21st Century Boy Dani's Castle


21st Century Boy

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Transcript


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So you're saying Dani has a crush on Gabe?

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Got any evidence?

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Um...the way she plays with her hair

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every time someone talks about him.

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Oh, come on! I do not do...that.

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It couldn't be more obvious if you were walking round

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carrying a sign that said,

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"I think Gabe is cute."

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Ha-ha, very funny(!) But...

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-PHONE MESSAGE BEEP

-Saved by the bell!

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Missed call?

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Why is there never any signal around here?!

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And why does no-one ever leave a voicemail?

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Maybe it was Gabe, my lady.

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Gabe doesn't know how to use a phone.

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We can debate my love life another time.

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Right now, we need to...

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Hey! We still need to clean up.

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Fret not, ladies and gentleman.

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This is a job for Leo the Magnificent.

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Or Leo the Annoying, as he's more commonly known.

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I just say the magic word...

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-Don't you...

-Zambini!

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SPLAT!

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..dare!

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That worked so much better in my head.

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Dani, sorry.

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Don't worry about it.

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I know exactly what it's like to have an annoying little brother.

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Say hello to...maximum destruction!

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-I need you to ruin one of my schemes!

-What?

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THEY LAUGH

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I don't even know why we're laughing!

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Wow! Well, at least it cleared the table.

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Dad's banned you from doing the tablecloth trick.

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Think how many dinners you've ruined by doing that!

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And for my next trick, I shall vanish into thin air

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and re-appear...over there!

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I'll tidy up, then.

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Maybe you could ask Gabe to help with the mess.

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OK, fine. Maybe I do like him a bit.

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I can't deny it. But do you know what?

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I think he likes me too, so I'm just going to ask him out.

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Ha! One bag of Pick and Mix, please.

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Why does Kait owe you sweets?

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Oh, we had a bet that you liked Gabe. She lost.

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I could have never imagined that you'd like a ghost.

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I mean, they're right at the top of my unsuitable boyfriends list,

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along with werewolves, and zombies, and smart-mouthed big city boys.

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SHE GIGGLES

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Meant to do that.

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Greetings, Dani.

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Salutations. How are you?

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You're looking lovely once again.

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Come along, Gabriel.

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Greetings, Dani.

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Greetings! Greetings.

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Come on, Gabriel! Deep breath.

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She's just a girl!

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Greetings, Dani!

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What are you doing?

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Nothing. What? Mirror inspection.

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HE KNOCKS ON MIRROR Yup.

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I swear, since those new humans arrived,

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you've barely stopped looking at yourself in the mirror.

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There's no shame in looking good for general Dani...

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daily reasons.

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I'm not vain, if that's what you mean.

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-Is that hair out of place?

-Where? Where?

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I mean, I know Gabe died 250 years ago, but nobody's perfect.

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You really do like him, don't you?

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He's like no-one I've ever met before.

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I mean, yeah, he's a bit old school,

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but he's so kind and so unique

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and he makes me see the world differently.

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Listening to that, I think I'm starting to get a crush on him.

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So you're actually going to ask him out?

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What's the worst that could happen?

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Gabe says no, and things get really awkward around here?

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Greetings, everyone! How was your lunchtime feast?

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Epic. I'm one mouthful away from exploding.

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Gabe, there's something I wanted to ask you.

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First, my lady, there is something I must ask you.

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Oh!

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Dani, since you came to the castle, I've been...

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well, what I'm trying to say is that...I suppose...

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you and me...well, the thing is...

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Gabe, will you go out with me?

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SHE DROPS DISH

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Out? But you know I cannot go beyond the castle walls.

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I mean, on a date.

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A specific date will make no difference. I still cannot leave.

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What I'm asking is if you would want to join me,

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on a one-to-one basis, for a... thing...you know.

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A boy/girl thing. Together.

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Us. You. Me.

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-Got me?

-Got you.

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Well, this is painful.

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She's asking if you'll consider being her boyfriend, you regency clod!

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You are asking me to..?

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Really? You? Me?

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Seriously?

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HE LAUGHS

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You jester!

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HE LAUGHS

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I just don't understand.

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The tablecloth trick is one of the most basic illusions there is.

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Zambini!

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Had you ever done it before?

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Totally. Loads of times.

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Zambini!

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I mean, not in your head?

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Not...exactly.

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But a magician with my skills

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should be able to do a trick like that in his sleep.

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Zambini!

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Prove it. Show me how good you are.

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I don't have to prove anything to you. I know I'm good.

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Chicken!

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Chicken?

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SHE CLUCKS

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Nobody...clucks...at me!

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Then do the tablecloth trick. Earn the "Magnificent" part of your name.

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-Or what?

-Or I'll tell every ghost I know that you're full of hot air,

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so when you pass over, they'll follow you around saying,

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"Oh! There's the magician

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"that can't even do the tablecloth trick"

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OK! If that's how you want to play it, it's on!

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-I look forward to seeing it.

-I look forward to doing it!

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Sure you do!

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HE LAUGHS

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I have never heard anything so amusing!

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A girl asking a boy to court her!

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Dani, you are quite the joker!

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For a minute there, I actually believed you were being serious!

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And you WERE being serious...

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I'm glad I make you laugh, though.

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I wasn't! I didn't...

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it's just, you asking me out breaks the rules of courtship.

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If you didn't want to go out with me, you only had to say.

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Dani, wait!

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Smooth moves, ghost breath!

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You know, mate, that could've gone slightly better.

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Curses! Now she will never let me court her!

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She still likes you. We just need to bring you up to date.

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-Bring me up to date?

-Yeah, you're just a bit...

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retro.

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-And you think you can help me?

-Trust me, cuz.

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I'm every inch a 21st century boy.

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I meant to do that!

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-Hey.

-Hey.

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So, um, that was all a bit awkward with Gabe, then.

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Sorry, Dani. You're going to have to do the leg-work here.

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Horses I can do. Tree climbing's a piece of cake.

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But when it comes to girly chats, I'm lost.

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I really thought he'd say yes.

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Technically, he didn't say no.

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He laughed at me, Kait.

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Yeah, but things were different back in his day.

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When Gabe was born, electric currents

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were raisins that had been struck by lightning.

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SHE GIGGLES

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Boys are confusing enough as it is,

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let alone ones born in 1700-and-something.

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Well, maybe you could overlook his painfully old-fashioned ways?

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Maybe.

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Or maybe I just need to get into a more 18th century mindset.

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It might help you understand him.

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He baffles the heck out of me.

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To the library!

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Yes! Oh, no! I need to go and worm Prince William.

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Oh. Well, that's nice!

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But how did I do?

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How did you do with what?

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The girly chat.

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Oh, well, apart from the bit about worming - ten out of ten.

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Yes! Get in!

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You lose a couple of points for that, though.

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-Get all of that?

-I think so.

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The Prime Minister of Britain is Justin Bieber,

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and the President of America is Spider-Man?

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No! Spider-Man's a super-hero and Justin Bieber's a pop moppet.

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So, which one of them is married to the Lady Gaga?

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Neither! This is Lady Gaga, remember?

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Egad! A witch! I'm so confused.

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I'm never going to be modern enough for Dani.

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Failure is not an option.

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We just have to make her look past the lacy cuffs and the dodgy boots.

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What's wrong with my attire?

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What's right with it? You need a 21st century makeover, my friend.

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First you are going to learn how to wear a baseball cap.

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A base...what?

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-A baseball cap.

-How exciting!

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Next, a pair of sunglasses.

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Ouch!

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This is a mobile phone.

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It's what we use to communicate.

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Hello?

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And this is an MP3 player.

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This is where you get your tunes.

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An empty what, player?

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MP3! It's for music.

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Now, to press play.

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-LADY GAGA PLAYS

-Sorcery! Witchcraft!

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And that is how you tie your shoelaces.

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Wait, no, not like....you OK?

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These are some ba-ad people. Swag!

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See that? See that?

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And finally, if you get lost and you don't know how to respond...

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what do you say?

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Yeah? Whatevs!

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By Jove, I think he's got it!

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My work here is done. I'm out!

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"On entering a room, a married lady may offer a gentleman her hand

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"but a young lady may not."

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-DOOR SLAMS

-Hey, Leo.

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-Hey.

-Gabe's lot were so uptight!

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No wonder he lost it when I asked him out,

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if this craziness is what he's used to.

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-What are you doing?

-Learning about inertia.

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-Oh. Where's that?

-Inertia?

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The law of physics?

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It says when something is heavy, it's harder to stop it moving.

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It allows me to do things like this.

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Zam-bini!

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Wow! That actually worked!

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Ugh! Still freaks me out when you do that.

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So, when are you going to do the tablecloth trick?

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Leo, I thought Kait said no more tablecloth trick?

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She did, but I can do it this time!

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And I won't break a single thing.

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Probably.

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RAP MUSIC PLAYS

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Yo, yo, yo! 'Sup, people?

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This is Gabe in da house.

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That's my boy!

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Gabe, why are you...

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what...what...what?!

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What she said.

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Yeah, soak it up, peeps.

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Chip off the old block!

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HE KNOCKS ON DOOR

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Leo, would you get the door, mate?

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No, I want to watch this.

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Get the door!

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Chica chica chica.

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Stop. No.

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Whatevs.

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DOOR CREAKS

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Hello there! I'm Ben.

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Cool! Is that a robot?!

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KNOCKS METAL

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Gabe, seriously, what are you doing?

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I'm a rapper now, yo.

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Swaggalishus! His choice. I suggested emo.

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Is he only doing this just to impress you?

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I don't know. Jimmy, did you put him up to this?

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I didn't force him to do anything. It's a change of image.

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We've all done it.

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It's a kind of country-Goth fusion. I call it "Cowbo". Howdy!

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Everyone, pipe down, yeah! I'm trying to text my mates.

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What mates?! Everyone you know is standing right in front of you.

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My online mates. I'm twottering.

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Twittering.

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Yeah, whatevs. Jokes.

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Last week you didn't even know what a phone was.

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I showed you mine and you thought it was a bar of chocolate.

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Gabriel, explain yourself.

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Sure thing.

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Yo.

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HE RAPS: I was born in the past, died too fast, now I'm a spirit

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In it to win it, my name is Gabriel, master of the turntable...

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I will never lose, Now watch me move.

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What was that exactly?

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It was called rap.

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It's called embarrassing yourself.

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As I said, I suggested emo.

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So, yeah, now I know you're totes emoshe about me,

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you going to ask me out or what?

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Bring it on.

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Excuse me?

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You, me, Gabe - babe. I'm the only man for you.

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I'm grade-A hot sauce, and you ain't going to get better.

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You're grade-A hot sauce,

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and you know I ain't going to do any better?!

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Believe.

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You know, I used to think your problem was you were born

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centuries ago.

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Turns out I was wrong. Your problem, Gabe, is that you're arrogant.

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Yeah, whatevs.

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That's not going to help.

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Yeah, whatevs?

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Hi, Dani.

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Ben! What are you doing here?

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Your friend Leo showed me in. He's gone off to practise something.

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Hey, I really like your castle. Especially this bit here.

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No, I meant, what are you doing in Ireland?

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You texted Jack to say you were lonely.

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Well, he sent me over to help cheer you up.

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Well, that was weeks ago! I'm fine now.

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Oh.

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But it's so good to see a familiar face.

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Dani, who's this?

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I'm Ben. It's short for Bench. Or so I assume.

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Ben's a friend from back home. A really good friend, actually.

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And unlike you, he gets me.

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Come on, Ben. I'll show you around.

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Well, maybe you're not the only guy for Dani after all.

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I cannot win.

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So...if you're going to be staying here,

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there's something you need to know about this place.

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It's, er... well, it's...

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Haunted?

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Yeah, how did you know?

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Spooky old castle? People in lacy outfits?

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It doesn't take a genius to work it out.

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Plus, you sent Jack a text that said "ARRGH! GHOSTS! ARRGH!"

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And you're not freaked out by it?

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Between you and me, there are far weirder things in my head

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than ghosts...far weirder.

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So tell me about these robots. Are they like android butlers?

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Do they do chores for you?

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I've missed you!

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I've missed you too!

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POP

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What was that?

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I think you just burst a bag of crisps I had in my pocket.

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At least, I hope that's what just burst.

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Fiddlesticks!

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Being 21st century didn't work any better than being 18th century!

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How about we try a new era altogether -

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one that neither of you know anything about?

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Galactic greetings from the space year 3413 AD!

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Would you care to vid your digital avatar to my personal sharenet,

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fellow humantron?

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No?

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Actually, dating 35th century style? Terrible idea!

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No more pretending.

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I'll stick with what I know,

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and deal with the situation the way I know how -

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the old-fashioned way.

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Or maybe, maybe you could just sort of give up?

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Never!

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I now know the only obstacle between me and Dani

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is that Ben chancer.

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Look, Maybe they're just friends.

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Oh, no. It's all clear to me now, Jimmy.

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-I'm going to need this.

-OK...

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If he wants to engage in courtship ritual,

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he will have to fight me for the right.

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Ah, ha-ha!

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Ah, for a second there, mate, I thought you were going to

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challenge Ben to a scrap!

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Precisely!

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Although, we call them duels.

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You can't...

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Ghosts! They'll be the death of me!

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Wow! This place is huge! There are so many corridors and rooms.

0:17:250:17:30

Yup. I still get lost sometimes.

0:17:300:17:32

I know that feeling. I get lost going to the sweet shop.

0:17:320:17:35

Ben, the sweet shop is like 30 seconds from your house.

0:17:350:17:38

And I've learned my lesson. Now I leave a trail of breadcrumbs,

0:17:380:17:40

so I can find my way back home.

0:17:400:17:42

I don't know how to stop them being eaten by Mr Feathers, though.

0:17:420:17:44

Who's Mr Feathers?

0:17:440:17:46

He's the crow that lives in a bush outside my hou...

0:17:460:17:49

And somebody's lost again... Ben. Ben! Breadcrumbs!

0:17:490:17:53

There we go. Your room's this way... I think.

0:17:530:17:58

That's it, follow my finger, there we go.

0:17:580:18:01

Keep following it. There's a good boy!

0:18:010:18:03

OWL HOOTS

0:18:050:18:07

So, you going to be OK sleeping in a haunted castle?

0:18:070:18:09

I've stayed in worse places.

0:18:090:18:11

Once I got trapped overnight in a mitten factory.

0:18:110:18:13

Only you, Ben, only you.

0:18:130:18:15

Everyone misses you back home.

0:18:160:18:18

I miss them too.

0:18:190:18:20

When are you coming back?

0:18:200:18:22

Once we get this place up and running.

0:18:220:18:24

Which at the rate I'm going at could be never. But we'll see.

0:18:240:18:28

Night, Ben-Ben.

0:18:280:18:29

Night, Dani.

0:18:290:18:30

SNORING

0:18:350:18:37

SNORING CONTINUES

0:18:450:18:46

(I say. You there.)

0:18:490:18:52

Excuse me? Hello?

0:18:530:18:56

Are you asleep?

0:19:000:19:01

Are you actually asleep with your eyes open?

0:19:040:19:07

Who does that? Wake up!

0:19:080:19:11

That is just weird.

0:19:120:19:14

Huh? What's that? Mum? Dad? Max? Superman?

0:19:140:19:20

Oh, it's just you, Gabe.

0:19:200:19:22

You were sleeping with your eyes open.

0:19:220:19:24

I do that. It stops people sneaking up on me in my sleep.

0:19:240:19:26

But I did sneak up on...never mind!

0:19:260:19:30

I am sorry, my good sir, but I have to do this.

0:19:300:19:32

Gasp! What was that for?

0:19:350:19:37

It indicates that I am challenging you to a duel.

0:19:370:19:39

A what?

0:19:390:19:40

A gentleman's battle. It is how we settled things in my day.

0:19:400:19:44

But what do we have to settle?

0:19:440:19:45

I intend to fight you, for stealing the woman I think I probably love.

0:19:450:19:50

-Who?

-Dani, of course!

0:19:500:19:51

If you accept my challenge, you must pick up the glove.

0:19:550:19:58

But I didn't steal Dani, and I don't want to fight you.

0:19:580:20:01

Here, you have this back.

0:20:010:20:02

A-ha! You picked it up! The duel is on.

0:20:020:20:05

Wait! But I didn't mean to.

0:20:050:20:06

As the challenged, you have the right to choose the weapon

0:20:060:20:10

we shall duel with.

0:20:100:20:11

I shall see you at dawn, my enemy.

0:20:110:20:14

I do my duelling before breakfast.

0:20:140:20:16

I do mine after breakfast, and I like a lie-in.

0:20:160:20:18

I'll see you around ten-ish.

0:20:180:20:20

Ten-ish it is!

0:20:200:20:21

Sorry again for waking you up.

0:20:220:20:24

Oh, dear, Dani is not going to be happy.

0:20:290:20:31

And now I'm far too awake to ever get back to slee...

0:20:310:20:33

SNORING

0:20:330:20:34

-What are you two doing?

-We're preparing the weapons for his duel.

0:20:440:20:47

His duel? Gabe, your duel with who?

0:20:470:20:50

Who do you think? Ben.

0:20:500:20:53

You're going to fight Ben?

0:20:530:20:55

"Fight" makes it sound so uncivil, my lady.

0:20:550:20:57

This is simply a traditional way of settling a dispute.

0:20:570:21:00

Back in our time, we had to make our own entertainment.

0:21:000:21:03

The dispute being what exactly?

0:21:030:21:05

I would never have made romantic designs on you

0:21:050:21:07

if I knew he already had your hand.

0:21:070:21:09

Romantic designs! Ha! I KNEW you liked me!

0:21:090:21:12

I mean, Ben doesn't have my hand. He's just a mate from back home.

0:21:120:21:16

You're just saying that to try and save him.

0:21:160:21:18

No, I'm not! But I'm not letting you fight Ben!

0:21:180:21:21

I mean, you're already dead!

0:21:210:21:22

Don't you think you have a slight advantage over him?

0:21:220:21:24

Ben should've thought of that before he agreed to fight Gabe in a duel.

0:21:240:21:28

Did you know about this duel?

0:21:280:21:30

I had nothing to do with it.

0:21:300:21:32

Look, you've got to stop this. This is no way to impress me.

0:21:320:21:36

OK, it is kind of flattering. But I still strongly disapprove.

0:21:360:21:40

You are not to stab, squash or bash Ben,

0:21:400:21:42

otherwise I'll be really upset.

0:21:420:21:44

The poor guy must be terrified.

0:21:440:21:46

Morning, everyone. Do you like my leotard?

0:21:460:21:48

It's yellow.

0:21:480:21:49

You came to a duel dressed like a canary?

0:21:510:21:55

What protection will that afford you from an arrow, or axe?

0:21:550:21:59

None. You told me to choose my weapon. So I chose dancing.

0:21:590:22:03

Oh, no!

0:22:030:22:04

My mum says I dance like my legs are made from electric rainbows.

0:22:080:22:11

Our mother says that Gabe dances like a spider in a hot frying pan.

0:22:110:22:14

I can't dance in your modern way.

0:22:140:22:17

I mean, isn't it ungentlemanly to back out of a duel, brother?

0:22:170:22:21

Yes, but...yes, fine. The duel is on!

0:22:210:22:27

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

0:22:270:22:29

Hello?!

0:22:290:22:30

Stupid signal!

0:22:300:22:32

Hello!

0:22:320:22:33

Kait, you have to get down here.

0:22:330:22:35

And bring Leo. Oh, and some popcorn.

0:22:350:22:38

Are you ready?

0:22:400:22:41

Bring it on!

0:22:410:22:42

Yes. What he said.

0:22:420:22:44

Bring...this on!

0:22:440:22:46

For you, my lady.

0:22:460:22:47

On the count of three, Ben, you first.

0:22:510:22:54

One, two, three!

0:22:540:22:58

ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS

0:22:580:23:03

PUMPING MUSIC

0:23:100:23:15

MUSIC LIFTS

0:23:340:23:37

PUMPING ELECTRONIC MUSIC

0:23:460:23:49

Hey! What did I miss?

0:24:480:24:50

Erm, hours and hours of terrible dancing?

0:24:500:24:53

I...give up.

0:24:530:24:54

You can't! Keep dancing indefinitely.

0:24:540:24:57

Stop stalling so you don't have to do the tablecloth trick.

0:24:570:25:00

I declare Ben the winner!

0:25:000:25:02

But I still have more to give!

0:25:020:25:04

If we carry on, Ben's going to pass out.

0:25:040:25:06

This is my castle. From now on my rules state

0:25:060:25:09

that all humans will win every duel by default.

0:25:090:25:13

Then I shall take my leave, and not come between you and your beloved.

0:25:130:25:17

It would've been a hollow victory anyway.

0:25:170:25:20

Dancing like a fool is no way to behave.

0:25:200:25:23

Hang on a minute! This is how everyone dances these days.

0:25:230:25:27

And if this is dancing like a fool,

0:25:270:25:29

then dancing like a fool is one of my favourite things in the world.

0:25:290:25:33

Is it?

0:25:330:25:34

Yeah, and I'd really like it if you and I

0:25:340:25:36

could dance like fools together sometime.

0:25:360:25:39

Really?

0:25:390:25:40

You're like no-one I've met before.

0:25:400:25:42

But what about Ben?

0:25:420:25:44

He's like nobody I've ever met before either.

0:25:440:25:46

But we're not together. He really is just my friend. OK?

0:25:460:25:50

I accept your invitation to dance with you.

0:25:500:25:53

Up you get, twinkle toes.

0:25:530:25:55

Can somebody...pass me...

0:25:550:25:57

something to mop my brow with?

0:25:570:25:59

Here.

0:26:050:26:07

No way! I did it! I actually did it.

0:26:070:26:12

I mean, of course I did it. I'm Leo the Magnificent!

0:26:120:26:15

Thanks for having me, Dani. It's been just like old times.

0:26:150:26:18

But with ghosts, a castle, and a different set of people.

0:26:180:26:21

It's been brilliant having you here, Ben. Come back soon, yeah?

0:26:210:26:24

If you promise to come back and visit soon too.

0:26:240:26:27

I'll try, but I think I'll have my hands pretty full here for a while.

0:26:270:26:31

On the plus side, it's starting to feel like home.

0:26:310:26:34

Bye, Dani.

0:26:340:26:35

Bye, Ben.

0:26:350:26:36

-Have a safe journey.

-Thank you.

0:26:420:26:45

My lady!

0:26:450:26:46

Hey, Gabe.

0:26:460:26:48

I got you these, in advance of our date.

0:26:480:26:51

They're beautiful.

0:26:510:26:52

As are you.

0:26:520:26:54

You know, coming from anyone else's mouth,

0:26:540:26:57

that would have been really cheesy, but coming from you...

0:26:570:27:01

Zambini!

0:27:020:27:03

CRASHING

0:27:030:27:04

Leo!

0:27:040:27:06

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0:27:220:27:24

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