School Trip Class Dismissed

This is Dockbridge High,

a school just like yours, a school like any other,

a place where bright young minds are taught by some of the wisest,

most respected members of the teaching profession.

Our cameras filmed for a year to find out what life is really like

for the students and their teachers at this most ordinary of schools.

SIREN BLARES

Welcome to Class Dismissed.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

It's the geography field trip this afternoon

and Dave, the site manager, is preparing Lorraine,

the school bus.

Oh, my Lorraine. She's a beauty.

2.2 litre engine.

Four-speed gearbox.

Single-side door.

Retractable sidestep.

Hard-wearing carpet trim. I could go on.

Central locking.

Adjustable driver's seat.

CD player. Cup holder...

And, now, we are ready to roll.

ENGINE SPLUTTERS

ENGINE SPLUTTERS

Lorraine!

School trips are the best.

Yeah, sitting at the back of the bus, eating sweets.

No, an opportunity to learn outside of the classroom.

Yeah, what he said.

Yeah! School trip!

There's a palpable buzz of excitement at the idea

of spending the afternoon away from school.

Woohoo!

Is it the school trip today?

Psych. School trip!

Before the fun of the school trip can begin,

there's a morning of boring lessons to get through first.

That is...if a teacher ever arrives.

-PANTING:

-So...

..if a man was meant to be at school at 8am...

..and...

..travel time minus cornflakes, showering and dressing

still equals 30 minutes...

..what is the very latest time

that the man should have woken up this morning?

Yes, Tahj?

7.30am, sir.

7.30!

And for an extra mark, where might he buy a new alarm clock?

A shop, sir.

Thank you, Tahj.

Quiet reading!

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

-My favourite lesson's ICT.

-Yeah, ICT.

-It's so much fun.

Good morning, Mrs Hackvinda.

Oh, good morning Mr Potter. Aaja, aaja.

It's a lovely day for embroidery, hai na?

I'm sure it is, Mrs Hackvinda, but shouldn't you be teaching ICT?

Sorry, sorry...

I will start the lesson as soon as I finish reading this book.

To be honest, I'm not sure if Mrs Hackvinda

is really cut out for teaching ICT.

She's just a little old lady.

But the children do seem to enjoy her lessons.

HE CRICKS NECK

As you were.

OK, everyone, the ender dragon's gone.

Chalo. Action stations.

Power up and game on.

I've unlocked every level of Mario Kart,

packed in-form Ronaldo on FIFA

and Stampy wants to join my world on Minecraft,

-so let's make this quick, no?

-PUPILS:

-Yes, miss.

Miss, can you help me with a cheat code?

Let me just pwn this noob and I'll be right with you.

Miss, miss! Boss alert!

OK, clan. Control, alt, delete.

Emergency crash mode.

Everything OK in here, Mr Hackvinda?

Calm, Mr Potter, puttar.

Except I'm going to have to re-spawn myself.

-I'm sorry?

-I mean, I've lost my thread.

Well then...

Carry on.

Game on.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Break time and Dave is getting a professional opinion

on how to fix Lorraine.

What do you think's wrong with her then?

Doesn't look good, I'm afraid, Dave.

It's your spark plugs, you're going to have to get them replaced.

But it's the field trip this afternoon.

Oh, and you might need your oil topped up in a few weeks.

Cheers, Bill.

What?

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Product design teacher Mr Oakley is teaching his class

some important life skills.

Oak.

Man's best friend.

OK, listen up, fellas.

As a man, you never know when you might need an emergency canoe.

That were a bad day, that.

But I got through it...thanks to wood.

So, today's man task is to carve a canoe

out of a single piece of oak.

So, I need two strapping young men to come up and help us.

Er... Oh, you two young fellas.

Come on, up you come.

I'm not a man.

Now, this is a big day for you, fellow-me-lads.

I remember when I whittled my first object out of a single piece of oak.

I slept with that wooden teddy till I were a grown man.

Maybe five or six years old.

Gloves and goggles on, and hold log steady, chaps.

Now, I begin by taking me manly chisel in me manly..

Ahh! A spider!

Sir, it's only tiny.

Ahh! Is it on me? I don't like it. Is it in me moustache?

Ah! It's in the moustache! I want me mum! I want me mum!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! I don't like it!

Lunch time, a time when most accidents happen,

so school nurse Mr Hart is on high alert.

He's choking!

Patient is female and appears to be aged between eight and 45.

She is suffering from a chronic respiratory condition.

Can you hear me? Two blinks for yes.

-MUFFLED SPEECH

-She's babbling incoherently.

I just coughed, sir, I'm completely fine.

Patient is showing signs of distress.

Hart, looks like you're going to have to operate.

HEART RATE MONITOR FLATLINES

Sometimes you just have to let them go.

It's finally time for the school trip.

School trip!

HE IMITATES ROBOT Shotgun back seat!

PUPILS LAUGH

Righty-ho, class.

Are we all prepped and ready to go?

-PUPILS:

-Yes, miss.

-Mrs Crampon, one small problem.

Now, who's in charge of the safety dinghy? Good-o.

Then on we get.

Can I talk to...?

I need to speak to Mrs... I need to speak to Mrs Crampon.

Can I get...? What are you doing? Let me on.

Don't hit me with that.

Come along, Billy, stop messing around.

Sorry, miss.

Not everyone is going on today's trip.

In fact, even those who are are still in the playground.

Substitute teacher Miss Openshaw is covering Mr Capp's class.

Some people come to teaching through another similar job,

like prison guard or lion tamer.

But I used to have a job doing the recorded messages in a call centre.

CALL CENTRE MUSIC PLAYS

-IN PHONE OPERATOR VOICE:

-Please hold...

We're trying to connect you.

Good afternoon and thank you for coming to English.

Please hold, your education is important to us.

-MUSIC STOPS

-Thank you for waiting.

In which language would you like to learn English?

-English.

-You've chosen to learn English in English.

The book you are studying is Oliver Twist.

Which character from Oliver Twist would you like to discuss?

Bill Sikes.

-OK. I think you said hill mites.

-Bill Sikes.

OK, I think you said big bikes.

Bill Sykes.

OK, I think you said small trikes.

Nancy.

OK, I think you said Nancy.

Yeah, I did.

In Oliver Twist,

how does Nancy use a false identity in order to help Oliver Twist?

-Well, basically, she...

-Please hold.

MUSIC PLAYS

-MUSIC STOPS

-Please continue to hold.

Your answer is important to us.

MUSIC PLAYS, PUPILS SIGH

In another part of the school,

Mr Nasal is using a free period to do some marking.

He's making sure every page is covered.

Unclear hypothesis, minus one mark.

Writing in biro, minus one mark.

Ah-ah-ah-choo!

Snot on the page, minus one mark.

Go away!

-Oh, hello, Mr Nasal.

-Miss Spray, come in.

So, how...

how are things going in the science prep room?

-Intoxicating.

-What?

Oh, just a little joke because of the toxic chemicals, you know.

Oh, ha-ha-ha. Classic, Miss Spray, I must remember that one.

I...I was just wondering if I could borrow a Petri dish.

Oh, yes, of course. Have my favourite one.

I wonder...

if you're free,

if you'd like to join me for some lunch in the canteen sometime.

I'd be delighted.

Just make sure you wash your hands first.

What?

Because of the intoxicating material... What you said...

Yeah, very good.

Until then, Mr Nasal.

Till then, Miss Spray.

Ah.

MUSIC: Lovin' You by Minnie Riperton

Ehh...

A+.

A+.

A+.

Meanwhile, in the playground,

Mrs Crampon's survival instincts have kicked in.

Righto, everyone, no need to panic.

We've got everything we need to survive out here

for a month or more.

Plus, I phoned the garage.

Plus, we can just go home.

We need to choose a leader

or we'll dissolve into anarchy almost immediately.

I nominate myself.

Excellent. So, I'll give out jobs.

Hannah, you need to fetch water - four gallons, please.

Elliott, Nathan, Emily, build a shelter that'll sleep 12.

Billy, Tahj, we need food if we're to survive.

Fetch my fishing nets.

The rest of you - on firewood.

But the garage will be here soon.

Nonsense, man, we'll never make it.

I'll take first watch from the highest vantage point.

Give me a bunk up.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

The day is over and there's disappointment

that the field trip didn't go ahead as planned...

It's well unfair.

I know, I really wanted to go fishing.

..while others have made the best of a bad situation.

# The wheels on the bus go round and round

# Round and round Round and round

# The wheels on the bus go round and round

-# All day long. #

-It's like she's mocking us.

Don't listen to her, Lorraine.

# Round and round Round and round... #

And Dockbridge High closes its gates on another day.

MUSIC: Lovin' You by Minnie Riperton

Gross.

-# It's more than a feeling

-More than a feeling

# When I hear that old song they used to play

# More than a feeling

-# I begin dreaming

-More than a feeling

# Till I see Marianne walk away

# I see my Marianne walkin' away. #