Pets Win Prizes Bear Behaving Badly

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the first annual Ducky grand prix.

Tiptoparoo.

In lane one...we have Super Walter, the hot favourite to win this race.

Phwrrt!

And in lane two, hoping to beat him, the Duckster.

Hello, Ducky.

OK, on your marks...

get set...

go! Go! And they're away.

And as expected, Super Walter's off. The Duckster has yet to get going.

It looks like Super Walter is going to win by a mile.

Work it, baby.

I win!

Hey, how did you get Duckster to win like that?

Um...lucky Ducky.

Oh, well, never mind, Super Walter. We'll get him next time.

-Yes, we will.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

I wonder who that is.

-G'day, Barney.

-Um... hi. Hello.

-Is Nev about, buddy?

Yeah. He's just...

-I'm sorry, don't I know you?

-No, mate. All my friends are Nevs.

-Oh. It's just that you look so familiar.

-Really?

-Oh, do you know what it is? I've got that same shirt.

-Ah, right.

And those roller skates. And this scarf, which has my initials on it.

-Well, that's a big coincidence, isn't it? I should get going.

-Hang on!

You're wearing all my clothes. Oh! Your head's fallen off.

Sorry about my head falling off there.

Barney, Barney!

Barney!

Wakey-wakey!

Barney!

BARNEY SNORES

Oh!

What was that?

Wet.

Oh, mate! Thanks for waking me up. I was having the strangest dream.

There was this really odd guy. Australian, I think.

He was wearing my clothes. Then his head fell...

Agh! Agh. That's...

AGH!

-That's...

-Calm down, Barney. Calm down.

Keith. Why am I not surprised you've got something to do with this?

-Because you're no dummy.

-Too right, bro.

He IS, though. Let me introduce you to Gary, my new owner.

All right, now I'm really confused.

Simple. They're having an exotic pet competition at the sports centre.

-I want to win to prove to the world that koalas are the coolest.

-So...

So...to enter all I needed was an owner.

So I hired Gary the dummy here to be my owner.

Why is Gary the dummy wearing MY clothes?

Because he didn't come with any of his own?

-No-one will believe he's real.

-YOU did. Till his head fell off.

-Yeah.

-Well, yeah, but... Anyway, how did you get him to speak?

-Easy-peasy.

Nev's right.

(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) Hey, Barney. Sorry about my head falling off.

-A screw loose.

-Don't worry, Gary. You're not the only one.

-See?

-As you can see, the lead he's holding is attached to this collar,

which means moving him around...

..is easy, too.

See, we're the perfect owner with his very exotic and handsome pet.

Good luck in the competition. Make sure you don't get spotted by Mr...

KNOCK AT DOOR

ALL: Angry Pants!

Keith, Keith! The bathroom, now!

Bathroom it is. Come on, Gary.

Look, Nev. Mr Prank has come for a chat.

Oh, um, hello, Mr Angry Pants.

Atchoo!

Oh, there he is. Darlin' little Nev. He looks so lovely today.

Confused.

Are you feeling OK, Mr Prank?

HE SOBS LOUDLY

There, there. That's OK. Have one of those.

Thank you.

BLOWS NOSE LOUDLY

Yucky!

I'm sorry, it's just...

I don't know if I ever told you about when I was a little lad.

I had a dog called Rex.

He ran away.

Oh.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Fluffy the bunny.

-He ran away.

-Yeah. No, hopped actually.

But yeah, basically ran away.

Oops!

I'm sorry, it's just...

Seeing you two together brings back all those memories.

-I've never been lucky with pets.

-Well, Nev's not a pet, really.

Oh, close enough, really, isn't he?

I saw they're having an exotic pet competition at the sports centre.

With a surprisingly large cash prize, actually.

And I thought, oh, I'd love to enter that, but...

..no pet.

Well, I'm sure you could enter if...

You're not suggesting I have Nev as my pet,

cos he's a blue bear and I'm certain to win, are you?

I wasn't.

That's very generous of you, sir.

Thank you very, very much. Thank you very, very much.

One second. Let me ask Nev.

Oh, yes. Cheered me right up.

Hmmm.

What do you say, buddy?

I'll love you forever.

Well, OK.

Yes!

I mean... Oh, thank you. Thank you. Come here. Thank you, sir.

You don't know what this means to me.

And my little guaranteed prize-winning Nev, I love you.

Yucky.

Atchoo!

Mundoyucky!

All right, Mr Barney, off you go to work.

Nev and I will have a lovely time at the competition.

OK, bye. See you later, Nev.

-Love you, Barney.

-Love you, too. Ta-ra.

-Bye-bye.

Lovely Nev. My little blue friend. My sweet little...

money-making machine.

Right, you, shape up.

You're in training.

You're gonna win this competition for me.

NEV BLOWS RASPBERRY

And I'll have no cheek out of you.

Right, first things first,

the judges will be marking you on your grooming.

HE SNIFFS

Urgh!

Right, come on, bear. You're having a bath!

No, no, no, no! Can't bath me!

Poor Gary. That should fix your head problem.

You are having a bath whether you like it or not.

No way, Jose!

Who are you?

-Ah, 'ello Mr Angry...

-Angry Pants.

Er, Mr Prank. I'm Gary, Barney's cousin.

Really? Well, you certainly dress like him.

I'm just amazed he never mentioned you was here.

I'm keeping out of the way in the bathroom. I'm, er...

HE COUGHS

..not a well man, you see.

Oh, really? What seems to be wrong with you, then?

I've got...angryitis.

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

-Yes, oh dear. What's that then?

You get real itchy, you lose all your hair,

and there's a reason I'm staying near the toilet.

Oh, I see, yes.

What was that?

Oh, yeah, sorry, I was about to flush that.

Yucky!

Oh, right, well, let's get rid of that, shall we?

Argh! Oooh!

-You all right there?

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

(MUFFLED) I'm not feeling well.

Oh.

Oh. Oh! Oh!!

Well, we'll leave you to it then.

Nev can have his bath a bit later.

I'm gonna get old Angry Pants for that!

-No!

-Will you sit still?!

No, no, no, no!

Oh, don't be such a baby.

Ouch!

Wherever that Gary bloke is, I hope he's taken his angryitis with him.

-That sounds nasty, that does.

-Yeah, yeah.

Where have you gone, bear?

Ow!

Hello, ducky!

Stop messing about!

Now then, I've got this new shampoo

that will make you smell like daisies, so sit still.

No way, Jose.

Come back, bear!

Bear! Come...

Come here.

Ah-ha!

Ooooohh.

Oh, it's the bear's blue fur.

He must have gone down the plughole.

Oh. Nev.

It's all that's left of him.

Nev! Speak to me.

Speak to me, Neville.

Why do all my pets run off and leave me?

Oh, I suppose I could have been nicer to him.

He meant well, I guess.

Oh, he was such a good blue bear.

Oh, love you, Mr Angry Pants.

I love you, too, Nev.

Hello!

Na-na-na-na-na!

NEV BLOWS RASPBERRY

I'll get you, bear!

Oh, wackadoo! They're at it again.

Got you!

Oh, look, come on, bear. I just want to give you a hug.

I'm so happy to see you.

No way, Jose.

Honest I am!

Big hug.

-Hmmm.

-Come on.

Oh, come on.

Aaaahh.

And then I'm going to throttle you!

Uh-oh!

Can't scare me!

Good morning, everybody.

Oh, er, good morning, Mr Gary, sir.

G'day, I was just having a bit of a sleep.

What? Upside down in a bed in a wall?

Er, yeah. The doctor said it would be good for my angryitis.

Oh, yes, of course, your illness. Are you still contagious?

I'd hate to be angry, me.

COUGHING

'Fraid so.

Right, well, I'll be off. I'll be back later, bear.

I mean, sweet little Neville.

And then we can go through the assault course for the competition.

-Phewee!

-No worries, Nev.

-Come on, let's find another hiding place for Gary.

-Yeah, yeah!

Then I need to find a good lookout spot

so I can watch your assault course training.

I need some tips to win the competition myself.

Way to go, Keithy boy! You are a master of disguise.

Right, bear, now we've sorted out your grooming, all right?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Yeah.

For your party piece section you're gonna do your bootie shake.

-Zipateeyah!

-All that's left is the assault course.

Easy-peasy.

Yes, exactly.

You've just got to go in and out of these cones, like that.

And then through the tunnel and finally up and over the see-saw.

Even you can't mess that up, bear.

No problemo.

OK, bear, assault course training.

On your marks, get set...

Wait for it, wait for it, you 'orrible little bear.

Get set... Go!

Hee-yah! Hee-yah! Hee-yah! Hee-yah!

No, no, no, bear!

You move, not the cones.

Okey-dokey, Mr Angry Pants.

KEITH GIGGLES

Right, bear, forget the cones for a minute.

-We're gonna go through the tunnel, all right?

-OK.

-Right.

On your marks, get set...

-Go!

-Zipateeyah.

Excellent. Now out the other end, quick.

Bear?

QUACK QUACK QUACK

Argh!

Here I am.

Oh, bear!

-How do you keep disappearing?

-I don't know.

Now then, pay attention and watch me.

Right, in here.

NEV LAUGHS

Just... Just a bit stuck, that's all.

KEITH LAUGHS

Help!

Hello, Mr Angry Pants.

-It's all right, bear, I can get myself out of this.

-No way, Jose.

Go away, bear, you'll only set off my...

Atchoo!!

LOUD CRASH

Sneezy pants!

Right, forget the tunnel. You'll get that right on the night.

Right, next is the see-saw.

Now, this is the biggie.

Do not mess this up, bear!

-OK!

-Right, watch me.

See how the see-saw part of the course works, bear?

Yeah, yeah.

Good. Now you have a go.

Zipateeyah.

# Do-do-do Do-do-do-do. #

Argh! Argh! Bear!

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

-Enough training.

Just be ready to leave in an hour, bear.

Nice work, Nevvie! The assault course at this exotic pet competition

will be a doddle for me, I reckon.

Yeah, yeah!

-You sure you don't mind letting me win?

-Nah, no problemo.

It will be worth you losing just to see the look on Angry Pants' face.

Too right, bro. Love you, Crazy Keith.

Yeah, I'm fond of you too, buddy.

Just deciding where to put this picture

of me winning the competition.

Oh, did you win?

No, but I will. We're on our way down there in a minute.

-You seem very confident.

-Yes. Well, I am.

Aren't we, bear?

I've got the world's only bootie-shaking blue bear as a pet.

How could I lose?

Bye, Nev.

Bye, Postie.

Aaah.

Come on, bear. Let's get down there now.

Aaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhh!!

How could I lose? How could I lose?

Hello, Mr Prank.

Oh, er, hello, Mr Barney, sir.

How did the exotic pet competition go?

Not brilliant. We lost.

Oh, that's a shame.

Yes. To your cousin.

My cousin?

Yes. Cousin Gary.

I don't have a cousin G...

Oh, yeah. Oh, Gary. My cousin Gary.

Of course.

Yes. Apparently, he's got the world's only breakdancing koala.

A lot rarer than blue bears, apparently.

Oh, yeah, that's bad luck.

If I had my way, blue bears would be a lot rarer.

-Sorry, what?

-Eh?

-Barney!

-All right, Nev.

I take it this is my cousin Gary and his dancing koala poodle.

Ha-ha! Too right, buddy!

-I am the champion! Koalas rule!

-Hear hear!

So, what are you gonna spend your prize money on?

Let me guess. Ice cream, chocolate pudding,

and... ooh, how about paying the rent?

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

You're a funny guy, Barnster.

But I've already spent the money.

What on?

Gary!

AS GARY: It's great to be part of the family.

He's mine for good now. Not just rented, I've bought him!

Zippedy-yeah.

Fantastic. So are you sad to have lost, Nev?

-No, no.

-How did you lose?

It turns out Angry Pants isn't just allergic to Nev.

He's also allergic to parrots, poodles, tortoises,

you name it. They irritated him so much,

-he sneezed all over the pet competition judges.

-Yucky.

So I suppose you could say Keith won by a nose. Ha-ha!

-Cos he was sneezing!

-Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

I'm a dummy and even I thought that was a terrible joke.

-Very funny.

-NEV AND KEITH LAUGH LOUDLY

So, Nev, how did you enjoy being Mr Prank's exotic pet?

NEV BLOWS RASPBERRY

Look on the bright side, now you've lost,

he won't enter you in a pet competition again.

Tiptoparoo!

-It will be hard stopping Keith next year.

-Too right, bro.

Especially now he's spent all his money buying Gary.

Speaking of which...is there nowhere else he can sleep?

-No way, I get lonely in the wardrobe on my own.

-Too right, bro.

I don't know which one of you two is the craziest.

-Night, Nev.

-Love you, Barney.

-I love you too, mate.

GARY CLEARS HIS THROAT

-Love you too, Gary.

-Love you, Gary.

-Aw, shucks, thanks, guys.

Huh?

Barney.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd