Exams Class Dismissed

This is Dockbridge High, a school just like yours,

a school like any other.

A place where bright young minds are taught by some of the wisest,

most respected members of the teaching profession.

Our cameras filmed for a year to find out what life is really like

for the students and their teachers at this most ordinary of schools.

Welcome to Class Dismissed.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

It's exam time at Dockbridge High.

I love exam time, it's my favourite time of the year.

It's important to take exams seriously

and no-one takes them more seriously than Dave.

-Uh-uh-uh-uh, no entry, sorry.

-But I've got an exam.

-You're too late.

-No, I'm not,

-it doesn't start for another five minutes.

-Too late.

But it hasn't started yet.

You are supposed to be at your desk five minutes before.

-I saw some sick outside the science lab.

-What?

RADIO CRACKLES

Kev, we've got a Code Three at the science lab.

Approach with caution and bring a bucket.

In Mr Christopher's class, the pupils are about to take

a music theory exam to show that they know about music...

in theory.

OK, guys, OK, listen up. Now I hope you are all ready for your exam.

I was born ready.

Now, look, I know it's not as entertaining

as a normal lesson with me.

How could it be?

But this exam is very important

so I need you to focus, focus, focus.

You have 45 minutes to answer the questions in complete silence.

Five, six, eight - go!

HE PLAYS A NOTE ON THE XYLOPHONE

HE PLAYS ANOTHER NOTE

HE STARTS PLAYING A TUNE

-Sir...

-HE CONTINUES PLAYING

-Sir!

-Yes, Emily?

Could you stop that? I'm finding it hard to concentrate.

Er, sorry, Emily, this is natural talent, you can't just turn it off.

-But, Sir...

-Ssshhhhh!

(Exam.)

HE CHANTS ALONG TO THE DRUM

-Sir...

-HE CONTINUES TO CHANT

-Sir!

-Sorry, Emily, could you just tear your eyes off me

for one second and focus on your test paper?

# Everybody in the exam

# Concentrating really hard

# They'd better get their questions nailed

# Otherwise they know they're going to fail... #

-ALL:

-Sir!

-What?!

Form tutor Mrs Mark is a stickler for fairness

when it comes to exams.

With her son Mark in her class,

she has to be very careful not to give him an unfair advantage.

You can't let personal relationships affect your work in the classroom.

I doubt most of the children even realise I'm Mark's mum.

Right, then, test time.

I hope you've all been revising.

Now remember, the questions could be about anything you've learned

this year, so pay attention.

Question number one.

What does Mark like for his tea?

-But, Miss...

-Erm...

Potato wedges.

The correct answer is potato waffles

but I will give you that one.

-(Well done, Mark.)

-Boom!

-I'm on fire.

-Question number two.

When Mark was a little boy, he fell over and grazed which knee?

-The right?

-The left?

Wrong! It was both knees.

Your mummy had to kiss them better, didn't she, Marky?

Apparently.

-What?

-And, final question... Concentrate.

Who's the bestest boy in the whole wide world?

-Mark.

-SCATTERED LAUGHTER

Well, ye-yes, that's the correct answer.

So that makes it a draw, Miss?

No, it-it can't...

The last two questions are cancelled which means the winner is...

-..Mark.

-Yes!

-What a surprise.

-Who is awarded Pupil of the Week.

-Well done, Mark.

-Unbelievable.

-Exam over, Mark wins.

-SHE LAUGHS

Have a lollipop, Mark.

Thanks, Mum. I mean, Miss.

-She's not my mum.

-SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Break time, and Dave has left his post to patrol the corridors.

Break time is not child's play.

Well, it is for the children, but not for me.

RADIO CRACKLES

'Dave, we've got a Code One, Corridor Three, over.'

Code One? Chewing gum!

RADIO CRACKLES

Attention all cleaners, Code One on Corridor Three. This is not a drill.

SIREN BLARES

# Who are you? Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

-False alarm, it's just a mint.

-Sorry, Dave.

Better safe than sorry, Kev, we've got to check these things out.

Right, nothing to see here.

RADIO CRACKLES

Come in, Dave, Code One, Code One! Chewing gum!

Copy that, Kev, I'm on my way.

# We don't get fooled again. #

SIREN BLARES

They are very strict on chewing gum at this school.

With so many teachers adjudicating exams, supply teachers

such as Miss Goldfish have been brought in to cover normal lessons.

This morning, she is covering English.

It is important that you children understand

that I, unfortunately, only have a five-second memory.

I know this will make our lesson difficult,

but it is important that you children you understand

that I, unfortunately, only have a five-second memory.

-I know this will make our lesson...

-Difficult!

-LAUGHTER

-Difficult.

-Thank you...

-Billy.

-..Billy.

I'll try to remember that.

-Good luck.

-LAUGHTER

Anyway, I'll just write my name on the board, it's Miss Goldfish.

LAUGHTER

Oh.

-Did I..?

-ALL:

-Yes, Miss.

Right.

Well, it's important that you children understand

that I, unfortunately, only have a five-second memory.

I know this will make our lesson...

-ALL:

-Difficult.

-Oh.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

After 50 minutes of Miss Goldfish introducing herself,

8B are relieved to go to their French lesson.

Hello, my name is Miss Goldfish.

It's important that you children understand

that I, unfortunately, only have a five-second memory.

I know this will make our lesson...

-ALL:

-Difficult!

After two lessons with Miss Goldfish,

8B are virtually looking forward to their Business Studies exam.

MUSIC: The Apprentice Theme

Or task, as Mr Windlow calls it.

Good morning, Team Thrust.

-ALL:

-Good morning, Lord Windlow.

Today's task is about sports.

The sports equipment industry in Great Britain is worth

-over 11-teen gravillion pound a year.

-Is that a real number?

It's a business number, Taj, and I mean business.

New sports products come to the market at a rate of 15 a second.

One, two, three.

That's 45 new sports products

and you lot haven't even had an idea yet.

Disgraceful. Don't you know, business never sleeps.

-BILLY LAUGHS

-What about the bed business?

Like it. But no, you're wrong!

Right, for today's Business Studies exam or task,

I want you to run around this table five times and every time

you pass me, I want you to pitch me an idea for a new brand of trainers.

But that's not Business Studies, that's PE.

There is no such thing as not Business Studies, Taj.

And remember, at the end of this,

one of you will be leaving the process.

Mr Nasal is having a late lunch with Miss Spray.

It's just as friends but he's hoping to make a good impression.

-Thank you, Mr Nasal.

-You're welcome, Miss Spray.

Sir, Madam, welcome to Chez Tucker, a marvellous dining experience.

We've got a very special menu for you today.

There's all sorts of leftovers back there.

But first...

..glass of red for the lady?

-Oh...

-No, no, we'll just have our starters, please.

Suit yourself.

You're looking very beautiful today, Miss Spray,

if I may say so.

Have you done something different to your hair?

I brushed it.

Soup a la sprouts.

Enjoy.

-Do you mind?

-Oh, I get you, you want a bit of privacy.

Say no more, say no more.

You won't even know I'm here.

-Miss Spray, I...

-Rose for the lady?

-Ladies love a rose.

-No, thank you.

Suit yourself.

As I was saying, Miss Spray, I...

Music for the lady?

-Ladies love a bit of music.

-SHE STARTS TO PLAY

No, just leave us in peace.

Suit yourself.

As I was saying, Miss Spray, I...

Fluffy dice for the lady?

Raw cabbage for the lady?

Carpet cleaner for the lady.

Ladies love a bit of cleaning carpets.

Mrs Tucker, please, you are going to ruin our lunch!

Suit yourself.

I'll leave you to it.

As I was saying, Miss Spray...

Tissue for the lady?

I just saw Mr Nasal and Miss Spray having lunch together.

It put me right off my food.

Due to exams, Product Design is also being covered by a supply teacher.

Former call centre employee, Miss Openshaw.

Good afternoon and thank you for coming to Design Technology.

If you'd like to learn about the properties of acrylic, say...

-IN LOW VOICE:

-..acrylic...

now.

-IN LOW VOICE:

-Acrylic.

-LAUGHTER

Thank you. You've selected...

-IN LOW VOICE:

-..acrylic.

Please choose from the following options.

Press one for colour, press two for melting point,

press three for resistance.

-Press what?

-THEY LAUGH

Would you like to hear those options again?

No.

-Connecting you to resistance.

-THE CLASS GROAN

Please hold.

Your education is important to us.

GENERIC "ON HOLD" MUSIC PLAYS

BILLY GROANS

And so to maths, where Mr Konnundrum is posing an exam-related question.

So, if a man has been overseeing the maths GCSE exams

for the last five hours...

..and has been given the responsibility

of keeping all 92 completed test papers safe...

..he leaves the classroom for five minutes to get a coffee...

..and when he returns, all the exam papers have, er...

..disappeared.

Should the man, A -

make 92 fake exam papers by filling in the answers himself or B -

book a one-way ticket to Panama and get out of town?

Yes, Taj?

Neither, Sir.

He should go straight to Mr Barker and confess what's happened.

Right.

Yes.

Quiet reading.

HE WALKS OUT SOBBING

Exam day is almost over and while Mr Konnundrum receives

a dressing down from Mr Barker, it appears that his exam papers

are safe and sound in the hands of another member of staff.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

CHILDREN CHEER

Exam day wasn't too bad really.

Apart from the tambourine playing.

And the heightened security.

And the unfair tests.

What?

-And the supply teachers.

-THEY GROAN

There is just one more lesson before home time.

THEY GROAN

Hello, my name is Miss Goldfish.

-ALL:

-We know!

I know who she is, she's Miss Goldfish. I could tell her that!

# It's my life

# It's now or never

# I ain't going to live for ever

# I just want to live when I'm alive

# It's my life

# My heart is like an open... # SCHOOL BELL RINGS