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Hello, I'm Ted.
I am pleased you've come to see me again,
as I'm almost ready to finish the second part of Burglar Bill,
which was written by Janet and Allan Ahlberg.
Now, yesterday I told you all about naughty Burglar Bill
who takes things that don't belong to him.
He had a big surprise one day when he took a box which had a baby inside.
Burglar Bill fed and played with the baby
and then put the baby to bed after a busy day.
Suddenly, a strange noise wakes up Burglar Bill.
"Blow me down," says Burglar Bill. "I'm being burgled!"
Burglar Bill creeps to the top of the stairs.
Down below, a torch is shining and a voice says,
"That's a nice umbrella. I'll have that."
Burglar Bill creeps down the stairs.
The voice says, "Ooh, that's a nice tin of beans. I'll have that."
Burglar Bill creeps along the hall and into the kitchen.
The voice says, "That's a nice date and walnut cake
"with buttercream filling and icing on top. I'll have that."
Burglar Bill puts on the light.
There, with a black mask over her eyes
and her hand in the bread bin, stands a lady.
"Who are you?" says Burglar Bill.
"I'm Burglar Betty," says the lady. "Who are you?"
Burglar Bill puts on his own mask.
"Oh," says Burglar Betty. "I know you. It's Burglar Bill.
"I've seen your picture in the police gazette."
Then she says, "Look here. I'm ever so sorry, breaking in like this.
"If I'd have known..." "Oh! Don't mention it," says Burglar Bill.
He holds out his hand. "Pleased to meet you."
"Likewise, I'm sure," Burglar Betty says.
Burglar Bill makes a jug of cocoa and opens a pack of ginger biscuits.
The two burglars sit around the kitchen table.
"You married, Bill?" says Burglar Betty.
"No," says Burglar Bill. "The right woman never come along."
He offers the biscuits to Burglar Betty.
She takes one and dips it in her cocoa.
"Only, I just wondered," she says, "seeing these baby things."
"Oh, I've got a baby," says Burglar Bill.
"Found it on a doorstep in a box."
"In a box?" says Burglar Betty.
"That's right," says Burglar Bill.
"A big brown box with little holes in it."
"A big BROWN box with little holes in it?" says Burglar Betty.
"That's right," says Burglar Bill.
"Well, blow me down," says Burglar Betty. "That baby's mine."
The two burglars hurry upstairs to the baby's room.
"That's him," says Burglar Betty. She swings the baby in the air.
"He's got this birthmark on his leg.
"And these are his own little clothes as well, what his Grandma knit him."
Back in the kitchen, Burglar Bill makes a fresh jug of cocoa
and opens a packet of arrowroot biscuits.
Meanwhile, Burglar Betty tells him how she lost the baby.
"I just left him on that doorstep for a minute
"while I was burgling the house and when I come out, he was gone.
"I thought the police had got him."
"I only thought it was a useful sort of box," says Burglar Bill.
"I never knowed there was a baby in there till I got it home."
Burglar Betty gets ready to leave.
"I suppose your husband'll be glad when you get back,"
says Burglar Bill.
"No, he won't," says Burglar Betty. "I ain't got no husband."
She dabs a little hanky to her eyes. "You see, I'm a widow lady."
Burglar Bill walks through the town with Burglar Betty and the baby.
"You know, Betty," he says.
"Getting burgled like that, it give me a fright."
"I know what you mean," says Burglar Betty.
"Losing my baby like that give me a fright."
"I can see the error of my ways," says Burglar Bill.
"I've been a bad man."
"Me too," says Burglar Betty. "I've been a bad woman.
"I've been a terrible woman."
Just then, the baby starts to cry. "Shh," says Burglar Betty.
"You'll have the police after us." Burglar Bill looks over his shoulder.
"From now on, I'm going to lead an honest life," he says,
"and all them things I've pinched..."
"All them things I've pinched as well," says Burglar Betty.
"All them things," says Burglar Bill,
"mine and yours, Betty, we're going to...take them back."
So, Burglar Bill stops being a burglar and, after a time,
starts working as a bread man in the local bakery.
Burglar Betty stops being a burglar as well.
When spring comes, she sells her house
and gives the money to the police benevolent fund.
Then she gets married to Burglar Bill.
WEDDING BELLS CHIME
Outside the church, Bill stands with the baby in his arms.
"Say, 'Bakery Bill'," he says. "Bakery Bill," says the baby.
"Say, 'For he's a jolly good fellow for marrying my mum'," says Bill.
"Say, 'For she's a jolly good fellow for marrying him'," Betty says.
In the distance, the town hall clock strikes four.
Bill, Betty and the baby leave the church, walk down the little street,
behind the police station and go home to have their tea.
That story was called Burglar Bill.
I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
Burglar Bill and Burglar Betty were very naughty, weren't they?
It's good that they both changed their ways
and I know they will live happily and honestly ever after.
Well, it's time for YOU to have happy dreams now,
so off you go and get tucked up in bed.
Sleep well and I'll see you again very soon.