Binky Barnes, Wingman/To Beat or Not to Beat Arthur

# Every day when you're walking down the street

# Everybody that you meet

# Has an original point of view

-# And I say hey!

-Hey!

-What a wonderful kind of day

# If we can learn to work and play And get along with each other

# You've got to listen to your heart

# Listen to the beat Listen to the rhythm of the street

# Open your eyes, open your ears

# Get together and make things better by working together

# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

-# And I say hey!

-Hey!

-What a wonderful kind of day

-# If we can learn to work and play And get along with each other...

-Hey!

-# A wonderful kind of day...

-Hey!

-A wonderful kind of day...

-Hey!

-#

'Hey! DW!'

-Hey!

-Whoa!

-Everyone's got a favourite pastime. Reading is mine.

-Hey, your delivery.

But sometimes your favourite things can get out of hand.

-'Like Buster and his snacks.'

-Wow! The ultimate chocolate sundae!

-MOANING

-Wow... The ultimate chocolate sundae... Oh!

-'Or like the Brain and science.'

-DOOR OPENS

I can't go to bed now. I'm on the verge of discovering a new galaxy.

Or like Binky and... Hey, do you even have a favourite thing?

I don't know. Ow!

It's coming, it's coming! HORN BLARES

It's here!

Giant bugs in school must mean...

-Radiation leakage in the cafeteria?

-No.

It's Bug Week, Elwood City's annual festival of six-legged things

that crawl, sting, bite and make life oh, so pleasant.

Each of you will make a presentation

on the bug of your choice.

Any questions? Good.

It's getting hot in here.

Then, when the spider, played by me, has the helpless fly

-wrapped up in silk, it sinks its huge fangs into it and...

-Yuck!

I don't want to hear this.

Me neither. I'm playing the fly.

Watch out for me. I'm gonna be a honey bee, and they pack a sting.

Sorry, I'm doing bees. Queen bees.

-Oh, OK. I'll be a termite and bring down the house.

-I'm doing termites.

Those things with a gazillion legs?

-Centipede?

-The other one.

-Millipede?

-Yeah.

-Sorry, that's my project.

Oh, man! All the good bugs are taken.

And here the honey bee workers feed royal jelly to the future queen bees.

And what would royal jelly be without royal peanut butter? EVERYONE GROANS

Just what I'd expect from a class full of drones.

Now the stink bugs

will demonstrate... their most unusual method of defence.

Euch! Ugh! Phew!

Did you bring clothes-pins for everybody?

Er... Well...no.

In an orderly fashion, please! Single file!

Is that your Bug Week project?

Yes. I'm showing how the praying mantis inspired a fighting style.

-Want a demonstration?

-No, I believe you.

-You have a bug for your report?

-No.

I wanted fleas, but Molly has 'em.

Butterflies? Nobody's picked them.

Butterflies? They're for girls.

-Just trying to help.

-Some help!

Giving me a girl's bug...

Man, look at all the neat colours!

Butterflies come from creepy-looking worms. Cool!

Gotcha!

Huh?

Wow! Ungh!

- They prefer your lunchmeat to mine. - Because mine is pate de foie gras.

Is it Hallowe'en already?

Big...blue...butterfly. Which way did he go?

Binky Barnes - chasing butterflies?

Tell me!

No, you can't get away from me!

Binky, are you up there?

-I found some bugs good for boys.

-He's not here.

-He's out hunting.

-Hunting?

-Yeah, butterflies. He's butterfly crazy.

-He wants to collect every one he sees.

-Especially a big, blue one.

He's been chasing it for days.

It knows I can't leave school. It's mocking me.

Now that we know the eating habits of termites,

-let's meet a real colony.

-I don't see anything.

-They're inside.

TAP-TAP-TAP

Can you...wrap it up, Buster?

Any second now. Really. I think I hear 'em coming.

Oh!

Then...whack! A great big hand came down and squashed me.

So ended my life as a blood-sucking mosquito. ALL CHEER

RING Not all homework is this much fun.

Fun? Who has time for fun? My prize catch is still out there.

-Binky, are you in there?

-Close the flap, quick! Don't let 'em out.

Neat collection, huh?

Monarchs, swallowtails, viceroys. I got 'em all.

I've never had a real cool hobby before, and I owe it all to you.

Binky, those butterflies can't last in here. They'll die.

-Relax. It's only for one more day.

-Good.

-You'll set them free after your project?

-No way.

I'm gonna move 'em into a bigger tent. Well, back to the hunt.

My collection is nothing without him. He's clever.

He'll make a mistake. I'll be ready.

Binky, stop! You're hunting that poor butterfly

-like Captain Ahab hunted Moby Dick.

-You don't expect me to read that?

I'm nothing like Captain Ahab. Moby Dick was a fish.

A whale. I mean, you're going too far.

I'm not. I've worked hard to catch the blue butterfly. He's mine! MINE!

Well, see ya.

What have I created?

- 553, 554... - He even looks like Captain Ahab.

What are we gonna do about Binky?

How am I ever going to prove that millipedes don't have 1,000 legs

if you keep interrupting me? Aw!

One, two, three...

-What happened?

-Buster got mad.

He was tired of being a free meal.

Arthur, did you talk to Binky?

He's too busy chasing a butterfly.

-Like Captain Ahab...

-And Moby Dick.

Isn't it possible you two are overreacting?

Thar she goes!

PANTING

-Blue...butterfly... Seen it?

-That?

Don't kid around! That's just a moth.

Sue Ellen, I got it!

-I got Big Blue.

-It's so pretty.

I'll say. Me and Big Blue are going to the museum.

The museum? Why?

-I'm gonna offer my collection to them so everyone can enjoy it.

-Wait!

I bet they've got a real cool place for their butterflies to live.

Agh!

-They're not moving.

-Haven't you seen a real collection before?

-No.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Don't look at me like that.

If I let you go, I'll fail.

I worked really hard on this.

When it's ready to eat the helpless fly,

the spider moves in, fangs ready to bite...

Oh, how cute!

Thanks a lot(!) I was supposed to have the most frightening report.

You're the last to go, Binky. You do have a project, don't you?

Sure I do, but... can I do it outside?

I wanted everyone to enjoy my butterfly collection.

This is the best way to see it.

ALL GASP

I didn't think you'd let them go.

Very impressive work.

I look forward to the written report.

Aw, I knew I forgot something.

Francine Frensky can do a lot of things well. She can hit

further than anyone I know.

-She can argue about anything better than anyone I know.

-If I were wrong,

-I'd admit I'm wrong, but I'm never wrong. If you think...

-OK, OK.

You win. A tomato is not a vegetable, it's a fruit.

-She wants to do something I don't think she should try.

-Here I go.

I'm going to fly.

-You gonna tell her?

-YOU tell her.

-She could hurt herself.

-I guess so.

Francine, stop it! You're gonna get hurt. Kids can't fly.

-They can't?

-No, it's impossible.

Oh.

Don't you hate it when you have to burst someone's bubble?

I know you're all concentrating on Friday's spring talent show,

so I'm giving you extra homework. Remember what's important.

ALL GROAN

I've got new jokes.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!

-Humorous.

-Francine, what are you doing for the talent show?

I'm not telling. You'll be surprised.

-What are you gonna do, Arthur?

-I'm doing tricks with Pal.

Pal, sit! Good boy.

Pal, shake your... Er, tail.

-Good boy.

-Oh, brother!

We're not ready yet, but Pal's smart.

-You, Brain?

-I'm a human calculator. The audience shout out math problems,

-and I'll do them in my head.

-What if Ratburn asks a question?

I never thought of that.

A train carrying 1,873 scoops of ice cream leaves Chicago at 7am.

The freezer's broken. How fast would it have to travel to reach New York

before half the ice cream melts? The melting rate is 6 scoops per minute.

Maybe I should juggle. WAILING >

-What is that?

-It's coming from that direction.

I saw an ad in the newspaper for an exterminator

who uses sound to get rid of termites.

WAILING

TERMITES SCREAM

There's a rhythm to that noise.

-Like an engine.

-It'd have to be one gigantic engine.

Whatever it is, it's coming from Francine's roof.

CRASHING OF DRUMS

FRANCINE WAILS

Hey, no fair. This was supposed to be a surprise.

Oh, well, er... We're surprised.

I didn't want you to hear me until the talent show. What do you think?

You haven't heard the whole thing.

-I have to look for errors in the encyclopaedia.

-I gotta wash the dog.

I, er...have to dry his dog.

SLURP

ALL SIGH

-What do we do?

-Order another shake?

I mean about Francine. We've got to tell her how awful she sounds.

-We do?

-She's gonna get booed off.

It's not nice to tell someone they're awful at what they do.

-But what if they ARE awful?

-You might hurt her feelings.

You sure you don't want another?

We've got to do something. Don't we?

I have to tell Francine.

I bet she'll thank me. Who am I kidding? This is Francine.

What if I hurt her feelings?

You don't believe in me. I'm a failure!

SNIFFLE

ALL: How could you have been so cruel?

Oh, no! What have I done?

What if I'm wrong?

Thanks for telling me how bad it was. I'm so glad I didn't go to the show.

BANGING DRUMS, WAILING

-Hey, that sounds like you.

-WAILING

What a fantastic song! It's breaking all sales records around the world.

-That could have been me! I could have been famous!

-Heh-heh...

I guess I was wrong.

It could happen.

You were right, Arthur. We've got to convince Francine to quit the show.

I'm not sure. What if we're wrong?

Maybe Francine's music could be the next big thing.

Ask Muffy if she likes it. She always knows what's popular.

Muffy would never criticise Francine.

Could Muffy hear the song without knowing it's Francine?

CRASHING DRUMS, WAILING

HORRIBLE, TUNELESS RACKET

RECORDING PLAYS What is that? Turn it off!

-It's bad, right?

-The worst.

That's Francine practising.

Francine's usually a great drummer. How come she sounds so bad?

-Her bad singing must be affecting her normally good drumming.

-Oh?

She needn't drop out of the show.

-We just stop her from singing.

-How do we tell her? It's Francine.

I'm her best friend. I'll tell her.

She wouldn't believe me. She said I was jealous.

You try telling her, Arthur. If two people say it, she'll believe it.

If three people tell her, she has to believe it.

Four's a good, strong number.

How can she not believe four?

She'll have to believe it when everyone's booing.

-Poor Francine.

-She's here.

She thought about it. She knows we're right.

One of you dropped this in my hall. I've never heard anything so awful.

-What is it?

-Oh, that? It's... What is that, exactly?

Well, Francine, its... It's an audio cassette.

Muffy, what is it? It sounds like an elephant crushing Ratburn's car.

Um... I... Er...

It's you, Francine. We recorded you playing the drums and singing.

Some friends! Why didn't you tell me I was so bad?

-We ALL told you.

-Oh.

Yeah, I guess you did.

Your drumming is great when you're not singing.

-Singing is just as important to me as drumming.

-You're a good drummer.

Maybe I'm not ready to do two things at once. ALL AGREE

I should only do one. I'd better go practise. The talent show's tomorrow.

I can see all.

I see into the mind of Mr Ratburn.

He's thinking about... Yes.

He's thinking about giving a lot of homework.

Absolutely supernatural. I don't know how she does it.

Our next contestant is Francine Frensky.

I feel better now Francine's going to play drums and not try to sing.

I hope she knows she should thank us.

-APPLAUSE

-No drums!

She got it backwards. I can't look.

I don't want to hear this.

RHYTHMICAL DRUMMING ON TAPE

HESITANT SINGING # You can fly if you try

SINGING IMPROVES # You can fly if you try... #

She's good.

She's REALLY good.

She's EXCEEDINGLY good.

I knew she was good all along. You tried to convince me I was wrong.

# You can do almost anything

# Even learn how to sing

# Flap your wings

# You can fly-y-y-y-y

# You can fly! #

I'd have been so embarrassed if you'd let me sing and play drums.

-Ah, it was nothing.

-You can sing and play drums well.

How come when you did both at the same time it sounded...different?

-You mean bad?

-Well, um...

-I guess I need more practice.

I knew you'd be great. I bet you win, Francine.

-And the winner is...George!

-George again?

-He always wins.

-You should have won.

I'll practise drumming and singing. I'll win.

Maybe you should sing, play drums AND hop on a pogo stick.

CRASHING DRUMS, WAILING

-I guess she sounds a little better. Do you really like it, Muffy?

-Hmm?

Did you say something?

Subtitles by John Macdonald, Subtext for BBC Subtitling - 2001

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