Elwood City Turns 100 Arthur


Elwood City Turns 100

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# Every day you walk down the street Everybody that you meet

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# Has an original point of view

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-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

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# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

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# And get along with each other

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# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat

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# Listen to the rhythm of the street

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# Get together and make things better by working together

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# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

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# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

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-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

-What a wonderful kind of day

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# We can learn to work and play And get along with each other

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# What a wonderful kind of day. Hey! What a wonderful kind of day. HEY! #

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-Hey, DW!

-Hey...

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By the authority vested in me, I, Theodore Roosevelt,

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the 26th President of the US, in the year of our Lord 1903,

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-with the approval of the committee on towns and cities...

-The good bit!

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..Do hereby declare declare the area known as Elwood

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an official city!

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It was Elmwood I wrote on the application!

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For taking 50 acres of swamp and turning it into a thriving town,

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your good friends JP Morgan and Henry Ford

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have donated this statue of you, our founder,

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Jacob Katzenelenbogan!

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Who's that supposed to be? My name has two Ls in it!

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Why did you make me so fat?

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Tear it down!

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How do you like that, JB?

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Jacob founded a city before us!

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In 100 years, Henry,

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-no-one will know a place called Elwood City ever existed!

-Skinflints!

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Yee-hah!

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Exciting news, class!

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Elwood City is celebrating its centennial in three weeks.

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We have been chosen out of 15 schools to stage a musical!

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Yeah!

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We won! We won! We...

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Wait! Is there a test at the end?

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No, just a big performance.

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All right! We're doing a musical! Yeah!

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Doing a show isn't easy, Buster!

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I remember my Hamlet with puppets at college.

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To be or not to be -

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that is...

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..the end of the show! Good night!

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Curtain! Curtain!

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That performance nearly cost me my perfect GPA.

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So, we're all going to have to be very focused.

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I've written down all the tasks and put them in this hat.

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You'll choose your role at random!

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Come on! Something good!

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Narrator? That doesn't sound very important.

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On the contrary, a singing narrator will hold this story together.

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-It's a very big role.

-Cool!

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Chorus member? I'm the best singer in the whole class!

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-It's a small part!

-There are no small parts - only small actors!

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Writer! Finally, a chance to write an accurate historical musical!

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Dr Ector? Is he the villain? Can I wear a claw?

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That says director, Buster!

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Oh... Oh! I get to decide how everything looks and tell everyone what to do?

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Er...sort of...

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Woo-hoo! This is going to be the weirdest musical ever!

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Mwah!

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You can wear a claw in the chorus!

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Mr Ratburn? I was wondering if I could help with the publicity.

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Making posters - stuff like that?

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I could use some help with that. All right. Thank you.

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Great! If you could just sign this, we're all set.

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It's a standard producer's contract, in case the musical goes on tour.

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I think it'll be good, but I don't know if it'll be that good.

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One word for you, Brain! Alien invasion!

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The curtain rises and a giant flying saucer lands on the stage!

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WHIRRING

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Hundreds of aliens come out. They take over the Earth!

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One kid becomes friends with them...

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No aliens in my script! Why not?

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Because it's a historical musical!

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We have to show events that really happened.

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But I did find some exciting things.

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Did you know that most of Elwood City used to be swampland

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filled with grebes? What are grebes?

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Marshland birds - Podicipedidae.

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You're putting that in?! Sure. Why not?

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Because it's boring! No, it isn't!

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At least it's not some fantasy!

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People love fantasy!

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They deserve accuracy! Fantasy! Accuracy!

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-FAIRLY OUT-OF-TUNE SCALE:

-# La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

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# La-la-la-la-la-la... #

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Good effort, but the narrator has to be pitch perfect.

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Let's try A again.

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# La-a-a-a... #

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A little higher, Arthur... Now lower...

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Excuse me, Ms Krasny, can I show him?

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-IN TUNE:

-# La! #

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-Like that, Arthur.

-Thanks a lot!

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NOT-VERY-TUNEFUL SCALE

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I haven't heard such a horrible sound

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since I gave the neighbour's cat a bath!

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It's like my Merry Moo Cow doll!

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I bet I can sing worse!

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-# La-la-la-la-la-la... #

-No, I can't!

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# La-la-la-la-la-la... #

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DOORBELL

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Let me guess - I stink and you should really be the narrator!

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I'm here to help, but if that's how you're going to...

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Wait! Sorry, Francine! Come on in. I need all the help I can get!

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-NOT VERY IN TUNE:

-# La-la-la-la-la-la... #

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-IN TUNE:

-# La-la-la-la-la-la... #

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-STILL NOT VERY IN TUNE:

-# The trees were chopped down

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# For the bustling new town

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# By the women and men employed By Mr Katzenellenbogan! #

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-OK. You're not projecting enough.

-I'm singing at the top of my lungs!

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You're singing from your throat! It should come from your diaphragm.

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Don't! You'll embarrass me!

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You're not chopping on the beat!

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It's one and two...

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and three! Pinky, not again!

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They take for ever to sew! They're too tight!

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Why did you say you were a medium?

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I am a medium! My chinos are mediums... What is that?

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Humungotron! I said no aliens!

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He's not an alien! He saves Elwood City from the giant crab people!

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You didn't say anything about that!

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All right! Settle down! Class!

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-I said settle down...

-Mr Ratburn?

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Can you check the guest list for the opening-night party?

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You can't invite Mr Rogers!

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-I already did! He's so sweet!

-But we open in one week!

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Do you want Mr Rogers to see this?

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Curtain! Curtain!

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It could happen all over again!

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They'll pull together. They just need a little pep talk! May I?

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We were chosen out of 15 schools to put on this show!

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Maybe they were wrong to pick us!

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Maybe they should have picked Mighty Mountain or Glenbrook.

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Would they be arguing? No!

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They'd be working together -

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something we can't seem to do!

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I did read there was an alien sighting here in 1952.

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Probably a weather balloon, but...

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Thank you! Let's take it from the top!

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That should hold them till opening night.

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Then we'll need luck and all the candy we can get our hands on!

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You still have a week, Arthur.

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Even if I had a year, I just can't sing!

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Well, I mean, I can sing... but not like you.

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-Francine, would you like to be the narrator?

-Me?

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It'd be a much better show.

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I'd like to be in the chorus. You get to have plastic axes. Please!

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Is this what you really want?

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Well...OK.

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-Thanks, Francine, you're a really great friend!

-Yes!

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Dad! Come on! We're already late!

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I'm just getting directions to Georgia's house.

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TUNING-UP

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Why all the photographers?

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-For Art Garfunkel.

-Art Garfunkel is coming?

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No, he's already here!

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I want emotion out there!

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You're not just playing a grebe - you ARE a grebe!

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Grebe! Grebe!

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Where's my flying saucer?

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Mr Franski's bringing it in his garbage truck.

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It was too heavy for Georgia's car.

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-Can't you go any faster?

-Francine, I'm driving the speed limit.

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We're already 15 minutes late.

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-DUCK!

-What?

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You OK? CRASH!

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-What's that sound?

-BOTH: The flying saucer!

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Buster's gonna kill me!

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It's just a prop, sport!

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Come on! We'll think of something. Let's get there!

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Could this night get any worse?

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ENGINE TURNS OVER AND STOPS

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Er...Frankie!

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We have a problem!

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You sure this is the right place?

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Nothing's happening. Relax. Shows always start late. Not this late!

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Still no sign of Francine! We've got to do something.

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-Arthur, you have to be the narrator!

-Me? Why me?

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You know it - you only traded parts with Francine last week!

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-I can't sing.

-The narrator doesn't sing in the first number.

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-By the end, Francine will be here!

-I don't have my bow tie!

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-Or suspenders!

-Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Oh Elwood!

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We request that you refrain from using flash photography,

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turn off cellphones and unwrap candy or lozenges now.

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Thank you.

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-APPLAUSE

-Howdy!

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-Hi, Arthur!

-DW! Shh!

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Howdy! This here's a story about a place you all know

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called Elwood City.

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But what you may not know is it wasn't always a city.

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-Once, it was just miles and miles of trees.

-MUSIC STARTS

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# The valley all around us Was nothing but wood

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# The trees were ripe for cutting The timber was good

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# To chop and stump and stub

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# A man known as Jacob...

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# Katzenellenbogan, a lumber tycoon

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# Built a busy sawmill Beside a lagoon

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# Soon wood chips filled the air And got in people's hair

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# Axes gleamed, horses teamed

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# Chop, chop, chop, timber!

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# Jacob Katzenellenbogan Founded Elwood, founded Elwood

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# Elwood City, Elwood City

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# So I went a hiking To find a good spot

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# A place to build a mansion... # PHONE RINGS

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Hello? Where are you?

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We've already started!

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Oh, I see. Just get here as quick as you can!

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Is she coming? The garbage truck broke down!

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They're hitching. And the flying saucer?

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Sit down.

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# ..Houses multiplied

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# Jacob Katzenellenbogan Founded Elwood, founded Elwood

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# Elwood City, Elwood City Jacob Katzenellenbogan! #

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But I wanted it to be called Elmwood!

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Darned bureaucracy!

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But not everyone was happy that Elwood had become a city.

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When the forest was cut down, the beautiful grebe lost her home.

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What's that? A grebe! What's a grebe?

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That!

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That's just Fern! Use your imagination!

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I am using it! I'm imagining I have more candy!

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# Taste the salty tears we weep

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# For the long-lost green-tailed grebe

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# Her sorrows run so very deep

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# For the long-lost green-tailed grebe. #

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-I think it's going really well.

-Yeah...

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Where's the flying saucer? Don't hold your breath!

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It was smashed in Francine's garbage truck!

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-Does Buster know?

-Yeah, he's locked in the janitor's closet.

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Buster! Open this door right now! You're being very unprofessional!

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I don't care! I'm not a professional!

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You're on!

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Fern's scene is almost finished. What are we going to do?

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I'll write the flying saucer out. Hand me those napkins!

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What about Francine? The narrator's singing part is soon!

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She's on her way!

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Yes, sir! This baby's a one-of-a-kind classic!

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She may not be a speed demon, but she gets great mileage.

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QUACK! A duck!

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Go on, sweetie! Take your time.

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# ..While lumberjacks Were tickled pink

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# The green-tailed grebe She went extinct. #

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Over 100 years, Elwood City has grown bigger and bigger.

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We've had visitors from all over the world.

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Some say we may have even had visitors from outside this world!

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The year is 1952....

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Dear me! Look how high the corn has grown this summer! Yes.

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It's a bumper crop.

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Bow-wow-wow-wow!

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What is it? Gee whillikers! Is that a flying saucer in the sky?

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No, Bobby, that is not a flying saucer.

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It is probably just a natural phenomenon such as ball lightning,

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a rare form of lightning in which...

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a persistent and moving luminous sphere can travel...

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It was going to be the best part of the show.

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Now, no-one will ever...

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'..Mis...perception...' Hey! they're going on without me!

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It could be a weather balloon...

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or another type of con...ventional aircraft...

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Or... Or it's a real alien!

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-LAUGHTER

-Buster, what are you doing?

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Buster? Who is this Buster you speak of?

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I am Dr Ector -

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behold my claw!

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I come from the planet...Corn...

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and I travelled millions of miles to deliver this important message,

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which will be sung to the tune you Earthlings call Yankee Doodle.

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# Dr Ector came to Earth In a flying saucer

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# Had a message to deliver - be...

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# Be a frequent flosser

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# Floss you teeth every night Floss your teeth all day

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# If you floss your teeth With all your might You won't have tooth decay... #

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Oops!

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There will now be a brief intermission.

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Curtain! Curtain!

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Buster, what were you thinking? Let go of my horn!

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I had to do something. People were falling asleep!

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You destroyed the set!

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Don't we use this in the last number, Mr Ratburn?

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Er..yes... We'll just have to improvise.

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You're right, Brain! I did ruin everything. I'm such a failure.

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If anyone wants me, I'll be in the closet.

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Wait! It's my fault! That stuff about ball lightning was boring!

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You two are lucky! I have to sing!

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And the audience thought the show couldn't get any worse.

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Can't we end it now? I've already damaged my producing career!

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-End the show? Are you crazy?

-Francine!

-Sorry I'm late.

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-The streets were full of ducks.

-You only missed the worst 3rd-grade musical ever!

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-Not what they think!

-LAUGHTER

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I thought I was going to die laughing!

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I'm impressed.

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It's got humour, facts, the poetic piece about the bird...

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I liked the monster! Was he a grebe?

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We've got a show to do!

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# Oh, Elwood City so proud, so bold

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# Now you are 100 years old

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# What were dark forests Bogs and fens

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# Is now called home by us children

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# I lift my head and sing to thee

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# Oh, Elwood, Elwood Elwood City... #

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You told us about Elwood City in the past - what's it like today?

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Today? Today, things are a little different.

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Watch out! Coming through!

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-Hey, Buster, wanna get a snack?

-You have to ask?

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# Slurping shakes at the Sugar Bowl

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# The crossing guard is on patrol

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-# Soccer games...

-I scored a goal!

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# That's Elwood City

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# Reading books at the library

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# Our clubhouse is in a tree

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# Had a comet named after me

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# That's Elwood City

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# When the ice storm blew in

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# Our prospects looked grim

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# We were filled with hunger and fear

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# But we got together and battled the weather

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# With stories, cocoa and cheer

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# Just like pioneers

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# Baseball games with Mighty Mountain

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# Lost a lot, but we're not counting

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# Don't hog the water fountain

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# That's Elwood City

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-# Picnics for all sons and fathers

-Hey! I just met Mr Rogers

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# Bought my groceries at Superdeal

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# The ice-cream shop sells gummy eels

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# All clues point in one direction

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# Elwood City is perfection

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# Yes, this town has passed the test

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# It's so much better than the rest

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# Elwood City, you're the best

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# Elwood City, yeah! #

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The next musical about Elwood City, you should be the alien.

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-You're more alien than Buster.

-It'll be 100 years till the next one.

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-It was a centennial celebration.

-Oh?

0:23:350:23:39

You'll be Jacob Katzen-whatshisname! You'll have a beard by then!

0:23:390:23:44

-Katzenellenbogan...

-I wonder what he'd have thought of the show.

0:23:440:23:49

Subtitles by moosesubtitling for BBC Broadcast - 2003

0:23:540:23:58

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0:23:580:24:02

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