Wedding Belles Bear Behaving Badly


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Wedding Belles

Comedy series. Postie declares her lottery win and greedy Angry Pants asks her to marry him. Nev and Keith try everything in their power to stop the imminent wedding.


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Transcript


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Gonna have to sell some ice-cream soon,

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otherwise I'll have to find another job...

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-Morning, Mr Prank.

-Hello, Mr Barney, sir!

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-Can I help?

-Yes.

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-I'd like an eat-on-the-street walking-to-work special.

-Coming up!

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Hold that, please.

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Good morning, Barney.

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I don't think cleaning ice-cream vans is a proper career, do you?

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Barbara, I've got a proper career. I'm a TV presenter.

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You don't want to become a caretaker like Plank, do you?

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Erm... I guess not.

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Phew! That was close.

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I don't want old Barbara finding out about my ice-cream job.

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Not that business is booming.

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You're the only customer I've had all week.

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-I'm broke.

-You should marry someone rich, Mr Prank.

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Your troubles would melt away. No more ice-cream for you.

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No more caretaking!

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MR PRANK BLOWS NOSE

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-I'd make the perfect husband.

-I can see.

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I thought the place needed brightening up a little.

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Do you like flowers, Nevvy, dear?

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NEV MUMBLES

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Woof, woof!

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SHE SNIFFS

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Oh, I do like the smell of a freshly cut rose.

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Hmm.

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-Treat, Nevvy?

-Mm-mm...

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Wait for it! Wait for it! And...

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-Go!

-Mmm.

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Perfect!

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Cooey!

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Wagh...!

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Ooh, look at you and your big van.

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Oh, don't you look handsome with your uniform!

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Oh, the only wife I'll find round here is a loopy one!

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THUNDER RUMBLES

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Miserable weather.

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I've had it for the day.

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Morning, Nev!

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Postie!

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I simply can't hold it in any longer!

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Yucky, run!

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No, silly! I've had some wonderful luck.

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-I've won the lottery!

-You win, you win!

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# Yeah, I've got a winning lottery ticket!

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# I've got a winning lottery ticket! #

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-Oh, we're rich, Mr Prank!

-We certainly are, Mrs Prank!

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THEY LAUGH

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# Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah

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# Yeah, yeah, yeah. #

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Ahem!

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-Oh, Mr Prank. For me?

-Of course, my dear.

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-Mwah, mwah, mwah!

-Yucky!

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Oh, no-one's ever given me flowers before!

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Ah-choo!

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Or stalks before.

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Hmm, confused...

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MR PRANK LAUGHS

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Now listen. Postie's lottery win is my ticket to a fortune.

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Do not ruin it, got it? Now scram, blue bear!

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NEV BLOWS RASPBERRY

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Erm, shall we luncheon, my letter-lobbing lovely?

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Why, thank you, Mr Prank!

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Postie... Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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I know, I know. Crazy Keith.

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Keith! Keith... Wagh!

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Whoa...

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Quick!

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Quick!

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Crazy Keith! Crazy Keith!

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Up here, Nevvy!

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Just enjoying a little bounce with Doris, ha-ha.

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-What can I do you for?

-Postie, Postie, help!

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What?

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-Postie's in trouble?

-Too right, bro! Angry Pants!

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Ah, you do surprise me, old Angry Pants is involved.

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Come on, Nevvy. Let's have a look.

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Now...

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Cheese and onion?

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Oooh! You know how to spoil a girl!

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Are you all right, Mr Prank?

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Never better!

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Oh...

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-Postie...

-Yeah.

-Will you...marry me?

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Oh...!

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Oh, be still, oh beating heart!

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It's all such a rush! I need to take some air for fear of the vapours!

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Ooh...

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Let's not beat about the bush, love, eh?! Yes or no?

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Oh, yes! Yes, yes!

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Yes, yes, yes!

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Sealed with a loving kiss! Mwah...!

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-Oh!

-Sorry, love. I've got a wedding to organise.

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Oh!

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Oh...!

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Well, that's knocked seven wedding-bells out of me!

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What's he marrying her for?!

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-M-m-money!

-Ah, she must be loaded if Angry Pants wants to tie the knot!

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Too right, bro!

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That sneaky...!

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Mind you, I think Doris has an eye on me for my moolah!

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-Poor Postie!

-Ah, you're not wrong there, Nevvy.

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You've gotta stop the wedding, for Postie's sake!

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SCREAMING AND BANGING

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Oh-oh.

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-Crikey! What's happened now?

-Postie, quick! Coming!

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GIGGLING

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Who would have thought it? You, getting married!

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So, who's your knight in shining armour?

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-Well, he's very kind and he loves animals.

-Oh, I like him already!

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And he's very, very, very handsome.

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Come on! Tell us.

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It's Mr Prank, of course!

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Not Plank... Not Plank?

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-Are you sure, Postie?

-Oh, I've never been more sure

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of anything in my life.

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He wants us to get married right away and you're all invited, ooh!

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It's so romantic! Look, he even bought me an engagement ring!

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Solid plastic! How lovely!

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-How very Plank.

-Oh! I want this to be the happiest day of my life.

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Oh, my dear! With my help, it'll be a day that you'll never forget.

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-Melanie here can be your bridesmaid.

-Yay!

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-And I'll provide the dress.

-Can't I choose my own dress?

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Nonsense! My friend Loriel will run you something up!

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She's made my entire wardrobe!

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-Come along, Melanie, dear!

-But, Aunt Barbara...

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-Hello, Postie!

-Oh, hi, Nev!

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Ooh, Nev, will you be my page bear?

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OK! Erm, what's that?

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Oh, you'll be in charge of the wedding ring.

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You'll need to get it from my fiance.

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And look after it until the vicar asks for it.

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-Groovy!

-Yay!

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Hmmm... Sparkly.

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'Ello?!

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Is that the quicker vicar?

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Yes, I'd like you to marry me this afternoon.

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What do you mean you think we should get to know each other first?!

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Excuse me, Mr Plank.

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Hmmm?

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I mean, Prank.

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(Plank.)

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INAUDIBLE TALKING ON PHONE

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Not marry me! Marry me and my future wife.

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Yes.

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Melanie! Hello. Poor Postie.

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Poor Postie? What about poor me! Look at this bridesmaid's dress

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Aunt Barbara's friend made for me.

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BEAR LAUGHS

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Ready. Uno problemo.

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You're telling me.

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-BARBARA:

-Melanie, dear!

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Coming!

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Smelanie, wait! Oh...

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Psst! Nevvy!

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What?

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-How's the wedding-wrecking coming along?

-Mmm, pants.

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PHONE RINGS

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Ring-ring! Ring-ring!

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Wackadoo!

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Here I am!

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Woah! Hey Nev, it's me. Hey, have you heard the news?

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Mr Plank and Postie are getting married this afternoon!

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-'How random is that?'

-Did he say this arvo?

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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I said they could use the flat for the ceremony, hope that's cool.

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Oh, and guess what? Postie has asked me to give her away!

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What an honour!

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Barney! Weddy! Mundo Problemo!

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BELL RINGS

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OK, people, let's shoot this thing please.

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OK, mate. I've gotta go. I'll see you later.

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Oh, Wackadoo!

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HE GASPS

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Just over an hour until Postie makes the biggest mistake of her life.

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Poor Postie.

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Oh! There's only one thing for it. As page-bear, Nevvy,

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you need to get that wedding ring off old Angry Pants.

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When you've got it, we'll hide it.

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Cos if there's no wedding ring, there'll be no wedding.

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Stop Postie wed. Stop Postie wed.

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MI-I-IAOW! HE GASPS

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Stop the wedding, blue bear?

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Um, n-n-n-no. Nothing.

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Oh, n-n-n-nothing?

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Um, sparkly. Now please!

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Oh, so you want the wedding ring, do you, page-bear Nev? Want this?

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-HE GASPS

-Yeah-yeah!

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MI-I-I-A-OW-W!

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Oh no...

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HE SNEEZES

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If you're gonna scupper the wedding, you can forget about being page-bear.

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HE WHIMPERS

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Oh yes! HE SNEEZES

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This ring stays with me until it's safely on Postie's finger,

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at our wedding.

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In just one hour.

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N-n-n-no. Stop Postie wed!

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Yeah-yeah-yea-yes. Get him, Bandit.

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HE SNEEZES

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MIAOW!

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-HE GASPS

-Run!

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Come here, bear!

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-Can't catch me!

-Miaow...

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DOOR SLAMS

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Think I already have, bear!

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'See you after the honeymoon, page-bear! Ha-ha!'

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Oh, streuth! Poor Nevvy. How're we gonna stop the wedding?

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I know! I'll dig my way down to the old tunnel and free Nev.

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It's been a while since I've been, but I think I can remember the way.

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Ha! A koala never forgets!

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..Or is that elephants?

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Oh...I forget.

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Fwightened...

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CLANKING

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What's that?

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'It's me, Nevvy!'

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Crazy Keith!

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Quick! Zoom!

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Hang on! I'm coming for you, buddy!

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HE GRUNTS

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SCRAPING

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Nevvy? Nevvy?

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Ahh! Walloping wallabies!

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I've tunnelled into the boudoir!

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Oh! I'm positively blushing!

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I'm positively out of here!

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SCRAPING

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HE SIGHS

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Yes! PPPRRRT!

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Yes! PRRRT!

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You'll see an ice-cream van outside the block, quicker-vicar.

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Yeah-yeah-yeah, you can't miss it.

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No, if you'll excuse me, I've got a bit of business to attend to.

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Yes, goodbye!

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KEITH WHIMPERS

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I'm glad our Doris isn't here to see this.

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HE SIGHS

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Poor Postie.

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GRUNTING AND SCRAPING

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Ah! At last! There you are, Nevvy.

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Crazy Keith!

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We haven't got long now, Nev.

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-The vicar's on his way and the ceremony's about to begin.

-Too late!

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Ah, maybe not, Nevvy. I've got an idea.

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It's a bit risky but it might just work.

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Come on, buddy. Follow Crazy Keith!

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Yeah-yeah!

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CRASH

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ORGAN PLAYS

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Call yourself a quicker-vicar?

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Rubbish...

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BOING!

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Ooh! Plank, I'm stuck! Well, do something, man!

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Yes... I think we'll have to widen the door, or...

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-..Right!

-You imbecile!

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Right, where's that vicar...

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Hello?

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I'm here for the happy couple.

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Not today, please.

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HE SIGHS

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Phewee!

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MI-I-I-IAOW!

0:14:120:14:13

AAARGH! Run!

0:14:130:14:16

-MIAOW! MIAOW!

-Aaarrgh!

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ORGAN MUSIC

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Oh, at last! The quicker-vicar!

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HE SNEEZES

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Ah, bless you, my child.

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You're a bit short for a vicar, ain't ya?

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I'm not too short to give you a punch on the doo-da, mate!

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MUSIC: "Wedding March" by Mendelssohn

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About time!

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Look at you!

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Yes. Just look at me.

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I was talking to the bride.

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Um, where's Nev? He's the page-bear. He's got the ring, hasn't he?

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Oh..err... Ah, yes, yes... He sends his apologies and, err...

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I've got the ring now.

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It's not like Nev to miss a party.

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Nah, you're right there.

0:15:280:15:30

-I...I mean...

-Keith, is that you?

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Ssh!

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'Scuse me, can we just get on with this, please?

0:15:350:15:38

OK, fellas, here we go. Ahem...

0:15:380:15:40

ORGAN MUSIC

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If anyone has a good reason, or wants to make one up,

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why this pair cannot get married,

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speak now...

0:15:510:15:53

-Aaargh! Cat's got me! Aaargh!

-Miaow!

0:15:530:15:56

I said, speak now...

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Oh... Where are you, Nev?

0:15:590:16:02

-Aaargh!

-Miaow!

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I asked you, one last time,

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if anyone has a reason why this pair cannot get married?

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Speak now, or forever hold your doo-da.

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SCREECH

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Come on, don't be shy!

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Oh, come on! Everyone's happy with this. Just get on with it, will you?

0:16:180:16:22

Dearly beloved, we are gathered today to witness the marriage

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of poor old Postie, ha-ha, to Mr... Andy Plonk.

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HE SNEEZES

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Plank!

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It's Prank! Andrew Prank!

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Keith, are you trying to stop this wedding?

0:16:390:16:42

Trust me, Barnster.

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'Scuse me! Can we stop the whispering?

0:16:430:16:46

-Can we just get on with it quicker, vicar?

-Sorry.

0:16:460:16:48

Do you, Andrew Stinky-Feet, Hairy-Hands, Baldy-Bonce,

0:16:490:16:53

promise to take Postie to the cleaners as soon as you are married?

0:16:530:16:58

-And never speak to her again, for as long as you both shall live?

-Keith!

0:16:580:17:03

I do. SHE LAUGHS

0:17:030:17:06

Do you, Postie, promise to give this horrible man your lottery winnings

0:17:060:17:13

-in return for a life of drudgery?

-What?

0:17:130:17:16

Don't I just! SHE LAUGHS

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-Miaow!

-N-n-n-no!

0:17:210:17:22

Nice try, bear, but you're too late to stop this wedding, look!

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The deed is done!

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I am a married man. A very rich married man.

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Now hand over the winnings, wifey, I want my money!

0:17:320:17:37

I don't understand?

0:17:370:17:38

I should have known.

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Plank would never marry for love.

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What a rat bag!

0:17:430:17:44

Yeah, too right. I've had enough of this place.

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I wanna go and live on a beach somewhere, with half her winnings.

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The law says it's mine, now I'm married.

0:17:500:17:54

Um, actually, you're not married.

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Oh yes, of course I am, yes.

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You're not. Cos he's not a real vicar.

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HE GASPS

0:18:000:18:01

Streuth! I've been defrocked.

0:18:010:18:03

What?!

0:18:030:18:04

CAT LAUGHS

0:18:040:18:08

Come here, quicker-vicar!

0:18:080:18:10

Got ya!

0:18:110:18:12

SPLAT!

0:18:130:18:15

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wackadoo!

0:18:150:18:18

-Over here, you dingbat!

-Right!

0:18:200:18:22

Oi!

0:18:250:18:26

Ah...

0:18:260:18:29

Right! HE WHIMPERS

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- Err...err...! - Chew on this, Plank!

0:18:310:18:34

HE YELPS

0:18:340:18:35

SPLAT!

0:18:350:18:37

SHE GROANS

0:18:370:18:38

-Oh!

-You may kiss the bride.

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HE LAUGHS

0:18:400:18:42

Now, where's that bear?

0:18:420:18:44

He started all this.

0:18:440:18:46

-Can't catch me!

-Miaow!

0:18:460:18:48

Got this, bear?!

0:18:480:18:50

SPLAT!

0:18:500:18:52

Oh... Oh. Oops.

0:18:520:18:54

HE WHIMPERS

0:18:540:18:57

OK, look. That's enough.

0:18:590:19:02

SPLAT!

0:19:020:19:04

Food fight!

0:19:080:19:10

SPLATTING AND GROANING

0:19:100:19:12

Food fight!

0:19:170:19:19

-Wackadoo, Nevvy! Great wedding.

-Yeah-yeah.

0:19:190:19:23

SPLATTING AND GROANING

0:19:230:19:25

SPLAT!

0:19:270:19:30

We have a sticky situation here. Requesting back-up.

0:19:320:19:36

I'm going in.

0:19:360:19:40

SPLATTING AND SHOUTING

0:19:400:19:42

-Nice hit there, Nevvy.

-Wee-hee!

0:19:420:19:49

BLOWS WHISTLE

0:19:500:19:51

POSTIE SNIFFLES

0:19:560:19:58

So this is your ice-cream cake, is it then, Sir?

0:19:590:20:02

Err... No, it's hers.

0:20:020:20:06

This was supposed to be the... happiest day of my life.

0:20:060:20:10

'Scuse me, Madam...

0:20:100:20:12

ROMANTIC HARP MUSIC PLAYS

0:20:120:20:16

It's Miss, actually. Officer.

0:20:190:20:24

Hello, Miss. Call me Roddy.

0:20:240:20:27

Err, excuse me! Rodders! She's still my fiance, you know.

0:20:270:20:33

Ha, not any more!

0:20:330:20:34

You just wanted me for my money. Well here, take it. Take it all.

0:20:340:20:41

Are you sure? Oh! Oh, thank you!

0:20:410:20:43

I'm rich! Don't care about you lot. I'm rich! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

0:20:430:20:48

I just want someone to love me for being me.

0:20:480:20:52

I shall have to take you under police protection.

0:20:520:20:54

-Ooh...

-A romantic meal for two.

0:20:540:20:57

With apple pie and...custardy.

0:20:570:21:01

SHE SIGHS

0:21:040:21:05

Oh! What girl could resist a man in a uniform.

0:21:060:21:11

Hang on a minute!

0:21:110:21:12

-This scratch card's only worth a fiver!

-Hold it there, Plank!

0:21:130:21:18

Yeah, but... I'm upset too, you know.

0:21:180:21:21

I've lost a fiance...and a fortune!

0:21:210:21:24

And don't think I don't know who took those lovely flowers of mine.

0:21:240:21:29

Here, buy a bunch with the winning ticket!

0:21:290:21:31

Hey, well done for doing the right thing, Nev.

0:21:340:21:37

You really saved Postie from a life with old Angry Pants, you know.

0:21:370:21:41

-Love you, Barney.

-Maybe I'll still get to use my best man's speech.

0:21:410:21:45

Wackadoo, Barnster, keep that speech on the boil!

0:21:460:21:49

-I've just popped the question to Doris.

-Oh, well done, Crazy Keith!

0:21:490:21:53

-Do you think she'll say yes?

-Mmm.

0:21:530:21:56

She hasn't said anything yet.

0:21:560:21:58

I think she's playing hard to get.

0:21:580:21:59

Ha, unlike your ice-cream!

0:21:590:22:02

-Ha-ha.

-Don't even think about it, mate.

-Wackadoo!

-Keith!

0:22:020:22:05

Wow you're strong! One second!

0:22:050:22:08

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:22:080:22:10

Comedy series. When Postie declares her lottery win, greedy Angry Pants asks her to marry him. Nev and Keith know the caretaker's intentions are dishonourable, however, and try everything in their powers to stop the imminent wedding.

Nev plans to hide the wedding ring. Without a ring, the wedding will surely be called off! But Prank catches wind of Nev's plan and locks him in the boiler room. With the Quick-a-Vicar booked and on course to conduct the marriage ceremony, Nev needs all the help he can get if he's to break free and save Postie from a lifetime of drudgery.

Meanwhile, Aunt Barbara is flummoxed by Postie's agreement to marry Prank but she's determined to make the best of a bad situation. She takes delight in fashioning her niece, Melanie, a dress that looks like a pink meringue to wear for the wedding.