The Legend of Angry Pants' Gold Bear Behaving Badly


The Legend of Angry Pants' Gold

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-# Love you

-Barney

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-# Love you

-Crazy Keith

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-# Love you

-Socks

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-# Love you

-Jam

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-# Love you

-Snuggly ducky duck duck. #

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# Love you... #

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NEV SCREAMS

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Angry Pants!

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No. Mr Prank, isn't it? # Love you, Mr Prank... #

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Oh, thank you very much, Mr Barney. I'm very fond of you too.

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Hello, Mr Prank. I didn't hear you come in.

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I just wondered if I could interest you in any of these items. Look.

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Well, they're underpants.

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-Smelly pants.

-That's right, Mr Barney sir.

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Reliable cotton briefs. I've worn them every day since the millennium.

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-Yours for 50p, sir.

-No thanks.

-No? OK.

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What about long johns? No? OK. String vest?

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-Yucky.

-Why are you trying to sell me your underwear?

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-Truth is, Mr Barney sir, it's time for me to retire.

-Ha-ha, ha-ha!

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After 37 years of caretaking, I've decided to hang up the old coat.

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Do you want to buy an old brown coat?

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-No.

-Sure?

-But thank you, though.

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We're sorry to hear that you're retiring, aren't we, Nev?

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Bye-bye, Angry Pants! Ha-ha! Bye!

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# Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo... #

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People deal with loss in different ways.

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-What will you do when you retire?

-Well, Mr Barney, I've decided

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to travel the world... in my ice-cream van.

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I've saved up a small quantity of gold over the years,

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to pay for the trip. KEITH GASPS

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-Gold?

-Yes. Well, just enough to keep me going till I'm called to the...

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The great broom cupboard in the sky.

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Right, well I better go and pack up.

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MR PRANK SOBS

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What a shocker, eh?

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-Never mind.

-Should we throw him a farewell party?

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-Party! Party! Tip-top-a-roo!

-We can invite all his friends.

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Hmm.

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People who know him - Postie, Melanie...

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Crazy Keith!

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-Oh no, he can't come, mate.

-Hmm.

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-Mr Prank doesn't even know about Keith.

-Boring.

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-You go and tell Keith about Mr Prank leaving.

-OK.

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I'll buy some stuff for the party.

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Whoa!

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Imagine that, Doris, Angry Pants gone for good.

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Whoa! Whoa!

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Crazy Keith!

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NEV PANTS

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Angry Pants...

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We already heard, Nevvie.

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Look at Doris, she can barely contain her excitement.

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-Hmm.

-There's just one thing bothering me, though.

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-What?

-I know these flats from chimney to floorboards,

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-but I don't know where Angry Pants has been keeping his gold.

-Hmm.

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I can't help it, Nevvie. It's driving me crrrrrazy!

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Crazy Keith.

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What do you say? Help me find old Angry Pants' gold?

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No way, Jose!

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Oh, just to put my mind at rest.

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-Come on, Nevvie. It'll be an adventure.

-Well...OK.

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Ah! Good bear! Let's roll!

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Ha, ha-ha! And on.

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Whoo-hoo! Hee, hee-hee! To the gold!

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HE SNORES

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I don't believe it, Nevvie. No sign of the gold anywhere.

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Mundo problemo.

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Good job I thought of a back-up plan.

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Ta-da!

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-Confused.

-It's a camera, Nevvie.

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We can use it to film Angry Pants and see where he's hidden the gold.

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-Confused.

-We'll attach the camera to Angry Pants,

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watch where he goes and follow him there.

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He'll lead us to the gold for sure.

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-Ah. Confused.

-KEITH SIGHS

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-You'll see. Just wait here while I attach the camera.

-OK.

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BANDIT HISSES

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NEV GASPS

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BANDIT WAILS

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Run!

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-Meow! Meow!

-Whoa! Whoa!

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Nevvie, please, I'm trying to concentrate.

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NEV YELLS

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Keep the noise down, will you please, mate?

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Oh! Oh! Frightened!

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Bonza. MR PRANK SNIFFLES

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NEV YELLS

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Bandit! Argh!

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HE SNEEZES

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-Nevvie, why didn't you warn me?

-Meow.

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Blooming allergies. Who's there?

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Bear, is that you?

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-KEITH: Stop panicking, Doris. We're back.

-No problemo.

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I know what you're about to say, doll.

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Where does our caretaker keep his gold?

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Yeah. Well, watch this. I call it the Angry Cam.

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THEY GASP

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CAT MEOWS

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Hang on. What's all that fur?

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I know, I know. Bandit.

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Well, didger me doodah, Nevvie! You're right!

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The camera must have got stuck to bandit's collar.

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Angry Pants!

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Oh, genius, Keithy Boy!

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That cat's got us a ringside view of the man with the gold.

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MR PRANK: Bandit, when I find out who's responsible for this mess,

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I'm gonna squish them into a paste. Squeeze them onto my toothbrush

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-and clean my teeth with them!

-Meow!

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Don't look so scared, Doris. Angry Pants can't see us,

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but we can see him. Ha, ha-ha, ha!

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-Tip-top-a-roo!

-Oh, yes, I am a genius! Hee-hee!

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Right, Angry Pants, come on, you beauty!

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Show us where you've hidden your loot.

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MR PRANK: I bet it's that bear again, making my life a misery.

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-Well, the sooner I leave this flat with the gold, the better.

-Meow.

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Stay here, Bandit, I'm going to take these boxes out to the van.

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Uh-oh. Mundo problemo.

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Oh, yeah. If Bandit's staying in the flat, then so is the Angry Cam.

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Oh! We won't see any gold now.

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THEY GASP

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BANDIT SLURPS

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Oh, yucky.

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MR PRANK GROANS

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There's only one thing for it, Nevvie.

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We'll have to sneak into the ice-cream van...

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ourselves.

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No, no, no!

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-Afraid so, buddy. It's the only way to find that gold.

-Frightened.

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NEV GASPS

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Old Angry Pants is back in his flat.

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Doris, you stay here and watch the Angry Cam. You got that?

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Now this is very important, doll.

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If you see Angry Pants heading out to us in the van, press the red button.

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It sets off a light on my hat, to warn us of danger.

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ALARM WAILS

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A-ha! She's got it.

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Now, come on, Nevvie, let's find the gold.

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Yeah-yeah!

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Whack-a-doo! The inside of this van is massive, Nevvie.

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Didger me doodah! Look at all these boxes.

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-Jibbidy-ya!

-You said it, Nevvie. Ha!

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There could be a million gold bars in here. Let's get digging.

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Frightened.

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Don't be scared, Nev. We've got Doris watching the Angry Cam.

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She'll send an alert to my hat if Angry Pants is coming.

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What could possibly go wrong?

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OK, Crazy Keith. Three, two, one.

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Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha!

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BANDIT SNARLS

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-Bandit, do you know what I'm going to miss about this place?

-Meow.

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Nothing! My only regret is I never got my hands on that stinking bear.

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BANDIT SPLUTTERS

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Well, make yourself useful, Bandit! Let's get these boxes out to the van.

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There's still no sign of that gold,

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but there's been no warning light from Doris, so we're safe. Phew!

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-How are you getting on, Nevvie?

-Sparkly.

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Have you found the gold, buddy?

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NEV GASPS

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-Whack-a-doo!

-Bling, bling!

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Ha-ha! That's it, Nevvie!

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-We've found it! We've found Angry Pants' gold!

-Tip-top-a-roo!

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Didger me doodah!

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Jibbidy-ya! Doo, doo, doo!

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-Bandit, get out the way!

-Meow!

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BIRD SQUAWKS

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THEY LAUGH

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-Whoo-hoo! Whack-a-doo!

-Jibbidy-ya!

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BIRD SQUAWKS

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KEITH GASPS

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-Oh!

-Oh, now look what's happened. That magpie's taken our gold.

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If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a thief.

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-NEV SCREAMS

-Angry Pants!

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-MR PRANK: Who's there?

-Meow!

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Time for a swift exit, Keithy Boy.

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MR PRANK SNEEZES

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Bear! I knew all this mess would be your fault!

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-First me flat and now me van.

-Run!

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Come on, Bandit, after him!

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I'll get you this time, bear!

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Me last chance ever, so I'm not going to let you escape.

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-Can't catch me.

-After him, Bandit!

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Meow!

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-Can't catch me.

-Bear? Bear, where are you?

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BANDIT PANTS

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Fat lot of use you were.

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BANDIT SIGHS

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Bear, I'll find you and when I do, I'll retire a happy man.

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What happened, Doris?

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Why didn't you warn us old Angry Pants was coming?

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Why didn't you press the button?

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Oh, I see, the silent treatment.

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Well, don't come running to me when you're in trouble.

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Whoa! Whoa!

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Ouch!

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Hi, Nevvie. Glad you escaped in one piece, no thanks to Doris.

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-Feel icky.

-Why's that, buddy?

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Angry Pants gold gone!

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Yeah. He won't be too happy when he finds out you let a bird

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-steal his entire life savings.

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Hmm.

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Well, pacing around here won't solve the problem, Nevvie.

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-I say we rebuild Angry Pants' fortune.

-Confused.

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We've got all afternoon. Surely we can replace the treasure by then.

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Hmm, easy-peasy.

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NEV GRUNTS

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Duckie bank.

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RATTLING

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NEV GASPS

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Sparkly.

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GRUNTING

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If I dig deep enough, I'm sure to find gold.

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Urgh, ah.

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Phew. Struth, this is hard work. Oh.

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METALLIC CLANGING Wackadoo! I've found something Doris!

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One more dig. CRASHING

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Wackadoo! WATER GUSHES

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-Crazy Keith?

-Just a minute.

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-Confused.

-Phew.

0:14:370:14:39

-Hmm.

-Ah, a little plumbing emergency.

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-So how did you get on?

-Erm... easy-peasy, Crazy Keith!

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Hmm. 17p...two buttons...

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a paper clip and a crumb.

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Not exactly a fortune, Nevvie.

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-Never mind.

-That won't get Angry Pants past the end of the street,

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-let alone round the world!

-Oh, dear, oh dear.

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But it's better than nothing.

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-You take it and put it back in the ice-cream van.

-Hmm. Frightened.

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Don't worry. I'll watch on Angry Cam,

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and I'll press the button if I see Angry Pants heading to the van.

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-OK?

-Ay-ay, captain!

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OK, Doris, this time we won't let him down.

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Take a good look round, Bandit.

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Meow!

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You'll never see this place again.

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Meow!

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Oh, you hear that, Doris? They're leaving now!

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'Right. Time to get in the van and drive away forever.'

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The van?! Ohhhhh!

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Nevvie! He'll get caught!

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Doris, quick, press the button!

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Oh! Still sulking, eh?

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Oh! I'll do it myself.

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SIRENS

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There. That should give Nevvie plenty of warning. Ha-ha.

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You see? That's called helping out a friend in need.

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Not so difficult, is it?

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SIRENS CONTINUE

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Ta-da!

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MR PRANK SNEEZES

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NEV SCREAMS

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Bear!

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-There you are! Trespassing in my beautiful ice-cream van again.

-Run!

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I'll get you this time, bear! I promise!

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Meow!

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No escape this time, bear! It's all ov...

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ALL: Surprise!

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PARTY POPPERS

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-Whoo!

-We couldn't let you go without a surprise party, could we?

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-To tell you how much we'll miss you when you're not our caretaker.

-Oh!

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Thank you very much, Mr Barney, sir.

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-Love you, Mr Angry Pants.

-We got you a present to say bye and good luck.

0:17:060:17:10

-Oh.

-It's a pair of underpants, we thought it might be time.

-Oh.

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I don't know what to say. No-one's ever bought me a present before.

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And here's a little something to remind you of me.

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Oh.

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-Oooh, lovely. Trifle! Oh! Ooh.

-HE CHUCKLES

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-Barney. Mundo problemo.

-What's up, mate?

0:17:330:17:38

Crazy Keith! Now please! Oooh, sparkly.

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-Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah!

-NEV SCREAMS

0:17:410:17:44

Angry Pants. Run! Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

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You're kidding? You and Crazy Keith found Mr Prank's gold

0:17:470:17:51

-hidden in the ice-cream van and then a bird stole it?

-Yeah. Feel icky.

0:17:510:17:56

I'm not surprised. Those were his life-savings for travelling.

0:17:560:18:00

-Have you told him yet?

-N-n-n-no.

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-We'll have to tell him.

-Frightened.

0:18:030:18:07

He's reasonable, I'm sure he'll be fine.

0:18:070:18:10

-Mmm.

-Ooh! I like this one. Mmm.

0:18:100:18:15

MR PRANK HUMS ALONG

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Let him enjoy the party before we break the news.

0:18:200:18:23

-Let's play him that new song.

-Ay-ay, captain!

0:18:230:18:27

Oh, all right, Doris, I forgive you for not warning me.

0:18:270:18:32

KEITH LAUGHS

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You always know how to talk me out of a bad mood. Mwah!

0:18:330:18:37

PARTY POPPERS, LAUGHTER

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Let's see what that noise is about.

0:18:390:18:43

Oh, wow!

0:18:430:18:44

A party! Oh!

0:18:440:18:48

-# Love you

-Angry Pants! #

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Oh, come on, Doris.

0:18:500:18:52

-Dance with me, baby.

-# Love you

0:18:520:18:55

# Angry Pants!

0:18:550:18:56

-# I love you

-Angry Pants!

0:18:560:18:59

-# Love you.

-Angry Pants! #

-Big finish!

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-# Love you

-BOTH: Angry Pants! #

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ALL CLAP, SHE SOBS

0:19:070:19:09

-Meow!

-Well done, Mr Barney, sir.

0:19:090:19:13

Glad you liked it. Now might be a good time to tell you something.

0:19:130:19:18

-Oh.

-Nev?

-Hmm.

0:19:180:19:22

-NEV GULPS

-Um... Angry Pants...

0:19:220:19:26

Oooh, sparkly. Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah! Uh-oh.

0:19:260:19:29

Mundo problemo.

0:19:290:19:31

What?!

0:19:330:19:34

Nev is trying to explain that he went into the van

0:19:340:19:38

to see where you were hiding your gold coins,

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-and a bird flew in and stole them.

-BANDIT GASPS

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-Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

-He knows it's the wrong thing to do,

0:19:440:19:49

but at least he admitted it.

0:19:490:19:51

Gold coins?

0:19:510:19:53

Oh, no. They were chocolate!

0:19:530:19:55

Ha-ha-ha!

0:19:550:19:57

Very tasty.

0:19:570:19:59

But not very valuable! Ha-ha-ha!

0:19:590:20:03

Confused.

0:20:030:20:04

I keep my gold in my tooth fillings. Ha-ha-ha, yes.

0:20:050:20:10

Yes. So I can bite the fingers off anyone who tries to steal it!

0:20:100:20:15

-Oh, well, what a relief!

-Too right, bro.

0:20:150:20:18

Argh! Well, I'll be a dingo's dentist!

0:20:200:20:23

Ah! That gold was in Angry Pants' mouth all along!

0:20:230:20:27

KEITH CHUCKLES

0:20:270:20:28

-So you can travel the world after all.

-Yeah, well, I could. Yes.

0:20:280:20:33

But I won't.

0:20:330:20:34

ALL: What?!

0:20:340:20:36

I've decided to stay!

0:20:360:20:39

You've all been so nice to me,

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with the party, the song the trifle and the underpants.

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I thought I'd stay for another 37 years!

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NEV GASPS

0:20:480:20:50

Hip-hip-hooray!

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Oh, yes. Mwah! SHE CHUCKLES

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Oh.

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Oh! Oh! Oh, Angry Pants is staying!

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No! Didger me doodah!

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What a rotten end to a party!

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You were brave telling Mr Prank what happened. I'm proud of you.

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-Love you, Barney.

-As a reward,

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I've got you your very own bag of gold coins.

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-Oh! Sparkly. Yum-yum!

-I know. I don't know about you,

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but that party tired me out. I'm going to bed. Night, mate.

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Night, Barney.

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BIRD CAWS

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Sleepy bear.

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Oh! Oh! Oh!

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-BIRD CAWS SADLY:

-Oh.

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Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

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