Mr Ratburn's Secret Identity Arthur

# Every day when you're walkin' down the street

# Everybody that you meet

# Has an original point of view

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day If we can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat

# Listen to the rhythm The rhythm of the street

# Open up your eyes! Open up your ears!

# Get together and make things better By working together

# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

-# Oh, believe in yourself

-Believe in yourself

# For that's the place to start

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

-What a wonderful kind of day

# If we can learn to work and play And get along with each other

# What a wonderful kind of day, hey! What a wonderful kind of day, HEY! #

Hey, DW!

Hey!

Whoa!

Cool movie, but how come no-one ever guesses Dark Bunny

is really billionaire Deuce Wayne?

You know, it is kind of unbelievable.

Gumdrop?

Doesn't anyone find it strange that Deuce has really bulging muscles?

Or that he ducks into a supply closet whenever danger appears.

Or that he looks exactly like Dark Bunny.

Maybe other people just don't notice these things.

That's true, not everyone is as observant as you and me.

One thing's for sure, if there was a superhero

masquerading as a normal person in Elwood City, we'd figure it out.

Good morning, everyone.

Nothing starts the day off like a bracing pop quiz.

ALL: Aww.

PHONE VIBRATES

Who brought a portable telephone into my classroom?

Oh, dear, it's me. How embarrassing.

Hello. Really?

Really!?

Merciful Mikado, I must leap into action.

Forgive me class, but duty calls. I'll fetch Principal Haney

to look after you. In the meantime,

you may forget the quiz and instead watch this entertaining film.

'There are over 6,000 species of the freshwater mollusc.'

Forget the quiz?

I didn't think I'd ever hear those words come out of his mouth.

And what did he mean by duty calls?

Maybe he's a volunteer firemen.

I don't think so.

Well, maybe he's a volunteer chef for firemen who steps in

when the normal chef is out cos his cat is sick.

-What? It's possible.

-I've got it.

I know what you're going to say.

Mr Ratburn has been replaced by an alien.

-I wasn't going to say that.

-Oh.

I was going to say Mr Ratburn escaped from aliens and now uses

their advanced technology to fight crime as a superhero.

-How do you figure that?

-He's got a rat phone.

When there's trouble he gets the distress call and away he goes.

Buster, Mr Ratburn is not a superhero,

just like he wasn't a nail-eating vampire.

A nail-eating vampire?

When we first met Mr Ratburn we were convinced he was a vampire,

but it turned out he was just an amateur puppeteer.

This is different, you heard that call.

So? It was just one call. We need more proof than that.

Always happy to step in for a teacher. Everything OK?

Everything is splendid.

Sir Chester Wimple is coming to town.

Well, I'll be.

Eh...

-Who's Sir Chester Wimple?

-Only the world's greatest light opera singer.

He's just agreed to guest star in our community theatre's

production of the Pirates Of Penzance and he's coming tomorrow.

I didn't know you were a member of an opera troupe. What do you sing?

Oh, I just do costumes and props.

Although I do know every word by heart.

# Come one and all undaunted men in blue

# A crisis now, affairs are coming to

# Yet when the danger's near

# Tarantara tarantara

-# We manage to appear.

-#

I knew it.

Hide your homework, Martians are stealing your education!

The Earthlings cannot defeat us if they never learn anything.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Don't be afraid.

Rocket Rat is here to make the grade.

Look out, Mr Martian.

And you're heading straight to detention.

Lousy rodent, let's see how well you steer without a rudder.

Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

Uh-ho. Waaa!

Lucky for me, I never leave home without my ace mechanic, Sparky.

And I never leave home without my trusty socket wrench.

Way to think on the fly, Sparky.

I should have invaded Venus.

And then after Rocket Rat has saved the world,

he changes back into his regular clothes and is Mr Ratburn again.

That sounds just like something I would make up.

But I'm telling you, I saw it.

Let's see, props for the beach scene.

Fake seaweed, check. Realistic looking boulders, check.

Are they papier-mache?

Yep, light as a feather. Whoa!

I'll believe Mr Ratburn has superpowers

when I see it for myself.

Now do you believe me?

There is a legend in the bayou - a creature born of algae

and radioactive chalk dust.

He is lonely, misunderstood and I alone can communicate with him.

Ahhh!

Beware what the lays in the swamp.

Swamp Rat, you saved my life!

And I also saved you from poor grammar.

That creature should have said,

"Beware of what lies in the swamp."

Come, I will show you the way

out of this infernal swamp

and teach you about the conjugation of irregular verbs.

And then the Swamp Rat drinks a potion

that turns him back into Mr Ratburn.

Although sometimes he forgets

and leaves a little bit of algae on his shoulder.

Ladonna, that's the silliest story I've ever heard.

Yeah, if Mr Ratburn were Rocket Rat

-and the Swamp Rat he'd never have time to teach.

-That's not what I...

OK, this has got to stop. I'm going to prove to you once and for all

that Mr Ratburn is not a superhero.

Pirate costume complete.

Hmm, the actor does leap about the stage quite a bit.

I'd better test them out.

-Where are we going?

-To Ratburn's house.

We're going to get to the bottom of this once and for all.

Yes, I believe these should hold up nicely.

Oh, dear. I'm locked out.

Wait, maybe we shouldn't bother him.

Yeah, what if he's training for his next mission?

Oh, yeah, he's probably scaling the walls of his house right now.

-BOTH: Ah!

-What?

I want to watch Mary Moo Cow. Now!

DW ate my experimental high yeast muffins and now she's expanded.

Who can we turn to?

# Silkworm Man Silkworm Man

# Does whatever a pupae can

# Throws up silk when danger's close

# From his mouth it's kind of gross

# Look there

# He wraps up the case with cloth

# Someday he'll be a moth

# He is the Silkworm Man! #

Too much yeast, eh?

Well, if memory serves, nothing stops yeast from expanding like...

Anybody? It's that's teachable moment.

Nothing stops yeast likes salt, Silkworm Man.

Excellent, Larva Lad - my trusty sidekick.

But how will we get her to eat all that salt?

Fortuitously, there was

also a truck full of popcorn parked around the corner.

Mmmm. Popcorn!

Urgh, it's bland.

Mmmmm.

Ah, I'm shrinking!

Swell job, Larva Lad.

Another case sewn up tight!

And I turned around and there he was in costume on the roof.

Apologies if I'm not in top form today,

I was up rather late attending to an urgent matter.

Mr Ratburn, I just want you to know that if your cellphone rings...

And you have to go rescue someone, like from a swamp or whatever...

We can cause a distraction while you fight the forces of evil.

Yes, well, I'll keep that in mind.

Let's start the day off with a make-up quiz.

Now, if someone would pass these...

I'll do it! I'm your sidekick.

I should do it. I'll help the Swamp Rat.

Such enthusiasm.

I'll have to give quizzes more often.

PHONE VIBRATES. Ah! It's the rat phone.

Quick, cause a distraction.

A toad's eating my leg!

Would someone care to explain what's going on here?

I really thought Mr Ratburn was a superhero.

I can't believe he's just a costume designer.

I can't believe our punishment is to watch this opera.

It's not a punishment, Buster, it The Pirates Of Penzance.

And this opera is full of fascinating heroes.

Great Gilbert and Sullivan, it's Sir Chester Wimple!

Mr Wimple, it is an honour and a privilege.

You can't go on because you have laryngitis?

Who will sing the part of the Major General?

Me? No, I could never...

I mean, I do know the lyrics by heart, but I haven't rehearsed.

-Do it, Mr Ratburn.

-Come on, you'll be great.

You could save the day.

# I am the very model of a modern Major-General

# I've information vegetable animal and mineral

# I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical.. .#

Do you believe me now?

# From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical. #