The Castle Dani's Castle

So, you're the one Marjorie left the castle to.

Must've been quite the surprise.

I didn't even knew I had an aunt in Ireland!

I mean, one minute I'm Dani the actress,

the next I'm Dani, Queen of the Castle.

I mean, how glam is that?

You're an actress? What have I seen you in?

Eh, well, I played a nurse in McHurtie's Hospital.

CAR SCREECHES TO A HALT

McHurtie's Hospital?!

Oh, you've heard of it?

No.

Here we are.

Erm, this isn't the castle.

This is as far as I go.

You'll find the castle on the other side of those woods.

Good luck. You're going to need it.

CAR SCREECHES AWAY

Oh, no!

You've got to be kidding me.

You've got to be kidding me!

You've really got to be kidding me.

A castle, I own an actual castle!

And I own an actual horse

but round here we tend to start with "hello".

Sorry. Feeling a bit, "Wow! Castle!"

I'm guessing you must be Dani.

I'm guessing you're from Manchester.

We moved here a while back.

Our dad's the groundskeeper here, so...

He sent us to meet you. I'm Kait and this is Leo.

Leo the Magnificent.

Oh, certainly not Leo the Modest.

-He thinks he's a magician.

-Pick a card.

Memorise it. Put it back in the pack.

OK. Is this your card?

No.

Is THIS?

Anyhow. Shall we head inside? You're going to love the place.

..but Dad's work took him to Manchester when we were little.

We came home to Bogmoor a couple of years ago.

I need to call my friends. They are not going to believe this.

Why can't I get a signal?

It does slightly depend on which way the wind is blowing.

Please tell me this place has wifi.

Of course! There's an internet cafe down in Ballysheeny.

Oh, where's that?

A ten-mile walk or so.

Although it did sort of burn down.

-SIRENS WAIL

-Oops.

Ladies and gentlemen, for my next trick,

I shall make the fire brigade appear.

Just a bit.

No phone signal, no internet.

Well, maybe this is my big chance to get back to nature.

INSECTS BUZZ

Exactly. Who wouldn't want a castle, right?

-Unless it's haunt...

-Er, here's a map of the area.

Bogmoor Village, Mount Bogmoor, Lake Bogmoor.

Who's that up in the window?

Nobody else here. Shall we?

This is going to be amazing.

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

Er, it's just a draft. This way?

Wow.

So, what do you reckon, Dani?

Well, it has potential.

Absolutely it has potential.

Also, rats.

With a bit of work, it could have a real homely feel.

So what if it needs a clean and there's junk everywhere?

I just can't believe this is all mine.

Well, we better go check everything is up and running,

give you a minute to soak it all in.

How many of my ancestors have lived here?

Hello! Can I help you?

I'm Dani, and, well, I guess this is my castle.

Your castle, my lady?

Oh, I inherited it from a long-lost aunt.

What's with the "My lady"? I mean, what century are you from?

Sorry, not cool.

You're feeling warm?

Why would I be feeling warm?

-You said you're not cool.

-Seriously, who are you?

I'm a... The local...

Art! Yes. I'm the art historian for this parish.

I'm doing an inventory of the paintings, my lady.

You know, ordinary 20th century behaviour.

It's the 21st Century.

Obviously.

Right, OK. You've got hot water and everything.

Dani, what's the matter?

Well, I was just talking to this guy. He was right here.

Now he's disappeared.

-Maybe it was a gho...

-Finish that word,

and I'll feed you to Prince William.

-Sorry?

-Oh, it's what I call my horse.

Goat. Maybe she was talking to a goat.

-A goat?

-HE BLEATS

He said he was a local art historian. Great hair?

Good bone structure? Kind of, um, swoony?

Sounds like a spectre to me.

-Leo!

-A ghost? Come on.

Everyone round here thinks the castle is haunted.

Then they're stupid! There's no such thing as ghosts.

Esme! You won't believe!

Wait, I'm updating my Ghostly-Book.

"And all that's left to say is... SOL!"

SOL?

Scream Out Loud. Get with it, brother. You're so 18th century.

There are people in the castle, Esme! Real human beings!

I just conversed with one!

You spoke to a human?

She said this is her castle. That she inherited it from Marjorie.

She seemed nice and didn't even know I was a ghost.

You cannot speak to humans.

Ghosts and humans don't mix, Gabriel.

You know how you're scared of wasps?

That's how most humans feel about ghosts.

No, the castle was locked with a big chain.

No-one's been in here for months.

There must be a rational explanation.

Whoever it was, I hope he comes back.

I could do with a friend while I'm here.

SMASHING AND CLATTERING

Leo, mind!

Hey, guys. Sorry about that.

Nothing like making an entrance.

I know, I know. Soak it up.

Soak it up. Swaggerlicious.

-Yeah, I meant that.

-What are you doing in my castle?

Your castle? This is my castle.

We need to get rid of them before they get rid of us.

We need to scare them out.

No! As your elder, I forbid you from scaring the humans.

Gabe, we've both been around for over 200 years.

The whole big brother routine doesn't apply any more.

We're going to make friends with the humans.

I want to show them there's more to ghosts than being frightening.

-Except you're not even frightening.

-We are trying it my way!

Fine, but if I so much as get a sniff that your way isn't working,

those humans had better watch out.

I don't suppose this human girl is attractive, by any chance?

I didn't even notice what she looked like.

Wow, just look at this place. It's fantastic.

I went from earning nothing to owning this whole castle.

I meant that.

I'll ask again before you demolish this whole castle, who are you?

Jimmy. I inherited this place off an aunt I didn't know I had.

Dream on, Shades.

Dani inherited this place off an aunt she didn't know she had.

Dream on, Freckles.

I think you'll find I've got a deed here that says this place is mine.

In your face.

In your face!

In YOUR face, actually.

Mad theory, but I don't suppose there's a teeny chance

you both also have a cousin you didn't know you had?

Well, if we're cousins,

-you're probably from great-grandma's side of the family.

-The cool side.

Depends on who you ask.

-There's some small print here.

-"Check the fireplace."

-It's mine.

-Let go!

"My dearest Dani and Jimmy..."

"..I apologise for this surprise, but it is my final wish

"that I bring together the two warring sides of our family."

What? I'm good at voices.

"..by giving each of you half of my home to do with as you will".

Well, 50% of a castle is better than 0%.

You know, I think I'm really going to like it here.

-Meant that.

-Kait.

-What's up?

-Cool shades.

-You know.

Well, we'd better get back.

We'll leave you two to untangle the branches of your family tree.

Wait, Kaitlin! Wait!

Call me if you need anything.

I don't have any signal. How can I call you?

Just go to the top tower.

Can I get signal there?

No, but if you open the window and really, really shout, "Kaitlin!"

-Your voice should just about carry to the village.

-Bye!

Right.

SMASHING GLASS Meant that!

Jimmy, do your family really want you living

all the way out here in this big, old castle?

Well, you're my family.

But we don't even know each other.

How is this going to work, us living together?

If you really don't like it,

-I'm sure you've got a place to go back to.

-Don't know about that.

My parents just sold the house to go around the world with my brother.

I'm not entirely sure where home is any more.

Sounds like this place came along just at the right time, then.

Just look at that view. It's proper high-def.

Yeah, probably because it's real but, yeah, we're really lucky.

Yeah.

Ow! What was that for?

There's only so much gazing at landscapes

I can do before boredom sets in. Time to have some fun.

-Wait, Jimmy! Stop!

-What is it?

These look like bills. By the looks of things,

Auntie Marjorie owed a lot of people a lot of money.

So what? She's not here any more. End of problem.

Not for us. We inherited the castle so we inherit the debts.

-Meaning?

-Meaning if we can't pay these off,

-we're going to have to sell the castle.

-What?

DISSONANCE

This is a nightmare!

You! Where did you disappear to earlier?

Pan inspection.

My lady, I'm not great with crowds of people.

Please accept my apology.

-Did you change your hair?

-No. How are you finding your castle?

-Stressful.

-It sounds like you might need a friend.

Yeah, maybe. It'd be nice to have someone to hang out with.

Someone my own age.

Yes, your age. Of course I am your age.

Or just the tiniest bit older.

Dani?

Ooh! I can introduce you to Kait!

Castlewarming present.

-Wow, did you make this?

-Nah.

Found it by the bins behind the back of the village bakery.

Joking!

How's everything going?

Oh, sorry. I've been mucking out Prince William.

You've been mucking out Prince William?

MUSIC: "Rule, Britannia!"

Oh, your horse!

Yeah. It's just mud, though. Probably.

Forget it. The state of these floors, it hardly matters.

Anyway, let me introduce you to... He's done it again!

Let me guess - your magically disappearing art historian?

-He's real!

-Harry Houdini, the master illusionist,

believed that the dead could contact the living.

-So do I.

-Here we go again.

This place is haunted. That's why your art fella keeps going "paf!"

CLANKING

Ghost! An actual ghost! Please tell me you can see that!

I see it, but I refuse to believe it.

Told you!

Begone, spirit!

LAUGHTER

"Begone, spirit?" Are you serious?

You actually thought I was a ghost?

I think you're an idiot. I knew it wasn't a ghost.

I hate you already, and I don't even know you.

-Jimmy, what are you doing?

-Welcome to Medieval Land!

-I'm sorry?

-That's how we pay off Marjorie's bills.

We turn this place into a medieval theme park.

Awesome! I could put on magic shows with a medieval torture theme!

Ladies and gentlemen, I need a volunteer

to strap into these thumbscrews.

Yeah! And we could have a rollercoaster called the Mega Joust!

Oh, and a medical centre for people who need treatment

because they keep coming up with ludicrously over-the-top ideas!

Look! Jimmy, I hate to say it, but it'll be easier

if we sell this place and clear off the debts.

I'm not selling my home, Dani, and neither are you. End of story.

I'm out of here.

Take your time.

I'm going as fast as I can! This armour's cutting me in half!

CLATTERING

Meant that!

Could someone give me a hand getting out of this, please?

That guy. He was definitely here.

You really think this place is haunted?

I can feel it. A magician has a sense of these things.

I mean, there are sightings going back hundreds of years.

I've moved around a lot, mate.

Can't say I've seen too much evidence that ghosts actually exist.

There's a book around here on the history of the castle's hauntings.

A-ha!

So... Jimmy? Jimmy!

Who's a pretty boy?

CREEPY LAUGHTER

SINISTER SQUEAKING

Now, Jimmy, don't be a coward.

There's no such thing as...

Boo.

HE SCREAMS

I always wanted to say that.

I thought we agreed to befriend the humans?

Exploring a creepy secret passageway on his own?

Come on. He was asking for it!

I wish they'd just leave!

She truly is so pretty.

-Did I say that out loud?

-You've got a crush, haven't you?

You've gone and got yourself a crush on a human.

This is why you wanted to be friends!

-Nothing's happened!

-I'm going to make sure it doesn't.

You're a 250-year-old dead ghost. And she's, well...not!

Never going to work, Gabe. It's just going to cause trouble.

Enough of this being friends business. It's time to do it my way.

It's time we got scary. Real scary!

Hello. Hi! Yeah, yeah, it's Dani.

I've managed to find the one spot of signal in the castle.

Yeah, everything's fine! Yeah, OK, it hasn't quite gone as expected.

It's just things are a little bit stressful

and there's this guy who keeps dis... Hello?

Hello? I give up!

Right. Time to get to work.

GHOSTLY WAIL

Leaaaaave!

Sister, wait!

Leeeeeeave this place! Leeeeeeave!

Sister, enough!

Who are you and what are you doing in my room?

We are spirits. Lost souls! Leave our hoooooome!

You again! Right, I want some answers.

Why do you keep disappearing?

-Because he's a ghost, you foolish human!

-He's a ghost?

Right, what are you supposed to be - a munchkin?

Did Jimmy put you up to this? Right, that's it. I've had enough.

How dare she not be scared of me!

-Listen, you!

-Ever heard of knocking?

What's with all the garlic?

It keeps vampires away. Thought it might work with ghosts, too.

You won't believe what I just saw.

There are no ghosts. Just you playing stupid tricks.

-Who were those people?

-What are you on about?

The girl and the cute scary boy. They're friends of yours.

-So you've seen them as well!

-I want answers.

Are you scaring me off so you can have this place to yourself?

-No. Never!

-My lady.

-SHE SCREAMS

-Listen to me. I'm sorry.

Don't listen to him and he's not sorry.

You are ghosts!

-Now she believes me!

-Boo.

THEY SCREAM

Face it, you've always been rubbish with girls.

You were up all night?

We weren't going to bed, not after what we saw.

Are you sure you didn't just have a really vivid dream?

What, we both had the exact same dream at the exact same time?

May I take this opportunity to say to you all, "I told you so."

Leo, you seem to be the resident ghost expert around here -

how do we get rid of them?

How can he be an expert on something that doesn't exist?

Wait, why do you want to get rid of them?

Because they're ghosts and they're creepy.

-This is their home, too.

-You've changed your tune.

-Last night you were all "aaaaahh!"

-No, I wasn't.

HE SCREAMS

Wish I'd seen that.

That was before I knew they were family. Well, mostly before.

They're not our family. They're our distant, dead ancestors.

We'll never be able to sell this place

-if it's infested with dead people.

-But we're not going to sell.

We've got no choice. We're going to have to.

So, Leo, What did your Houdini guy know about getting rid of ghosts?

-Don't know, Dani. I'm with Jimmy on this one.

-Ha!

I'm not sure it's right to just get rid of them.

-Leo.

-Think of what they could teach us.

-This is a rare opportunity...

-Leo, if you don't help Dani

with her imaginary ghost problem,

I'll tell dad where you hid those banned stage pyrotechnics.

This book contains instructions for casting a banishing spell,

-but we'll need a few things.

-Whatever it takes.

-What?

No! I'm going to speak to this Gabe and Esme

and make you realise you've no right to sell their home.

All right, Jimmy. Let's go speak to the scary ghosts.

Swaggerlicious.

Right, you two. Let's bust these ghosts out of my castle.

You're going to need this.

And after that,

we can get rid of all the other imaginary things that live here!

SHE CACKLES

Clear off.

I really thought I could reach out to her.

Ghosts and humans just don't mix. We're like chalk and cheese.

Cats and dogs. Fireworks and...harpsichords.

Be glad they're gone.

Spectrus corporeal umbilicus

Severus Snapius JK Rowlingus.

THUNDER CRACKS

I can't believe this is actually working.

Yeah, whoo-hoo! Tell me when it's over.

Gabe? Esme? Are you in here? I'm here to help.

Dani's trying to banish you from the castle with some kind of spell.

She wants you out of the castle so she can sell it.

She wants to sell our home?

-You were only hiding behind a chair?

-Where did you think we'd gone?

I thought you were invisible. Anyway, if you talk to Dani,

show her she's nothing to be afraid of, she might change her mind.

And how do we know this isn't just a trick?

Because I'm on your side. We are family.

What's wrong, brother?

I...don't know.

Gabe! Esme! I'm coming!

Ghosts! It's the ghosts! They're really real!

-See, Kait?

-My lady, please! Don't do this to us!

Spectrus corporeal umbilicus...

-Dani! I don't think we should do this!

-Leave us alone!

-I want you out of our home!

-It's our home, too!

You lied to me, Gabe. I thought you were a person.

-I am a person.

-I mean a living person!

Spectrus corporeal umbilicus! Begone!

My lady, please! I thought you wanted us to be friends!

Spare us!

Once we're gone, we're gone for ever.

Gabe.

OK. I won't banish you.

Thank you, my lady.

Yeah, thank you for trying to wipe us out of existence.

Dani, stop! You have to stop! They're harmless!

Oh, you HAVE stopped.

You really scared me, but I guess I don't want you gone.

So we're all going to live together? Ghosts and humans?

-Under the same roof?

-I suppose.

Only if you promise not to sell our home.

Well, I can't promise that.

We've got debts that we need to clear.

Let's work out how to do that together.

-That's what families do, don't they?

-We're distant family.

Really, really distant family.

So distant it's as if we aren't related at all, so, you know...

OK, why don't we put our heads together and come up with a plan?

Swaggerlicious!

So, Kait, how are you feeling now that I, Leo the Magnificent,

have proven without question that ghosts are real?

Kait?

Kait, are you OK?!

Oops. Looks like somebody just had their entire reality blown apart.

I'm sure she'll get used to the idea.

So long as there's no more of you guys hanging around.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd