The Butler Did... What? Arthur

# Every day when you're walking down the street

# Everybody that you meet has an original point of view

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day If we could learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# You got to listen to your heart Listen to the beat

# Listen to the rhythm Rhythm of the street

# Open up your eyes Open up your ears

# Get together and make things better by working together

# It's a simple message and it comes from the heart

-# Oh, believe in yourself

-Believe in yourself

-# For that's the place to start

-Place to start

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

# Hey! What a wonderful kind of day

# If we can learn to work and play and get along with each other

# Hey! What a wonderful kind of day

# Hey! What a wonderful kind of day

# Hey! #

Hey, DW!

-Hey!

-Whoa! Ooh!

Aah! Wouldn't it be great if you had a butler?

Someone who would bring you breakfast in bed.

Hold your horses.

Toast, cereal and eggs.

There wasn't any milk, so I put juice in your cereal.

-Are these hard boiled eggs?

-Of course not,

you know I can't cook. OK, breakfast is over.

I laid your clothes out for you.

I'm not wearing that!

You have to. I put all your other clothes in the laundry.

Hurry up, you're going to be late. The car leaves in 40 seconds.

-This isn't a car.

-What did you expect? I can't drive.

Boy, are you heavy! That's it, no more eggs for breakfast.

I changed my mind, I don't want a butler.

You're fired.

What I really want is Bailey.

Hey! What about my retirement package?

-Oh, what a beautiful morning.

-MUFFY YAWNS

It would be oh, so perfect if I could have, say, oh...

maybe a chocolate orange crepe?

I said, oh, what a beautiful morning!

SHE YAWNS

It would be oh, so perfect if I could have...

-Daddy! Daddy! Where's Bailey?

-What do you mean, where's Bailey?

He's gone! He didn't bring me breakfast and he's not in his room,

-and...

-What?!

You mean, he just left?

Well, that is the last time I trust someone who's done perfect work

for ten straight years.

-So, you don't know where he went?

-Beats me, muffin.

But don't you worry. Daddy will find some way to make it all better.

How could Bailey do that? Just leave me without saying anything.

-Maybe he got a better job.

-Better job?!

It's not a job. Bailey's my friend.

THEY LAUGH Yeah, sure.

He is! He knows just what I want, whenever I want it.

-Do you do the same for him?

-Well, I would, but he never asks.

-Uh-huh.

-You don't understand, Francine.

If Bailey were still around, he'd explain it to you.

-But he's not.

-Yeah, you're right.

I guess I'm...never going to see him again.

SHE CRIES

Have you thought about hiring a private detective?

-So, this is the butler's room, eh?

-Bailey's room, yes.

He left all his stuff behind.

-Very suspicious.

-I guess he was in a hurry to leave.

-Exactly.

-Do you think he was running away from me?

Oh! Do you think he hates me?

Slow down, little girl. Let's first examine the clues.

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

Yes. Yes.

HE SNIFFS

-A-ha!

-A-ha, what?

I think you're going to need to sit down for this, Miss Crosswire.

All right, picture this.

The butler finishes work last night and comes back to his room.

Greetings, sir. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?

Sorry to bother you, sir, but my work here is done.

Elwood City is now quite ready for takeover.

Excellent, sir. Soon all of earth will be primed for invasion.

I am elated, sir.

To think, earthlings have not an inkling that butlers are actually

agents from the planet Corpulax. It's most amusing.

HE LAUGHS MENACINGLY

-Yes, sir. Excellent joke, sir.

-BAILEY CHUCKLES

You flatter me, sir. Proceed to the next population centre.

It's an open and shut case.

You'll be sorry when the invasion starts!

DOOR SLAMS

Oh, Bailey.

SHE GASPS

It's a receipt.

-SHE GASPS

-Is that...?

Why, yes. That's a picture of me in high school.

-How on earth did you get it?

-My friend Bailey had it on his wall.

I thought you might know where he's gone. Do you remember him?

Hm. Bailey. Is that his first name or last name?

Um, I'm not sure.

-Which one is he?

-I don't know that either. He's bald now.

All right. Well, what's he like? Maybe that will help me place him.

-He's a butler.

-Yes, but what sort of things does he like to do?

He likes to...wear tuxedos?

Um...and do things for me. Er...yeah, that.

High school was a long time ago.

Unless you can tell me more about him than that,

there's not much I can do to help. I'll tell you this much,

-he probably likes music.

-How do you know that?

That's a picture of the high school band.

"Sam's Instruments."

Looks like he bought a jazz trumpet.

-Is he a musician?

-No, he's a butler.

Well, does he have a friend that's a musician?

-I don't know.

-What kind of music did he like?

-I don't know.

-Sorry, ma'am, without any information

-I can't really help you.

-I'm never going to find Bailey again.

All those years, and I never even asked a single question about him.

-No wonder he ran away.

-I can tell you this,

if he liked the trumpet, he might be planning to check out

-Bill Abbey's show this weekend.

-Bill Abbey?

One of the greats!

He's playing with his old trio over at the bee-bop club this Friday.

Bill Abbey? Why do I know that name?

"Meet The Bill Abbey Trio."

"Bill Abbey In A Blue Mood."

"Bill Abbey With Strings."

"Bopping With Bill."

Is that him? THEY CHATTER EXCITEDLY

Hurry, Daddy! I'm sure Bailey's here somewhere.

OK, sweetums. I'm sure we'll find him.

Bailey, are you here?

Bailey!

Now, listen, young man, this is my daughter and there's a man in there

who has caused her a great deal of distress,

-so...

-Sorry, no-one under 21 admitted. Rules are rules.

Yes, yes, that's all very well and good, but...

Bailey?

"This weekend only. Bill Abbey's first public appearance

"in ten years."

Daddy! Daddy, I think I've found Bailey.

Not now, sweetums, I'm trying to help you.

If we, er, ahem, overlook these rules, you could be driving...

Oh!

Bailey. Pssst, Bailey, is that you? It's me, Muffy.

Bailey? Bailey, it's me, Muffy.

I'm so sorry if I ever treated you badly.

I'm sorry I never asked anything about you.

I'm not saying you have to come back or anything,

I just want you to know that I really, really liked you

-and I really hope you're happy and...

-I'm sorry, little girl,

did you want something?

Oh, sorry. I thought you were someone else.

I tell you, sweetums, any butler that would run out on a sweet little girl

like you is not worth the effort.

There's plenty of other butlers out there who'd be pleased as punch

to wait on you hand and foot. In fact, I'm going to call the agency

right now and have them send over some applicants first thing.

SHE SIGHS

Come Friday, you won't even remember Bailey existed.

Daddy, that's OK. I don't want another butler.

Bailey?

Good evening, Miss Muffy.

Have you seen an old picture I used to have on the wall over...there?

Don't worry, Miss Muffy,

I'll come over and tuck you in in just a minute.

No, you stay right here.

-I'll go get the picture for you. Oh!

-Bailey!

-Oh!

-Wait a minute, I'm supposed to be angry with you.

Now, see here, what kind of a butler are you,

running out on my little girl like that?

I beg your pardon, sir, but I was on vacation.

-Vacation?

-Yes, sir. You agreed to my taking a week off only last month.

-Oh, that's right. I did.

-HE CHUCKLES

I-I'm so busy, you know. I must have, um...forgot.

-Well, keep up the good work.

-So you don't hate me?

Hate you? Whatever made you think that, Miss Muffy?

Oh, nothing. Just stay right there.

So how long have you liked jazz?

Oh, since I was your age and I played in the school band.

-I've even decided to start playing again.

-The trumpet?

-Why, yes. How did you know?

-Just a lucky guess.

Would you play something for me?

-HE LAUGHS

-I'm not very good.

Somehow I doubt that. The Bailey I know is good at everything.

PLAYS TRUMPET BADLY

# Everyday when you're walking down the street

# And everybody that you meet has an original point of view

-# And I say hey!

-Hey!

-# What a wonderful kind of day

-Hey! #