Back to School Class Dismissed

This is Dockbridge High, a school just like yours.

For two years, our cameras have followed day-to-day life here.

There have been highs and lows.

We returned for another year to find out how these talented teachers

continue to excite and inspire a generation of young, eager minds

at this most ordinary of schools.

This is Class Dismissed.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

It's the first day of a brand-new term,

and child-fearing head Hilary Head seems surprisingly calm.

Did you go abroad this summer, Mrs Head?

Oh, no need, Mr Potter. No need.

A change is as good as a holiday,

and I'm so pleased everything's changed around here.

Look at my lovely empty playground.

I'm so glad we decided to get rid of those pesky children.

-We didn't get rid of them.

-What?!

It's just been the holidays. They're coming back today.

They're coming back?!

DISTANT SCREAMING

Children, children!

Why do they even exist?

KNOCK AT DOOR

As the staff and students flood into the playground...

..Emily, Tahj, Jasmine and Billy are clearly thrilled to be back.

This is, without a doubt, the worst day of the year.

Could be worse. At least our mums don't work here.

Come along, Marky!

-I ain't even saying it.

-What, that she ain't your mum?

But she's not my mum!

Oh, my days, man!

How many times?

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

It's straight to lessons,

and ex-nursery school teacher Miss Fun With Numbers

wants to make sure that the start of the school year

is as fun as possible.

I like fun!

Everything should be fun!

Do you know what fun is?

Can you spell fun?

Hello, everyone! And wave a big hello to your new school!

Now, I know it can be scary being in a new school,

with lots of new faces, which is why...

Excuse me, miss.

What do we do if we want to speak?

SHE GASPS

Looks like we've got a question.

What is it, little girl?

Just...we're not a new class.

You had us last year.

What a lovely question!

Now, as I was saying,

I'm going to teach you all a new song

that'll help you make new friends!

Are you ready?

# New school today

# It's all so new

# And so we're asking

# Who are you? #

Miss, seriously, we were all here last year,

so we don't need to sing the song.

OK.

I see.

I see how it is.

OK.

Let me just get something, boys and girls.

So, we can either sing the lovely song,

or we can play dress-up,

where we dress up as our favourite fairy-tale characters

and then sing the song.

So, which one will it be?

-ALL:

-The song.

Great! And a one and a two...

-# New school today

-# New school today

-# It's all so new

-# It's all so new

-# And so we're asking

-# And so we're asking

-# Who are you?

-# Who are you? #

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Next, it's English,

and Mr Capp has undergone an image change over the summer.

# People read Shakespeare in mysterious ways... #

Any similarity to Ed Sheeran's face, music or personality

is purely coincidental.

# Cos me, I read a sonnet every single day

# And I just want to teach you Oh, man! #

-Nice one, Mr Capp.

-Namaste, Jasmine.

-What does that mean?

-It means I've been travelling, sister, yeah.

I've seen and done things that have changed me.

I've been to some far-out places.

-Where did you go travelling, sir?

-Deep inside...

-..here!

-Yeah, but where, literally?

Literally...

..Pratt's Bottom, Kent.

Yeah, I was chilling at a festival. Oh, what's that?

I've been to a festival? No biggie.

HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

Oh, this? It's my wristband.

My festival wristband, from the festival.

Don't touch it!

I don't think there's any danger of that, sir.

Yeah, I was dancing -

in the chilling fields -

and I suddenly had this epiphany.

If you rearrange the letters from the word "English", you get...

..he sing!

Oh, wow!

What about the L in "English", sir?

Yeah, that's what I said. He sing L.

And who am I to disobey?

Guitar.

# Cos Year 10, I will be teaching you till you're 17. #

GUITAR STRING TWANGS

Oh, my festival wristband's caught.

Ah!

-I'm chill, I'm chill!

-Oh, man!

Ah!

Ah!

His beard's caught.

LAUGHTER

Yeah, I actually quite like it like this, so...

Joke's on you.

Banter! Ah!

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Break time,

and head Hilary Head is getting to the bottom of her fear of children

with counsellor Joy.

My parents never wanted children,

so from an early age, they dressed me as an adult,

and I think that's where it all began.

That's really great sharing.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

After break, Year 10 are in drama,

and self-appointed head of arts, not including actual art,

Mr Christopher,

has got a big announcement about what happened on his holidays.

I almost didn't come back this term.

I met with several theatre directors over the summer, but, well,

I didn't want to work with them either.

-WHISPERS:

-Martin.

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Now, what you saw there was the actor's jog and bow.

It's the most important part of any performance -

accepting your applause.

And if you're really lucky, you might get a standing ovation.

They won't.

Anyway, you're going to take turns trying the actor's jog and bow.

Emily, you're up.

Woo! Yeah!

-Woo!

-Thanks, Bill.

Stop! Stop!

RECORD SCRATCHES

You never, ever talk to the audience, OK?

Except for to go...

HE MOUTHS

Now watch moi do it again and learn something. Martin, play.

Ah!

Oh, look how modest I am!

And now I invite the audience to applaud the random person

that presses buttons.

Actually, no, Come to think of it, don't applaud Martin.

It will just go to his head.

And more modest bowing from moi.

There we go.

Thank you.

Argh!

I've done my back in. Ah!

No, don't stop applauding.

Dangerous industry, this.

More.

Just applaud me as I lie here, it's probably easier.

More. More.

Just keep going.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

For Year 8, it's science next and a new teacher

means another distinctly original teaching approach.

I am Mrs Stein and that was lesson one - the laws of motion.

Lesson two - bring a towel to science class.

Right, Isaac Newton's first law of motion states

that an object will remain at rest or in motion

until a force acts upon it.

The custard pie was at rest on my desk until I put it into motion,

then it remained in motion until another force acted on it,

in this instance, that girl's face.

Right, but did it have to be a pie?

Oh, no, no, no. It could have been jelly.

Right, I want you all to do the same experiment, OK?

Put on your science goggles, use my exact same method,

load up your apparatus.

Quickly now, science hates a dawdler.

And remember to warn everybody around you,

"Stand back, we're doing science."

ALL: Stand back, we're doing science.

Hang on, I'm not ready.

Excellent work, everyone.

The laws of motion in action.

Now write that up for next week.

-Clean it up, please.

-Messy girl.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Lunchtime, and head Hilary Head's fear of children

is making it rather hard to get her lunch.

Let me through!

Oh, get away!

Meanwhile in the playground, Mark is regretting

rejecting his long-term crush Marcella at the end of last term.

I've always tried to be a really good friend to her, haven't I?

-Yeah, really good friend.

-I know.

However, he's come up with a new plan to win her back.

So you're going to ignore her

and refuse to talk to her

and that's going to make her want to be with you.

Yeah, got to play hard to get, innit? Easy.

-Is she looking at me?

-No.

-How about now?

-No.

-How about now? How about now?

-No.

How about now? How about...now?

Just go and talk to her!

-Marky! Oh!

-Hi, Mum.

I mean, miss!

Can I just...?

It's just that...

I need to get...

No son of mine is talking to a girl like that one.

There's only one woman in your life and do you know who that is?

Beyonce?

-Me.

-Now come along, Marky.

This is all your fault!

Marky!

Marky might look like he's ready for girlfriends

but he's simply not mature enough.

I am mature! What are you talking about?

You're not mature.

Sorry, Mum.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

In the afternoon it's double geography for Year 10,

who are joined by a familiar face.

Miss Davis, you're back?

Hello, dears!

I've started doing some supply teaching.

When she was here last time, she...

..you know...trumped a lot.

All the time.

But maybe she's changed.

I spent last year travelling the world in a hot-air balloon.

Hot air? Where's the Tommy squeaker?

It changed me, it really did.

Maybe it did.

It also changed my bank balance to zero, so here I am!

Today, we're going to be talking about volcanoes.

I'm not taking any risks.

Now, volcanoes can lie dormant for many years

but all the while they're filling up with large quantities of hot gas,

which, as you can see here, eventually escapes

from the magma chamber deep down below.

You will find most volcanoes on the Pacific Ocean

which is what they call the "ring of fire".

Maybe she really has changed.

The first warning sign is a rumble coming up from down below...

PARP!

..often leading to a sudden, violent volcanic eruption.

PPFFFRRRTTT!

It's the end of the first day of term

and it's clear that it's very much

business as usual at Dockbridge High.

-Is Marcella looking at me now?

-No.

-How about now?

-No.

-How about now?

-I think she's already gone, mate.

One day down, only 189 of the school year left.

Sweet!

# I'm walking on sunshine

# Whoa-oh

# And don't it feel good

# Hey, all right now

# And don't it feel good... #