

I bet he was good at quizzes!

Hello! And welcome to TV Dinners,

the game where you literally play for your dinner.

This is for your starter, Johny.

In 2010, which TV programme

-had the highest viewing figures?

-I'm going to guess...

Was it A) Strictly Come Dancing or B) The X Factor?

-I'm going to go with X Factor.

-Correct! Yes, The X Factor.

You've won some delicious soup. There you go, Johny. Enjoy that.

-What is it?

-It's made from Brussels sprouts.

Oh! I'll... I'll have it later, lovely.

-No, you eat it now.

-No, later.

# TV Dinners! #

Which city in the UK watches the most television per week, Johny?

Is it A) London or B) Birmingham?

London.

Oh, it was good, but it's not right, Johny. No, it's Birmingham.

Those Brummies love their telly!

Here's what you could've won - some lovely cabbage and chips!

That could've been yours.

-Oh, man!

-Go on, I'll give you some. There you go!

# TV Dinners! #

How many TV sets were bought in the UK in 2010, Johny?

Is it A) 9.5 million or B) 11.5 million, Johny?

Either way, that's a lot of tellies.

9.5 million.

-Is correct, Johny!

-Yes!

And look what you've won! You've won this delicious chocolate surprise.

Finally, something I can eat! Yes!

The surprise is that the sauce is made from egg mayonnaise.

HE GAGS

This TV show's rubbish.

I wonder what John Logie Baird would've watched back in the day?

"Have fun!

"Enjoy yourself, Logie Baird!"

Hmm!

Well, I'll show them!

When they get a load of my catchily-named

Semi-Mechanical Analogue Television Device,

no-one will ever leave the house again!

I wonder what programmes people will watch on my catchily-named

Semi-Mechanical Analogue Television Device 80 years from now?

Look at your stupid face.

You're stupid. Stu-pid! Stu-pid!

You are the weakest link, goodbye.

No, Big Brother! When I said I wanted Jaffa Cakes,

I meant round ones!

You've given me square ones! What am I supposed to do with that?!

It's got four sides and everything!

I don't know which way to start! This is a total catastrophe!

HE CRIES

Don't you EVER talk about my mother!

Shut up, Phil! She ain't even your real mother!

What have I done?!

Llandudno!

# The song! #

DANCE MUSIC

# Yeah, oh, look, the sun's out

# Get your suntan lotion And your swimming trunks out

# Grab a stick of rock and a donkey ride

# Cos we do like to be beside the seaside

# Yeah, we're in Llandudno

# Going to tell you all some stuff That you didn't know

# About this Welsh holiday location

# So check out this amazing information

# Llandudno-o-o!

# It's the subject of our song

# Llandudno-o-o!

# Everything in it is quite long

# The best place to start is right here

# At the town's 700-metre-long pier

# It was built in the Victorian era

# And the view from the end couldn't be clearer

# If you're looking for typical seaside action

# Then the pier really is the main attraction

# But if you try to find a longer one in Wales

# I'm afraid that would result in a fail

#Llandudno-o-o!

# A pier that's number one

# Llandudno-o-o!

# And we've only just begun

# If you want a nice view of the town

# Take the cable car lift up and down

# At over a kilometre each way

# It's the longest aerial cabin lift in the UK

# It's supported by nine towers

# And goes 11 kilometres an hour

# Man, this is really the place to go

# Though not if you suffer from vertigo

# Llandudno-o-o!

# Cable car with a view

# Llandudno-o-o!

# That's long thing number two

# If you're looking for something that's really fun

# You could do worse than this toboggan run

# It runs for 750 metres

# There's no other Welsh toboggan run that can beat us

# Check this out! The Punch And Judy show!

# How can that be the longest though?

# It's the longest-running Punch And Judy

# I knew it! Hit it, Punch! #

That's the way to do it!

# Llandudno-o-o!

# That's long things three and four

# Llandudno-o-o!

# Don't think there's any more

# Llandudno-o-o!

# It's on the North Wales coast

# Llandudno-o-o!

# Of long things It's got the most. #

Eynsham!

Oh, I love wearing fancy dress. Man servant, where are you?

Your queen is ready to greet her people.

Ahem. Firstly, I'm not your man servant.

Secondly, why are you dressed like that?

Oh, don't say I've done it again!

I thought we were supposed to wear fancy dress for this race!

Naomi, this is the Eynsham Shirt Race,

and I've come very smartly dressed in a nice, crisp shirt.

-Oh.

-Oh, indeed!

It appears there's been a hilarious misunderstanding.

Yes, Ed.

Although it's called the Shirt Race, people don't race in shirts.

They race in fancy dress. You need...

The rules are simple. One person pushes while the other person sits,

and they must take turns pushing over a course of two kilometres.

It's a shame I didn't know.

I'll have to stand at the side of the road, cheer you on,

-watch you get hot and sweaty.

-Not so fast, Ed.

-Oh.

-It's your size.

-Are we going to be on the same team?

-Yeah.

Brilliant! We don't normally do that.

-Yeah, it'll be good.

-I might win!

What are we using for wheels?

Er, a pram, a wheelbarrow, go-kart?

-Pram!

-I just said that.

-No, no, look!

Perfect! An empty pram.

-Whose is that?

-Doesn't matter.

Do you think we're going to fit in there?

Don't worry, I'm very, very handy at this sort of thing.

There are 40 teams taking part today in three different categories,

men's, lady's and mixed.

Ed and Naomi are taking part in the mixed team category.

-How are you feeling?

-Me? Like a king!

I feel hot. I hope they've got a drink for us.

It'd be nice if they had some drinks around.

Funny you should mention that.

I know, strange rule.

I'm in the wrong place.

I'm leaving you at this point, aren't I?

-You go down there, and I meet you down the bottom.

-You take the staff.

-My king's staff!

-I'll be waiting for you.

-OK.

-Run fast, OK?

Well, I'll run as fast as I can in a heavy velvet costume.

Is this where the elite athletes start the race?

If it is, I think I'd better go back a bit.

On your marks, Shirt Racers, get set, go!

Oh, my goodness! I'm nervous.

-Ed!

-Queen Naomi, where are you?!

Here!

I hope he doesn't weigh too much.

-Right, get in.

-Woo!

Never mind that, Ed, you almost got run over by a giant banana!

This is chaos!

Our team have tackled the speed bumps

and are fast approaching lemonade stop number one.

-Quick, quick!

-I'm out of breath.

-Quick, quick!

This is the slowest drinking ever!

I could absorb it through my skin faster than this!

We're losing time!

Stop making me laugh. It's going through my nose.

Here we go! Here we go!

One lemonade down, six more to go.

-Get out of my way, Tom and Jerry!

-Tom and Jerry! No way!

Wooo!

Stop number two. Ed's turn to drink.

BURPING

I'm going to be sick.

Whoa! Poor Noddy. Wrong place at the wrong time.

Yeah! Here we go!

BURPING

There it is.

Come on, Ed. This is your last lemonade.

I really don't want to drink this.

Hey, Ed.

What do you give an injured lemon?

NAOMI LAUGHS

This is not the time

for your lemonade joke.

Oh, I get it. You give an injured lemon lemon-AID.

BURPING

Oh, steady!

Arrr!

Ed and Naomi are racing the pirates

to what they think is the finish line.

Is that the end, or do you drink more?

No time for sitting down, you have to drink one more lemonade.

Nearly there. Come on, so close!

So close!

She's done it! Yes!

Queen Naomi and King Ed have officially finished the Shirt Race.

-Where's the nearest hospital?

-Let a big burp out.

I wish I could! I really need to do a burp.

I haven't done one the whole round. Ugh.

ED BURPS

I might be sick.

I'm just showing off.

Tell us, aunt Sally, where did we come in the mixed category?

You were second.

ED AND NAOMI CHEER

-Yes!

-Woo-hoo!

How many people were in the mixed category?

-Three.

-Oh. Let's pretend you didn't say that.

-That wasn't last.

-Don't tell anybody.

-Silver medals all round.

-BOTH: Hooray!

King Ed, Queen Naomi, I present you your trophy.

-Oh, thank you!

-Aw! Isn't that nice?

-We get a round of applause from the cows.

-Naomi?

Push me to the newsagents - lemonades for everyone!

You've been watching All Over The Place.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd