Arthur's Number Nightmare Arthur

# Every day when you're walking down the street

# Everybody that you meet

# Has an original point of view

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat

# Listen to the rhythm of the street Open up your eyes! Open up your ears!

# Get together and make things better by working together

# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

-What a wonderful kind of day

# We can learn to work and play And get along with each other

-# What a wonderful kind of day

-Hey!

-What a wonderful kind of day

-HEY!

-#

Hey, DW!

-Hey!

-Whoa!

THUD!

QUACKING

I win!

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

I'm number one! Numero uno.

Not three! Not two!

Not even one and a half.

One!

What's so important about being number one?

-It's just a number.

-Wonderful one. The first! The best!

The top cheese. The queen mosquito. The head honcho.

The cream of the crop!

Why is it so much better than two? Or four?

185? This thing must be wrong.

Some numbers are good. Some numbers are bad.

76052.

Expiration 7/13.

Some numbers are just numbers.

PAL GROWLS

But why does everything have to have a number?

TOY: Four. Two. Four.

Two. Four. Two. Four.

Can't anything ever just be what it is?

MAN: The time is 10.15.

There are 110 days left in the school year.

This house was bought for 237,000.

The age of the Earth is 4.54 billion years.

The temperature is 77 degrees. This dog is six.

This is a two-door 1982 car.

SPEECH BECOMES GARBLED

Argh!

RUMBLING

The first! The greatest! The bestest of the best.

One, one, one!

HE SIGHS

MAN: Arthur's Number Nightmare.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Yes? This is Francis Haney.

I might be eligible for a cruise to Fiji?

-Why, yes. I

-am

-interested.

See? It's our entire class, and every name has a number beside it.

Except I can't read number one.

It's smudged.

-Where'd you find it?

-It just floated down from the sky.

Oh! What if it's an alien shopping list?

We could all be ingredients!

It's probably just something for school.

-Maybe we're all getting new lockers.

-Hey, it could be our official rank.

-Are you at the bottom, Buster?

-No. You are.

Let me see that.

24!

That can't be right.

And Arthur's number two?

Why couldn't I be number two?

-Because Brain is five and he gets much better grades than you.

-So?

Maybe it's not just based on grades.

They could add in other things - like politeness.

I'm 11. That's not so bad. It's number one with a twin.

But how can you be 11

when I'm 24?

Just lucky, I guess.

Come on, 11. Let's get a smoothie.

Buster, time to get up!

HE YAWNS

Huh.

7.11.

Oh, looks like we're out of cereal.

-Well, how about some pancakes?

-OK!

11!

Oh.

Oh!

And then I found 11 cents on the ground!

11 isn't just my class rank.

It's my lucky number.

Buster, you have a different lucky number every week.

No, no, no. This is different. Think about it.

-How many letters are there in Buster?

-Six.

Oh.

But wait. If you add Buster and Baxter together,

and then minus one for the space in between...

Books away. No talking, please. You have 15 minutes.

The geography test! I completely forgot.

Don't worry. You'll do fine. You're number two.

You're right.

'Tell Principal Haney that this class ranking thing is wrong.'

SHE KNOCKS

Just a minute!

Knocking on the principal's door without an appointment.

That'll drop you two points.

Not smiling.

That's another point.

But I'm at the bottom of the class. You can't rank me lower.

I'm afraid I have no choice.

I have to follow the rules of ECOSAM.

That's the Ellwood City Official Student Assessment Manual.

Your new ranking is 241.

Oh, dear. That means...gum patrol.

Urgh!

Yuck!

Oh, hello, Francine. How can I help you?

You're not in trouble, are you?

Me? No, I'm not in trouble.

In fact, I rarely get in trouble.

That's true.

Is there something you wanted?

Uh, no. I just wanted to say

this is a really great school.

Oh, it is, isn't it?

HE CHUCKLES

You might be just the person to give a speech

at the Harvest Day celebration next week.

Me? I mean, ha, I'd love to!

Great. Walk with me.

I'll tell you all about it.

I was thinking we could do something about the foods of fall.

And now the crew is approaching the Titan XII -

the first manned space mission to Mars.

There's the captain, the first mate,

the science officer

and Arthur Read,

the second-ranking third-grader from Lakewood Elementary.

As we all know, the first-ranking student, whose name I forget,

came down with the chicken pox.

Arthur!

-Arthur.

-Huh?

Did you hear a word I've said?

Oh, yeah, you were talking about the geography test.

-It was a cinch.

-I thought it was hard.

-What did you get for number eight?

-The capital of Denmark?

That's easy. Cape Town.

Actually, it's Copenhagen.

Cape Town is in South Africa.

Are you sure about that? Arthur's a two, you know.

-You might wanna check that.

-I don't need to.

It's Copenhagen. What do you mean Arthur's a two?

Buster found it. It's our class ranking.

This is just a list of names and numbers.

It could be anything.

Even if it were our class ranking,

the capital of Denmark would still be Copenhagen.

You're just jealous because you're only a five.

11 cents? You're lousy tippers!

Starch, starch. No starch.

And this one needs a button.

You're wasting your time, Francine.

The list couldn't have been a class ranking.

-Why not?

-Because I'm 12 on the list,

which is average. And Crosswires are never average.

Maybe you're right.

I could be writing this whole speech about fall foods for nothing.

Of course I'm right.

Francine couldn't be last at anything.

Except a fashion contest.

But then what's that list?

-And what

-is

-my class rank?

I really wanna know now.

SHE SIGHS

You're so class conscious.

Here.

You want this? The label fell off, so I can't wear it.

I'm so glad you stopped by.

I just can't stop thinking about the Harvest Day celebration.

Oh, yeah. Me too.

Sir, I was wondering if I could ask you about where I am in my class.

Not by a window, I hope.

I find my papers always get blown everywhere.

Now, where did I put those ideas?

Would you excuse me for a moment?

SHE GASPS

There it is.

Class ranking.

Oh, it's just a brochure.

World Class Ranking Cruises.

Ah, here it is.

Ooh!

It's my design for a giant pumpkin costume you could wear.

What do you think?

SHE BURBLES

I know.

Impressive, isn't it?

This is going to be one Harvest Day

no-one will ever forget.

Couldn't you have chosen a more attractive vegetable?

I wanted to be corn, but Principal Haney said corn was too summery.

Candied apple?

A C-minus?

Can you believe that? I've never gotten a C-minus on a test before.

Ssh! You're ruining my count.

Nine, ten, 11.

I have to do 11 of everything.

-Why?

-Because it's my number.

I added up my locker combination the other day,

and guess what it came out to?

-11?

-No!

20.

But it was broken.

Don't you see? If it had been 11, it would have worked.

Want to guess how many chestnuts are in the jar? You could win a T-shirt.

-11.

-Not even close.

Count them. I demand you count them!

Buster's a little tired now. We'll come back later.

I wish I had never known my rank. I might have still been a 24,

but I was happy.

I've probably fallen to a three by now.

Maybe even a four.

Do you think I should change my name to Maximillian?

-Why?

-It has 11 letters in it.

Maybe Brain was right. We don't know for sure this is our class rank.

It could be anything.

All right, everyone.

Time to find your seats.

Ready for your big speech, Francine?

I guess so.

Help me up.

It's the seating assignments.

I was looking all over for that.

Seating assignments?

You mean that's not our class rank?

Oh, no. We don't rank our students at this school.

It leads to all sorts of misperceptions.

All right. Follow me.

I'm dressed as a giant pumpkin for nothing?

Now, I'm in seat one.

Let's put Buster in two.

Weird. I have two cents in my pocket.

Don't start!

I'll move Arthur to 24. I'm in seat one...

# Every day when you're walking down the street

# Everybody that you meet

# Has an original point of view

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

-# What a wonderful kind of day

-Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day. #

Subtitles by Melissa Irvine Red Bee Media Ltd

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