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Bird Brain Bear Behaving Badly

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Transcript

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SNORING

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Shh!

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-Hello!

-Shh!

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HE MUTTERS

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So, what was all of that about?

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Well, Melanie, do you know Beaky the parrot?

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Beaky? Beaky, hmm.

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-Maybe, is he the tell-it-like-is parrot on TV?

-Yup.

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-The one who made Simon Cowell cry?

-Yep.

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He insults people and they find it hilarious.

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He's helping me present the Golden Gongs awards.

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-He's being brought over by his agent.

-Groovy!

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So...?

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I made the mistake of saying that to Mr Prank yesterday.

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Turns out he's not just the world's worst caretaker,

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he's the world's biggest Beaky fan.

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Pathetic.

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Ugh! I've not had a wink of sleep all night.

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KNOCKING

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Is Beaky here yet? Is he? Is he?

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-It's 2am. He'll be here in the morning.

-Just checking!

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KNOCKING

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Is he here YET?

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What, in the 15 minutes since you last asked? No.

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KNOCKING

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# B-e-a-k-y, he's a bird I'll tell you why

0:02:060:02:10

# Go, Beaky! #

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Aww...poor ickle cousin Barney-warney.

0:02:160:02:20

Why have we been graced with your presence

0:02:200:02:23

and why's your hair done up?

0:02:230:02:25

No reason! I was just passing really and...

0:02:250:02:28

Oh, Nev!

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Wait a minute!

0:02:330:02:34

You're here to see Beaky, aren't you?

0:02:340:02:36

No! No!

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Yes! Mr Prank told me.

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He's a real, live TV presenter.

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Well, so am I!

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Too right, bro.

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Yeah, I know but you know you're, like, YOU.

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Good point. I'd not thought of that.

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I'm just going to the loo to clean up.

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Thanks, Nev(!)

0:02:550:02:57

Pffrt!

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How come stupid Beaky gets all the fans? I haven't got any.

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Here I am!

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-I know I've got you. You're my number-one fan.

-Aye-aye!

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-PHONE RINGS

-Oh, hello.

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Hi Todd. It's Beaky's agent.

0:03:100:03:13

Oh, OK, cool.

0:03:130:03:14

They're nearly here.

0:03:140:03:16

Oh! Jibbidy-ya!

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Beaky! Beaky! Beaky!

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Oh, love you, Beaky. Ahh!

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Barney, baby, you look fabulous.

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What've you done? Hair? Teeth?

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Whatever it is, it is so you.

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Hi Todd.

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Beaky's so pumped up to be working with you.

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Isn't that right?

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Argh! His breath smells of poo! Argh!

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Usual charming self then, Beaky.

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He's such a kidder.

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Argh! Shut up, Big Ears.

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Stop saying that!

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Umm...

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# B-e-a-k-y, he's a bird I'll tell you why... #

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This way, please

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Ha-ha-ha.

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Oh, Barney! Just love what you've done with the place.

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It's you, but not too much you.

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Thank you...I think.

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-PHONE RINGS

-I'm going to take this call.

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Oh.

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Tarquin, baby!

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Fabulous, what's new?

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Well, that was Todd and this is Beaky.

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Beaky, this is Melanie.

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Beaky, wow! Beaky!

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Beaky! Beaky! Beaky! Beaky! Beaky! Beaky!

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You've said the most Beakys in a sentence.

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Do you want to calm down?

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Argh! Silly hair, silly hair.

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What did he say?

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NEV LAUGHS

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Eh, nothing.

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Eh, Nev, this is Beaky. Say hello.

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-Hello!

-Argh! Ugly furball.

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A-rrrrr!

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He's got that one right.

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How's everyone getting on? Super!

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Argh! I want purple sunflower seeds.

0:05:050:05:08

We don't have any, I'm afraid.

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Argh! Beaky don't get 'em. Beaky don't perform.

0:05:100:05:14

Argh! Toilet-Face!

0:05:140:05:15

Uh-oh! Barnster, a word please.

0:05:150:05:19

-You don't have purple sunflower seeds?

-No.

0:05:200:05:23

Oh, this is bad!

0:05:230:05:25

If Beaky doesn't get them, he get's unpleasant.

0:05:250:05:29

He's not unpleasant NOW?

0:05:290:05:30

There's a shop, I can get them

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while you stay here and mind Beaky.

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-OK.

-You'll need to sign this.

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It's just a bit of paperwork

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-which says that you're in charge of Beaky.

-Oh, yeah?

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It also says, if anything happens to him,

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I have to pay him £30 million?

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I tell you what. Why don't I go and get the seeds

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and you can look after Beaky?

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Barney said we can't let Beaky out of his cage

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or sign anything. Got it, Nev?

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Too right, bro.

0:06:030:06:06

He sure looks nicer on TV. Don't you think?

0:06:060:06:08

Argh! And you'd look a lot nicer BEHIND a TV.

0:06:080:06:12

I'm getting sick of you, you feather duster.

0:06:120:06:16

Me too!

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Ah! Not if I see you first!

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OK, team, there's three of us to look after one bird.

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How hard can that be?

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Easy-peasy.

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Argh!

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-KNOCKING

-'Beaky? Is that you?

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'Are you in there? Coo-eee!'

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It just got harder.

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Beaky! It really is you.

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Argh! Baldy!

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He called me Baldy.

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I love it! Do it again!

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Baldy!

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It's only funny when he does it, Bear!

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Pffrt!

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HE SNEEZES

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Beaky, I'm such a big fan of yours, I drew a picture of you on my chest.

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-Ugh!

-Oh, boy!

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Oh, dear. Oh, dear!

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That's rubbish.

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I'm sorry you don't like it but I have got another one.

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-No!

-No-no-no!

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We don't need to see that one.

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Argh! Boring! Next!

0:07:100:07:13

NEV LAUGHS

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No, no, no. Please wait, Beaky.

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I've loving sculpted a life-size model of you out of ice cream.

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Ta-dah!

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Oh, well, it looked great last night.

0:07:230:07:27

Oh! Yum-yum!

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You're more stupid than the world stupid champion

0:07:290:07:33

and believe me, he's really stupid.

0:07:330:07:35

Ugh! He's right. I am!

0:07:350:07:39

Come on, Mr Prank, pay no attention to that nasty, horrible bird.

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I'm sure your sculpture was really good.

0:07:440:07:47

He hates me!

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Argh! So long, Loser and Silly-Hair.

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I'm gonna help Mr Prank back to his flat. Todd, help me.

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Nev, you're in charge of the bird.

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Beaky!

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Now, I do need to point out that all comments

0:08:030:08:06

by the bird are in jest so you can't take any legal action

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or put them on your T-shirt. In fact...

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A-rrrrrr.

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Argh! Ugly furball.

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-Argh! You're a blue...

-Pffrt!

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-Hairy...

-Pffrt!

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-Furry...

-Pfffrrrt!

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You're good, bear. You're very good.

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Too right, bro. Can't scare me.

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G'day, Nevvy.

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Crazy Keith, Doris.

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Wow! So, who's your new friend?

0:08:340:08:37

Hmm...Beaky.

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G'day, I'm Crazy Keith but you can call me...

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A hairy rat. Wah!

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Eh, no, mate. I'm a koala.

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Call the exterminator.

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You're looking for a punch in the beak.

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Hairy rat! Smelly, hairy rat!

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Ho-ho-ho.

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Oh, wait, stop.

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No-no-no!

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Ah, you're right, Nevvy. Fighting's not the answer.

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You're lucky there are ladies present.

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Oh! Ugly rabbit.

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-Oh!

-Ugly rabbit!

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Oh!

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Don't make me angry, bird.

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You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

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Uh-oh.

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Well, looks like we've manage to calm poor old Mr Prank down.

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'Why? Why doesn't Beaky love me?'

0:09:250:09:29

More or less.

0:09:290:09:30

Mondo problemo!

0:09:300:09:32

Oh!

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I think he's taken the news of Beaky's escape quite well.

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-TODD SOBS

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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Well, as always, you've messed things up.

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Lucky I'm here. He can't have got far.

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I'll search the top of the block,

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you and Motormouth can search here.

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-Bet you I can find him first.

-No way, Jose! I win! I win!

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Cool, the first one back with Beaky wins. Smell you later!

0:10:000:10:05

Pffrt!

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Smile, please.

0:10:080:10:10

OK, you're right, little blue dude.

0:10:100:10:14

We can do this, let's find Beaky.

0:10:140:10:17

Yeah, yeah!

0:10:170:10:18

'Argh! Big Ears and the furball. What a rubbish team!'

0:10:180:10:23

Stop saying that!

0:10:230:10:25

At least we now know that Beaky's still in the flat.

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So, let's spread out and find him.

0:10:290:10:32

Sorry about letting Beaky out there, Nev.

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I kind of lost my temper a bit when he insulted Doris. Yikes!

0:10:350:10:39

We'll be able to get Beaky back as long as he doesn't leave the flat.

0:10:390:10:44

Hmm. I win!

0:10:440:10:46

Oh! Nev, your door flap.

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'Wah! So long, suckers.'

0:10:490:10:51

Wah!

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Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear!

0:10:520:10:54

Oh!

0:10:540:10:55

Oh, Beaky.

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We have so much in common.

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You like insulting people, I like watching people being insulted.

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I thought we'd be friends.

0:11:040:11:06

SQUELCH!

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Huh?

0:11:100:11:12

Bird poop?

0:11:140:11:15

It, it can't be.

0:11:150:11:17

Beaky?

0:11:180:11:19

Argh! Baldy!

0:11:190:11:21

Beaky! It's you!

0:11:210:11:24

I knew you'd come round.

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Do you want something to eat?

0:11:260:11:28

I could put the telly on and you could be rude. Waah!

0:11:280:11:31

-CRASHING

-Argh!

0:11:310:11:35

Oh, this is pointless.

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Argh!

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We've searched the whole ground floor and no sign.

0:11:380:11:42

Melanie obviously hasn't found him

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or she would have brought him here by now.

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My career is over!

0:11:480:11:50

Too right, bro.

0:11:500:11:52

Oh! Looky-looky.

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What's this?

0:11:540:11:55

Ugh! It's covered in bird's do-do.

0:11:550:11:58

Yucky.

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It says "Only to be opened if Beaky has escaped."

0:11:590:12:03

Well, that's a big yes.

0:12:030:12:05

Yeah, yeah!

0:12:050:12:06

"If you're reading this note, then Beaky has escaped

0:12:060:12:10

"and you need to know that he hides a terrible secret."

0:12:100:12:14

KNOCKING

0:12:140:12:15

I'll go.

0:12:160:12:17

"If Beaky pecks somebody on the nose,

0:12:170:12:20

"they develop the terrible affliction known as jokeritis.

0:12:200:12:25

"The victim develops a large red nose..."

0:12:270:12:31

HONK! HONK!

0:12:310:12:33

-"..crazy giggles..."

-Hee-hee-hee-hee!

0:12:330:12:37

"..and they can't stop playing annoying practical jokes."

0:12:370:12:41

ANDY LAUGHS

0:12:430:12:46

Oops!

0:12:460:12:47

HONK! HONK!

0:12:470:12:48

What a day!

0:12:490:12:51

First, I...YOU lose the world's most expensive and irritating parrot

0:12:510:12:56

and now, we've gained this practical joker.

0:12:560:13:00

I warned you, Baldy. Put down the water balloon.

0:13:020:13:05

OK, that's the warning. Over to you, Nev.

0:13:070:13:10

Achoo!

0:13:130:13:15

I can barely hear myself think.

0:13:190:13:21

Argh! Even with those massive ears.

0:13:210:13:24

I do not have big ears.

0:13:240:13:27

-Argh! Shut up, Big Ears.

-Stop it.

0:13:270:13:29

-Big Ears.

-Stop it. Stop it!

0:13:290:13:31

Big Ears.

0:13:310:13:32

-You are a rude, ungrateful little bird.

-Big Ears!

0:13:320:13:36

If it wasn't for me, you'd still be insulting rabbits in that pet shop.

0:13:360:13:40

-So, get down.

-Argh!

0:13:400:13:42

That's it. Come to the Toddster.

0:13:420:13:45

Argh, shut up, Big Ears. Argh!

0:13:450:13:48

T-t-t-Toddster!

0:13:480:13:49

-Argh!

-OK?

0:13:490:13:52

Pffrt!

0:13:520:13:54

Made you jump. Hee-hee!

0:13:540:13:56

THEY GIGGLE AND LAUGH

0:13:560:13:58

Argh!

0:13:590:14:01

-So, you found Beaky, yeah?

-Mmm.

0:14:020:14:05

But then you lost him.

0:14:050:14:07

But not before he infected Angry Pants and Motormouth with jokeritis.

0:14:070:14:12

Great work, Nev(!)

0:14:120:14:14

-Wahoo!

-Boing!

-Wahoo

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I can't take much more of this.

0:14:150:14:18

Too right.

0:14:180:14:20

Behave!

0:14:200:14:21

-Boing!

-Wahoo!

0:14:210:14:24

Right, I'll find Beaky. You sort out these two.

0:14:240:14:28

Rather you than me.

0:14:280:14:30

I know, I know!

0:14:310:14:32

Crazy Keith!

0:14:320:14:34

-Boing!

-Wahoo!

0:14:340:14:35

-Boing!

-Wahoo!

0:14:350:14:37

-Boing!

-Wahoo!

0:14:370:14:38

-Boing!

-Wahoo!

0:14:380:14:40

Whoa!

0:14:410:14:43

Hello.

0:14:460:14:47

Crikey, Nevvy. That Todd bloke and Angry Pants

0:14:470:14:50

have gone silly-billy with that jokeritis thing.

0:14:500:14:54

Wahoo!

0:14:540:14:55

What are you gonna do, Nev?

0:14:550:14:57

-I don't know.

-Come on, you need a plan.

0:14:570:15:00

Too right, bro.

0:15:000:15:01

And, look, I've got just the thing.

0:15:010:15:03

Oh! Oh!

0:15:030:15:06

Jibbidy-ya! Ho-ho-ho!

0:15:060:15:09

Hi, Aunty Barbara. I don't suppose you've seen a parrot, have you?

0:15:150:15:20

Oh, yes, lots.

0:15:200:15:21

I've seen some in the Congo, in South Africa and...

0:15:210:15:25

No, I meant recently in the block.

0:15:250:15:28

Oh, no, 'fraid not.

0:15:280:15:29

OK, thanks, see you later.

0:15:290:15:31

-Parrots here? Poor girl, she needs to get more fresh air.

-Argh!

0:15:310:15:36

Oh, look. There's one!

0:15:360:15:40

-Argh!

-Oh!

0:15:400:15:42

BARBARA SCREAMS

0:15:420:15:45

Tip-top knot.

0:15:480:15:50

Spoilsport!

0:15:500:15:51

-Yes, boo.

-Boo!

0:15:510:15:53

Shhh! Dum-da-dumm-dum.

0:15:530:15:56

-GERMAN ACCENT:

-Good afternoon!

0:15:570:15:59

I am Dr Ludwig von Beatbox from the Institute Of Unfunny Funny Diseases.

0:15:590:16:06

THEY LAUGH

0:16:060:16:08

What we have here is a very bad outbreak of jokeritis.

0:16:080:16:15

The only cure for this is a taste of your own medicine.

0:16:150:16:20

BOTH: Oh(!)

0:16:200:16:21

Nev, bring out the pie cannon.

0:16:210:16:26

Aye, aye, captain.

0:16:260:16:28

With this cannon, I am going to repeatedly hit you

0:16:310:16:35

with the cream pies until it is no longer funny.

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And then, and I will say this only once,

0:16:380:16:41

you will be cured.

0:16:410:16:43

Pffrt!

0:16:430:16:45

Nev.

0:16:450:16:47

Three, two, one...

0:16:470:16:51

THEY LAUGH

0:16:510:16:53

Unt again, Nev.

0:16:550:16:56

THEY LAUGH

0:17:010:17:03

NEV LAUGHS

0:17:030:17:04

Hmmm...

0:17:040:17:06

This may take a while. Hmm...

0:17:060:17:09

Right! I think it may have worked.

0:17:240:17:27

Time for the test.

0:17:270:17:30

OK, watch me.

0:17:300:17:31

Watch me!

0:17:310:17:33

Three, two, one...

0:17:330:17:36

THEY LAUGH

0:17:400:17:43

It did not work.

0:17:430:17:46

He talks funny.

0:17:460:17:48

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear!

0:17:490:17:52

Worry not, Nev.

0:17:520:17:53

It is time for Phase Two!

0:17:530:17:57

Here, this will cure them for sure.

0:18:020:18:05

KNOCKING

0:18:050:18:07

-I wonder who that can be.

-Santa Claus.

0:18:070:18:10

Jibbidy-ya! Santa!

0:18:100:18:12

It is not ze Santa!

0:18:120:18:14

'Argh! Beaky's got a surprise for you two.'

0:18:140:18:17

Can't scare me!

0:18:170:18:19

Argh!

0:18:200:18:21

Awoooga!

0:18:210:18:23

-Boing.

-Wahoo!

0:18:230:18:26

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

0:18:260:18:28

One, a-two, a-one, two, three, four...

0:18:300:18:35

THEY PLAY OUT OF TUNE

0:18:350:18:37

QUIET!

0:18:490:18:51

What is going on here?

0:18:530:18:56

Bernie!

0:18:560:18:57

Aunt Barbara, Todd, are you OK?

0:18:570:19:01

Tag, you're it. Ho-ho!

0:19:010:19:03

Where's Beaky?

0:19:050:19:06

Argh! Hello, Poo-Breath.

0:19:060:19:08

That's lovely. I can see things have been going well.

0:19:080:19:12

Oh, I forgot how heavy that is.

0:19:120:19:14

Here you go, Beaky. I've got some nice seeds for you.

0:19:140:19:18

Oh, look at them.

0:19:180:19:19

Lovely.

0:19:200:19:21

Emm...

0:19:220:19:23

..why is there custard in my shoe?

0:19:260:19:30

Because you smell!

0:19:300:19:32

Mr Prank, sit down right now or I shall be very cross.

0:19:330:19:37

You too, Aunt Barbara.

0:19:370:19:39

And you, Todd.

0:19:390:19:40

Oh!

0:19:400:19:41

I'll deal with you lot later.

0:19:410:19:43

-Beaky.

-Argh!

0:19:430:19:45

Yummy, yum-yum.

0:19:450:19:46

Jibbidy-ya!

0:19:480:19:49

Argh!

0:19:490:19:50

Nice work, Nev.

0:19:500:19:52

Now, what's wrong with these three?

0:19:520:19:54

He-he-hem.

0:19:540:19:56

Oh, what's this?

0:19:560:19:58

"Beaky has a terrible secret... blah-blah-blah...

0:20:000:20:03

"Jokeritis!

0:20:030:20:05

"Blah-blah-blah..."

0:20:050:20:06

Mondo problemo!

0:20:060:20:07

Well, not really.

0:20:070:20:09

Didn't you read the back?

0:20:100:20:13

It says the cure is to be tickled with one of Beaky's feathers.

0:20:130:20:17

Oh!

0:20:170:20:18

Yeah! So, go on then. Do the honours, Nev.

0:20:180:20:21

Hee-hee-hee!

0:20:210:20:23

Tickle!

0:20:240:20:25

Tickle!

0:20:250:20:27

Tickle!

0:20:270:20:28

What just happened?

0:20:310:20:33

Can you hear bagpipes?

0:20:330:20:35

Why is there a lampshade on my head?

0:20:350:20:38

You've all lost your memory.

0:20:380:20:40

It's one of the side effects of jokeritis.

0:20:400:20:42

The other is you'll find nothing funny for 24 hours.

0:20:420:20:46

What's jokeritis?

0:20:460:20:48

Hermione, find out what jokeritis is.

0:20:500:20:52

Well, I best be off.

0:20:520:20:54

We'll be late. Haven't even rehearsed! I'll get changed.

0:20:540:20:58

-SQUELCH!

-Argh-oh!

0:20:580:21:01

Who put a bucket of slime above my door?

0:21:030:21:06

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

0:21:070:21:10

Oh, what a day, Nev! I'm so relieved it's over.

0:21:110:21:14

-Too right, bro!

-At least the award ceremony went well.

0:21:140:21:18

My favourite bit was when Beaky called P-Diddy "Piddle D"!

0:21:180:21:22

Ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah, yeah!

0:21:220:21:23

He was chasing him with a broom! I presented it on my own!

0:21:230:21:27

Groovy!

0:21:270:21:29

-Anyway, night mate.

-Love you, Barney.

0:21:290:21:32

Wack-a-doo!

0:21:320:21:35

Oh no!

0:21:350:21:36

Only joking! Ha ha ha ha ha!

0:21:360:21:39

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