Two Bears and a Baby Bear Behaving Badly


Two Bears and a Baby

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I give up! Which means I'm going to have to carry

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these out to the wheelie bins.

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Argh! This rubbish gives me aches in places I didn't know I had.

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Ow!

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-Can't catch me!

-Don't mind me, will you!

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Jibbidy yeah!

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Bear! That's my allergies, Bear!

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Argh!

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I told you to clean this rubbish up. You're lying about!

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What?!

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-Get to work, man!

-Yes, Ms Barbara, sir. Ma'am.

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Ohh!

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Not now. I want you to help me with this now.

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Of course you do.

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Come on, man, put your back into it.

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Ahhhhhh!

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Finally. Where's that dratted man gone now?

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Probably gone for a lie-down somewhere. Plank! Plank!

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Now I'm going to get you!

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Quick, run!

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Plank, come on, back to work.

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I thought you'd gone on holiday.

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Can't catch me!

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-Hahahahahahaha! Easy peasy!

-Argh!

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Now, Melanie, all this running around simply isn't ladylike.

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When I was your age I was playing with dolls, not dogs.

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No way.

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I'm going to make a lady of you.

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From now it's going to be dolls and pretty dresses.

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-Come on.

-BABY SQUEAKS

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-Ohh, ohh.

-Here I am.

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-Hi, Mr Prank.

-Hello, Mr Barney, sir.

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Would you take a look at the chain and plug in the bath?

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-I tried to fix it.

-When I get some time, I'll have a look.

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-Nev could help you.

-Oh.

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Smashing.

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Great. Sorted. I'm off to work.

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-Love you, Nev.

-Bye, Barney.

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Right, Bear.

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Friend!

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Job well done. I didn't need you helping me, Bear.

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I'm quite capable of picking up a spanner all by myself.

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Argh! Oh! Oh!

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Ouch.

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CRUNCH! Oh!

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Oh, my back!

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Oh, my back! Oh, that's it.

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I'm going to soak my pains away with a nice hot bath

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with some of this in it. New You remedy.

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Feel a year younger with every magical drop.

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-How?

-And it also says, Bear, that I will be a younger, fitter man.

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-Can't catch me.

-But I will.

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Now get out of here. I'm going to use Mr Barney's bath.

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Save my hot water.

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Go on, clear off, go on. Go on, Bear, get out of here. Go on.

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And stay out.

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Fix that later.

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Oh, that bear! HE CHUCKLES

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One,

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two, three.

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Don't want to overdo it, do we? HE CHUCKLES

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Ah, another piece of sky.

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This jigsaw's better at night during a power cut.

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I'll take longer than I thought.

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HE YAWNS

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MOTOR STARTS What was that?

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Strewth, Doris!

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Nev's in all sorts of trouble.

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Oh, yeah. See if you can get the edge pieces done.

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Later.

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-Waaaa!

-Way-hey!

-Sorry, Doris. This beats doing jigsaws.

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-Waaaaaa!

-Waaaaaa!

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Woo-hoo!

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Crackatoo!

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Woo-hoo!

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Ahhh. Can't beat a nice bath to sooth those aches and pains.

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GLUG, GLUG, GLUG!

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TYRES SCREECH

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Bear!

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Was that you, Bear?!

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Oh, yeah. That's better.

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Time for a sharp exit.

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Despite your best efforts to ruin my bath, Bear...

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Yes, yes. I feel years younger by the minute.

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This stuff is amazing.

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-Oh-oh!

-Oh!

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Oooh!

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Oh, I feel all strange.

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I feel...

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Oh!

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Strewth, Nevy, you should take a look at this stuff.

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"Takes years off the way you feel," it says on the bottle.

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I wonder if it works.

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HE CHUCKLES

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For a minute there, I thought I saw old Angry Pants as a...

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baby. Waaaa!

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Waaaa!

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Nevy, I've had to hide for so long I've finally been rumbled.

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My secret's out.

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Ma-ma!

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Eh?

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Ma-ma.

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He thinks I'm his mum.

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Hello.

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Ahh! Not so tight, you overgrown infant.

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-HE STARTS TO CRY

-Mummy rummy loves you.

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I might be here for some time, Nevy.

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Could you go and check on Doris down under?

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She'll be getting onto some tricky bits of night sky.

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OK, Crazy Keith.

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Oh, there you are, Plank!

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The rubbish chute is still blocked and there's still refuse everywhere.

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Typical. I find you sucking your thumb

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and cuddling a moth-eaten teddy bear.

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-What have you got to say for yourself?

-HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY

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What?!

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You tell her son! Moth-eaten indeed.

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I have never been so insulted.

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HE MUTTERS

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Easy peasy! Again, again!

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HE LAUGHS HIS HEAD OFF

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Plank, what do you think you're doing?!

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You are the worst caretaker I've ever had the misfortune to meet.

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PLANK BABBLES

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Oops. Crazy Keith.

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Bye-bye, Doris. Quick.

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Caretaker, Caretaker, couldn't care less taker.

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Get up on your feet, Plank. Ahhh!

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Nevy, doggy.

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Get your work done, Plank, or you're out of a job.

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Phew-wee.

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-Ma-ma.

-What do you know?

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It's our lucky day, Nevy.

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Angry Pants can't caretake like this.

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-Too right.

-Which means he's going to get the boot,

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leaving us to eat up his secret ice cream supplies.

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Love you, Ma-ma.

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Love you, da-da.

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Mummy loves you too, Son.

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-Love you, Baby Pants.

-HE BLOWS A KISS

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This is all wrong.

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-Are you feeling like me, like we've got to help him?

-Yeah, yeah.

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He's just too young to help himself.

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Yeah, yeah. Too right, bro.

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I'll break free of his grip and check on Doris.

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You start caretaking for him,

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then we'll give Baby Pants some play time.

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Stinky trash.

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-Ah!

-Don't you dare say anything, Nev.

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-Ruby!

-HE LAUGHS

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It's all right for you. You don't have to wear it.

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Why are you clearing up this?

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-Isn't that Angry Pants' job?

-BABY NOISES

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Ma-ma!

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What was that?

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"Feel a year younger with every magic drop."

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He's turned into a baby.

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MAKES WAILING BABY NOISES

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So, please!

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No way! I'd rather clear up the rubbish in the hall.

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Then again...

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Our father was right. Dressing up a dolly can be great fun.

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Ha ha ha ha ha! Groovy!

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Ha ha ha ha.

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HE HICCUPS

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Ooh, fwightened.

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I think he needs burping.

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Burp, please!

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ENORMOUS BURP

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Yuckie!

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LOUD RUMBLING

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Hungry, hungry, hungry!

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Here comes an aeroplane!

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No!

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Ha ha ha ha ha!

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Ha ha ha ha ha!

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Nev, you're supposed to be helping me.

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Sorry, Smelanie!

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Helping me, not him!

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Oops! Ha ha ha ha!

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I'm going to get this off.

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WAAAAAGH! WAAAAAH!

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Oh, no!

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New York at night in a power cut is an even harder jigsaw.

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BUMPING AND SHOUTING

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Looks like Melanie's gone.

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But Baby Pants is still hungry.

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Luckily, I've got the perfect book.

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Feeding. They love raw steak.

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Ah, interesting.

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Jibadeeha!

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Bonzer! He scoffed the entire raw steak.

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The little beaut!

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It certainly is a great book.

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Wait a second!

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This isn't called How To Look After A Baby.

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It's called How To Look After A Baby Crocodile!

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AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

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Mundo problemo.

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Agh! We probably shouldn't give him any more.

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Maybe we should skip chapter seven -

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Releasing Him Back Into The Swamp.

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Ma-ma!

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Da-da!

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Ah, what a little cutie!

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Look at Baby Pants' happy little face!

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Aaah. Let's spend some quality family time together.

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Ha ha ha!

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Aah!

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-Aah!

-Aah!

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Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

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Love you, Baby Pants.

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Yeah.

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But this has gone on far too long.

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Too right, bro.

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I think we need to find an antidote.

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He's got to grow up sometime.

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PLAAAANK!

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Oh no! We've only just got him to sleep.

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Time for a sharp exit.

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Oh, there you are, Plank.

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You haven't done a stroke of work since I last saw you.

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Shhh! Shhh! Shhh!

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Not now, Nevy-wevy.

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Get up, you layabout. You've got rubbish to clear.

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WAAAAAGH! WAAAAAAAAH!

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You can save your tears for my brother Rupert.

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I'm going to write to him now and tell him to sack you.

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OK, Nevy, you tidy up that rubbish, and I'll sing Baby Pants to sleep.

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Then we need to find that antidote.

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Meet me in the lair in one hour.

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OK, Crazy Keith.

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# Go to sleep, Baby Pants

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# May your dreams be all caretaking... #

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Wacadoo!

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Easy peasy!

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LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

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Finally! Techno music.

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Didgeridoo-dah.

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Who'd a-thunk it!

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-Uh, tired.

-Me too, Nevy.

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Who'd have thought looking after a baby could be such hard work?

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That's why I've been studying this bottle of New You Remedy.

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It says, to revert the anti-ageing effect,

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simply ask someone to tickle you.

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Ha ha ha! Tickle tickle tickle.

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That's right. Then he'll be back to normal...

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Wait a sec.

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If I'm down here and you're down here,

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who's minding the baby?

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BUMPING AND CRASHING

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TALKS IN BABY WORDS

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We've got him cornered.

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Ma-ma! Da-da!

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We've got to get to him, before Aunt B hears him.

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Plank! Is that you I can hear? >

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I'm coming down to inspect the hall.

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Barbara! Quick!

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Where'd he go?

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HIDE!

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Caretaker, caretaker, couldn't-keep-his-job-taker.

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Baby Pants.

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Plank. Plank! I know you're in there.

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Come on, Nevy, this is our chance.

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Plank! Where are you?

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Stop! Aaaagh!

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Da-da!

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He's OK. He's fine.

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Phew-wee.

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Bye-bye, Baby Pants.

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Right, now the antidote.

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Let the tickling commence.

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Aye aye, captain.

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Tickle, tickle.

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Look, he's getting older.

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He's going, Nevy.

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Tickle, tickle, tickle.

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I love tickling, Nevy.

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Strewth, stop, Nev!

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We've overtickled him!

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Help! I'd better hide.

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Bear!

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I remember you!

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BEAR SCREAMS

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Oh, me back!

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Oh, bear!

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Come here, bear.

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Now, what did I come out here for?

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There you are, Plank.

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You came out here to tidy up the rubbish.

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Oh.

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Come on, chop chop!

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BACK CREAKS

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Oooh! Oh!

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I'm writing to my brother Rupert about this.

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Hey, Nevy, there's still a few drops left to make him younger.

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No time for a bath, though. It'll have to be a shower.

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Now, here's the plan.

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Oh, ooh!

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Here I am! Can't catch me.

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Bear!

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Can't catch me!

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Oh, classic!

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But it hasn't done the trick.

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Ooh, whatever I put in that bath has made me feel like a new man.

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I feel years younger now.

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Hello, that's odd.

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Mind you, I can think of a good use for it!

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Bear! I've got all the energy in the world now to...

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PLANK! Clear up this rubbish.

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Before I post this letter to my brother Rupert.

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Ha ha ha ha!

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BLOWS RASPBERRY

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Bear!

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So, how d'you enjoy helping Mr Prank out today, mate?

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Love you, Baby Pants!

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You seemed to get on really well.

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I have one question, though.

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What's that pram doing here?

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Sorry, Mr Barney, sir, I just seem to like it in here.

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Happy memories of a childhood, I suppose.

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Oh, well. Good night.

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Yeah, 'night.

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