Water and the Brain/Arthur the Unfunny Arthur

# Every day when you're walking down the street

# Everybody that you meet

# Has an original point of view

-# And I say hey!

-Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day

# You can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# You got to listen to you heart, listen to the beat

# Listen to the rhythm, rhythm of the street

# Open up your eyes, open up your ears

# Get together and make things better by working together

# It's a simple message

# And it comes from the heart

# Believe in yourself

# For that's the place to start

-# And I say...

-Hey!

-Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day

# We can learn to work and play

-# And get along with each other

-Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day Hey! #

Hey, DW!

-Hey!

-Whoa!

You're it!

Oh, no!

I wonder what the world would be like if everyone was just like me.

'No one would call anyone Four Eyes.'

Hey, nice glasses! Thanks. Yours are cool too.

Hooray! Hooray!

Hooray!

'My birthday would be a national holiday.

'Everyone would be super nice - even bank robbers.'

Would you be so kind as to give me your money?

Certainly, sir. My pleasure.

Thanks.

It'd be great if there were a million me's.

Wait. If there were a million me's...

Come play with us, Arthur.

There'd be a million DWs!

Attention! Mary Alice Clothwire, also known as ME

will have a party at Waterworld.

-You're all invited.

-Waterworld? Great!

Yeah. Especially since they added that new ride - the Slam Dunk.

I just saw the commercial.

'25 miles of the fastest water ride ever.'

THEY SCREAM

'Ending with a straight drop into icy water.'

THEY LAUGH

Cool.

One for you. Thank you for coming.

One for you. Thank you for coming. One for you...

Sorry, Muffy, but I can't go.

Can't go? Why?

Amusement parks are puerile diversions for unfledged tots.

-Huh?

-Waterworld is for little kids.

He's wrong. You've got to be this tall to ride.

It's me. The Brain hates me.

Oh, Muffy, come on. You know that's not true.

It is. I remember when the Brain went sailing with us.

He wouldn't stand on deck with me.

Oh, wow!

You've got to see this! There's a dolphin next to the boat!

No, thanks. I've seen plenty at the zoo.

Anyway, they're just mammals.

It's not just you he doesn't like. It's all girls.

That's crazy.

Yeah? Remember my Halloween party?

'I was the first one to bob for apples.'

Brain, you go next.

Do you know how many parasites are swimming in that bucket?

I think I'll pass.

Parasites and bacteria! I know what he was afraid of.

Coodies.

You're wrong, Francine. He doesn't just hate girls. He hates all of us.

-That is ridiculous.

-Oh, really? Well, listen to this.

'The Brain and I were trying to catch frogs.'

I got one! I got one!

Whoa!

Quick, get it!

Why did you let him get away?

Because chasing frogs is a cruel sport.

I won't be a part of it.

He said that he didn't like us because he was smarter than us.

-He said that?

-Yup.

At least I think that's what he said. He used bigger words.

-He thinks he's better than us.

-What a snob.

Guys, the Brain is one of our best friends.

-Then why won't he come to my party?

-I... I don't know.

Thanks for coming to my party, even though it's at a silly amusement park that my daddy has rented.

I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'm not a snob like SOME people.

Er... Oh.

Hi, Binky.

Oh, the Brain is saying hello to me. I'm so honoured.

Thank you, Mr Brain. Thank you.

-Ahem!

-Doesn't that table look a little crowded to you, Arthur?

Or are you better than us too?

I need to talk to you later.

-DW!

-Arthur, hide me! Don't let them get me!

It's just a bath.

Nobody ever died from taking a bath.

Aw!

Thanks, Eggs Benedict Arnold!

Some people get upset over the craziest things.

Hey, I wonder if the Brain... Oh!

Wait. That's it!

Arthur. Boy am I glad to see you. Come in.

Thanks.

-That's why they think you're a snob.

-It's not true.

-I don't think I'm better than they are.

-I know.

But, Brain, why won't you go to Muffy's party?

You wouldn't understand.

-Are you afraid of something?

-No. I mean...

I'm being called for dinner. I better get home.

But this is your house!

Binky, I know what's wrong with the Brain. He's...

-What are you doing behind there?

-Ssshh.

Binky, no! Don't do it. Stop!

What are you doing? I had a perfect shot at the snob.

The Brain's not a snob. He's just afraid to go swimming.

What? Is that true?

HE LAUGHS

I knew no one would understand. Now I'm the laughing stock of the class.

I can't believe I was so insensitive.

All this time, you were afraid of swimming.

That's dumb.

Yes. My hydrophobia has prevented me from engaging in a multitude of activities.

In English, please.

It really stinks.

Brain, we're going to cure you.

-We are?

-Yeah. Come on. I know just the thing for it.

Jump.

But I'm afraid I'll sink.

It's the only way to swim.

Besides, we'll save you.

I don't want to learn to swim.

You are GOING to learn to swim,

and you are GOING to have fun at Waterworld.

Er, Binky, I think we need to start with something easier.

OK, Brain. Step onto the top step.

Good. Now take another step.

Great! Now another one.

Muffy's party will be over before he gets up to his neck.

My neck! No way am I going that far. I'm outta here!

What good is an aquarium? It's just filled with fish and dumb facts.

If we can make the Brain feel like he's in water, we can cure him.

Did you know that sperm whales eat 60 tons of plankton a year?

Come on, let's get this over with.

Now, Brain, look into that fish tank and imagine you're in there.

Underwater.

Are you imagining it? Are you scared?

Hey, I think we've cured him!

-What went wrong?

-I couldn't hold my breath any longer.

-You weren't supposed to hold your breath.

-I can't breathe underwater.

I don't have gills. I told you this was dumb.

-It was better than making him jump in the lake!

-Was not.

-Was too.

-Was not.

-Was too.

-Was not.

Stop it! I really appreciate you trying to help me,

but it's not working.

There are worse things to be afraid of - like air.

Brain, look where you...

- Or school. - Brain, watch out, you're gonna...

Or... Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Aah!

Somebody help me!

Oh, thank you. You guys just saved my life.

I was really scared.

-You know something, Brain? So was I.

-Me too.

THEY LAUGH

That was fun. Too bad Brain couldn't come.

Just because Brain doesn't swim doesn't mean he's not our friend.

Oh, yeah? I didn't try to make him like swimming!

Anyway, it would be boring if everybody was exactly the same.

-You wouldn't have anything to fight about.

-I'm glad Brain's not a snob.

I don't like snobby people.

By the way, Arthur, your bathing suit - it's so tacky!

Ah!

I'm glad the Brain's just the way he is.

If he wasn't, the towels would be as wet as we are.

Hi, guys.

This is the funniest joke I ever heard.

A monkey and a banana are walking in a car...

No, wait. An apple and a banana are driving a monkey...

Driving a car with the monkey... No. The monkey's driving.

I messed it up again.

OK. A monkey's driving a banana...

A monkey is driving a bus full of apples and bananas... Oranges.

They're oranges.

(A monkey is driving... Oranges...)

HE LAUGHS

OK. I've got it. It's funny. This is funny.

It has to be orange because the punchline is,

"Orange-you glad I didn't say banana."

Oh, man! I said the punchline.

Hi.

Mom! DW used my pencil sharpener to sharpen crayons again!

-Did not!

-It's full of crayon!

-Hal did it!

-He doesn't have thumbs!

Gotta go.

"Dear Buster, how is it travelling to foreign countries?

-"I wish DW would go to a foreign country."

-I heard that!

"Everyone is trying to raise money for the Elwood City Library.

"Mrs McGrady is having a bake sale to buy new books.

"For someone who doesn't like to read, Binky paid for a lot of books.

"Mr Crosswire is raffling a new car.

"Muffy decided to have a carnival."

Put activity boost there.

Ferris wheel back there.

We need a big main show. What will raise a lot of money?

Why don't we set up a particle accelerator?

Then shrink people down to sub-atomic size,

so they can examine a nucleic structure up close.

What a thrill ride that would be!

Is that even possible?

She didn't say it had to be possible. She said "the best thing".

-Huh!

-Sounded cool to me.

-I've got it!

We build a shopping plaza full of clothes.

-ALL: Urgh!

-Shopping is boring.

I'm not paying for a pasteurising agitator.

-Particle accelerator.

-I wish Buster were here.

-He'd say let's be clowns.

-That's it!

-What a great idea.

-It's a carnival. We can all be clowns.

Thanks, Arthur!

'So we agreed to all be clowns,

'and tried out funny things.

'I told them the joke about the shoe store.'

And he said, "Hide, a cow's outside."

And the other guy says, "I don't care. I'm not afraid of any cow."

-Don't you get it?

-Yeah. We get it.

Yes. The shoe's were made of leather or cow hide.

He's not funny. If Arthur's a clown, he'll ruin my carnival.

I'll talk to him.

Maybe there are other jobs you can do at the carnival.

But I can be funny. I know it.

I used to make Buster laugh all the time.

'Maybe he was just being polite.

'Once he was laughing so hard, he squirted a shake through his nose.'

You don't squirt a thick shake out your nose just to be polite.

Mom!

Can I ask you a question? Am I funny?

There's nothing funny about not practising the piano.

'Buster, if Mom wants you to practise,

'you practise first and ask questions later.'

It's your turn.

I win. Let's play again.

Kate thinks you're funny, Arthur. So do I. Your face is hilarious.

Har-har-har.

You're just jealous because I'm funny.

It's hard having a sister who's perfect. You'll get used to it.

Everyone's laughing at me because I'm not funny.

I mean, they're not laughing at me.

You just need a surefire joke.

A guy who doesn't hear well goes to buy a pair of shoes...

-That's the joke I told.

-Really? It's a very funny joke.

Unless I tell it.

Great. I'm a joke killer.

Everyone here can be clowns, but not Arthur.

It was Arthur's idea. We'll hurt his feelings.

Then make him a good clown. I won't let him wreck my carnival.

'That's when it started, Buster.'

I got it!

'Suellen came to teach me to juggle.

'After a while, she gave up.

'Then the Brain tried to teach me jokes.

'But I didn't understand them.'

Don't you get it? Helium is a noble gas.

Oh.

What?

'I couldn't learn to make faces like Binky.

'Muffy even hired Pickles the Clown to teach me clowning.'

Atchoo!

No. I'm not clowning. That was a real sneeze.

'Pickles was allergic to dogs, but he gave me some advice.'

Kid, forget about having huge feet and a big round nose.

Atchoo!

Well, you heard him.

-He's the biggest clown.

-There was another kid with no sense of humour.

He grew up to be Mr Ratburn.

Eight times seven divided by four. Quickly!

He's the future Ratburn.

Aagh! Run for your life!

Girls are scientifically inexplicable.

You said it.

That means weird, right? Yes.

You said it.

-Look out, it's...

-Hold it. I'm not funny. I won't be a clown.

Not everybody has to be funny.

If everyone was funny like on TV, there'd be no reason to watch TV,

and if nobody watched TV, the people on the shows would have no jobs,

and the companies that advertise would go bust.

So by not being funny, I'm saving the jobs of thousands of people

and their families.

Wow. I hope someday I can be as important as Arthur.

'The day of the carnival came. I was the piano player.'

Poor guy. I hope you're happy.

You know, when I really think about it, I am.

PIANO PLAYS

Arthur looks so funny. He's in a suit.

Listen to all those mistakes. Ah.

Listen to those laughs.

Wow, we must be really good.

Let's take a bow.

They're laughing at him.

Arthur, cut that out.

Oh, sorry. I was playing with Kate.

APPLAUSE Bravo! Encore!

What are you doing? They like it. Arthur, keep going.

-I can't believe everybody liked it.

-Neither can I.

You do it every day. Big deal.

Congratulations, kid. Shake.

What works for me didn't work for you, so you found your own way.

Yeah. How?

Just because there's one way to do it doesn't mean it's the only way.

Everybody's got a different style. Don't be afraid to find yours.

I'll remember that, Mr Pickles.

'So Francine was wrong. I was funny. I just hadn't found my style yet.

'If only I could find a style to get an A in math. Write back soon.

'Your friend, Arthur.'

# And I say hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day

# You can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# You got to listen to you heart, listen to the beat

# Listen to the rhythm, rhythm of the street

# It's a simple message

# And it comes from the heart

# Believe in yourself

# For that's the place to start

-# And I say...

-Hey!

-Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day

# We can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other. #

Email us at [email protected]