Raven Mad ChuckleVision
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Transcript
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# Ch-Ch-ChuckleVision Ch-ChuckleVision | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
# Ch-Ch-ChuckleVision Ch-ChuckleVision | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
# Ch-Ch-ChuckleVision. # | 0:00:16 | 0:00:18 | |
MUSIC: "Rule Britannia!" | 0:00:19 | 0:00:22 | |
I feel silly. | 0:00:33 | 0:00:34 | |
Silly?! You're wearing the uniform of a Beefeater, | 0:00:34 | 0:00:39 | |
Yeoman of the Guard? Defender of the Crown Jewels? | 0:00:39 | 0:00:43 | |
-How do you feel silly? -My hat's too big. -You'll grow into it. | 0:00:43 | 0:00:47 | |
-Where's your pike? -I parked it round the back. -Not your BIKE, your pike! | 0:00:47 | 0:00:52 | |
-You know what that is? -An ugly fish with big teeth. -No! | 0:00:52 | 0:00:55 | |
-It's a long stick with a point on the end! -I saw one of those inside. | 0:00:55 | 0:01:00 | |
Ah, well... | 0:01:00 | 0:01:01 | |
Right, then... | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
Ow! | 0:01:06 | 0:01:07 | |
-You could have had my eye out! -It was an accident. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:10 | |
-Accident nothing! Here, you have that one. -All right. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:14 | |
-Oooh! -Ha ha! Sorry, it was an accident(!) Right. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:19 | |
-I'll teach you the basic moves. You do everything I do. -Right. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:23 | |
Over the shoulder with the pike. Get my pike... Then... | 0:01:23 | 0:01:27 | |
Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah! | 0:01:27 | 0:01:30 | |
Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah! | 0:01:30 | 0:01:33 | |
Was that six wahs or seven? | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
Hold that. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
PAUL LAUGHS | 0:01:43 | 0:01:46 | |
BIRD CAWS | 0:01:48 | 0:01:49 | |
BIRD CAWS AGAIN | 0:01:55 | 0:01:58 | |
You're the one that did it! Come down and try that again! | 0:01:58 | 0:02:02 | |
You disgusting little creature! | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
-Oh, I didn't mean you, I meant that black pigeon. -Raven. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:09 | |
-Yes, he is. -I don't recognise you two. New faces, eh? | 0:02:09 | 0:02:14 | |
-No, we've always had these ones. -We're in a state of high alert. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:18 | |
-Daring Derek's around! -Around what? -He's a notorious robber, | 0:02:18 | 0:02:22 | |
famed for his ridiculous disguises. He plans to steal the Crown Jewels. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:28 | |
-And you want us to guard them? -Now, there's a thought. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:32 | |
You two guarding the Jewels! | 0:02:32 | 0:02:34 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:02:34 | 0:02:37 | |
No. You two keep well clear of them. I want you to look after the ravens. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:45 | |
You know they say when the last raven flies from the Tower walls, | 0:02:45 | 0:02:50 | |
buildings tumble and the kingdom falls? | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
If the ravens left, it would be disaster for Britain. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:57 | |
-We don't want that, do we? -No. Now, to your duties. | 0:02:57 | 0:03:00 | |
Dis-miss! | 0:03:00 | 0:03:03 | |
-Told you this hat was too big! -PAUL SIGHS | 0:03:06 | 0:03:09 | |
Bird duty! I can't believe it. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
The Crown Jewels are at stake, and we're sent to the sidelines. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:17 | |
-You could help! -No time, I've more important things to do. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:21 | |
I'm reading up on Daring Derek. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
-Hickory, Dickory... -Don't tell me, Dock? | 0:03:23 | 0:03:28 | |
No, Fred. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:29 | |
-Incredible! -Not really. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
-We've got an uncle called Fred. -No, Daring Derek! | 0:03:31 | 0:03:35 | |
He started his criminal career at Buckingham Palace. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:39 | |
-Disguised as a constable, he stole a corgi! -No! | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
Then he went on to paintings. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
Disguised himself as a corgi, and stole a Constable! | 0:03:44 | 0:03:48 | |
-Let's check the Crown Jewels. -But Sergeant Harris said not to. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:52 | |
-But he doesn't know what we're capable of. -I don't know. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:56 | |
Word gets round. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:57 | |
Magnificent, eh? That's the biggest diamond in the world. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:08 | |
-It's called the Koh-I-Noor. -That's the curry house in the High Street! | 0:04:08 | 0:04:13 | |
-Yes! -Fancy naming the world's biggest diamond after a curry house. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:18 | |
Yeah. Queen Victoria used to go there for a Balti. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:22 | |
Fancy her liking curry! | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
Well, that's down to her Nan. Ha ha ha, her nan...! | 0:04:24 | 0:04:28 | |
Let's check out the security. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:30 | |
Ah, yes, here it is! I recognise this. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:42 | |
-That's a type 2 Schless and Warner. -You're not gonna fiddle with it? | 0:04:42 | 0:04:46 | |
Course not! | 0:04:46 | 0:04:47 | |
ALARM BELL RINGS | 0:04:47 | 0:04:50 | |
-Stupid thing! -I'll get Sergeant Harris. -Tut, tut, tut, no. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:57 | |
-I've got my screwdriver. -But Sergeant Harris... | 0:04:57 | 0:05:00 | |
-This is beyond his stupid brain. -Stupid brain? -Yes... | 0:05:00 | 0:05:04 | |
Heh heh heh... Just an expression... | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
-RINGING STOPS -What you gonna do with that? | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
Suppertime, lads. Bit of best steak. I've cooked it as well! | 0:05:16 | 0:05:21 | |
-Paul? One of these ravens has grown since lunchtime. -Has it really? | 0:05:23 | 0:05:27 | |
Hickory, Dickory, Fred... | 0:05:27 | 0:05:31 | |
And Harry! | 0:05:33 | 0:05:34 | |
And Ha... Paul! Guess what? | 0:05:34 | 0:05:37 | |
-He speaks! -It's a raven, not a parrot! | 0:05:37 | 0:05:41 | |
Expert, is he? Hasn't he heard of Doctor Dolittle? | 0:05:41 | 0:05:45 | |
It's me! I can understand him! I can talk to the animals! | 0:05:45 | 0:05:49 | |
-Cor, he's a big 'un! -Told you! -I didn't think you meant that big! | 0:05:55 | 0:06:00 | |
-What should we do? -Anything he says! | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
-Some chips would be nice. -He said he'd like some chips. | 0:06:02 | 0:06:06 | |
-I'll put the pan on. -Oh, and maybe some ketchup. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:10 | |
-Some tomato ketchup, as well. -Yeah, OK! | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
-Nah, forget the ketchup, make it mayonnaise. -Mayonnaise it is. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:19 | |
-Can you change the ketchup to mayonnaise? -I heard! | 0:06:19 | 0:06:24 | |
Just a minute... I heard...! | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
It seems you're not the only one who's a Dolittle, Barry! | 0:06:30 | 0:06:35 | |
-Huh! More like a do nothing! -Right, you...! | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
He's not a raven at all! After him! | 0:06:40 | 0:06:43 | |
Ooh! | 0:06:44 | 0:06:45 | |
It's no good, he's flown away! | 0:06:48 | 0:06:51 | |
That wasn't a raven! That was Daring Derek! | 0:06:51 | 0:06:54 | |
Never! | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
BIRDS CAW | 0:06:57 | 0:07:00 | |
FLUTTERING, BIRDS CAW | 0:07:01 | 0:07:04 | |
"When the last raven flies from the Tower walls, | 0:07:09 | 0:07:12 | |
-"buildings tumble and the kingdom falls." -Don't rub it in! | 0:07:12 | 0:07:17 | |
-What's Sergeant Harris gonna do? -He doesn't have to know. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:22 | |
-Eh? -Pass me some straw. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
We'll leave these fake ravens here while we look for the real ones. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:33 | |
-There - Hickory, pretty life-like, eh? -I don't believe it! | 0:07:33 | 0:07:38 | |
-It's not that bad! -How did the Crown Jewels get there?! | 0:07:38 | 0:07:42 | |
Daring Derek must have put them there! Of course! | 0:07:42 | 0:07:47 | |
Remember when the alarm went off? | 0:07:47 | 0:07:49 | |
He was robbing the jewels! | 0:07:51 | 0:07:53 | |
Then he must have brought them here and hidden them under the straw! | 0:07:53 | 0:07:57 | |
-He'll have left fake ones! -Shall we tell the sergeant? -Yes. Erm... | 0:07:57 | 0:08:02 | |
Not yet. We'll take them to the Jewel House first. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:06 | |
-We don't want anything to happen to them. -Let's wash them first. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:12 | |
There. Good as new. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:14 | |
What do you think you're doing?! | 0:08:15 | 0:08:17 | |
-Just trying it on. -Well, don't! | 0:08:17 | 0:08:20 | |
-TINKLING -What was that? | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
Oh, no! Not the Koh-i-Noor! | 0:08:23 | 0:08:26 | |
GURGLING | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
All is not lost. If I blow down this tube, the jewel will just pop up. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:40 | |
-It's all about succumbing to pressure. -I know the feeling! | 0:08:40 | 0:08:44 | |
-What? -Nothing. -Get in position. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
-HE BLOWS -Anything? | 0:08:48 | 0:08:51 | |
-GURGLING -Not yet. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:54 | |
LOUD CREAKING | 0:08:55 | 0:08:59 | |
-Now? -No. Try harder. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:02 | |
LOUD CREAKING | 0:09:05 | 0:09:08 | |
-Still nothing. -Right! | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
HE BLOWS | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
LOUD CREAKING | 0:09:18 | 0:09:22 | |
Nope. It must have gone down the drain. We'll have to get these back. | 0:09:28 | 0:09:33 | |
-Won't someone notice the biggest diamond in the world is gone? -Yeah. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:38 | |
There. Nobody'll know. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
OWL HOOTS | 0:09:48 | 0:09:52 | |
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH | 0:09:52 | 0:09:56 | |
I don't think we should be doing this. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
-Relax. It's our job to protect the Crown Jewels. -Of course. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:06 | |
-Tut-tut-tut! The place is alarmed! -So am I! -No, burglar alarms. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:11 | |
Invisible beams protect the place. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
That's why I brought this - smoke. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:16 | |
-Hey! That's very clever! -It is very clever. Come on. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:25 | |
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE-STYLE MUSIC PLAYS | 0:10:25 | 0:10:31 | |
Oh! Ah, yes! | 0:10:34 | 0:10:38 | |
Obviously faked, this lot. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:40 | |
-Ah! -Paul? | 0:10:40 | 0:10:44 | |
-What? -You know how it's burglar alarmed? -Yes. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:47 | |
-Has it got smoke alarms as well? -Probably. Why? | 0:10:47 | 0:10:51 | |
ALARM | 0:10:53 | 0:10:54 | |
BOTH: Wa-aah! | 0:10:54 | 0:10:55 | |
-Hang on! What shall I do with these? -Get rid of them. -OK. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:05 | |
SPLASH | 0:11:08 | 0:11:09 | |
-That's the last we'll see of those. -Let's go. | 0:11:09 | 0:11:12 | |
ALARM STOPS | 0:11:12 | 0:11:13 | |
-Must be Sergeant Harris. -We'll have to go to Plan B. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:17 | |
-What's that? -You keep him talking while I go home. -OK. ..Eh?! | 0:11:17 | 0:11:21 | |
Too late! Hide! | 0:11:21 | 0:11:23 | |
Well, what have we here? | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
-Daring Derek, caught you at last. -No, you don't understand. | 0:11:26 | 0:11:30 | |
You know, in a funny sort of a way, I've always admired you. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:35 | |
Just a minute. Why's he Daring Derek? Why can't I be? | 0:11:35 | 0:11:39 | |
Because Daring Derek is as wily as a wolf. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
Yeah, that's me. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:43 | |
-As cunning as a crocodile. -Mmm. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:46 | |
And as nimble as... | 0:11:46 | 0:11:47 | |
-An elephant? -An antelope. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
That's definitely me. Hey, Barry, I bet they make a film about me. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:54 | |
-How dare you? You...imposter. -Who are you? | 0:11:54 | 0:11:58 | |
-Don't you recognise me? -Daring Derek! -The one and only. | 0:11:58 | 0:12:02 | |
Well, I never would have believed it. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
-That I was Daring Derek? -No, that they could catch you! Well done. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:10 | |
Have a medal. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:12 | |
He stole the jewels and replaced them with fake ones. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:15 | |
We found the real ones down in the Raven House. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:19 | |
-You think you've figured it out. Not quite. -What? | 0:12:19 | 0:12:22 | |
You was right. I DID plan to swap the jewels...this afternoon. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:26 | |
But just as I was about to, | 0:12:28 | 0:12:31 | |
some idiot set the alarm off, and I had to get out, | 0:12:31 | 0:12:34 | |
quick, | 0:12:34 | 0:12:36 | |
taking the fake Jewels with me. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
..Without me screwdriver. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
Then I went back to the Raven House, hid the Jewels, | 0:12:40 | 0:12:44 | |
and concealed myself among the real ravens. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:47 | |
See? The Jewels YOU found were the fake ones. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:52 | |
They're the ones you've just swapped. | 0:12:54 | 0:12:57 | |
No! It can't be! | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
We've been looking for that! | 0:13:00 | 0:13:03 | |
"Made in China." | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
Derek's right! | 0:13:05 | 0:13:07 | |
The Jewels ARE fake. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
So...what did you do with the REAL Crown Jewels? | 0:13:10 | 0:13:14 | |
-Get rid of them! -OK! | 0:13:14 | 0:13:16 | |
OWL HOOTS | 0:13:18 | 0:13:19 | |
SPLASH! | 0:13:19 | 0:13:20 | |
You threw the Crown Jewels in the river?! | 0:13:20 | 0:13:23 | |
What are you going to do? | 0:13:23 | 0:13:25 | |
In one day, we've lost the Crown Jewels, got rid of the Tower ravens, | 0:13:27 | 0:13:32 | |
and brought about the end of the country as we know it. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:36 | |
-Look on the bright side. At least we've still got a job. -Oi! You two! | 0:13:36 | 0:13:41 | |
Back to work! | 0:13:41 | 0:13:42 | |
THEY CAW | 0:13:44 | 0:13:47 | |
-Ooh! It's... -HE GETS TONGUE-TIED | 0:13:51 | 0:13:55 | |
-That wasn't Daring Derek! -Wasn't it? -It was a raven. -Ah! | 0:13:55 | 0:13:59 | |
-He said he wants some chips. -I'll go and put the kettle on... | 0:13:59 | 0:14:03 |