Take Me to Your Ice Cream Bear Behaving Badly


Take Me to Your Ice Cream

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Transcript


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I'm telling you, Nevvy, this is big!

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That's Pants' fifth batch of ice cream today!

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-Cellar must be full by now.

-Oh, yum-yum.

-Yeah.

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THEY GASP

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-Crazy Keith, hide!

-Wackadoo!

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NEV HUMS A CHEERFUL TUNE

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Are you spying on me, bear?

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No, no, no!

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I'm warning you.

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If I see you anywhere near my ice cream stash,

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I'm going to have your hide as a little blue tea-cosy!

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Oh!

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-Oh, hey, Nev!

-Barney!

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Hey, Mr Prank. You won't believe what's happening outside!

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-It's a meteor shower, come and see!

-Groovy!

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-Meteors, no I'm not going near any meteors.

-Why not, Mr Prank?

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11 words, Mr Barney, that's why, 11 words.

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Invasion of the meteor monsters who conquered the Earth... Part two.

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It's a sci-fi film.

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-I don't think I saw that one.

-It scared me silly, that did, Sir.

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Meteors, fwightened!

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Oh, relax, Nev. You too, Mr Prank.

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Meteors can't hurt us, unless one crash landed into the building.

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WHISTLING

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CRASH!

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THEY BOTH COUGH AND SPLUTTER

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No way.

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It couldn't have been.

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Could it?

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-Better go and check.

-Oh!

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HE GROANS Oh, what happened?

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-Wow! Look at this!

-Oh, meteor.

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Mate, that's a rock from outer-space.

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-Hot!

-Careful, mate, it will be.

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I don't like this, not at all!

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This is how that film started, this is.

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-HE WHISTLES

-That is a big hole.

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CRASH!

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What a mess!

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I wouldn't like to be here when Miss Barbara sees all this.

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Good gravy!

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SHE SCREAMS

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-Ow-w-w!

-Argh!

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It's an alien monster!

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-That film was right all the time!

-Do shut up, Plank, it's me.

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Honestly, if I had my bag, I'd whack you a good one.

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Excellent!

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Ow!

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Now, Plank. Look at this mess.

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What have you got to say for yourself?

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It was a meteorite. It's hardly my fault, is it?!

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But you're the caretaker.

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Surely you've got some sort of laser-based,

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anti-meteorite system in place?

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-What?!

-I want the hole in the ceiling fixed,

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and I want this meteorite out of here by tomorrow.

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Understood?

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Yes, Miss Barbara, Sir... Er, Ma'am!

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Caretaker, caretaker, couldn't-care-less-taker!

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Ow!

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KEITH SNIFFS

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Ah, the merry sizzle of bacon-a-gridling.

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Yum-yum!

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Careful up there, that is still one very hot space rock.

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Yeah, no worries.

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See these heat-resistant suits I knocked up?

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Identical to what Neil Armstrong wore when he landed on the sun.

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-The moon! He landed on the moon.

-When he was working, yeah.

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Where d'you think he went for his holidays?

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I'm off to work - TV won't present itself!

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-Later, Barnster.

-Love you, Barney.

-Love you too, mate.

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Don't fry anything I wouldn't fry.

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THEY GIGGLE

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He's a funny guy.

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Right, Nevvy, time for gnashers to meet rashers.

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Argh!

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Oh, wackadoo! It's Angry Pants.

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Hide!

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Right. I better finish fixing that ceiling then.

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Ooh, bacon! Lovely!

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Ooh!

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THEY GASP

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-Ooh.

-Tell me I did not just see that?

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Yum-yum.

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Right.

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Onto the ceiling.

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Oh, great!

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Now we're going to be stuck with him for...

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Hang on, though! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Once again, genius is koala-shaped.

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-What?

-Angry Pants is going to be ages in here.

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So, guess what he won't be able to keep a beady eye on?

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Hmm... Socks!

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No, Nevvy, better than socks!

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-NEV GIGGLES

-Go for it, Nevvy!

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Three, two, one...

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Pull!

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Sweet mother of Kylie!

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-HE LAUGHS

-Tiptop-a-roo!

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Right, well, that's the ceiling fixed, then.

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Now to get rid of you.

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Right.

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HE GROANS AND SHOUTS

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Argh!

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Ahh! Oh-ah!

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Argh!

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HE SLURPS

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Ha-ha!

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Bit of luck these heat-resistant suits are also cold resistant.

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Too right, bro! Yum-yum!

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Ooh, there's some left, ha-ha!

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Right.

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HIS FEET SIZZLE

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Argh!

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HE SCREAMS AND SHOUTS

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Ooh-oh! That's nice, oh, yeah.

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Ah, ha-ha-ha!

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16 tubs of ice cream! I reckon that's enough for one day, eh?

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-Hmm...

-Hmm?

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THEY BOTH LAUGH

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Right, what's for pudding?

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Right.

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THEY GASP

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Sledgehammer's what I need to break up that meteorite a bit.

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-Angry Pants!

-Oh!

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Argh!

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My ice cream!

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Achoo!

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It's that bear! Achoo!

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My allergies never lie.

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Ah-ha! Come here, you little blue...!

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Argh!

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Freeze Earthling.

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B-b-but who are you?

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-We are aliens from the planet...

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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Yeah, from the planet Oh Dear, Oh Dear, Oh Dear.

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In the constellation of, err...

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-Fwightened.

-..Constellation of Fwightened Centuri.

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-G'day.

-How come you sound Australian, then, eh?

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Ah, that's cos Neighbours is very popular

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on the planet Oh Dear, Oh Dear, Oh Dear.

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Oh. But, how did you get here then, eh?

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Arrived in the meteorite, mate, just like in that film.

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What's it called again?

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You mean, Invasion of the Meteor Monsters

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Who Conquered the Earth - Part Two?

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You mean that film, it was... It was all true?

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I can't believe it, Nevvy, Angry Pants is buying this!

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-Tiptop-a-roo!

-Tiptop-a-roo?

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Tiptop-a-roo, which is alien for,

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"Obey us, Earthling, or you will be extermiplated."

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HE WHIMPERS

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-THEY SLURP

-Ah.

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Ice cream in your lap, best buddy by your side

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and Space Trek on the telly. Ah, this is the life, eh, Nevvy?

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Too right, bro.

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Here we are, your intergalactic Majesties.

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More Earth ice cream, as requested,

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and a DVD from the video shop.

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Anything else you'd like, your cosmic all-powerfulnesses,

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in lieu of destroying this puny planet and all its inhabitants?

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Peace and quiet, mate.

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There's a good bit coming up.

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THEY BOTH LAUGH

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Their alien suits are rubbish! Ours are much better.

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Yeah, well.

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Erm, excuse me!

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Hang on, mate!

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The galactic overlord

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and planet-squisher, wants to say something.

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-NEV COUGHS

-Groovy! Ducky!

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Jibbidy-ya!

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-No problemo! Socks!

-Which is alien for...

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HE MUMBLES

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Oh, yeah. He wants you to file his toenails.

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No! That's disgusting!

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Unless you want a taste of my neutrofying disintegrator cannon.

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No! No, no, no, no. I'll do it.

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That's better!

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Wait a minute!

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That's not a neutrofying disintegrator cannon!

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That's an egg whisk!

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Uh-oh!

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You two are not from outer space!

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Run!

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Ooh!

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Oh, no, you don't!

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Come back here!

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Ooh!

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Ah-ha-ha! You pair have tangled with the wrong caretaker this time!

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Take that!

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And that!

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HE LAUGHS

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Nobody threatens me with cooking utensils and gets away with it!

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If I see you,

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or any of your fake alien mates, around here again,

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you'll be sorry!

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Freeze, Earthling.

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HE LAUGHS

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I don't believe this!

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I am cosmic warlord, Zoratrol,

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enslaver of galaxies, destroyer of worlds.

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Kneel, or suffer the consequences.

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You've got a nerve, you have!

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Oi, oi, your mate up here's got a much better costume!

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HE LAUGHS

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'Pretty nifty with the old alien voice, too.'

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But you ain't fooling this caretaker twice.

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You want ice cream?

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I'll give you ice cream!

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Warning! Warning!

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CRACKLING

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Initiating self-cleaning procedure.

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Quick, Nevvy, we better go and take a look.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Want another DVD? Well, here you go.

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Danger! Danger! Under attack!

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Didger me doodah - an alien, a real alien!

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Want your toes filed, Mr fake alien?

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Well, I'll file something. ANGRY PANTS CACKLES

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Wackadoo!

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Oh, that's got to hurt.

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Stop! That's it!

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I didn't become the evil ruler of 1,000 star systems

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by putting up with that kind of behaviour.

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Ooh! What are you going to do, make a meringue?!

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Aaaaaaah!

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Angry Pants, he's been...disintegrated!

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What's happening? Where am I?

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Ah, no, he hasn't.

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Ah, well.

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There's a spaceship. That alien, he was real!

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Aaargh! Let me out of here!

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Afraid not, but there is something you can do for me, caretaker.

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All right then. Sweep the transporter room?

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No.

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-Change the light bulbs in your Photon torpedo bay?

-No!

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Become the unwilling subject of your evil alien experiments?

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That's the one.

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Time for the scary laugh. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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-Let's get cracking.

-No, please, stop, you don't have to do this.

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-I'm sure I'm more value to you alive.

-You think?

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I bet you'd like to know the location

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of every top secret missile defence facility on our planet?

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-You have this information?

-Well...

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No, not exactly, that's a bad example.

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Sorry, evil alien experiments it is then.

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Prepare to suffer, Earthling. Ha-ha-ha!

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BEEPING

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-Oh.

-Something wrong?

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Haven't done this for ages. Better go and dig out the manual.

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-You know what it's like.

-Yeah. What?

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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Alien.

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Pants.

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Mundo problemo.

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Oh, come on, Nevvy. It ain't our fault.

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Hmm.

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OK, maybe it is.

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Angry Pants wouldn't have lost it with the alien

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-if we hadn't got him mad. Do you really want to save him?

-Yeah-yeah!

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OK. In which case the best course of action would be...

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to eat a bucket load of ice cream and then come up with a rescue plan.

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OK, maybe skip straight to the rescue plan.

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Enable spleen stretcher.

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Check.

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Reset intestinal stretcher.

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Check.

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Press enter.

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'Incorrect, please try again.'

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Ah! Honestly, my old experiment machine was a doddle to work.

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Why can't they make these modern things more user-friendly?!

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Oh, have you tried customer support?

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Don't get me started. I mean, is it me? Look at this diagram.

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Is that not the lever for the spleen shredder?

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No, no, no, that's your brain boiler, that is.

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Look at the little diagram of the brain with steam coming out of it.

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Oh, it's just so obvious when someone points it out.

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Oh, don't worry, I'm very good with instruction manuals, me.

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Well, thanks then. Here goes.

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No, no, please, please!

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'Incorrect, please try again.'

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Aaaargh! Galactic protocols leave me but with one course of action.

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Oh, let me go?

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No - hit buttons until something screams.

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KNOCK AT DOOR

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Whoever you are, can you come back later? I'm busy.

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Nah, sorry, no can do.

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Intergalactic parking police, and you're on double yellows, mate.

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What? What?! But I've only been here two minutes at the most.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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It's a medical emergency.

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-Yip, I've heard it all before.

-Come on, be reasonable.

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Sorry, no can do. If I let you off, before I know it,

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there's aliens parking willy-nilly all over the high street.

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Hello, Mr Angry Pants!

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Bear?! Achoo!

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Do something, bear, get me out of here.

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Aye, aye, Captain.

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Hmm, um...

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uh-oh.

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Hmm...confused.

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Don't just press random buttons!

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Oh!

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Aaaargh!

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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Hmm... Oh, well.

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What you doing, bear? Stop it!

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Oh!

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Achoo!

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Achoo!

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NEV LAUGHS

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Bear!

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I'm going to get you for this, bear!

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Oh, sorry, Mr Angry Pants!

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I'll give you sorry!

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HE SNORES

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Aw, Sleepy Pants.

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Phew-ee!

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'Starting launch procedure. Blast off in 30 seconds.'

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Oh! Oh...

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Zapper!

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Tiptop-a-roo!

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I only stopped to fix the driver's side planet annihilator,

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-I was just on my way.

-Nah, sorry, mate. Nothing I can do.

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I've already written the ticket, it's in the system now.

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Huh!

0:19:070:19:09

What?! How in hyper space did...?

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You!

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'Take cover. Blast off in 20 seconds.'

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Why, you little blue... I'm going to get you for this, bear!

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Whoa, bonza rescuing, Nevvy.

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-Now, quick, the hatch.

-'Ten...

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'nine, eight

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'seven, six,

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'five, four,

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'three, two, one.

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'Blast off.'

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ROCKET LAUNCHES

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Wackadoo!

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-We did it, Nevvy!

-Easy-peasey!

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Saved Angry Pants, scared off the evil alien, he-he,

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and made an even bigger hole in the ceiling again. Ha-ha!

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Still, at least nobody got hurt, hey?

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Mmm.

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Oh, yeah. Talk about weird - the whole day's like a complete blank.

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Maybe you banged your head on the ceiling?

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I reckon you're right, Mr Barney.

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Thing is, even though I was completely knocked out,

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I still managed to get rid of that meteorite. Top caretaking or what?!

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Ha-ha! Right, well, that's the ceiling fixed.

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Better go and check on my secret stash of ice cream.

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Never know who might have been at it while I was out of it.

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Oh, come to me, Mr Cuddly-Wuddly. It's been a very long and weird day.

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Too right, bro. Love you, Snuggly-Ducky-Duck-Duck.

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PHONE RINGS

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Hello?

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Oh, hi, Keith.

0:21:050:21:07

Yeah. It's for you, mate.

0:21:070:21:09

Hello?

0:21:090:21:11

OK, Nevvy, I've got the alien's transporter doodah here.

0:21:110:21:15

-I'm going to transport the freezer right to you, buddy.

-'Tiptop-a-roo!'

0:21:150:21:20

DOOR OPENS

0:21:200:21:22

Strewth, it's Angry Pants! Ahh!

0:21:220:21:25

'Gotta make this quick.

0:21:330:21:35

'Wackadoo! Not good, Nevvy. I missed the freezer and hit...'

0:21:350:21:39

Waaaaaah!

0:21:390:21:41

'Bonza, got the freezer that time.'

0:21:410:21:44

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:21:470:21:51

E-mail [email protected]

0:21:510:21:54

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