Mind Your Manors ChuckleVision


Mind Your Manors

The comic antics of accident-prone brothers. Paul and Barry must save Chuckle Manor from greedy landowner Simon Chortle by retrieving a priceless jug from the past.


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# ChuckleVision Chuck-Chuck-ChuckleVision

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# Chuck-Chuck-ChuckleVision ChuckleVision. #

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Friends, Rothonians, Countrymen,

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please help keep Chuckle Manor in the family.

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Great speech, Paul. Shame nobody's here.

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There will be. I put up signs all over the town.

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How's the appeal going?

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-We've made 70p.

-Great!

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Only another £599,999.30 to go!

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Oi! You!

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What's going on here?

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We're holding a sale for Chuckle Manor,

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-now that poor Aunt Petunia's gone.

-We're selling the family heirlooms.

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What? That tat?

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Well, since it's for a good cause, I'll take the lot. Say, £6?

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He wants to haggle! I'm good at this!

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-Shall we say £7?

-Five!

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-Six!

-Three!

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-Four!

-One!

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-Paul!

-HE SHUSHES HIM

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-I'll take no less than £2!

-Done!

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You can keep that 'orrible thing.

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We must save the manor from our arch-rivals, the Chortles!

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-That was Auntie's dying wish!

-They won't have enough money.

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Well, they didn't have... but they have now!

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-Eh?

-Eh?

-This stuff's worth a fortune!

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I'm Simon Chortle, of the Chortle family!

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Now, get off my land!

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It's not your land yet!

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-It will be soon enough!

-Never!

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Oooo!

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We're not giving up without a fight!

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I still can't understand why Aunt Petunia didn't leave it to us!

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Thought she'd be grateful after all my hard work!

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How am I gonna get in?

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Aha! A window!

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Cactus... Drainpipe! Yeah!

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Yeah... Seems sturdy enough.

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Oh, but I don't like heights.

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Decisions, decisions.

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HE PUFFS AND STRAINS

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-Oh, dear!

-DRAINPIPE CREAKS

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VASE SHATTERS

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Magnificent! This is what we're trying to save, Barry!

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Save? What do you mean, save? >

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Well, we...

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-Argh!

-Argh!

-You?! The black sheep of the family!

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Aunt Petunia!

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Get out of my manor!

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We're trying to save it! The Chortle family want to try and buy it back.

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Ah, the Chalice of Chuckle! Do you have the pair?

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-No, but Barry's got an apple!

-Together they are priceless,

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and would save Chuckle Manor.

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You must visit the past and retrieve the other chalice!

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Oh, yes, I have a time machine(!)

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You must know the secret Chuckle oath?

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Charlie Chuckle chanced a cheeky chick cheerily chucking clucks.

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The chalice was first sighted in the Stone Age! Well, go on!

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BOTH: Charlie Chuckle chanced a cheeky chick,

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cheerily chucking clucks...

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-It worked!

-Now, where's that chalice?

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And as our monument nears completion, we drink to our gods...

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who have yielded to our strength and fortitude.

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There it is!

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Quick!

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We give thanks to Climatus,

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god of fine weather, for his temperate mercy!

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Stop!

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Stop! Stop! You can't celebrate this! It's rubbish!

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Draughty! No roof! Grass for a carpet!

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-You insult us!

-Eh?

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-Seize him!

-Oh, now, now, now! To you, Barry!

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Argh!

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Ooh!

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Ah-ha! Yes!

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Oh, dear!

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We'll be off now, then.

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Whoa!

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-Oh, no!

-We've got a choice, dark cave or boggy marsh.

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-Caves! We can hide in them!

-What if we get cornered?

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This way we can stay out in the open.

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-What, so they can see us?

-Have I ever let you down?

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There's the cave entrance! We'll be safe in there.

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THEY YELL

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Ooh! I thought you said we'd be safe in here?!

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-Argh!

-Oh, now he's fallen as well!

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-What do we do at the bottom?

-Go splat?

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-Ow!

-Ooh!

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Say the oath, quick!

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Charlie Chuckle chanced a chick cheerily chucking clucks!

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-We're still here!

-You must have missed something out!

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I'll get you for your cheek!

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That's the word! Cheeky chick!

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Charlie Chuckle chanced a cheeky chick cheerily chucking clucks!

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Right! Where are those Chucks?

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I'll bet they're upstairs!

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CRASHING

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-Oo!

-Ow!

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-You fools!

-No worries!

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There! Good as new!

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-Where is the other chalice?

-Barry left it behind.

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-Well, go back!

-Best not.

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Why don't we try somewhere else?

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The chalice was next recorded at the court of Elizabeth I.

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Right, off we go.

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Hang on, I've written it down this time, just in case.

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Charlie Chuckle chanced a cheeky chick cheerily chucking clucks.

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Stat me vitals, it's them!

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D'oh!

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Like a drink?

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The Queen's executioner always drinks alone.

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No executions today, then, eh?

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No, but I can arrange one if necessary.

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We have to do something to get him away from that chalice.

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-Yes, but what?

-I know, we'll arrange an execution.

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Come here, nothing to lose your head about.

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I have to upset the Queen and get executed.

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I'll dig a hole, you fill it with water,

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put a cloak over it, and, splash!

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That's not very nice. I'll blow a raspberry at her, that should do it.

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That's not serious enough to get your head chopped off.

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-That's what I liked about it.

-As soon as I've got the chalice,

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I'll disguise myself as the executioner and save you.

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-Are you sure about that?

-Of course I am.

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Go on.

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Ah, ah, ah. Allow me.

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Don't want Her Majesty getting wet.

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Hope that axe is nice and sharp. Don't want to be here all day.

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Enough of your disrespect.

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All right, Mr Executioner. Or should I say "Paul"?

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Well, erm, not exactly.

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Eh? What happened?

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-I didn't get the chalice.

-Oh, dear.

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-Say the oath!

-Wait!

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-What now?

-I need to make a statement. It's in Barry's pocket.

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More foolishness.

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I'll put it in the basket.

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You can read it later. HE LAUGHS

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Charlie Chuckle chanced a cheeky chick cheerily chucking clucks.

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Charlie Chuckle chanced a cheeky chick cheerily chucking clucks.

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-Well?

-We didn't get it.

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Heaven's above. You've got one last chance.

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This will ensnare those miscreants.

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DOOR CLOSES It's them!

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Ooh, they're here.

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-Argh!

-Ooh! Oh.

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Help, get me down!

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The last sightings were in the 1800s at the salon of Beethoven,

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and also at a country fair.

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Great, all those games and candyfloss.

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No, I want to go to Beethoven's salon.

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-I could do with a haircut.

-Beethoven was a famous musician.

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-I want to go to the fair.

-No, Beethoven.

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Well, make up your minds.

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It's your last chance to save Chuckle Manor from the Chortles.

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Dah! My piano is out of tune!

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Ha, Mr Beethoven! Or can we call you Earwig?

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You're in luck. Me and Barry, we're piano tuners.

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-I can't see it.

-Neither can I.

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Have a look round, I'll make enquiries.

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You don't happen to have an ancient chalice, by any chance?

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Ja, to keep my quills in.

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But I have no need of it now.

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I have only four notes of my new symphony

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and my benefactors are due any moment.

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Perhaps I could help. Let's hear what you've got.

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PLAYS NOTES

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-The piano's out of tune, you say?

-Ja, it's too sharp.

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Leave it to me.

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Here, try this.

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PLAYS "CHUCKLEVISION" THEME

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-That is not my symphony.

-No, but it's a lot jollier.

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Hm, perhaps.

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I can't see a thing.

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That's better.

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-PLAYS "CHUCKLEVISION" THEME

-Oh!

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Get out of there! Can't you see I'm composing?

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Hey, you'd better get this written down.

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-Get your chalice.

-No time, I shall play it by ear.

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Gentlemen, my new Fifth Symphony.

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HE PLAYS "CHUCKLEVISION" THEME

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Oh! My piano!

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-Oh, well, you can't win 'em all.

-Once would be nice.

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That's our work done here, Barry.

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Charlie Chuckle chanced a cheeky chick cheerily chucking clucks.

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-We've got it!

-Splendid.

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Yes, all our troubles are over.

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HE STRAINS

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At auction, the pair will raise a fortune.

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You'll be able to keep the Manor.

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Aha! Got you at last, you cheeky swines.

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-Come on, out.

-Not so fast, Chortle.

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Remember this? Didn't like it, did you?

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The pair of them will raise enough money to buy this place,

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whatever the cost.

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HE SOBS

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What are the chances of that happening?

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-Well done, boys, perhaps I've misjudged you.

-I'll drink to that.

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CLINKING, SMASHING

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HE CHUCKLES MENACINGLY

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And stay out!

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I don't think we should have given in so easily.

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What else could we do? He's got all the power, all the money.

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THUDDING

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They're back.

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-CLANG

-Agh!

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Rahhh!

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-Perhaps he'll get fed up and give it us back.

-Oh, yes,

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I'm sure he'll come running out,

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throw us the keys and goes, "There you go, lads, it's all yours,

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"I don't want it after all."

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There you go, lads, it's all yours. I don't want it after all.

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-There you go, back where we belong.

-There's got be a catch.

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Get us a drink and something to eat, will you?

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I'm not your butler. Try ringing for service.

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BELL RINGS

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-You rang?

-It worked!

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-Oh-oh.

-What?

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Agh!

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# Chuck-Chuck-ChuckleVision Chuck-ChuckleVision

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# Chuck-Chuck-ChuckleVision

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You don't happen to have an ancient chas..chal...chals...

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-It's gone, do you see?

-Chalice.

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All those games and candyfloss.

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No, we're going to Beethoven's cas...ca..bleurgh.

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Castle?

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# Chuck-Chuck-ChuckleVision. #

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The comic antics of accident-prone brothers.

Paul and Barry must save Chuckle Manor from greedy landowner Simon Chortle. Their only hope is to retrieve a priceless jug from the past but soon cause time-travelling trouble at ancient Stonehenge, bother a busy Beethoven and experience a near-miss with an Elizabethan executioner.


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