Bogmoor Rocks Dani's Castle

Lady Gaga? This is Dani, from the Bogmoor Rocks music festival.

Mr Bieber? No, this isn't Selena.

I'm terribly sorry, Mr Cent. Can I call you "50"?

No, Dani.

Dani!

Yeah, sorry. The signal is really bad.

It's Kait, calling from Bogmoor Rocks...

I've got some bad news... No, not bad shoes.

We've had to cancel the festival due to poor weather.

Well, I think that's the last of them.

I can't believe we've had to cancel the festival.

After all those weeks of planning...

Tell me about it. I needed those proceeds to do up the east wing.

I was rather hoping to perform some of my melodeon pieces on stage.

PLAYS CLASSICAL MUSIC

So it's not all bad news, then.

RAUCOUS MUSIC PLAYS

What is that?!

I think it's music, potentially.

It is a veritable assault upon one's ear hole.

Says the one whose music sounds like a cat going berserk in a bin!

Come on, you. Let's go and investigate.

Oh, Kait, do you mind checking the portaloos are cancelled?

Cheers, mate.

Oh, the glamour of the music biz(!)

MUSIC: "School's Out" by Jedward

JEDWARD RULE!

Oh, turn that off!

You're going to wake the poltergeist!

We can't turn it off, even if we wanted to.

Which we definitely don't want to do.

And the controls are in the attic.

Which we've locked.

Gabe!

It would be my pleasure, my lady.

INCREASED VOLUME

# Can't wait until school is out

# Whoa-oh-oh-oh

# Think I can hear the music now

# Hey! You! Let's get this party started like

# We do

# Makin' everybody go

# Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh... #

MUSIC STOPS

# Whoa-oh-oh-oh

# Can't wait... # MUSIC STOPS

Oh, that's better.

Hey!

No fair.

Have you wired up the entire castle?!

Yup. Speakers in every room, so that the music goes with us.

This castle is seriously old, and in serious in need of repair.

Do you not remember last week?

Stupid collapsing east wing.

Ah, blissful silence.

Thanks, Gabe. Well done.

Spell "fun"? Well, I'll try...

f... er...

No, I said "thanks"!

TANKS? Where?!

No, I said... Forget it.

A frog gets hit?

You're not making much sense, my lady.

Have you been out in the sun?

See what you've done?

Music should never be listened to that loudly.

We were just getting psyched to meet

a certain pair of spiky-haired musical gods.

We're talking about John and Edward Grimes.

A.K.A....

JEDWARD!

Ah! Appears this "Jedward" are good for one's hearing!

They are amazing. I'm the biggest Jedward fan on the planet.

Think I'm a LITTLE bit more of a fan than you.

-Not possible.

-Reckon so.

We'll see.

Since when have you been into modern music, sister?

Since Leo introduced me to it.

Give me that over your awful melodeon music any day.

MELODEON PLAYS

Do none of you like my music?

Please. If you'd give it a chance,

you would hear the beauty within.

We'll pass.

John and Edward are icons, legends.

They'll find themselves up with Hercules, Zeus, Simon Cowell...

Don't you think that's overstating it a little bit?

I mean, they are just people.

Anyway, bad news on the Jedward front.

We've had to cancel the festival.

What? They're not coming?!

No. They're not coming.

Wh... N... What?! Wh...why?!

The weather. The castle grounds are like a swamp.

If you put up a stage, it would just sink.

But I'd bought this autograph book especially!

Oh!

Oops. Sorry.

I really need to work on that technique.

Would these help?

Sorry about that. Thanks again. Bye.

What was all the racket?

Esme and Leo. How's it all going?

That's the toilets un-booked. So I reckon we're all done.

How's it going, peeps?

Where have you been?

Having my mid-morning nap.

Did you not hear all the noise?

What noise?

The noise of Esme and Leo rocking out to Jedward.

The news did not go down well.

What news?

The bad news.

What bad news?

About the festival being cancelled.

Ohhh...right. That bad news.

What bad news did you think we meant?

Um...

# One, two, three, break!

# One, two, three... #

SMASHING

So, were they OK with it?

Were who OK about what?

-Jedward.

-Jedward?

Were Jedward OK with us cancelling the festival?

Either you have no idea what we're talking about,

or there's an echo in here.

You did call them, didn't you, like I asked?

Yeah. Course. What do you think I am - an idiot?

They were totally cool with it.

They were like, "Yeah, Jimmy. Thanks for calling.

"We're Jedward. Whoo!"

Good. Because the last thing we need

is them two turning up out of the blue.

Could you imagine if that happened?

KNOCKING AT DOOR

Who was that?

Er...wrong number.

KNOCKING CONTINUES

We're J to the E to the D to the Ward!

Jedward!

ESME SCREAMS

What she said.

OK. I forgot to call.

Forgot? Who could forget this?!

What he said!

I've had a busy week, OK?

# Party till we drop

# Till we...

# Gonna party till we drop... #

And the festival's back on!

I can't believe it's actually you!

Of course it's actually us.

Yeah. We're actually real!

Is it true that you're going to be performing a brand new song tonight?

We need to talk.

Guys, why don't you make yourselves at home?

Esme, Leo, grab a Jedward each and take them to the kitchen.

This way, please.

Thank you.

Right.

They seem like nice lads.

Probably because you've not yet told them they've come here

-for absolutely no reason!

-Thanks to you, Jimmy.

-Everything is always my fault.

-This IS your fault.

You look very glare-y today, Dani.

You had one job to do, Jimmy. One!

So now we've got two pop stars in the castle who've come

all the way from Japan to play at our music festival.

Except there is no music festival!

Jedward are going to go crazy when they find out.

So in short - we're in big trouble.

Chill your heels. I'll sort it.

Leave everything to the Jimster.

We left it to the Jimster last time.

That's why we're in this situation.

Trust me. I don't make the same mistake twice.

Yeah, just brand new ones!

Everyone take a step back. Rewind.

Think. When have I ever let you down?

Go and talk to them.

The next time I see you,

you'd better have told them it's cancelled.

I can't believe it.

They're even cooler in person than I thought they'd be.

I know! Who'd have thought something living would be this amazing!

Noodle puffs, Sir John? They're minty moose flavour...

Why are you calling me "sir"?

Because I'm your biggest fan.

Actually, I'm your biggest fan. Check this out.

Seriously? That's how you are going to prove you're their biggest fan?

Ask me anything about them.

OK, then. What was their first Irish number one single?

Under Pressure.

# Ice, ice, baby... #

Which twin is older?

John. By ten minutes.

Where were they born?

Dublin.

As your BIGGEST fan, I can't wait to hear a brand new song.

I'm dangerously excited.

It is going to be mind-blowing, like everything else you guys do.

Imagine that, being the first Jedward fan in the entire world

to hear your brand new song. What an honour.

I should hear it before him, since I'm ACTUALLY your biggest fan.

-I am.

-No, I am.

-I am!

-I am!

-I am!

-No, I am!

-No, I am!

-I am!

John, what are we going to do for tonight? We've nothing written.

Edward, we still have loads of time. Do you have any ideas?

Absolutely none.

OK, then. Whichever one of us can prove we're their biggest fan

-gets to hear the song first?

-I'm up for that.

-Sir Jedwards?

-Yeah, let's give it a go.

See what you guys are made of.

It'd better be totally Jedley, Jepic, out-of-this-world amazing.

It'd better be Jawesome!

Crazy kids!

Awww!

Minty moose?

Jimmy, what are you doing?

Nothing.

Are you building a stage?

Why would I be building a stage?

What's that behind your back?

Nothing.

You didn't speak to Jedward, did you?!

I did. I swear. I promise you I did.

Did you actually use the words, "The festival is cancelled"?

Well, I used some of those words...

So, guys, some good news!

The festival is definitely... not...cancelled!

What was I supposed to do?

Tell them the truth!

I tried, but it was hard!

How hard can it be?

I dunno...I started, and then I thought,

"They've come all this way,

"they flew out here and they were going to cry."

And nobody wants to see Jedward cry.

I wonder what it would take to make Jimmy cry?

So you decided to fake an entire festival?

In the castle?

It's going to be fine!

-BOTH:

-How?!

Look - with the lights in their eyes,

they won't be able to tell if there's an audience in here.

-Probably.

-Do you not think they'd notice the lack of applause?

Ah, see, I've thought about that.

RECORDING OF RAPTUROUS APPLAUSE

Poltergeist!

Nah, this room is miles away from the poltergeist.

It won't hear a thing. Probably.

I can't believe you, Jimmy.

You were supposed to tell Jedward

that the festival is cancelled twice.

And you failed both times.

But I came up with a solution, didn't I?

You call this a solution?!

This is a disaster waiting to happen.

OK. So...you don't like the fake festival.

But I've got a back-up plan.

Two words...

..fake werewolf attack.

WOLF HOWLS

That's three words.

Just dismantle the stage.

No! I don't even trust you to do that.

We'll dismantle the stage, and we'll tell Jedward the truth.

No disrespect, Jimmy,

but I reckon we can do a better job without you.

OK.

Fine.

Do you mind getting to work here

-while I go break the news to Jedward?

-Yep.

-Thank you.

Of course I should hear it first.

I'm a much bigger fan than you.

I was into Jedward WAY before you were!

So? First doesn't always mean best.

It sort of does.

Who remembers the guys who came second. Eh?

"Whoopee doo! Look at me! I'm the second man on the moon!"

Whoo!

There are men on the moon?!

Ohhh!

See?! You're not even from this century.

You don't deserve to be their biggest fan.

I hope you're hungry, Leo.

Because you're about to eat your words.

Why can't I do that?!

John, we've never been stuck for song ideas before.

Edward, what are we going to do?

Ah! Boys. Glad I found you. There's been a bit of a problem.

What kind of problem?

Um...well...

when I say problem, I actually mean...everything's fine!

So keep enjoying the castle. OK. Bye!

John. This place is weird.

Yes, it's totally affecting my music genius.

MELODEON PLAYS

They think I'm useless. Dani doesn't even want me here.

I've totally messed up.

Master Jimmy, please. I'm trying to compose here.

Did we hear music!?

Good heavens. The brothers Jedward!

Here in the castle.

What is this thing?

This, gentlemen, is a melodeon. I got it for my tenth birthday.

It looks pretty old.

Old?! Well...

Yes. It, um, it was an antique when I got it.

Here, do you write songs?

Indeed.

I had quite the promising career ahead of me before I die...

die...

# Di-da-di-di-i-i...

-# Do-da-do...

-THEY ALL SING

-And so forth.

-Hey! Could you write us a song?

Cos we need to impress our fans tonight.

They need to be like, "Ahhhhh! It's Jedward!"

Of course I will help you!

You can write us a song. Awesome! Yeah!

Ok. We'll leave you it to you. We've got to get out of here.

And do our hair. You're the man, OK?

Seriously, writing us a song - it's the coolest thing ever.

Did you hear that?!

They actually want me to help them.

Finally, my musical talent is being recognised.

Nice try!

I'm putting the finishing touches to this.

I'm going to give them to Jedward as a present.

Seriously? This is how you're going to prove you're their biggest fan -

with a couple of little teddy bears?

Trust me, they're not just teddy bears.

Check this out.

'We're J to the E to the D to the ward! Jedward!'

# Whoa-oh-oh-oh

# Whoa-oh-oh-oh... #

Let's see you beat that.

Oh, don't you worry - I already have.

Ah, Kait. You haven't dismantled the stage yet, have you?

-No, not yet...

-Great...don't touch it.

Why?

You did tell Jedward about the festival being cancelled?

Didn't you?

Dani!

I tried. Jimmy's right - it is really hard!

But what do we need the stage for?

It's not like we're going ahead with Jimmy's mad scheme!

What?

What choice have we got?

I've tried telling them, and it didn't work.

Yeah, but what if they find out the truth?

Yeah, but what if they don't? We'll have gotten away with it,

and Jedward will be on the way back home none the wiser.

You really think we can pull this off?

Yeah!

Gabe, buddy of mine...

Yes?

How can I say this?

Your music isn't exactly chart material.

What do you mean?

I mean, it's pretty...last century.

In fact, the century before that.

Popular 21st century music is very different to the sort of...

STUFF that you like to play.

I see. Then I risk embarrassing myself.

Yeah. You do have a habit of doing that.

Remember that dance-off we had?

# It's real love, real love

# It's real love, real love

# It's real love, real love

# It's real love, real love... #

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

What if I help you write the song?

With all respect, Jimmy, do you know anything about music?

Do I?!

Yes, that's what I was...

Well, perhaps I could do with a little musical direction.

But why would you want to help someone so last century?

Let's see.

Dani tells me to get lost.

Jedward hailed me the musical maestro.

High five.

I meant to do that.

When Jedward unwrap their new Jeddy Bears,

they're bound to name me their number one fan.

You don't stand a chance.

Oh, really? So what did you come up with?

Nothing less than a simple magic trick for the mighty Jedward.

One that will celebrate their iconic style.

Behold.

SHE MOUTHS

It's all right, I suppose.

Now all need to do is get changed into something a bit more...

..befitting of my heroes, and it's in the bag.

OK, finished!

-RECORDING OF APPLAUSE

-Oh, no!

Guys! What was that noise?

It was, er...

We play that through the speakers to...

warm them up, because cold speakers - big problem.

Dani, there's really a festival, isn't there?

Yeah, because we were told Lady Gaga would be here.

She IS! Er...hold on a second.

One minute.

What are you doing?

Now they're expecting Lady Gaga to be here.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Dani, I can't. I'm not an actor.

It's simple - all you have to do

is imagine you're an international pop idol

who's adored by millions of fans all over the world.

I can't. This is totally out of my experience.

I grew up riding my horse around fields.

OK, well, try this.

Imagine your horse is a microphone,

and the field is full of screaming fans,

and the trees are paparazzi trying to take photographs of you.

That just creeps me out.

Come on, get Jedicated!

Show me some Jedication.

Come on! It'll be fun, I promise.

What if that guy can't write us a song before tonight's show?

Well, John, he's the only chance we've got.

Where's my dressing room?

Superstars. What are you going to do?

Lady Gaga has really let herself go!

THEY SING TUNELESSLY

# We're yes, we're no, We're up and down...

# Cos we're not the same...

# Whoa-oh, oh-oh...

# Whoa-oh...

# Whoa-oh... # Oh.

Hmm.

Perhaps if we do some human beatboxing underneath it?

Might bring it up to date a bit.

HE BEATBOXES

# We're up, up, up We're down, down, down

# We're up...

# We're down

# It's murder... #

Definitely not the same.

That's really terrible, isn't it?

I think I'm starting to see why all of you hate my melodeon so much.

Well, we did our best.

And once again my best leads to total failure.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

I can't do anything right.

It's no wonder Dani doesn't need me around.

Jimmy... Jimmy...

Jimmy!

It's so cool being here.

MELODEON PLAYING

Edward, what is that? It sounds terrible.

Yeah, really terrible...

But good terrible.

I'm going to miss this place. Bye, suit of armour.

Bye, castle.

Bye, peacock. I barely got to know you.

-Where are you going?

-I'm leaving.

-What? Why?

-I keep messing up.

Yeah, so?

Dani, we're supposed to be a family, but all I do is get on your nerves.

Yeah. Tell me about it. You drive me mad!

Jimmy, that's what families are supposed to do!

Yeah, right.

Fine, don't believe me.

But right now we've got a problem that you caused,

so you're going to stick around and help me sort it out.

OK. Fine. I'll stay. For now.

What do you want me to do?

We've got a fake concert to sort out!

Don't you dare.

Right, Jimmy - you get into costume, and head backstage.

Kait, you're on lights and sound, and I'll do the smoke machine.

-Cue sound.

-RECORDING OF APPLAUSE

Wow. Just listen to that crowd.

And look who's come to see your set - it's Usher!

-AMERICAN ACCENT: Hey. 'Sup boys. It's your boy Usher.

-Hey, Usher. Whoa!

We never knew you were performing tonight.

Yeah, man. You guys must be pretty nervous.

You know, there's a big crowd going on.

Yeah, sure. We are nervous.

But you'd know all about that, Usher, wouldn't you?

Oh, yeah. Totally. You know, cos I'm Usher.

Especially when we're performing a brand new song.

USUAL ACCENT: You wrote that pretty quickly! I mean, er...yeah.

AMERICAN ACCENT: You wrote that pretty quickly?

-We did have some help.

-CHEERING

Oh, boys, I think that's your cue.

-Come on, Edward, let's go, let's rock this.

-Word.

'Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage...

'Jedward!'

RECORDING OF APPLAUSE

What's up, Bogmoor!

Please work. Please work.

Guys, we are so excited.

Whoa, those lights are kind of bright...

But, guys, we know you're out there.

Back off! I'M Jedward's biggest fan!

No way. Jedward hair so beats Jeddy Bears!

This song is never, ever performed. It's specially for all you guys.

And we're dedicating it to our TWO biggest fans -

Esme and Leo. THEY CHEER

And it goes a little something like this.

# We're yes, we're no

# We're up and down

# This fear is nothing

# We're right, we're wrong

# We're few and far between

# Together become as one...

# We came too far

# Yeah, as one... #

That's our song!

# So come and put your hands up

# We came too far, yeah... #

MELODEON PLAYS

Aargh! G-g-ghost! RUN!

Don't worry, John, I'm coming as well. Aargh!

Oh, my Jedward, there's nobody in the crowd!

Guys! What happened?! Where is everybody?

All I can say is, I'm glad we didn't crowd-surf!

What's going on?

I know. A fake music festival.

I can't believe we thought you'd fall for it.

Although, if wasn't for The Haunted Harpsichord over there...

My enthusiasm for beautiful music may have got the better of me.

And yeah, we probably should have mentioned

the fact that the castle's haunted.

All I can say is...I'm sorry,

and we should have told you everything sooner.

Guys, we're totally cool. What are you stressing about?

We should be thanking you!

Thanking us?

Yeah, come on. We did need a holiday.

And we got to hang out with Lady Gaga.

And learn some cool dance moves!

# Oh, there ain't no other way

# Baby, I was born this way

# Baby, I was born this way... #

Um...yeah. Actually, about that... I'll let Kait...explain

and me and Jimmy'll just...

Where is Jimmy?

Where are you going?

You know where I'm going.

I've tried to make amends, and now I'm off.

Have a nice life, Dani.

You can't leave!

Look - you're annoying, you're clumsy, you're lazy,

you drive me mad most of the time.

Way to make me want to stay, cuz!

But don't say you don't feel the same way about me!

Like I said, it's what families are like!

-Edward, I want to climb a mountain!

-What's that?

< Well, John, I want to hang out here and chill.

< Edward, I want to climb a mountain!

< We've got climb a mountain...

Hear that? Even JEDWARD bicker.

Wow.

So are you going to unpack your bags or what?

Yeah, you have twisted my arm.

RAUCOUS MUSIC PLAYS

Esme! Leo! Turn it down! What have I told you?

It's Jedward! They say playing music's

the only thing they can agree on doing!

Oh. Well, if it makes them happy.

Play it as loud as you like!

Wait - no!

RAUCOUS MUSIC PLAYS

-ALL:

-Poltergeist!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd