The Lying Game Dani's Castle

CHEERFUL WHISTLING WITH FOREBODING ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC

Argh!

Argh!

Come to mama...

Argh!

I am the ghost of Bogmoor Castle -

on your knees mortal or fear my wra...

See you tomorrow, Esme, love! Bye.

LAUGHTER

OK. What just happened?!

And did I tell you about the time when me

and Luke tried to knock a new window into his dad's brick wall

using the combined power of two massive water guns?

Let me guess.

-Everything went totally to plan and the roof didn't cave in?

-No!

You haven't really been listening to these stories, have you?

What, the ones about your brilliant, bonkers, best mate Luke?

I've been trying not to - but you won't let me!

Hey, Dani!

Did you know your was dad spreading muck today?

Yeah! It's the third Tuesday of the month.

Who doesn't know it's muck day?! Oh.

Doesn't matter. I can work it. So have you seen Gabe?

We're supposed to be meeting up for lunch.

And when you say lunch, you mean...?

Me eating, and him watching me eat.

It's much more romantic than it sounds.

He's in the attic. Getting down with Ghostlybook.

Jimmy, Gabe hates Ghostlybook.

Not any more. Esme set him up with a page, and now he's addicted.

Seriously? Gabe?

Yup. He doesn't even look up when someone walks in the room any more.

Trust me. I could go in there looking like THIS and he'd look up.

Ready for lunch? I bought lots of yummy food,

and in bright colours so you don't get bored.

Yes, yes... go play with Leo, Esme. I'm busy.

Got the Ghostlybook brush-off, then?

I don't get it.

The sun came up as usual this morning,

gravity appears to still be working, so I don't understand.

Come on. Gabe doesn't make a fuss every time he sees you.

Does he?

Let me compare thee to a snowdrop, whom every Spring doth bloom,

then fall, and die.

Die?!

Let me compare thee to a rhododendron...

Hmm... Not that.

-Gabe!

-Argh!

Daffodil! For when my lady is not around,

the cheerful spirit of the daffodil is always in my heart.

He DOES make a fuss every time!

Usually it doesn't matter what I look like.

The day he wrote "Ode to a pretty thing",

I hadn't showered in two days and it was Bad Hair Tuesday.

I thought we swore to never talk about Bad Hair Tuesday ever again!

I still have nightmares.

So what's up with him today?

Sorry. I mean - is this really worse than Bad Hair Tuesday.

Well, you do look like Leo before his annual bath.

And there is the matter of that...

..stench!

Oh. Stench. Right, OK. I'll just...

-I thought you were supposed to be mates.

-We are. Dani's my best mate.

We are just like you and Luke but without being the idiots part.

Not for long if you keep saying things like that.

What was I supposed to do? Lie?

And not tell her that she looks like a walking dung heap?

Yes! If it makes Dani feel better, then what's the harm?

The harm is, I don't lie.

-KNOCK ON DOOR He's here!

-Best bud in the house!

Look, I may not know much...

-You can say that again.

-..but me and Luke have been mates for years.

And maybe friendships are one thing I do know about.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Esme?

Esme, quit hiding. This suit really chafes!

Oh! It's you!

Weren't we going to play Fortress Invasion? Me, the handsome knight.

You, the dead maiden determined to put me in my grave.

I'm pretty sure this will work this time.

If not, we should know the way to the hospital by now.

You're just as bad as that stupid postman!

What is wrong with you people?!

Aren't you capable of basic human fear? Are you robots?!

Lemme guess...

you tried to scare the postman and it didn't work?

There was a time people would run terrified from this castle.

Now they just drop off the post and go home!

What type of ghost can't make innocent people run

and wet themselves. I'm useless, Leo!

Maybe if you tried some new tactics?

How can I practice new tactics if everyone in this place is

so used to me they're not even scared any more?

You're giving up way too easily.

What happened to the Esme I knew who made me stay up all night staking

out the barn because she thought it was haunted by enemy ghosts?

0231 hours. No movement.

LEO SNORES

Leo?

LEO SNORES

You hated that stakeout.

After five days you were begging me to stop.

Aha! But you didn't! If at first you don't succeed...

Quit and take up knitting?

Which do you prefer? Mittens or a bed socks?

Look.

Maybe if you got one big, proper scare in,

it'd give you your confidence back.

Yeah? And where's that going to come from?

Mission accepted.

Best bud!

-Brother from another mother! Oh!

-Woop! Woo! Swag!

-Ah So this is it, huh?

-Yep. Home sweet home.

Not to boast but this place is pretty awesome!

So...where's the chandelier?

Er, it's being dry-cleaned.

And the butler?

-Day off!

-Didn't you say there was a chocolate fountain in the hall,

and every guest got a cup made of solid gold on entrance?

That's only on the weekend.

Look...this place may not be exactly how I described it.

CRASH!

Aunt Marjorie didn't exactly keep this place in tip-top condition.

So I'm not going to be assigned my own robot for my every need?

Well, we've got an electric tin-opener.

You can put it in your room if you like.

Actually I think that's broke.

Look. I may have exaggerated a little bit in describing the castle.

-It's only so I knew you'd come.

-Of course I'd come. We're best mates!

So do you want to go into the basement?

It's so cold and wet down there your toes go numb!

Swag!

Doosh, doosh! O-ooh!

You were right - I looked SO awful before. Stupid muck!

Why do we have to grow things anyway?

To maintain the eco-system. To eat?

Isn't that what supermarkets are for?

I need your help. I need to look knockout.

I'm supposed to ignore Gabe, not the other way around.

Everything's gone topsy turvy!

You always look knockout! Even when you're wearing...

So! What do you think?

I think those dungarees wouldn't last a day at the farm.

They're not dungarees! It's a playsuit.

Eye-catching, huh?

-Oh, it's eye-catching, all right.

-Do you think Gabe will like it?

"I thought you two were supposed to be mates ..."

-Well?

-"..not for long if you keep saying things like that..."

Sure. He'll love them. It. You.

You are the best friend ever!

Jimmy was right... ugh!

Steffanie Topper.

You were quite the looker during the Industrial Revolution...

Hey, Gabe.

Dani!

Do you fancy going for a walk?

There's still a few secret passageways in the basement

I haven't seen yet. And then we could

-Gabe?

-Who?

Steffie Topper! As I don't live or breathe!

Lady Steffanie, this is my lady Dani, Dani - Steffie.

Ghostlybook has video chat?

Look at her! Aw. Isn't she sweet?

She looks just like my great-great-great-

great grand-daughter!

Only in some kind of fancy dress!

SHE LAUGHS

SHE LAUGHS RAUCOUSLY

It has been simply decades, my dear Lady Steffie.

the last time I saw you was after Jeremy

and Horatio had had that unfortunate encounter...

What have you done to him?!

Oh, the whole 'addicted to Ghostlybook' thing?

He's talking to some old friend. Steffie something?

Steffie Topper. Oh, don't worry.

They weren't friends.

Though he did have a massive crush on her.

Messing with someone's mind is fun!

Just not as fun as scaring them out of it.

So - whoever eats their sandwich quickest wins...?

Another sandwich?

-Yes!

-Whoop! Woy! Swag!

Hang on, is your friendship based entirely on doing stupid things?

Pretty much.

Gabe's spending all his time

chatting to some dead ex-girlfriend on Ghostlybook!

I need to do something!

Um... Talk to him about it?

Suggest he spends more time in the real world instead of online.

It needs to be something big.

You could write him a letter and tell him how you feel.

We'll put that in the "maybe" column.

It needs to be something shocking?

-So that he forgets Lady Steffie and remembers me.

-Right. Um...

Well...

You could...

I see what you're thinking!

Pretend to date someone else so it will make Gabe jealous!

Wait. No, no, no - that's not what I meant.

Kait, that's a great idea.

I could pretend to date that guy - and show Gabe what he's missing!

Is that a great idea?

I wouldn't exactly say it's a GREAT idea...

It's a terrific idea!

I've won!

LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER

I meant to do that.

LAUGHTER

Remember the Countess of Carlisle's ball, Steffie?

-"Yes, I do."

-Didn't the Queen look radiant?

"Radiant was the word, yes."

You do know she can see you.

Nonsense. I clicked the little box.

"What are you doing?"

Ah. It appears I did not click the little box.

SHE LAUGHS

And why should my client agree to this fake date?

Um, because the only other thing you've got planned today is

making go-karts out of old cereal boxes?

And racing them down the stairs as well. Don't forget about that!

Look, it's not exactly a big ask, is it?

All he has to do is sit there

and pretend to be the type of guy I would actually date.

HE BELCHES

OK, so it is kind of a big ask... Name your price.

Frog racing, in the library, no complaints.

Can frogs even race?

That would be my problem. Do we have a deal?

These frogs, how slimy are they?

They're frogs - deal with it.

OK! Frog racing in the library. With slime. Deal?

Emergency meeting in the kitchen!

Leo, what's this about? I need to go and muck out Prince William.

Yeah, and I've got a fake date to arrange, so whatever it is...

At some point today, Esme's going to pull off a really big scare

and you lot have to act scared when she does.

-But we've seen every trick she's got.

-Jimmy's right.

-Nothing Esme does is remotely scary any more.

-I know that!

But she's really upset about it so whatever she does - just pretend.

It'll really help her get her confidence back.

Well, she has been dead for 200 years.

Maybe she deserves a break.

I'm in.

Does no-one tell the truth around here?

Fine...

Great. Just wait for my signal!

Wait. You didn't tell us what the signal is.

It's me going 'this is the signal'.

All right, I get it now.

Where did all the food go that I bought earlier?!

-Um...

-We kind of had it for second lunch.

This date is meant to be impressive. It's meant to be magical!

I'm supposed to be showing Gabe what he's missing!

So I should probably mention - this date. It'll sort of be my first one.

Maybe if you spent less time taking sledge hammers to things

and more time brushing your hair...

Oh, it will be fine. I'll pick it up.

Anyone else think the mould's the best bit?

It's OK. It's going to be fine.

He's going to need a make-over.

Gabe needs to think this date is perfect

wWhich means some fairly intensive work on your table manners.

Now, on a proper date, it's customary for the young man...

That's you.

..to pour his date a drink before he pours his own.

So let's give it a go.

Say "my lady".

My lady.

-You might be better at this than I thought.

-I know!

HE BELCHES

Lesson number two - how to use your knife and fork properly.

I think I might need some protective gear for this one.

-Toilet break.

-What, again?

-I'm nervous! I am allowed to go, right?

Action stations! This is the signal!

This is the signal!

Wooooooooo!

Ahhhhh!

Whatever can be happening(?)

This is so, so terrifying(!)

I feel like my heart might just jump right out my chest(!)

Behold... a kitten!

Arghhhhhh!

I knew it!

That was pity fear!

You all think I was born last century!

We were really scared. Honest.

Yes! So scared(!)

Terrified, truly terrified(!)

When that spoon fell off the table I thought I was going to die(!)

You did this! You told them all to pretend to be scared of me!

-No, he didn't!

-Yes, I did.

Why is everyone in your family such bad liars?

-I was trying to make you feel better.

-I don't care!

You've insulted me as a friend and as a ghost!

From now on - just stay away from me!

Oh! It's nearly date time.

I mean... do you think Esme's going to be OK?

ROMANTIC STRING MUSIC

HE SLURPS

No-one said anything about this being part of the deal.

Chicken, sir?

Do you do chips with that?

-I violated Date Rule 6653, didn't I?

-I can't do this!

Just think about frog racing, buddy. Just think about frog racing.

Maybe after dinner

we can go for a moonlight walk around the castle grounds?

Maybe there'll be separate negotiations for any extras.

I think it's about time you went and checked on our friend in the attic.

Say what?

I think you'll find it's all laid out in our contract...

I, Jimmy, hereby agree to ensure Gabe's presence at the fake date.

Even if I have to pry him off Ghostlybook myself.

-Go.

-So I won't have to wear this stupid thing any more.

"And then they turned up with their listening devices

"and stayed the whole night!"

SHE LAUGHS

Gabe.

Gabe.

Gabe, man!

-Gabe!

-I am so sorry, Steffie.

Those Ghost Hunters really are an awful lot...

"You know, my lord,

"I feel like I could sit here chatting to you for ever."

GABRIEL!

-Mm!

-This cola's lovely.

Um, Luke? What's up with your hands?

Ew! Uh-oh.

Was there onions in that, by any chance?

Um, yeah.

Sweetcorn, onions, a dash of chilli. Family recipe. Yummy, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Ow!

I am, like, mega allergic to onions, though.

I should probably have mentioned that.

-You think?!

-Gabe cannot see this!

"And of course Araminta denied she'd ever shown him her ankle.

"I know who I believe!"

Sorry, mate, but there's frog racing at stake,

and that laugh is doing my nut in.

Hey!

There's something I need you to see.

These things are awesome!

-Ooh, squidgy!

-This is the worst date ever!

We need to get him to a hospital before Gabe gets here!

Dani is going to love me for this.

Oh, Jimmy - no!

-What? This is what you wanted, isn't it?

-Give me that.

Whoa! Those are awesome.

Gabe! You're not on Ghostlybook!

Well - not all the time, my lady.

Gabe. It's just, that well I thought...

"I say, my lord,

"I just saw a cat do something rather amusing on Ghostly Tube!"

This ends now!

LADY STEFFIE LAUGHS

Excuse me, I... Well...

I must be somewhere else.

Gabe!

What have I done?

This is all my fault!

Then why are you yelling at me?!

Because it's YOUR fault it's my fault.

You told me to tell Dani what she wanted to hear.

That's why I went along with this stupid plan to make Gabe jealous.

-How's that working out for you?

-It isn't! It's a disaster!

From now on I'm going to tell her what she needs to hear - the truth.

-Like a good friend would.

-Nah, not buying it.

And everyone around here knows I'm the BEST best friend ever.

Did someone mention a hospital?

Oops! Come on then. Let's go.

I know, I'll do whatever you want for a whole week!

A month!

A year!

Please, Esme. You have to forgive me. I'm your best friend.

Best friend...

Jimmy's best friend Luke is visiting!

A stranger? Right here in the castle?

Never seen a ghost before - probably doesn't believe in them.

-In other words, ripe and ready for scaring.

-I dunno.

I might just give it all up. You've got to know when you're beat, right?

Is that Gabe's Ghostlybook page?

He left it lying in the ballroom.

I thought I'd take the opportunity to make a few... improvements.

Ones that mean I don't have to listen to "hehehehehheh" ever again!

What was I thinking? I mean, kissing Luke?

Well, the plan did kind of work. He did drop his Ghostlybook thingy.

All Gabe did was talk to some really annoying girl online.

And I actually kissed someone else! Someone I don't even like!

The only person I like is Gabe.

He's never going to forgive me, is he?

Hello? This is the part where you give me some advice!

Real advice or what-you-want-to-hear advice?

I used to think it was always best to tell the truth.

Only you seem to like me more when I lie. So which is it?

I need to put things right with Gabe. Please, Kait.

Just tell me what you really think.

OK - first of all,

trying to get Gabe to notice you by dating somebody else? Terrible idea!

-What? You said...

-Yeah, I know what I said and I shouldn't have.

-I shouldn't have just told you what you wanted to hear.

-So what now?

Tell him the truth! No more lies - no more games.

Just you being honest.

Don't you think we should come up with a plan?

No.

Ill go and get changed - leave you to it.

Kait? You're a really good friend.

# ..there's not a thing that I would change

# Cos you're amazing

# Just the way you are

# And when you smile... #

Gabe?

If you're after any recommendations for good date places,

I'm afraid I can't really help.

I wrote you something.

It's a poem. Like you used to write to me.

"Saying sorry is quite hard I'm into music, not the bard

"But I know I have to try if Gabe hates me, I'll want to cry.

"So here it is, my poetry to try and make my Gabe forgive me."

I'm sorry I made such a fuss about you being on Ghostlybook.

And I'm really sorry I hurt you.

Thank you.

But you still hurt me and I'm not sure I can just forget.

Ah-ha!

And that, I believe, is what they call payback.

Gabe! I thought... Don't ever do that to me again, OK?

You know that boy that you kissed? Did you really like him?

No! I was just upset you were talking to Steffie so much.

Esme said you had a crush on her, so...

Steffie? But that was centuries ago!

And between me and you - her laugh...

So no more dead girlfriends club?

Couldn't, even if I wanted to.

Actually...

I found this in the kitchen.

One peek. I trust you.

But it'll cost you.

One romantic walk around the battlements,

and two of your finest love poems.

You drive a hard bargain, my lady - but deal!

"Where's my keys, where's my phone, Where's my keys, where's my phone?"

A video of me singing

'Where's my keys, where's my phone?' in my nightshirt?

How did this get on Ghostlybook?

Where's my keys, where's my phone,

where are my keys, where's my phone...

Esme! You did this! Might've.

You've turned me into a laughing stock!

How will I ever be able to go on Ghostlybook again!

-Come and sort this!

-Or you'll what?

Wow, brother. You actually look scary for once!

Argh!

Yeah, prepare to release the frogs.

One, two...

Argh!

-Hey, Esme!

-A... a... a ghost!

-Where are my...

A ghost! It's a ghost!

It's a gh... gh... gh...

Agh!

It's a ghost! A ghost!

Yeah, we have ghosts.

You knew? Why didn't you tell me?!

Thought you'd get scared. You didn't want to know the truth, did you?!

-Boo.

-Argh!

-Oh, yeah!

-You owe me some racing frogs.

Right, so from now on you're only going to tell the truth?

-Yep. That's right.

-Even if it hurts someone's feelings?

-Exactly.

Hey, what do you think?

Zambini!

Lame to the power of ten. See? It's called principles. Look it up.

So? I bought it online.

Isn't it fabulous?

Well, I think so. But Kait, what do you think?

Um,

I think,

that, um, it's... well,

very...

-What do your principles tell you?

-I'm kidding!

As if I'd ever wear something so horrific.

Isn't that my jumper?

From now on just be yourself, OK?

Just not too much. For all our sakes.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Who can that be?

It'll be for Esme. She ordered a pizza.

The ghost who can't eat ordered a pizza?

She has her reasons. You may hear some blood-curdling screams.

Hello?

You must be new - let me just find my money.

Ahhh!

Argh! Argh!

Cher-ching.

Still got it.

Dinner's ready!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd