Muffy's Soccer Shocker/Brother, Can You Spare a Clarinet? Arthur

# Every day you walk down the street Everybody that you meet

# Has an original point of view

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat

# Listen to the rhythm of the street

# Get together and make things better By working together

# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

-What a wonderful kind of day

# We can learn to work and play And get along with each other

# What a wonderful kind of day - hey! What a wonderful kind of day - HEY! #

-Hey, DW!

-Hey...

Soccer practice just hasn't been the same

since Mr Crosswire became coach.

WHISTLE BLOWS

Make like a shock absorber, Billy.

THUMP!

We've been doing this for half an hour.

We just don't how to trap the ball.

Is that what we're supposed to be doing?

Your turn, Arthur.

Come on, Arthur! Like a big shock absorber, absorbing those bounces.

Good, Arthur.

Next time, let's trap it with our chest, not our nose.

Our coach Trevor was nice, but not great at coaching.

Great game, guys. We lost 6-0.

Yeah, but you all did your best and had fun.

I didn't have fun! I hate losing. How come we always lose?

When I was your age, I felt the same.

Now I'm almost 20, I know winning doesn't always make you happy.

CHEERING

Soccer Parents' Association members, I have good news and bad news.

Trevor is quitting coaching soccer.

YES! Maybe we could win a game this year.

David, I think that's the BAD news. Oh.

The good news is... I've found a replacement - me.

But you're a car salesman, Ed.

That's just what we need. Lights!

You see, our team is now like this 1974 Wispo Allegro -

slow, weak, inefficient -

but in one month our team will become...

six tonnes of unstoppable American steel!

So, you wanna tootle around on the putt-putt

or are you ready to burn rubber?

It's worth a shot.

-Are you nervous?

-Nervous? About what?

When my dad started coaching baseball,

-I worried he'd embarrass me.

-How could my father embarrass me?

He'll be the best soccer coach ever.

But I understand how you'd feel that way about YOUR dad.

Let's start with a team-spirit exercise.

I've written us a cheer. Join in, kids.

Out of the way, for goodness' sakes. This old team ain't got no brakes.

Out of the way, for goodness' sakes. This old team ain't got no brakes.

-Mr Crosswire, what is it supposed to mean?

-It means we're unstoppable.

Who'll say it with me? Muffykins?

ALL: Muffykins?

Do the piston. Back and forth, quick as you can.

Oh!

Now, the muffler. Keep it soft and quiet.

Oops. I pistoned.

And suspension!

Car's suspension keeps it bouncing. Keep the ball in suspension!

Sorry.

OK, kids. Are we ready for...

-the shock absorber?

-ALL: Aw!

Daddykins, can I sit this one out?

Everything hurts and my sweatband is all sweaty.

Sorry, but there are no favourites on this team.

I've got an idea. Why not show what Crosswires are made of and go first?

-But...

-We got a volunteer here!

That was the worst soccer practice ever!

Does Mr Crosswire think we're cars?

-I wish

-I

-was a car. I really could have used an air bag for the drills.

Poor Muffy had to do it twice.

What are you saying about my daddy?

You just don't understand his methods. He'll make us into winners!

Great job today, kids. Muffin, you were wonderful.

Oh, come on, Daddy. I stink at soccer.

You just need to challenge yourself.

-That's why I'm making you goalie.

-What?!

I knew you'd be pleased.

-It's a lot of responsibility, but I know you'll make me proud.

-Ow!

Let's hustle! First one to that tree gets a power-shake.

Francine, I don't suppose your dad would coach baseball AND soccer.

Not a chance, goalie!

Princess, you getting ready for soccer practice?

(This had better work.)

Daddy, I have a fever!

It's terrible, Daddy. I feel like I'm a candle...burning, burning.

Even though I so want to go, I think I have to stay home from soccer.

A fever, huh?

Aaaaah!

-No redness or swelling.

-Are you sure?

-Everything seems right as rain.

However, I'm glad your father brought you in.

Your measles booster's overdue.

Which arm?

All right, Lambchop. Let's look alive in there!

Left!

Nice try, kiddo!

Almost!

-What happened? I thought you had it.

-It was coming right at me!

That's the point, precious. The ball comes at you and you stop it.

You'll get the hang of it.

OK, team. Another round of penalty kicks. Let's put some piston in it!

Could you...? I'm too weak.

Muffy, you have got to talk to your father. You're just not a goalie.

I know, but every time I try to talk to him, he gives me another drill.

I'm getting really good at the cheer.

Out of the way, for goodness' sake...

ALL: Knock it off!

You better say something. Our first game is tomorrow.

We'd have been better with Trevor.

All right.

Daddy...

-Can I talk to you?

-Sure, Pumpkin. Have a seat.

-I was getting ideas for tomorrow's game.

-Is that you?

-HE LAUGHS

-Yup! I wasn't a great soccer player.

I'll never forget that game. We lost 12-0.

-What did you want to talk about?

-Daddy, I don't want to be goalie.

The other team will win and your crazy drills...

I mean, creative coaching, will have been for nothing.

Why are you so sure you'll lose? You were much better today.

-Out of 50 shots taken on me, I saved two.

-That's two more than yesterday.

Well...I guess you could be the substitute goalie.

Thank you, Daddy. You're the best coach ever!

Hup-hup-hup-hup...

Guys, I think we're history.

-Ancient history.

-Pre-history.

All right! Who's ready to show me some team spirit?

MISERABLY: Out of the way, for goodness' sakes.

This old team ain't got no brakes.

That'll have to do.

Do you think Mr Crosswire will quit if we lose?

I just hope I never hear the word piston again. Or muffler. Or...

suspension?

Muffler, Buster, muffler!

Piston, Francine, piston!

Woo-hoo!

Francine takes it to the bank and deposits the goal! Ka-ching!

How much are we down by?

-What do you mean? We're winning 3-2.

-What?!

-Arthur!

It's my ankle - I think I twisted it.

You think that's gonna stop us? Ha!

This car's dented, but not busted. Mighty Mountain will get rusted!

-We're going to need our substitute.

-Yes! We're calling in our cavalry.

The Replacemenator. Our substi-to-be-true.

Wait a minute. That's me!

Shock absorber, shock absorber, shock absorber.

NO!

Come on! Only ten more seconds.

Oh, no! Not again.

Ugh! Ow!

We tied. We tied! WE TIED!

I'm sorry, Daddy.

I can't believe I let her score. I'm a failure.

Are you kidding? You stayed in there and stopped that last shot.

Muffin, you're a hero

and I couldn't be more proud of you.

TEAM CHEERS

ALL: Muffy, Muffy, Muffy...

-Is that you, Mommy?

-It sure is, kiddo. I'll never forget that game.

All right. Today we learn the shock absorber. Hustle up!

Out of the way, for goodness' sakes. This old team ain't got no brakes.

THEY ALL GROAN

Binky?

Hi. I've brought something for you.

A present? But my birthday's not for seven months.

I know. It's for being a good friend.

What do you think of the paper? I decorated it.

-It's...great. Well, thanks.

-Sure enough.

Enjoy!

Sometimes I just can't figure Binky out.

It's like he's two different people.

Bully Binky and...that other guy.

Argh!

HE PLAYS "Morning" from "Peer Gynt"

I think I like the other guy best.

-BINKY LAUGHS

-What a doofus!

Be careful with that wrapping paper. I recycle it.

BAND PLAYS "Ode To Joy"

CLARINET SQUEAKS

Very nice, class - and very nice playing, Binky -

which makes me extra pleased to announce that the Young Persons Orchestra is holding tryouts.

One of you could spend a year playing in one of the best youth orchestras.

-ALL: Binky'll be the one that...

-WHAT?

I'm gonna play a Sousa march. Me too - 76 Tubas.

That is not a Sousa march and it's 76 Trombones.

-I'll adapt it.

-Binky, what will you play?

-Nothing. I'm not trying out.

-ALL: What?!

Grrr!

ALL: Whatever you say!

What's wrong with HIM?

HE PLAYS "La donna e mobile" from "Rigoletto"

Music stinks!

It's called a Stradivarius

and it cost Dad more than all of your instruments put together.

To make it into the big leagues, the proper instrument is a must.

So is being able to play it.

-Private security guards are not allowed in class.

-Yes, Ms Krasny,

as long as the school will pay the cost if this Stradivarius is stolen.

-Muffy...

-Check the perimeter.

OK. Let's begin with the Mozart Clarinet Concerto.

Binky, it's not a clarinet concerto if nobody plays the clarinet passage.

Find somebody to do it, then, lady.

-This is quite an episode of misbehaviour.

-It's a start.

-Pardon me?

-Who AM I, Mr Haney?

Well, I'm not sure, actually. There are so many students here.

I'll tell you who I am. A doofus.

No, there is no A Doofus in this school. I do know that much.

I was a rebel, the dude who owned recess,

but now I'm just another wimp who plays a clarinet.

It's time to say, "So long, wimp. Hello, Binky!" The REAL Binky.

Well, there you go. You're Binky. Now we've straightened that out...

See you in detention, Mr Haney!

That's right, young man - detention. Harsh, I know...

Sorry, but this is driving me crazy.

Grrr!

Grrr! Grrr! Grrr!

-Do you hear that?

-Binky's back!

-We've missed you.

-It seems like ages since we pulled anybody's pants down.

Later with the pants. We got bigger galoshes to fry.

-I got a plan that bullies will talk about for the next millennium.

-What?

Let's just say, silence is golden.

Just a second there, buddy.

-The boss says your instrument needs refinishing.

-It's fine, thank you.

Grrr!

Thanks.

Grrr!

-What's going on?

-They seem to be taking everybody's instruments.

ALARM BEEPS

Step away from the Stradivarius.

Here. It's refinished.

BAND PLAYS OUT OF TUNE

Stop! Stop! What's going on here?

-I don't know, Ms Krasny. Somebody's refinished our instruments.

-Who?

It was...uh... I don't know.

They were like that when we got them out.

Silence is golden?

It's Binky's evil scheme to wipe out music,

and then he said, "Today, Elwood. Tomorrow, the world." The world!

A nine-year-old cannot end music around the world.

But he has three others to help him. Could you hold on?

CLARINET MUSIC Reminds me of the way Binky played.

I think that IS Binky.

See? Isn't it great? Can we get it, Mom? Can we, Dad?

I'm sorry, Binky. 1,000 is just too much for us.

This old one will have to do for now.

But it stinks, Dad. Listen!

CLARINET SQUEAKS

I wish we could afford it, but we can't.

No real musician would play this thing.

That's why he's acting like a bully.

-He doesn't hate music - he hates his old clarinet.

-I've got an idea.

On my signal, turn on the Anti-Bionic Machine

and Bionic Bunny will be just Bunny.

EVIL LAUGHTER

MACHINE SCREECHES

Oh, no!

It's an Anti-Bionic sound wave!

Bionic...powers...fading.

Bingo!

Hi, Binky. I brought you something.

Why? My birthday's next month.

-It's to pay you back for being a good friend.

-Hmm.

-Hey, what are you doing with this?

-Brain fixed it.

HE PLAYS A FEW NOTES

That sounds great!

CLARINET SQUEAKS

You're gooning me. It's worse than before.

Buzz off. I've got an evil scheme to plan.

Brain!

YOU try fixing a clarinet with paperclips and gum.

Too bad we messed up. Looks like Binky isn't coming.

What IS his evil scheme? There's nothing he can do here.

OK. I've mapped it out. Plan A -

we try here in the closet. Plan B - the boys' room

and, if that doesn't work, Plan C - gymnasium.

-Brilliant plan, boss.

-I know.

And now, to begin the evil scheme,

bring in...the Anti-Music Machine.

Begin Anti-Music Machine test.

-MACHINE SCREECHES

-Test successful.

ARTHUR PLAYS "Moonlight Sonata"

-Machine in position, boss.

-Now...open ventilation shaft.

Could you close that vent? I feel a draught.

Ugh! Plan B.

THEY WHISTLE

Plan C.

-Ventilation shaft located, boss.

-Anti-Music Machine - quickly!

Finally! OK...

Open shaft!

VIOLIN SCREECHES

I guess somebody else had the same idea, boss.

Boss? Boss?

-Thank you, young lady.

-That's not music!

I'll beat up anybody who says it is.

-Listen, young man...

-No. YOU listen.

THIS is music.

HE PLAYS Mozart's "Clarinet Quintet"

CLARINET SQUEAKS

-If you'll excuse me, I have an evil scheme to finish.

-Wait!

I know - my clarinet stinks.

Yes, it does,

but anyone who makes THAT instrument sound good is a true musician.

Really?

Rehearsals are every Saturday at ten, OK?

-Yeah!

-Welcome, Binky Barnes, to the Young Persons Orchestra.

If you wouldn't mind, we'd like to provide you with a better clarinet.

Yes!

Wow! The only one in the school to get in!

So? It can't be much of an orchestra if they don't value a Stradivarius.

What about "silence is golden"?

Don't be a doofus, doofus. Silence stinks.

There goes a true musical hero.

No, Buster.

There goes Binky.

# And I say, hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# You gotta listen to your heart

# Listen to the beat Listen to the rhythm of the street

# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

# We can learn to work and play And get along with each other

# What a wonderful kind of day HEY! #