21st Century Boy Dani's Castle

So you're saying Dani has a crush on Gabe?

Got any evidence?

Um...the way she plays with her hair

every time someone talks about him.

Oh, come on! I do not do...that.

It couldn't be more obvious if you were walking round

carrying a sign that said,

"I think Gabe is cute."

Ha-ha, very funny(!) But...

-PHONE MESSAGE BEEP

-Saved by the bell!

Missed call?

Why is there never any signal around here?!

And why does no-one ever leave a voicemail?

Maybe it was Gabe, my lady.

Gabe doesn't know how to use a phone.

We can debate my love life another time.

Right now, we need to...

Hey! We still need to clean up.

Fret not, ladies and gentleman.

This is a job for Leo the Magnificent.

Or Leo the Annoying, as he's more commonly known.

I just say the magic word...

-Don't you...

-Zambini!

SPLAT!

..dare!

That worked so much better in my head.

Dani, sorry.

Don't worry about it.

I know exactly what it's like to have an annoying little brother.

Say hello to...maximum destruction!

-I need you to ruin one of my schemes!

-What?

THEY LAUGH

I don't even know why we're laughing!

Wow! Well, at least it cleared the table.

Dad's banned you from doing the tablecloth trick.

Think how many dinners you've ruined by doing that!

And for my next trick, I shall vanish into thin air

and re-appear...over there!

I'll tidy up, then.

Maybe you could ask Gabe to help with the mess.

OK, fine. Maybe I do like him a bit.

I can't deny it. But do you know what?

I think he likes me too, so I'm just going to ask him out.

Ha! One bag of Pick and Mix, please.

Why does Kait owe you sweets?

Oh, we had a bet that you liked Gabe. She lost.

I could have never imagined that you'd like a ghost.

I mean, they're right at the top of my unsuitable boyfriends list,

along with werewolves, and zombies, and smart-mouthed big city boys.

SHE GIGGLES

Meant to do that.

Greetings, Dani.

Salutations. How are you?

You're looking lovely once again.

Come along, Gabriel.

Greetings, Dani.

Greetings! Greetings.

Come on, Gabriel! Deep breath.

She's just a girl!

Greetings, Dani!

What are you doing?

Nothing. What? Mirror inspection.

HE KNOCKS ON MIRROR Yup.

I swear, since those new humans arrived,

you've barely stopped looking at yourself in the mirror.

There's no shame in looking good for general Dani...

daily reasons.

I'm not vain, if that's what you mean.

-Is that hair out of place?

-Where? Where?

I mean, I know Gabe died 250 years ago, but nobody's perfect.

You really do like him, don't you?

He's like no-one I've ever met before.

I mean, yeah, he's a bit old school,

but he's so kind and so unique

and he makes me see the world differently.

Listening to that, I think I'm starting to get a crush on him.

So you're actually going to ask him out?

What's the worst that could happen?

Gabe says no, and things get really awkward around here?

Greetings, everyone! How was your lunchtime feast?

Epic. I'm one mouthful away from exploding.

Gabe, there's something I wanted to ask you.

First, my lady, there is something I must ask you.

Oh!

Dani, since you came to the castle, I've been...

well, what I'm trying to say is that...I suppose...

you and me...well, the thing is...

Gabe, will you go out with me?

SHE DROPS DISH

Out? But you know I cannot go beyond the castle walls.

I mean, on a date.

A specific date will make no difference. I still cannot leave.

What I'm asking is if you would want to join me,

on a one-to-one basis, for a... thing...you know.

A boy/girl thing. Together.

Us. You. Me.

-Got me?

-Got you.

Well, this is painful.

She's asking if you'll consider being her boyfriend, you regency clod!

You are asking me to..?

Really? You? Me?

Seriously?

HE LAUGHS

You jester!

HE LAUGHS

I just don't understand.

The tablecloth trick is one of the most basic illusions there is.

Zambini!

Had you ever done it before?

Totally. Loads of times.

Zambini!

I mean, not in your head?

Not...exactly.

But a magician with my skills

should be able to do a trick like that in his sleep.

Zambini!

Prove it. Show me how good you are.

I don't have to prove anything to you. I know I'm good.

Chicken!

Chicken?

SHE CLUCKS

Nobody...clucks...at me!

Then do the tablecloth trick. Earn the "Magnificent" part of your name.

-Or what?

-Or I'll tell every ghost I know that you're full of hot air,

so when you pass over, they'll follow you around saying,

"Oh! There's the magician

"that can't even do the tablecloth trick"

OK! If that's how you want to play it, it's on!

-I look forward to seeing it.

-I look forward to doing it!

Sure you do!

HE LAUGHS

I have never heard anything so amusing!

A girl asking a boy to court her!

Dani, you are quite the joker!

For a minute there, I actually believed you were being serious!

And you WERE being serious...

I'm glad I make you laugh, though.

I wasn't! I didn't...

it's just, you asking me out breaks the rules of courtship.

If you didn't want to go out with me, you only had to say.

Dani, wait!

Smooth moves, ghost breath!

You know, mate, that could've gone slightly better.

Curses! Now she will never let me court her!

She still likes you. We just need to bring you up to date.

-Bring me up to date?

-Yeah, you're just a bit...

retro.

-And you think you can help me?

-Trust me, cuz.

I'm every inch a 21st century boy.

I meant to do that!

-Hey.

-Hey.

So, um, that was all a bit awkward with Gabe, then.

Sorry, Dani. You're going to have to do the leg-work here.

Horses I can do. Tree climbing's a piece of cake.

But when it comes to girly chats, I'm lost.

I really thought he'd say yes.

Technically, he didn't say no.

He laughed at me, Kait.

Yeah, but things were different back in his day.

When Gabe was born, electric currents

were raisins that had been struck by lightning.

SHE GIGGLES

Boys are confusing enough as it is,

let alone ones born in 1700-and-something.

Well, maybe you could overlook his painfully old-fashioned ways?

Maybe.

Or maybe I just need to get into a more 18th century mindset.

It might help you understand him.

He baffles the heck out of me.

To the library!

Yes! Oh, no! I need to go and worm Prince William.

Oh. Well, that's nice!

But how did I do?

How did you do with what?

The girly chat.

Oh, well, apart from the bit about worming - ten out of ten.

Yes! Get in!

You lose a couple of points for that, though.

-Get all of that?

-I think so.

The Prime Minister of Britain is Justin Bieber,

and the President of America is Spider-Man?

No! Spider-Man's a super-hero and Justin Bieber's a pop moppet.

So, which one of them is married to the Lady Gaga?

Neither! This is Lady Gaga, remember?

Egad! A witch! I'm so confused.

I'm never going to be modern enough for Dani.

Failure is not an option.

We just have to make her look past the lacy cuffs and the dodgy boots.

What's wrong with my attire?

What's right with it? You need a 21st century makeover, my friend.

First you are going to learn how to wear a baseball cap.

A base...what?

-A baseball cap.

-How exciting!

Next, a pair of sunglasses.

Ouch!

This is a mobile phone.

It's what we use to communicate.

Hello?

And this is an MP3 player.

This is where you get your tunes.

An empty what, player?

MP3! It's for music.

Now, to press play.

-LADY GAGA PLAYS

-Sorcery! Witchcraft!

And that is how you tie your shoelaces.

Wait, no, not like....you OK?

These are some ba-ad people. Swag!

See that? See that?

And finally, if you get lost and you don't know how to respond...

what do you say?

Yeah? Whatevs!

By Jove, I think he's got it!

My work here is done. I'm out!

"On entering a room, a married lady may offer a gentleman her hand

"but a young lady may not."

-DOOR SLAMS

-Hey, Leo.

-Hey.

-Gabe's lot were so uptight!

No wonder he lost it when I asked him out,

if this craziness is what he's used to.

-What are you doing?

-Learning about inertia.

-Oh. Where's that?

-Inertia?

The law of physics?

It says when something is heavy, it's harder to stop it moving.

It allows me to do things like this.

Zam-bini!

Wow! That actually worked!

Ugh! Still freaks me out when you do that.

So, when are you going to do the tablecloth trick?

Leo, I thought Kait said no more tablecloth trick?

She did, but I can do it this time!

And I won't break a single thing.

Probably.

RAP MUSIC PLAYS

Yo, yo, yo! 'Sup, people?

This is Gabe in da house.

That's my boy!

Gabe, why are you...

what...what...what?!

What she said.

Yeah, soak it up, peeps.

Chip off the old block!

HE KNOCKS ON DOOR

Leo, would you get the door, mate?

No, I want to watch this.

Get the door!

Chica chica chica.

Stop. No.

Whatevs.

DOOR CREAKS

Hello there! I'm Ben.

Cool! Is that a robot?!

KNOCKS METAL

Gabe, seriously, what are you doing?

I'm a rapper now, yo.

Swaggalishus! His choice. I suggested emo.

Is he only doing this just to impress you?

I don't know. Jimmy, did you put him up to this?

I didn't force him to do anything. It's a change of image.

We've all done it.

It's a kind of country-Goth fusion. I call it "Cowbo". Howdy!

Everyone, pipe down, yeah! I'm trying to text my mates.

What mates?! Everyone you know is standing right in front of you.

My online mates. I'm twottering.

Twittering.

Yeah, whatevs. Jokes.

Last week you didn't even know what a phone was.

I showed you mine and you thought it was a bar of chocolate.

Gabriel, explain yourself.

Sure thing.

Yo.

HE RAPS: I was born in the past, died too fast, now I'm a spirit

In it to win it, my name is Gabriel, master of the turntable...

I will never lose, Now watch me move.

What was that exactly?

It was called rap.

It's called embarrassing yourself.

As I said, I suggested emo.

So, yeah, now I know you're totes emoshe about me,

you going to ask me out or what?

Bring it on.

Excuse me?

You, me, Gabe - babe. I'm the only man for you.

I'm grade-A hot sauce, and you ain't going to get better.

You're grade-A hot sauce,

and you know I ain't going to do any better?!

Believe.

You know, I used to think your problem was you were born

centuries ago.

Turns out I was wrong. Your problem, Gabe, is that you're arrogant.

Yeah, whatevs.

That's not going to help.

Yeah, whatevs?

Hi, Dani.

Ben! What are you doing here?

Your friend Leo showed me in. He's gone off to practise something.

Hey, I really like your castle. Especially this bit here.

No, I meant, what are you doing in Ireland?

You texted Jack to say you were lonely.

Well, he sent me over to help cheer you up.

Well, that was weeks ago! I'm fine now.

Oh.

But it's so good to see a familiar face.

Dani, who's this?

I'm Ben. It's short for Bench. Or so I assume.

Ben's a friend from back home. A really good friend, actually.

And unlike you, he gets me.

Come on, Ben. I'll show you around.

Well, maybe you're not the only guy for Dani after all.

I cannot win.

So...if you're going to be staying here,

there's something you need to know about this place.

It's, er... well, it's...

Haunted?

Yeah, how did you know?

Spooky old castle? People in lacy outfits?

It doesn't take a genius to work it out.

Plus, you sent Jack a text that said "ARRGH! GHOSTS! ARRGH!"

And you're not freaked out by it?

Between you and me, there are far weirder things in my head

than ghosts...far weirder.

So tell me about these robots. Are they like android butlers?

Do they do chores for you?

I've missed you!

I've missed you too!

POP

What was that?

I think you just burst a bag of crisps I had in my pocket.

At least, I hope that's what just burst.

Fiddlesticks!

Being 21st century didn't work any better than being 18th century!

How about we try a new era altogether -

one that neither of you know anything about?

Galactic greetings from the space year 3413 AD!

Would you care to vid your digital avatar to my personal sharenet,

fellow humantron?

No?

Actually, dating 35th century style? Terrible idea!

No more pretending.

I'll stick with what I know,

and deal with the situation the way I know how -

the old-fashioned way.

Or maybe, maybe you could just sort of give up?

Never!

I now know the only obstacle between me and Dani

is that Ben chancer.

Look, Maybe they're just friends.

Oh, no. It's all clear to me now, Jimmy.

-I'm going to need this.

-OK...

If he wants to engage in courtship ritual,

he will have to fight me for the right.

Ah, ha-ha!

Ah, for a second there, mate, I thought you were going to

challenge Ben to a scrap!

Precisely!

Although, we call them duels.

You can't...

Ghosts! They'll be the death of me!

Wow! This place is huge! There are so many corridors and rooms.

Yup. I still get lost sometimes.

I know that feeling. I get lost going to the sweet shop.

Ben, the sweet shop is like 30 seconds from your house.

And I've learned my lesson. Now I leave a trail of breadcrumbs,

so I can find my way back home.

I don't know how to stop them being eaten by Mr Feathers, though.

Who's Mr Feathers?

He's the crow that lives in a bush outside my hou...

And somebody's lost again... Ben. Ben! Breadcrumbs!

There we go. Your room's this way... I think.

That's it, follow my finger, there we go.

Keep following it. There's a good boy!

OWL HOOTS

So, you going to be OK sleeping in a haunted castle?

I've stayed in worse places.

Once I got trapped overnight in a mitten factory.

Only you, Ben, only you.

Everyone misses you back home.

I miss them too.

When are you coming back?

Once we get this place up and running.

Which at the rate I'm going at could be never. But we'll see.

Night, Ben-Ben.

Night, Dani.

SNORING

SNORING CONTINUES

(I say. You there.)

Excuse me? Hello?

Are you asleep?

Are you actually asleep with your eyes open?

Who does that? Wake up!

That is just weird.

Huh? What's that? Mum? Dad? Max? Superman?

Oh, it's just you, Gabe.

You were sleeping with your eyes open.

I do that. It stops people sneaking up on me in my sleep.

But I did sneak up on...never mind!

I am sorry, my good sir, but I have to do this.

Gasp! What was that for?

It indicates that I am challenging you to a duel.

A what?

A gentleman's battle. It is how we settled things in my day.

But what do we have to settle?

I intend to fight you, for stealing the woman I think I probably love.

-Who?

-Dani, of course!

If you accept my challenge, you must pick up the glove.

But I didn't steal Dani, and I don't want to fight you.

Here, you have this back.

A-ha! You picked it up! The duel is on.

Wait! But I didn't mean to.

As the challenged, you have the right to choose the weapon

we shall duel with.

I shall see you at dawn, my enemy.

I do my duelling before breakfast.

I do mine after breakfast, and I like a lie-in.

I'll see you around ten-ish.

Ten-ish it is!

Sorry again for waking you up.

Oh, dear, Dani is not going to be happy.

And now I'm far too awake to ever get back to slee...

SNORING

-What are you two doing?

-We're preparing the weapons for his duel.

His duel? Gabe, your duel with who?

Who do you think? Ben.

You're going to fight Ben?

"Fight" makes it sound so uncivil, my lady.

This is simply a traditional way of settling a dispute.

Back in our time, we had to make our own entertainment.

The dispute being what exactly?

I would never have made romantic designs on you

if I knew he already had your hand.

Romantic designs! Ha! I KNEW you liked me!

I mean, Ben doesn't have my hand. He's just a mate from back home.

You're just saying that to try and save him.

No, I'm not! But I'm not letting you fight Ben!

I mean, you're already dead!

Don't you think you have a slight advantage over him?

Ben should've thought of that before he agreed to fight Gabe in a duel.

Did you know about this duel?

I had nothing to do with it.

Look, you've got to stop this. This is no way to impress me.

OK, it is kind of flattering. But I still strongly disapprove.

You are not to stab, squash or bash Ben,

otherwise I'll be really upset.

The poor guy must be terrified.

Morning, everyone. Do you like my leotard?

It's yellow.

You came to a duel dressed like a canary?

What protection will that afford you from an arrow, or axe?

None. You told me to choose my weapon. So I chose dancing.

Oh, no!

My mum says I dance like my legs are made from electric rainbows.

Our mother says that Gabe dances like a spider in a hot frying pan.

I can't dance in your modern way.

I mean, isn't it ungentlemanly to back out of a duel, brother?

Yes, but...yes, fine. The duel is on!

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Hello?!

Stupid signal!

Hello!

Kait, you have to get down here.

And bring Leo. Oh, and some popcorn.

Are you ready?

Bring it on!

Yes. What he said.

Bring...this on!

For you, my lady.

On the count of three, Ben, you first.

One, two, three!

ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS

PUMPING MUSIC

MUSIC LIFTS

PUMPING ELECTRONIC MUSIC

Hey! What did I miss?

Erm, hours and hours of terrible dancing?

I...give up.

You can't! Keep dancing indefinitely.

Stop stalling so you don't have to do the tablecloth trick.

I declare Ben the winner!

But I still have more to give!

If we carry on, Ben's going to pass out.

This is my castle. From now on my rules state

that all humans will win every duel by default.

Then I shall take my leave, and not come between you and your beloved.

It would've been a hollow victory anyway.

Dancing like a fool is no way to behave.

Hang on a minute! This is how everyone dances these days.

And if this is dancing like a fool,

then dancing like a fool is one of my favourite things in the world.

Is it?

Yeah, and I'd really like it if you and I

could dance like fools together sometime.

Really?

You're like no-one I've met before.

But what about Ben?

He's like nobody I've ever met before either.

But we're not together. He really is just my friend. OK?

I accept your invitation to dance with you.

Up you get, twinkle toes.

Can somebody...pass me...

something to mop my brow with?

Here.

No way! I did it! I actually did it.

I mean, of course I did it. I'm Leo the Magnificent!

Thanks for having me, Dani. It's been just like old times.

But with ghosts, a castle, and a different set of people.

It's been brilliant having you here, Ben. Come back soon, yeah?

If you promise to come back and visit soon too.

I'll try, but I think I'll have my hands pretty full here for a while.

On the plus side, it's starting to feel like home.

Bye, Dani.

Bye, Ben.

-Have a safe journey.

-Thank you.

My lady!

Hey, Gabe.

I got you these, in advance of our date.

They're beautiful.

As are you.

You know, coming from anyone else's mouth,

that would have been really cheesy, but coming from you...

Zambini!

CRASHING

Leo!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd