Gnome Laughing Matter Bear Behaving Badly


Gnome Laughing Matter

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GIGGLING

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OK, mate, I'll be really quick.

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When I get back, I'll make dinner for Beatrice.

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Don't forget to set the table!

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Aye aye, Captain! Ha-ha-ha!

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Hello, Aunt Barbara.

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What's that?

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Barney, dear boy, are you blind?

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It's a gnome!

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I thought we could have something to brighten up the place a bit.

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-Fair enough.

-Is that my favourite poochie there?

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-Ruff, ruff!

-Ahhh.

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Here we go then, Nevvy doggy.

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Wait for it...wait for it!

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And...go!

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HE MUNCHES

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Yum yum!

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Good doggy.

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Now, where are you off to?

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-Supermarket.

-Got yourself a proper job at last?!

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-No, I'm going shopping.

-Splendid!

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You can give me a lift with all my heavy shopping bags.

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I'm sure your manager won't mind.

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-Actually...

-Tally ho, boys!

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-I've got my own shopping to do...

-Love you, Barney.

-Love you too.

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Oh.

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HE GASPS

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Hello, Gnomey.

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All right, Nevvy! NEV SCREAMS

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So, who's the little fella?

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Gnomey.

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Ugly little blighter, isn't he?

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Oh! It's old Angry Pants! I'm outta here!

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Hello, Mr Angry Pants.

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Hello, Bear.

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Achooo!

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Yucky!

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Mr Barney's given me permission

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to use his kitchen for my ice-cream making today.

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Let him foot the humungous electricity bill rather than me!

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No way, Jose!

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Look. Keep your mouth shut and I'll let you lick the ice-cream scoop.

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Yeah, yeah!

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Barely get the chance to make any ice cream, with busybody Barbara,

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poking her nose where it's not wanted.

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Hello. Where did that thing come from?

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Barbara.

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Frightened!

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What?! You're scared of a stupid little gnome!

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Pull yourself together, Bear!

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While the cat's away, it's ice-cream making day!

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Come on! Ha-ha-ha!

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Mmm, beats my usual caretaking duties.

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This little lot should see me well into next week.

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Licky scoop, please.

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Not now, Bear!

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I've only got a tiny window of opportunity to replenish my stock

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while old busybody Barbara is out!

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Now, please!

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HE SHRIEKS

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BEAR!

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Now look what you've made me do!

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I'm gonna have to make some more now!

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-Looky!

-Looky! At what?! The cupboard? The washing machine?!

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Gnomey!

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Gnomey. Oh, the gnome that was outside is now in there.

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Yeah-yeah! Frightened!

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Oh. I've had enough of your shenanigans, Bear.

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And to prove a point...

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Ta-da!

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Ahhh! Gone!

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Gone! It wasn't there in the first place!

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Now, you watch the gogglebox and let me graft in peace.

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Onions!

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Discovered! You are not a dog.

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You are a bear.

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Gnome report to Mistress Barbara. Your secret's out.

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Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Ahhhhhhhhh!

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What did you say, Bear?

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Hi-i-i-ya!

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You see, Doris, it's all about balance.

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Hi-i-i-ya!

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PANTING

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-Keith!

-G'day. Hi-i-iya!

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-Hiya!

-Hi-i-i-ya!

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-Hiya.

-I said g'day, mate, now will you leave it? Hi-i-i-ya!

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-Hiya.

-Ohh, strewth, Nevvy!

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Crazy Keith, help!

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-What's up, mate?

-Gnomey! Problemo!

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Gnome? Ahh, nothing old Keithy here can't sort out, I'm sure.

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-Confused.

-It's just a gnome.

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Can't do anybody any harm!

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Ah! The gnome's gone!

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-Frightened!

-Who moved it?! Angry Pants?

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Postie, I'll bet.

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-Well, it can't just have took off by itself, can it?

-Yeah!

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Nah, you must have this wrong, Nev.

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Gnomes can't go walkabout like us. It's impossible!

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Ahhhh!

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Discovered! Underground Koala infestation!

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Gnome report to Mistress Barbara. Ha-ha-ha!

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Wackadoo!

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I don't believe it! I've been rumbled by a spy gnome!

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Ohhhh!

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# Oh, I do like to earn lots of moolah

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# Oh, I do like to earn lots of dough...#

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Angry Pants! Quick!

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Not you again, Bear!

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Gnomey...

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Yes, is out in the hall!

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Let me tell you a story about the bear that cried wolf.

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Once upon a time...

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Discovered, illegal ice-cream-making!

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Report to Mistress Barbara! Top priority!

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Why, you sneaky little...

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Mundo problemo!

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Oh, that gnome has got photographic evidence

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of my dodgy ice-cream activities!

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Oh, and if Miss Barbara finds out about my moonlighting,

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she'll sack me on the spot! Oh...

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Oh, and if I don't have a job,

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I won't get the flat that goes with it.

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And then I'll be homeless and jobless and penniless!

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HE CRIES

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Oh, never mind.

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Never mind? Never mind?!

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This is a catastrophe on an unimaginable scale!

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But I won't take this lying down.

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We need to mobilise, join forces to defeat the foe!

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Are you in, Bear?

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-Yeah!

-Good! Then we'll get tooled up,

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and rendezvous in the hallway in ten minutes!

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Oh...mmmm.

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GO, GO, GO, GO!

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Right...

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-Crazy Keith!

-Ah! Good of you to drop in Down Under, Nev, my old buddy!

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Just packing up my stuff. We're moving out!

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Oh, not sure the remote's worth taking without the telly, Doris!

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Here, Nevvy, what are you keeping as a souvenir?

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-Oh, confused!

-Ah, we've got to split

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before the gnome dobs me in to Aunt Barbara

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and she calls in the pest controller.

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Better to leave on my own four paws than in a box,

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-if you know what I mean...

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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..which sort of means I've got to say goodbye.

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Oh-oh!

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I-I'm going to miss you, Nevvy!

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And Barney, and Beatrice, and even old Angry Pants up there!

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No way, Jose!

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Oh, come here!

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THEY SOB AND WAIL

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I'll never forget you, mate!

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-I love you, Crazy Keith!

-Oh!

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Feel a little lonely!

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Here I am!

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Achoo!

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Why are you wet?

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Um...stuff.

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Oh, and what's that?

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Um...uh-oh!

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And what are you going to do with that? Pathetic! Get rid of it!

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Oh!

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All right, it could have its uses. Now then, listen.

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You are about to embark on what I have cleverly called

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Operation Gnome Laughing Matter.

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Quite clever, that, I thought, you know!

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Rather a good play on words, "Gnome"... Anyway, this...

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..is our target. Approach with caution.

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Last seen in the vicinity of Mr Barney's Breakfast Bar,

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in possession of a camera containing photographs

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of me doing rather naughty ice-cream stuff. Understand?

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Oh! Aye aye, Captain!

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We need to locate and apprehend the target

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before he passes on said evidence to his superior.

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Hmmm, confused!

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We need to get him before he drops me in it with Miss Barbara. Get it?

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-Oops!

-Right, well, I am a maverick. I play by my rules...

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..but I get results. Let's do it, Nevster!

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Aaaaaargh!

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Get him, then! Oooh!

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Oh! Gone!

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Well, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!

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Come here, you little blighter!

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Aaargh!

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Oh! Angry Pants!

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Gnomey gone!

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Yeah, well, thanks for pointing that out, Bear!

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I'll fix that later, if I've still got a job!

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GLASS SMASHES

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Oh! There he is! Run!

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Don't let him get away!

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Out of my way, Bear!

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Where's he got to now? Come out, come out, wherever you are!

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-Hot!

-We need to do a clean sweep,

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eliminate the rooms from our enquiries,

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and then do that thing where they shout, "CLEAR!"

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Aye aye, Captain!

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Now, to nick a villain, you've got to kick in a few doors.

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Groovy!

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But that's mine. We won't start with that one.

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-Oh! Oh! Oh!

-CHARGE!

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Ow!

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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Careful, mate! Have you seen my boomerang, Nevvy?

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Right, Bear, I'm the one who kicks in the doors!

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-Aye aye, Captain!

-Right, let's get him!

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Ooh, ooh, ooh... Ooh, ooh, ooh!

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Ha, ha! Ha-ha-ha!

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Oh...a pesky gnome isn't going to outsmart me!

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But where's he gone?

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Oh, he must be in the kitchen!

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Right! I'm going in. On a count of three, Bear, cover me!

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Ready?

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One, two, three!

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A-ha!

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No, I didn't mean cover me like that, Bear!

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Oops!

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Get me out of here, Bear!

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Ha-ha! Wackadoo!

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Oh... Oh, I'm going to miss this, Doris.

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Oh...

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Where did the gnome go, Bear?

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Um, outside!

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Right! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go...

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-Right, Bear, let's try again.

-Yeah-yeah!

-Cover me!

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Well cool - just like in the movies.

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Whooarrgh!

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-Who left that there?

-I know, I know!

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Gnomey!

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GUN SQUEAKS

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What's wrong with this? Oh! OI!

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So, you want to play it like that, do you, Gnomey?

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You want a face off? We'll give you a face off!

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Won't we, Bear? Yeah!

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ENGINE STARTS

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Discovered! Mr Prank is owner of ice-cream van!

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Report to Mistress Barbara! Must ask for a bonus!

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I've been snapped in this thing now! I'm done for! Achoo!

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Go, go, go, go!

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Gnomey!

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ICE-CREAM VAN JINGLE PLAYS

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Boomerang - check.

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Sunnies - check.

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Snap of my old buddies to put under my pillow

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before I cry myself to sleep in some strange bed - check. Cork hat?!

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Ah, not seen it. Have you seen it, Doris?

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Ah, wackadoo!

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-Oh, yeah!

-Groovy!

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Oh, he's gone back inside! Let's move!

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-'Baa!'

-Hmmm.

-'Lemonade, 25, Code Six...'

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Oh, never mind!

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Oh, now, you guys, take care of Nevvy for me.

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Make sure he washes behind his ears.

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COME OUT! Come out...

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..wherever you are!

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Now, you wouldn't be behind this shower curtain, would you, Gnome?

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Maybe it's time you gave yourself up!

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Where is he?!

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So long, Angry Pants. Oh!

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Oh, outwitted by a gnome!

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-Maybe I don't deserve to be in such a high-powered job.

-Yeah-yeah!

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-I meant, no way, Jose! I love you, Mr Angry Pants.

-Good.

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In that case, go and get me some milk out of the fridge, Bear.

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Aye aye, Captain!

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Aaaaargh!

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Got him!

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Well done, Bear!

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Can't catch me! Na, na, na-na, na!

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Oh! Mundo problemo!

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Let him go! Get off him!

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Frightened!

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Quick, hold my hand, Bear! That's it!

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Hang on!

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It's no good, Bear! I'm not strong enough to hold you!

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There's only one thing for it!

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The camera - give it him back!

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Aaaargh!

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-Let's go!

-Run!

-Go, go, go, go, go!

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Ice cream - tasty! Discovered by me!

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-Almost...there!

-If my frozen produce has melted,

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I shall be sending you the bill!

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What is that infernal noise?

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What's all this?

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That van is always clogging up the street.

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Must find out who owns the thing.

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-Maybe the ice-cream man.

-Oh, I feel quite jaded after that little jaunt.

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I need a rest. Can you bring my bags in, please, Barney?

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Oh! Sure, Aunt Barbara!

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It's not like I've got a meal to prepare for Beatrice, or anything.

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Oh, do shut up moaning, dear boy.

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Here you are, you can carry them. Come on, hurry up!

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Well, well, well. If it isn't that "couldn't care less" caretaker.

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And what exactly is going on in here?

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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-And where has my gnome got to?

-Mr Prank? Nev? Everything OK?

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I'd like to say I'll be able to explain, Mr Barney, sir,

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Miss Barbara, sir - ma'am - but I think it would take all day.

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Down, down, there's a good dog!

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Down. Spy Gnome.

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Return to base. Repeat, return to base.

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-Report to base. Report to mistress.

-Aunt Barbara, what ARE you doing?

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I'm calling my ears and eyes.

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It's about time I found out exactly what was going on around here

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when my back was turned.

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-Oh, woof woof!

-Return to base.

-It's been a pleasure to serve you all.

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Are you telling me that that garden gnome isn't just a garden gnome?

0:18:100:18:14

It's a spy gnome?

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Oh, yes, Barney, dear.

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Hi, everyone!

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-Incredible!

-Oh, thanks. Had it done especially for the meal.

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Oh, no, not you - Beatrice.

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Nip inside and I'll rustle you up a nice tea.

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Nev's laid the table, and we're all sorted.

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Uh-oh!

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No-no-no-no-no!

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Nev, out the way!

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Beetroot, Beetroot! Um, hello!

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Hello, Nev. Do you mind?

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Keith!

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-At least I've got my ice-cream business to keep me going.

-Gnome!

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Return to base.

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GNOME! Are you deaf?

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Look, I'm sorry, Aunt Bar,

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but you've crossed the line. We do not like being spied on.

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Don't let's gets things out of all proportion, dear boy! GNOME!

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I'm gonna miss this, Nevvy.

0:18:590:19:02

Oh, me too, Keith.

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And I'm gonna miss these goodbye hugs we keep having!

0:19:040:19:10

They're kind of fun.

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-Yeah-yeah.

-Well, this is it. Time to go walkabout.

-Oh!

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So long, old buddy. It's been a blast.

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BANG! < Arrrgh!

0:19:240:19:25

What was that?!

0:19:250:19:26

Dear girl, what HAVE you done?

0:19:320:19:35

Beatrice? Are you all right?

0:19:400:19:43

Yum yum!

0:19:430:19:45

One minute, there was a gnome stood there, eating ice cream,

0:19:450:19:49

and then it just exploded!

0:19:490:19:51

-What?

-Impossible!

-So... the gnome is no more?

0:19:510:19:59

-Is this your idea of top tea?

-It had nothing to do with me!

0:19:590:20:03

I'd been to the hairdresser's! Look at the state of me!

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Was it closed?

0:20:060:20:08

Beatrice, I swear, this had nothing to do with me.

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Stay for dinner and we'll sort it out.

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I wouldn't have dinner with you if Gordon Ramsey cooked it!

0:20:130:20:16

Beatrice! Oh, careful!

0:20:160:20:19

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Oh! Mm!

0:20:190:20:23

Well, thanks a lot, Aunt B(!) Not only have you hired a faulty gnome,

0:20:250:20:29

you've wrecked my chances with Beatrice,

0:20:290:20:31

-and look at the state of my flat!

-I shall be asking for my money back.

0:20:310:20:36

And what right do you have to go spying on all of us, anyway?

0:20:360:20:39

I couldn't have put it better myself, Mr Barney, sir.

0:20:390:20:42

The owner of this block of flats, your Uncle Rupert,

0:20:420:20:45

would not be best pleased.

0:20:450:20:47

Dig-a-mi doo-dah, Doris! I don't think we need to skedaddle after all!

0:20:470:20:53

Oh...I think I'm going to miss missing things!

0:20:530:20:56

Come on, Aunt Barbara. Out.

0:20:560:20:58

A gnome that spies on people? What were you thinking?

0:20:580:21:03

Well done, Bear!

0:21:050:21:07

HIS HEAD SQUEAKS

0:21:070:21:09

I've a good mind to get on to Uncle Rupert

0:21:110:21:13

and tell him exactly what his sister Barbara's been up to.

0:21:130:21:16

-Never mind.

-That's my chances with Beatrice blown, again.

0:21:160:21:20

-Beetroot!

-I can't work out where that ice cream came from.

0:21:200:21:24

There was one tub in the freezer last time I checked.

0:21:240:21:27

Oh, love you, Snuggly Ducky Duck Duck.

0:21:270:21:30

Nev? Is there something you want to tell me?

0:21:300:21:33

NEV SNORES

0:21:330:21:35

You're asleep, are you?

0:21:350:21:37

I'll sleep like a log too, after all that pedal-pushing.

0:21:370:21:40

I love you, Barney.

0:21:400:21:42

I love you too, mate. Night-night.

0:21:420:21:44

WHIRRING

0:21:470:21:49

Nev? Was that you?

0:21:490:21:52

No-no-no.

0:21:520:21:54

Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

0:21:570:22:00

Ha-ha-ha!

0:22:000:22:02

-AAAAAAARGH!

-AAAAAARGH!

0:22:020:22:05

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