Episode 6 All Over the Place

Hold on tight, as we take

a hair-raising ride around the US of A!

Johny shows us his moonwalk.

Iain goes bananas!

I'm talking to a banana!

Richard has a smashing time in New York.

-GLASS SMASHES

-And Ed and Cel get their hands dirty.

I'm going through cow poo!

# All over the place!

# All over the place!

# North, south, east, west This is our quest!

# Me and my mates all over the place!

# It's true what you've heard Everything is absurd

# Whatever we do Is strange, but true!

# All over the place

# All over the place

# Bet you didn't know this stuff's all over the States

-# But it turns up...

-All over the place! #

First stop is Arizona, nicknamed the Grand Canyon State,

after a rather famous hole in the ground.

But the boys are off to see another large dent.

Ed - you said you had something really special to show me today,

-and I can't wait - what is it?

-It's...a hole in the ground!

Oh, wh...

-What?

-A hole in the ground. Don't worry, it is special - and big.

How bit are we talking? What could you fit inside it?

A baguette? A basketball?

A blow-up...turtle?

TURTLE SQUEAKS AND DEFLATES

First, it's much bigger than that.

And where are you getting all these props from?

Don't worry about that. Anyway, just how big is it?

Er, well, I think it's 1.2 kilometres across.

-Wow, that's...that's bigger than...

-Your mouth?

-Very funny.

-Johny, don't measure your mouth...

No, do... Oh, that's just embarrassing.

Anyway, welcome to Meteor Crater,

scientifically known as Barringer Meteorite Crater,

because a scientist called Daniel Barringer

was the first to prove that this enormous hole

was formed around 50,000 years ago

by a meteor 45 metres across,

which smashed into the earth from outer space.

This means that the meteor was about

the size of an Olympic swimming pool,

and the crater it left behind is the length of 12 football pitches!

Pretty massive!

Ed and Johny - you have 33 seconds

to find out as much as you can about Meteor Crater!

Ed - you have Chris, who knows

everything about this hole in the ground.

Johny - you have Robyn, who knows all about how the crater was formed.

Whoever finds out the most facts is the winner.

Three, two, one...go!

-Hello, Robyn.

-Hello.

-How old is the crater?

-50,000 years old.

-Where is the meteor, did someone steal it?

-No.

- It disintegrated on impact. - How big was the meteor?

-It was 150ft across.

-What was it made out of?

-Iron, nickel.

-Really?

-Is there any meteor pieces left?

-Yes.

How do you know someone didn't just dig the hole to fool you?

Erm...scientists have proven by finding

pieces of quartz in the bottom of the crater.

Did people laugh at Barringer? Did they say, "You made it up?"

-Yes.

-Yes, they did.

-Where did the meteor come from?!

-Er, the asteroid belt.

-How deep is the crater?

-It's 550ft deep.

-What stops meteors falling...?

-KLAXON SOUNDS

And the person who found out the most facts is...

-Johny!

-Yes! Yes!

-Oh!

-It's the crater king, and he defeats the meteor minion!

40 years ago, NASA trained astronauts at the crater.

Some of these astronauts would end up doing the moonwalk -

actually walking on the moon, that is -

but they're not the only ones interested in the crater.

Famous physic professors are fascinated by it, too.

And now on BBC...

I'm Professor Brian Cox.

And I'M Professor Brian Cox, too.

We're here to check out this...amazing hole

that's been left on the face of Planet Earth.

When NASA astronauts, who would one day...

walk on the moon...

..trained here at this

amazing crater...

Amazing crater.

..they had not idea that...one day...

..I, too, would come here.

What an honour.

For them.

If you look closely up at the night sky, you can see

where they walked, on that white, discy thing

we call...the moon.

But don't look at that.

Look at me.

Amazing.

Hey, Johny!

I just saw Professor Brian Cox

filming with his identical twin brother!

-I didn't realise Brian Cox had a twin brother.

-Yeah.

-They're identical in every way.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Talking of identical, that crater - I think it DOES look like the moon.

I can see why NASA trained their astronauts here,

-when they sent them up in capsules like this.

-Just imagine it...

MUFFLED: That's one small step for Johny P -

one giant leap for mankind.

Yeah - sounds a bit like Darth Vader.

-Thanks.

-Think you have to practise a lot harder than that

if you want to be a decent astronaut.

MUSIC: "Also Sprach Zarathustra" by Richard Strauss

-MUSIC SLOWS TO A STOP

-Stop! Stop, stop, stop!

-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-You're supposed to be on the moon!

You're 384,000 kilometres from the earth.

You'd be experiencing weightlessness

and treading carefully to avoid rocks and craters.

This is supposed to be a realistic simulation, OK?

HE MUMBLES WITHOUT OPENING MOUTH

What?

AMERICAN ACCENT: I AM being realistic!

-You're wearing a bum bag!

-Well, yeah!

I'd take my bum bag with me!

You would not be wearing a bum bag on the moon!

Yeah, I will. It's...it's got all my things in it.

-What things?

-You know, like, a banana, in case I get hungry.

A totally awesome moon travel guide -

would be foolish to leave without one of those.

-You don't need...

-My house keys - can't leave home without 'em!

And of course, another banana, just in case I get hungry again.

When Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon,

did you see him chomping on a banana? No!!

Now, get back to the simulation

and behave exactly as you would do on the moon!

MUSIC STARTS Agh! Aagh!

-Agh...!

-Now what?

MUSIC STOPS

Well, you lifted up my visor so I've run out of air -

realistic enough for you?

Now, walk like you're on the moon!

MUSIC: "Bad" by Michael Jackson

Not that kind of moonwalk! Agh!

# Things that you see

# When you stop for a... #

TOILET FLUSHES

'Run, Michelle! Run for your life. Swim or something!

'Ed, chill out. It's not alive, it's a sculpture,

'here at the National Freshwater Fishing Hall of Fame

'in Wisconsin - and that's difficult to say!

'It's the biggest fibreglass fish in the world!

'No kidding! I thought we were fish bait there.

'The sculpture is the size of a double-decker bus

'and it's part of the pike family.

'That's off the scale!

'Sorry.'

'Muskies eat other fish, ducklings and frogs.

'The sculpture is so big that it could even swallow

'an American school bus. Ah, it's a nice view up here.

'The only thing I'm looking for is the toilet.

'The big fish sits in a pond,

'which contains over 333,000 litres of water -

'which is the same as over 1 million cans of fizzy pop.

'Agh! I can't talk about water any longer!

'Seriously, Ed, stop carping on with the fish puns!

'Ed? Ed?!

'I suppose I'll let him off the hook.

'I wonder what it would be like to be a fish...'

If I were a fish and I went to an amusement park,

there would be a massive sea urchin

and you would go on the spikes, and you would come off

and you would feel, like, all dizzy, like...

It would be a castle which would be made of jellyfish,

and if you bounced on the jellyfish, it would go boing, boing!

I would wrestle different types of sea creatures

by bouncing on their tummies till they barfed up.

Ugh! Bugh! Bugh!

FISH GIGGLES, CROWD CHEERS

So, where are we going today, Iain?

We're off to see a man what collects everything you need to know

-about the world's most popular fruit.

-Oh!

-Does he collect apples?

-Come on, Ed.

It's the fourth most eaten food in the world!

-Er, tomato collection?

-If I was to say to you, "Ed -

"you're driving me..."

-..to the grape collection?

-Bananas!

-You're driving me bananas!

-Right, right. Banana collection, yes.

I wonder what the ap-peel is.

Very good! Ap-peel. I like it, yes.

So, Fred, looking at all these bananas, the first thing

that comes into my head is, how does this start?

Well, it happened by a man named Ken Bannister,

and he always had rolls of those stickers that you see on bananas.

He was giving them to people, who started calling him the Banana Man,

and then started giving him banana-related items,

and he decided to open up a museum.

-So, you bought it off someone else?

-Yes, I did.

-That's cheating.

-Surely!

-Wow!

-Ha-ha!

Have you added anything to the collection?

Well, I have been captured by the draw of the banana,

and I have added about 1,500 more items.

Fred, have you ever as a joke just left a banana skin

lying around, someone falls over and it's funny?

-Actually, I might just test that on you guys!

-Don't do that,

because we could really... Agh!

# Going bananas, and I feel like my poor little mind... #

A banana tree is not actually a tree - it's a giant herb.

That said, I don't think I fancy

putting bananas in my pasta, thank you very much!

Bananas can float on water - pretty handy to know,

if you're ever stranded on a desert island

and need to build a raft.

With all this talk about bananas, I think I'm going bananas!

Hey, I wonder if a banana ever feels like this?

AMERICAN ACCENT: So, what seems to be the problem,

other than I'm talking to a banana?

It's my wife. She left me.

So, bananas split?

Did you scream?

Banana split? Of course I-scream...

and cherries...and hundreds and thousands.

And chocolate sauce if I've been a really good boy.

So you're lonely. You not got any friends?

I used to have a whole bunch - they dropped me in,

-now I'm bruised.

-'Scuse me.

-Is this going to be all banana jokes?

-Why?

Nothin'. I just, er, want to peel back the layers.

Think about all the good things about being you.

British people eat 5 billion bananas a year!

Hey, that's my relatives you're talking about!

Or - you can peel a banana from bottom to top,

get rid of all that nasty stringy stuff, gets stuck in my teeth.

My wife goes crazy.

That nasty stringy stuff gets nutrients all over my body!

Snap out of it, man - you're full of it!

Full of vitamin B6, I mean -

produces serotonin, a natural chemical known to cause happiness.

-You're full of happiness, man!

-Hey, you know what?

You're right! I haven't felt this good in ages!

I... Agh!

My wife! With my best friend!

I always knew he was a smoothie!

MACHINE WHIRRS Nah, nah, nah.

Now - he is a smoothie.

Feel any better?

Top banana!

# We're here in Wisconsin

# In a place they call the Dells

# To check out the White House

# Where the US President dwells

# Hang on just a minute

# What did you just say?

# The White House is in Washington DC

# Roughly a thousand miles that way!

# This is a scale replica

# Like nothing you've ever seen

# They've turned the concept on its head

# Ooh! I see what you mean!

# They built this White House upside down

# As a tourist a-ttrac-tion

# If inversion is your thing

# You're guaranteed sa-tis-fac-tion!

# It looks mighty impressive

# Like it's fallen from the sky

# Whoever parked their care here

# Is in for a surprise

# Even when you're inside

# It's topsy-turvy, too

# The furniture's stuck way up there

# Hope they used a decent glue!

# The floor becomes the ceiling

# And the ceiling becomes the floor

# Though despite being upside down

# The walls remain the walls

# They built this White House upside down

# A presidential home from home

# If the furniture falls off... #

Don't worry, it's all made from lightweight foam.

# This is the Oval Office

# The President's workplace

# That's George Washington up there

# First leader of the USA!

# He never lived at the White House

# He lived at Mount Vernon instead

# He wouldn't have liked it here that much

# Gives you a Rush of blood to the head!

# They built this White House upside down

# The reason's not entirely clear

# Just one thing we'd like to ask

# What's this T-Rex doing here?

# They built this White House upside down

# A stranger place we've not found

# But we're the other side of the world... #

So, for you at home, it's the right way round!

Yeah - doesn't quite work like that, Ed.

New York City, New York!

Ed, what time is this train going to arrive?

Don't worry, Richard, they come along every 15 minutes.

I'm going to show you the whole of New York, have patience.

SNORING

LOUD SNORING

Neeaatcho!

Seriously, Ed, it's been like three hours, I ain't seen no trains.

No people. I think we've been led up the garden path, mate.

Now he comes to mention it, this looks a bit like a garden path!

Erm, Ed, I think we might have a problem, mate.

You certainly do, boys.

This is the High Line Public Park in Manhattan's West Side

in New York city. The park was actually a freight train line

from 1934 until 1980. It runs through 23 blocks of the city

and it's 2,333 metres long.

That's the same length as 101 train carriages!

Ha ha! Oh, isn't it brilliant here? It's just wonderful.

Yes, it's just a shame about this burst water pipe. Really spoils it.

What are you going on about, Ed? This is a water feature!

It's beautiful, I love it.

The park opened in June 2009

and attracts over two million people per year!

# Park life...

# Park life... #

-Er, no diving! This is the shallow end.

-Oh, sorry, sir!

# I just came to say hello! #

This wasn't the only idea about what to do with this

-old railway line, you know.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

Some people wanted a giant roller coaster running down it,

some wanted a giant swimming pool.

One person suggested having a giant cow on railway tracks,

running up and down, cos this was the meat-packing district.

In the end, New York decided on a new park.

-I think they made the right choice. It's nice.

-It is nice.

-It's nice.

# Imma let you try to convince me to. Hello... #

I tell you what, Ed, we're definitely living the high life!

-This is brilliant! It's like being on holiday.

-I know!

Who'd have thought the street was so far below us?

CAR HORN TOOTS

..Apart from the sound of all the traffic.

-DRILLING

-..And the building work.

-AEROPLANE ROARS.

-..And the planes.

Don't drop off yet, Richard! You're this week's contestant

on The One Dollar Drop Gameshow! (Not live).

Hello and welcome to The One Dollar Drop (not live),

where if you get the questions wrong, the prizes of your dreams

drop away in front of your very eyes.

Today I'm joined by Richard from London. Hello, Richard.

-All right, mate?

-Richard, remember, we're not live,

so don't say anything rude or naughty, like poo or bum.

Question one, Richard. You're playing for this gentleman's watch.

Look at that, Richard, do you like that?

-Yeah. Can I feel it?

-No.

Question one.

How many park and recreation areas are there in New York City?

Is it A, 17?

Is it B, 170, Richard?

Or are there C, 1,700, Richard?

-I'm going to go with B, 170.

-Oh, Richard, no!

That's wrong, I'm afraid. No, the correct answer is 1,700.

-That's a lot, isn't it?

-Yes.

-That's a lot!

-Are you ready for the drop now?

-Yeah, I'm ready for the drop.

METALLIC CLATTER

Question two, Richard.

And you're playing for this, I "heart" New York t-shirt.

-Look at that. Do you "heart" New York, Richard?

-I do.

-Do you "heart" it?

-I "heart" New York, yeah!

You'd better get this right, or I'll have to drop this.

-OK.

-How much did it cost to restore the High Line?

Was it A, 50 million dollars?

Was it B, 155 million dollars?

Or was it C, 555 million dollars, Richard?

I'm going to go with 550 million dollars.

You're wrong, Richard! He's wrong! It was 155, it was B!

I'm going to have to drop the t-shirt. All right.

SHATTERING

Question three, Richard! Question three.

And you're playing for this priceless snowglobe.

How high does the High Line stand off the ground?

-Is it 1.9 centimetres? Not very high, is it?

-No, it's not.

-It is B, 1.9 metres? That's a bit higher.

-Yeah, yeah.

Or is it C, a whopping 9.1 metres? What do you think, Richard?

-I think I'm going to go with B.

-That's wrong, Richard! It's wrong!

-Oh, Richard, you are awful at this game.

-I know, I know.

Or, as the Americans say, "awful".

GLASS SHATTERS

But don't worry, Richard. We will pay for your bus fare home.

Oh, that's all right.

GARBLED SPEECH

Oh, no, I've just been told we won't.

SHATTERING

Prairie du Sac, Wisconsin.

Ed versus Cel. In the Main Event.

-Ed, do you like chips?

-Love chips.

Is that why we're in Wisconsin?

-Something to do with chips?

-It might be.

-No, all right, OK.

Are we investigating silicon chips?

The invention that makes technology so tiny and small?

-No.

-Wood chips? That people put in their gardens to keep weed...

-No.

No, OK. You've thrown me a curveball here, haven't you?

Oh, you're getting warmer! Sssst!

Chocolate chip cookies!

Well, I wouldn't say...

Ha, you nearly had me, there. Come on, hand one over.

-If you insist!

-I do insist. I love them.

-Haah!

-Thank you very much.

This isn't a chocolate chip cookie, is it? Is it?

Oh, there's no fooling you, is there, Ed? This, dear viewer,

is a "cow chip" or as we call it, a "cowpat", which, let's face it,

is cow poo!

Yes, welcome to the Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw.

It's been running since 1975.

Cow chips were used by the early settlers

in the Great Plains of the USA to cook and heat their homes.

However, it seems strange that they didn't think to throw them

until the 1970s! Anyone fancy chucking a poo?

Marietta, why are you people throwing cow poo round?

If I did that sort of thing at home, I'd get in really big trouble!

Well, it's a tradition here in South Prairie.

38 years now we've been throwing this dung!

Wow! So how do you make these? Do these come out of real cows?

They really come out of real cows.

-See the grass and everything growing in it?

-Yeah, sure can!

-I think you need to hold it.

-Yeah, go on, Ed. Give it a smell!

SNIFFS

Not that bad. It doesn't really smell of anything.

There is really no smell to it. It's kind of gone back to nature.

So you have a special team of people going out, finding poo?

Yes. About a month before our event, we go and pick up poo.

So if we're going to go head to head, throwing poo around,

where can we find ourselves some cow chips?

We've got this Trojan Cow. He's the magic ticket.

-I like the sound of him.

-Yeah. The Quest for the Trojan Cow!

-The Quest for Poo!

-Thank you, Marietta!

-Bye!

Around 800 people take part in the competition each year

to see who can throw the poo the furthest.

The winner is crowned Wisconsin Cow Chip Throw Champion!

Oh, the glory! Now, where is that Trojan Cow?

The quest for the Trojan Cow's not going very well.

I thought it would be quite noticeable. Obviously, it isn't.

I cannot see it anywhere. It must be tiny.

You guys are "udderly" useless. It's behind you!

Traditionally, the Trojan Cow parades the street,

poo-ing chips out of its rear end! A bit like this...

MOOING

Look at this! It's the biggest pooper-scoops ever!

-Give me my pooper-scoop!

-Let's do this parade!

-Cel, catch! Catch!

-I am!

-Catch, Cel!

-Throw it!

-Wheeeey!

-Nice one!

-Goal!

THEY SNIGGER AND RETCH

Imagine being the person whose job it is to throw poo

-out of the back of a giant cow!

-I think that'd be a fun job!

I think that should be our aim. We should try to work our way up there.

The funny thing is,

everyone's just watching as if it's completely normal.

Just, "Oh, there's a bit of poo just flown over my head."

"Oh, bit of poo."

Giant cow just pooing everywhere.

Ed! Watch it!

Whoa!

I warned you!

I just got hit by a flying poo.

Go, Ed, go, Ed, go, Ed, go!

You two stop mucking about and get some tips from an expert.

This is Russ. Not only did he design that incredible Trojan cow...

..and not only is he a chip official...

..but he knows how to throw cow dung.

Most of them go this way. Just like this.

A bit like throwing a boomerang. I just hope that doesn't come back.

OK, boys, if you're going to do well in this poo-nament,

you'd better get some practice in. Cel, you're up first.

Oh, it's a big long smelly one! It's high, isn't it?

That's proper poo-lution. I hope it doesn't come down on someone.

Ed, you're next to scoop your poop. Get chucking.

He's going for an over-arm, and oh, it's a long one.

It's not bad, and an underarm Frisbee shot.

Ed, you are the prince of poop!

Limber up, boys, it's time for the main event. Here are the rules.

Poops must be at least 15cm in diameter.

Each contestant gets two throws. No gloves are allowed,

but I would recommend washing your hands afterwards.

And remember, an out-of-bounds throw doesn't count.

That gets messy for the audience.

The big problem is everyone's sitting on the line.

So if you're out of bounds...

Ah!

Don't do that to me!

I tell you something, Ed, a lot more people have turned up than expected.

-I know.

-My nerves have just intensified.

A lot of potential victims to be hit in the head with cow poo.

-Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed!

-You've already done that. Oh, it's actually...!

Look where that landed!

I don't want to be the last thing that ever happens to me

on this earth being hit by a poo.

Yeah, I don't think many people do. Whoa!

Please don't let me be killed by poo!

It's not much to ask, is it? I just don't want to be killed by poo!

Who does, Ed? Killed by a poo? And speaking of poo, happy picking!

-What am I doing? What am I actually doing?

-I'm going through cow poo.

I'm rifling through cow poos

like I'm out doing my Saturday morning shopping.

So there should be plenty for you to choose from, Ed, but make sure

you pick one of the high-fibre ones, as they're thicker and stronger.

All the way from Manchester, England,

please welcome Cel Spellman!

Come on, Cel, you've been training for this.

Chip this chip into the next county. Be one with the poo.

He's warming up, he's lining up, and it's in the air and... Oh, no!

-That's out of bounds. That won't count.

-Yes! Here we go.

Second time lucky.

Yeah, lucky not to hit anyone this time, at least.

Oh, it's within the boundary. Not far, though.

Yes!

Absolutely woeful.

Is that person all right? They're not going to hospital, are they?

That would be really embarrassing

if they have to fill out the forms in hospital - what's wrong with you?

-Oh, I got smashed in the head with a cow pat.

-87.7.

-Is that good?

-Yeah, that's all right.

-Yes!

-87.7.

-Metres?

-Feet.

-Oh, right. Rubbish.

We'll see how you do. Although, I think my first throw was better.

-For comedy value.

-Of course.

Cel throws 87.7 feet, which is the same length as 15.5 Tulisas.

Ed, you're up next.

-Here we go.

-Go on, Ed Petrie!

It's a very careful run from Ed, a confident throw,

and he's split his poo in three. Good effort, though.

We measure the biggest piece.

That one broke up on entry.

Hopefully, this one won't do the same thing.

Second go for Petrie on the poo. Here we go, it's a long one.

And, oh, it's a good one. I can't believe it either, Ed.

Ed, I think you went for the shotgun approach there.

-You threw about three in one.

-Yeah, well, I was hedging my bets.

So the dung has been flung.

We're going to have to wait a teensy bit longer to find out the winner.

Here's Russ with the results.

So, Ed and Cel, now that you've thrown your chips,

-I have your results for you. Cel, yours was 87.7 feet.

-Pretty good.

Ed, yours was 87.8 feet.

-Whoa! 0.1!

-0.1! That's ridiculous.

-So here are your trophies.

-Oh, thank you.

-And here, Cel, here's yours.

-Lovely!

-You get the chip.

-The pooby prize.

-I feel like a cow-chip champion.

-I feel like a shower.

You've been watching All Over The Place USA.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd