End of Term Class Dismissed


End of Term

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This is Dockbridge High, a school just like yours.

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A school like any other.

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-A place where...

-Oh.

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-Do you mind? I'm trying to record a voice-over.

-Sorry.

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Now, where was I?

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Our cameras filmed for a year to find out what life is really like

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for the students and their teachers, at this most ordinary of schools.

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Welcome to Class Dismissed.

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BELL RINGS

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It's the final day of term,

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which brings great sadness to the pupils and staff

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at Dockbridge High.

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End of term!

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Woohoo! End of term!

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Beep! Beep! Brrrrroom!

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End of term!

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I can't wait for the holidays.

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No more getting told off in class, no more homework,

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no more hanging out with my friends every day...

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No more winding up Miss Flip.

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Hang on.

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BELL RINGS

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In the art block, Miss Flip is tidying her classroom,

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ready for next term.

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Well done, everyone.

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Just place the work neatly on the table and tidy away the paints.

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Martin!

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You're only supposed to be taking down the display, not the wall.

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You might want to pause there.

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Sorry, Miss.

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Right, everyone. Stop.

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Perfect. Just perfect, yes. It's done.

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Lovely.

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But, have we finished, Miss?

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What? Finished? Yes, of course we have.

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Haven't we?

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Oh, now you mention it, it does look a bit bare, doesn't it?

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I think this room could do with just one more thing.

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ALL: No, Miss!

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Stand back, everyone. Artist at work!

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SHE YELLS

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Very creative!

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LAUGHTER

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That's it, everyone! Very creative!

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See you next term. Class dismissed.

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APPLAUSE

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All over the school, loose ends are being tied up.

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Done.

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And old arguments are being settled.

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-You're not my mother.

-Yes, I am.

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I really am.

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In music and dance,

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Mr Christopher has some earth-shattering news of his own.

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Settle down, because I have some mahoosive news.

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So listen up.

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I... dramatic pause...

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..am leaving.

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Gasp! I know.

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If you're going to faint, do it now.

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Thank you, Martin. Now, I know what you're thinking.

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"But, sir, we'll never have another teacher with perfect pitch

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"and self-taught tambourine skills."

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And no, you won't.

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But I've been given the opportunity of a lifetime.

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What's that, then, sir?

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I am auditioning for The X Factor. Yeah. I know.

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And what with the live shows, the winning, the record deal,

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and the promotion of the album, I'll just have no time to teach you.

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-WHISPERING:

-Relief.

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So, I'm going to be leaving you forever.

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Don't cry. So, break off into little groups.

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Console yourselves and write a song about your favourite memories of me.

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But, sir, it's just an audition. You might not even get through.

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GROWLING

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It's all right, Martin. I can't hear her over my talent.

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# Cos I'm going to win The X Factor

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# Yeah, yeah, come on, people, join in if you want to

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# Join in the dancing with Mr Christopher

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# Mr Christopher's dancing Oh, yeah, yeah... #

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# Remember my name. #

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-WHISPERS:

-Mr Christopher.

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# I'm going to teach forever. #

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Well, hopefully not.

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Breaktime, and the end-of-term excitement has taken hold

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of even the most unlikely of staff.

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THEY CHANT

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You should just ask her out, sir.

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Eh?

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-Ask her out. Over the summer.

-Ask her...

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I wouldn't know where to take a lady.

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My mum likes dancing.

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Take her dancing.

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Dancing...

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BELL RINGS

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Mr Capp is determined to make his last lesson of term "well fun".

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OK, guys. Call me cray cray...

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but as this is our final lesson,

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I thought we could kick back with some creative writing. Rap!

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So, grab your pens and paper. Or write on your desks!

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Actually, don't write on the desks. I'll get into trouble.

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You can use modern words, guys!

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That is MEGA,

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as far as I'm concerned.

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Oh, Jazzy Jess!

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You've finished already!

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No, that isn't...

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"Mr Capp is such an idiot."

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"Totes can't wait till this day is done,

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"and we don't have to see him for six weeks."

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-Jasmine.

-Sorry, sir. I didn't mean...

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That is a well dench piece of creative writing.

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-Even if I did get boyed. Do you get me?

-No.

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Besides, we all know it's bants, because I will be seeing you

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down at the skate park every day this summer.

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Ohhh!

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Psych!

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Banter.

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In the music room, Mr Christopher is having one last practice,

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before leaving for his X Factor audition.

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# And I'm singing low, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, really low

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# Yeah, really low. #

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It's not my strongest.

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# Oh, yeah, I like singing high, yeah. #

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Can I have this footage for my internet channel?

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At least maths teacher Mr Konnundrum can be relied upon

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to deliver a proper lesson even on the last day of term.

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So, if a man has been working very hard at school or work,

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but probably school, and decides to take a holiday,

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his flight to Ibiza leaves at 5:30pm...

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..it takes 45 minutes to get to the airport...

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..and he must check in at least two hours before the flight...

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..what time does the man have to leave his place of work

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to get there?

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-Yes, Tahj.

-2:45pm, sir.

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Wrong. Because he's got access to the first class lounge,

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and he's going right now. Woohoo!

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Quiet reading. Holidays, here I come!

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Have a nice holiday, sir!

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Lunchtime, and Mrs Tucker is causing a stir in the canteen.

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Get your bargains 'ere! Rock bottom prices.

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Pound a pound, one day only. Everything must go!

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-What's going on, Miss?

-Hello, boys. It's me closing down sale.

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Got to shift this stock ahead of summer break.

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-Can I have two of those, please, Miss?

-Sylv!

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-Two joints of gammon for the lady.

-OK, Ange.

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-What can I do you for?

-What have you got?

-What ain't I got?

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Leg of lamb. 20 sack of spuds. Contents of a chest freezer.

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-I'll take it. There might be some pies in there.

-Done.

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You only just missed out on

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the 50 cans of tinned peaches I just shifted.

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But Miss, they don't go off. You can just keep them till next term.

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Back in five.

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Sorry, girls. Deal's off.

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In food technology, Miss Davis has pulled out her trump card,

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and is cooking her famous souffle for the final day.

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The word souffle comes from the French verb, souffle,

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which literally means "to blow up."

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PFFFT

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Now, I'm going to check how they're getting along.

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Be careful, if you open your oven door, for the puff of hot air.

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It's very unpleasant if it gets you in the face.

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PFFFT

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Oh, my goodness. Who did that?

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Who just fired a stink torpedo?

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Billy, did you just do that trouser cough?

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Uh...

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Yeah, Miss.

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How rude to do a cheek flapper in my class!

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I don't come to your house

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and leave an air biscuit in your kitchen.

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What? But you always...

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I don't bottom blast while you're doing your homework.

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Yeah, but you bottom blast when I...

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I don't leave guff nuggets in your lunchbox.

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No, but you always...

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And you let out a backdoor breeze, a one-cheek sneak!

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A stink bomb, a honker, a whoompus, an invert burp, a one-gun salute!

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-As if it happens every day!

-But it does happen...

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every day.

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-Yeah, fine. Excuse me.

-Thank you for apologising.

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Now, where were we? Oh, yes.

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Open your oven doors, and prepare for the backdraught.

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PFFFT

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The last lesson of the day is drama,

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and Sir Stanley is taking his curtain call.

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The day hath arriven, the hour is nigh,

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Lady Time hath ridden her clockwork horsie

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to the barren wasteland we call school.

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I think he means it's the end of term.

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Precisely.

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I've been working with you all year,

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and I can now reveal Emily will be joining me

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at the Edinburgh Festival this summer,

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for the performance of my one-man show, The Drama Teacher.

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APPLAUSE

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But, sir, if it's a one-man show, how can Emily be in it?

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HE LAUGHS

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She isn't in it, my dear boy.

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She'll be giving out the flyers, shouting,

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"Come and see this play what with Sir Stanley in! Two stars."

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-But, sir, I'm going on holiday.

-Not any more.

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I've spoken with your mother and she agrees.

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Now, for the rest of you, I prepared some vocal warm-ups

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that you can do twice a day all summer.

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After me...

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MA, MAW, ME, MAY, MOO, MA, SHA!

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ALL: MA, MAW, ME, MAY, MOO, MA, SHA!

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Now, that's acting.

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The Drama Teacher.

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Starring Sir Stanley Bleacher.

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Written by Sir Stanley Bleacher. Directed by Sir Stanley Bleacher.

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Would you like to come?

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The end-of-term assembly is almost over

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and soon the pupils will be able to head home.

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If Mr Barker ever finishes his speech.

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APPLAUSE

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Thank you, Mr Barker, for that fantastic send-off speech.

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The poem you wrote was particularly moving.

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I loved it.

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So, it just leaves me as your deputy head...

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And me as your deputy head.

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..to wish you a pleasant summer holidays,

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and remind you that dyed pink hair will not be tolerated

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when you come back to school,

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or you will be spending the first day of the next term

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in detention with me.

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And me.

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-But mainly me.

-And me.

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-Arm wrestle you for it.

-You're on.

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-Class dismissed.

-Wait!

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There's one more thing!

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I'm pleased to announce that I'm not leaving.

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I couldn't just leave you without a teacher.

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And besides, those judges wouldn't know talent

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if it hit them in the face.

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Which it did. Which may have been the problem.

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So, class dismissed.

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Wait!

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There's one more thing!

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Miss Spray, I love you.

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This dance is for you.

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TANGO MUSIC

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No-one likes a show-off.

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TANGO MUSIC CONTINUES

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HE SNEEZES

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THEY GROAN

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-BOTH:

-Class dismissed.

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CHEERING

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And so, another ordinary day of an ordinary term,

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of an ordinary year, finishes at Dockbridge High.

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Yeah! Yeah.

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Hey, dudes, you've got my deets,

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so give me a call when you're down at the skate park this summer, yeah.

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I've got full reception so I'll always answer.

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Holler.

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Come and see this play what with Sir Stanley in. Two stars.

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Sounds marvellous.

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One sec.

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See, I told you.

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Nothing interesting ever happens around here. See you next year.

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MUSIC: School's Out by Alice Cooper

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# School's out for summer

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# School's out forever

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# School's out with fever

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# School's out completely. #

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