An Earful of Willi Bottersnikes & Gumbles


An Earful of Willi

Animated series. When his Bottersnike costume fails to beat Tink's at the fancy dress party, Willi ventures to Snike Hill to prove how convincing his outfit is.


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HE CHUCKLES

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RAM BLEATS

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HE CACKLES

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MECHANICAL ARM WHIRS

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Whoa!

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HE GIGGLES

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Oh, yeah!

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Best Bottersnike costume at the annual Gumble fancy dress party -

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check. Plate of grubs - check.

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One last mirror check - check.

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-TOY:

-'Here is a cow - moo, moo.'

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It is clearly some kind of predictorating device.

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It knows what things are and what they will say.

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I'm the predictorator around here.

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It should stay with me.

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It's technology - it belongs with me.

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THEY GRUNT

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Give it here!

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'The wolf goes...'

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HE SNORES

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TOY HITS KING

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'This is a pig - oink, oink.'

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HE GROANS

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'Oink, oink.'

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HE GROANS

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# Bottersnike, yeah Bottersnike, Bottersnike. #

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-Woo! MERRI:

-Willi!

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You are obviously...

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Late.

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It's cos I wanted my Bottersnike costume to be the best ever.

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Hm... Time well spent!

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-Your Bottersnike costume is almost as good as Tink's.

-Huh?

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What?

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-HE LAUGHS

-Wow.

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-HE LAUGHS

-Toot! Toot!

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Nice one, Willi.

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That's the second-best Snike question here.

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HE GROWLS

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FLOAT GIGGLES

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How is this Bottersnike costume

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better than my Bottersnike costume?

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Uh...

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Um, well, Bottersnikes are tall,

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and Tink is taller.

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And Tink's is more Bottersnikey.

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How?! And what have you come as?

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She's a Grubling.

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I am.

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-She looks just like one.

-I do.

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No-one knows what they look like, she made them up!

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HE MOANS

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My Bottersnike costume IS the best. You're all whomp-wits.

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That was a very Snikey reaction.

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-Not bad at all.

-Yeah.

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SHE WHIMPERS

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Explain this.

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-TOY: 'This is a horse...'

-TOY WHINNIES

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HE GROANS

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Would you believe...

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i-it's a rogue conscience?

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Depends.

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What's a conscience?

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You know - that inner voice

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that tells you if you're about to do something...

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bad?

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No!

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Well, exactly.

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Bottersnike consciences almost never work.

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I demand you get rid of this conscience at once.

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I'm sure I can extraculate it.

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Hm...

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Whomping Tink, always better than me.

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I'll show them how to be the most Bottersnikey.

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Hurry up, you po-pudding!

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HE GROANS

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'The rooster says - cock-a-doodle-doo!'

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The King says, "Why is this not working?!"

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Conscience extraculation is a-a delicate

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medicical procedure that cannot be rushed.

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Oh. Well, go on, then.

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HE GROANS

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'The bird says - chirp, chirp, cheep.'

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Whomp!

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Just need to extraculate harder,

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with this!

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Release this precision extraculator at once.

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WILLI SCREAMS

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Ow!

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THEY GASP

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What are you looking at?

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SHE WHIMPERS

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What the Bot?!

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WILLI WHIMPERS

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Why is a tiny Bottersnike coming out of my ear?

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I-I was just passing through?

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Wait, you think I look just like a Bottersnike?

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You couldn't look more like a Bottersnike

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without being a Bottersnike.

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I knew it.

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ARE you a Bottersnike?

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What else would I be?

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SHE GASPS

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I think we've awoken and almost extraculated his actual conscience.

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Are you the King's conscience?

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Yes. Yes, I am.

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Why were you telling me what noises things make?

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Consciences do that sometimes?

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This is the sound your bum makes...

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PARP!

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Oh! Your conscience knows his bum sounds.

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My lumpy liege,

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perhaps removing your conscience is not such a good idea.

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You might need it.

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It occurs to me, Weathersnike,

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that you don't have a clue what you're talking about.

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-I should sit on your head.

-SHE GASPS

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Sitting on heads is such a stupid Bottersnike thing to do.

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You should listen to your conscience.

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Really?

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WILLI STRAINS

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What? Who's there?

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Oh! Ow!

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Pointy-pokey-pooping-ow!

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See? Stupid thing to do.

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HE SCOFFS

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HAMMER STRIKES METAL

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GUBBO GRUNTS

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HE LAUGHS

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Hey, Conscience, watch this.

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MECHANICAL ARM WHIRS

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I'm going to lob that massive ball on Gubbo's roof.

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He'll be squashed.

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You can't do that.

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Watch me.

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KING LAUGHS

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KING GROANS

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HE GRUMBLES

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You appear to know what you're talking about.

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I do. Want to know what you should do?

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Depress me.

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You should go to the Gumble tree right now

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and point out just how much your conscience looks like a Bottersnike.

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And, I don't know, maybe apologise for being mean.

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I'll be doing none of that.

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If you don't, your bum will fall off.

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What?! Nonsense.

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It will. That's exactly what will happen.

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If you don't do exactly what your conscience - me -

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tells you to do, your bottom will fall off.

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Everyone knows that.

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They do?

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CHANK CLEARS HIS THROAT

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-Huh?

-My melodorous monarch,

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where might you be going in such a discreet,

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some might say suspicious manner?

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Answer that after - why do you have a miniature Snike

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-coming out of one ear?

-That's his conscience.

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Silly.

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Conscience?

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Then I call for you to stand down as king.

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The Snikes can't have a king with a conscience bossing him around.

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-HE SCOFFS

-I'm not being bossed around,

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I'm simply taking good care of my bottom.

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-Are you going to the Gumble tree to sit on them?

-To spang them?

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No, I'm going to...

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-HE COUGHS:

-Apologise.

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-ALL:

-Apologise?!

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I have to listen to my conscience or my bottom will fall off.

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Everyone knows that.

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THEY GASP

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We must all wake up our consciences!

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HE GRUMBLES

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-WEATHERSNIKE:

-We must all wake up our consciences!

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THEY GRUNT AND MOAN Ow!

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LAUGHTER

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PARTY MUSIC PLAYS

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THEY LAUGH

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THEY GASP

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WILLI CLEARS HIS THROAT

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The Bottersnike King has something very important to say.

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Yuck!

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Actually...don't worry about it.

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Hm, is that a loose bottom I hear?

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-HE GROWLS

-Fine.

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I'd just like to say, I'm sorry for being mean to the Gumbles.

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There, I said it.

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WILLI: He has another thing to tell you.

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-Huh?

-He also wants to tell you that I, his conscience,

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could not...? Could not...?

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Not what?

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Could not look more like a Bottersnike.

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Oh, that.

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Yes, he could not look more like a Bottersnike.

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WILLI: Do we all hear that?

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This Bottersnike thinks I could not look more like a Bottersnike.

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Without being a Bottersnike -

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-like that fella.

-THEY GASP

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Hello, have we met?

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I expected I'd be the only Bottersnike here.

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You ARE the only Bottersnike here!

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-Oops.

-The only one that matters, obviously.

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HE LAUGHS

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This conscience is the worst.

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Any second, it'll probably start

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telling me the sounds things make.

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This is the sound of a really angry Gumble.

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WILLI ROARS, THEY YELP

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I DO look the most like a Snike. How would he know anyway?

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He's so stupid, he thinks I'm his conscience.

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HE GASPS

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THEY GASP

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-Eh?

-Grumble-guts.

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THEY STRAIN

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If you're not my conscience, what are you?

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Just a really tiny Snike?

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Then prepare to get tinier!

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Whoa!

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Ah-ha! Not shrinking?

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Not a Snike.

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Would you believe I'm pre-shrunk?

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No. That'd be stupid. HE LAUGHS

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Right. Who shall we spang first?

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-Um...

-No. No. Tell him -

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just for the party, the Gumbles have filled their moat

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with non-Snike-shrinking water.

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Yeah. Yeah.

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That's exactly what they've done.

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See? Come on in, the water's fine.

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HE LAUGHS

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Last one in's a rotten Gumble!

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THEY GIGGLE

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HE MOANS IN A HIGH VOICE

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THEY LAUGH

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Non-Snike-shrinking water. Nice one, Willi.

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That idea was even better than one of Tink's.

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Really?

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Better than Tink? Woohoo!

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Hey-hey!

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KING SIGHS

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It turned out my conscience

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was actually...

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THEY PANT AND MOAN

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..very much worth getting out.

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You'll find superior extraculators over there.

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HE CHUCKLES

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-ALL:

-Ow!

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This is so much more enjoyable without a conscience!

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HE LAUGHS

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When his Bottersnike costume fails to beat Tink's at the fancy dress party, Willi ventures to Snike Hill to prove how convincing his outfit is, but ends up stuck in the King's ear, where he poses as his conscience and begins instructing him on what to do.


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