Bogmoor FM Dani's Castle

Hi, Dani, how's Hollywood? Have you settled in?

The weather is perfect.

I get my own trailer.

They're already talking sequels

and I get to do my own stunts.

Sounds like you're having the time of your life.

Oh, I miss you, guys. What's the latest Bogmoor gossip?

Well, Leo finally got accepted into magic school.

Well, it's about time.

He was one trick away from burning down the castle!

And Rich is still coming up with interesting business ideas.

-CASH REGISTER CHINGS

-Bogmoor Castle,

Europe's largest indoor chicken sanctuary.

-Want to have a look?

-Uh-huh!

CLUCKING

Don't go in there!

The chickens are crazy!

-Yeah, about that...

-HE COUGHS

Rich is going to make the castle

the number one tourist attraction in Northern Ireland.

At the moment, it's still the number one tourist attraction

in his overactive imagination.

I can't wait.

-SHE CRACKS FINGERS

-It means more humans to creep out.

Esme!

Don't do that!

Freaks me out.

Win!

And I've been looking into the family tree.

Guys!

You should see this tree!

There's a whole family of woodpeckers in here.

-HAMMERING

-Ah, my head!

Ahhhh!

And how's Gabe doing?

-Well, I mean...

-Hiya-roony!

How is my superstar cousin?

-Pretty good, Rich.

-OFF SCREEN: Dani!

Sorry, guys, I'm needed on set. I'll talk to you and I promise.

-Bye, guys!

-ALL: Bye!

My lady, my lady, my lady, my lady, my lady, my lady...

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

-IN SULTRY TONE:

-My lady...

Oh... Er...

-Gabe, sorry, she's gone.

-Gone?

So soon?

We always seem to miss one another. There's so much I wanted to say.

I'm sure you'll get to speak to her sooner or later, mate.

Yes, sooner or later.

It isn't like I'm going anywhere.

Listen, don't worry,

cos I've got just the thing to take your mind off Dani.

-But I am completely over Dani.

-Huh, come on.

-You're going to love it.

-What this time?!

Far as I go.

The place you want is through those woods.

Across the swamp.

Cool!

A swamp!

I'll be able to collect some specimens.

-I've really caught the herpetology bug.

-I'm sorry to hear that.

Herpetology is the study of amphibians and reptiles.

In that case, you're going to love Bogmoor Swamp.

Do you think there'll be leeches? I hate those guys.

They give me the heebie-leechies.

If you're going to Bodmoor Castle,

leeches are the least of your worries.

-What's in this?

-My dragon.

You're going to fit right in.

Guess...what's in the box.

The world's largest Jack In The Box.

A maxed out 3D home cinema system with surround sound.

Something that sounds like a good idea at first

but is actually a total disaster.

Well, you're all wrong.

Particularly you, Kait. Nothing new there.

In this box is a radio station.

You've got an entire radio station in this one box?

Is it a radio station for tiny little gnomes, Master Richard?

Well, this is just the gear we need. I've got it all second-hand.

Cheap as. What do you reckon?

Bogmoor FM - 24-hour local news spliced with some furious tunes.

-That is a wicked concept, cuz.

-Hold on. There's only a few of us.

How are we going to run a 24-hour radio station?

We'll record a couple of shows a day and repeat them on the loop.

By your standards, it's actually not a bad idea.

It could really put us on the map.

See, I knew you'd come round to my genius, Kaitlyn.

Don't all stand around basking in the glow of my awesome,

because we...have got a studio to set up.

I meant that.

Easy on the crumbs there, Man Versus Food.

You don't want to attract the mice.

Hey, Diego, look at this. What do you think it is?

It doesn't matter what you think it is,

-I'm going to tell you what it is. It's a...

-Go away, Roxy.

-I'm meditating.

-It's a microphone.

It's a pencil.

No, it's a microphone. Duh!

POP MUSIC PLAYS Look at me, I'm a rock star.

# La, la, la, la, la, la... #

You're not a rock star, Roxy.

You're an irritation. I'm trying to relax.

MEDITATING MUSIC PLAYS

Stop being such a grumpy old rat.

POP MUSIC PLAYS This is how I relax.

# La, la, la, la, la... #

When will this nightmare end?

-Swagalicious.

-For once, I have to agree.

I love it.

Plus, it doubles into a recording studio, so we can get some bands in.

We can get Jay-Z to bang out his next album here.

-Let's not get carried away.

-Indeed.

Perhaps before we get to Jay-Z, we could start

with plain old Jay-A...or Jay-B.

-ESME:

-Can I have my own radio show? Can I? Can I, Rich?

Sorry, Esme, this is a human station only.

The plan is to attract visitors, not send them fleeing in terror.

So, Jimmy, you're the engineer, so I want you on tune duty.

I'm going to get my shake on.

Go, Jimmy. Go, Jimmy.

Not cool. Not cool.

All right, Kait. You're full of opinions. Why don't you be producer?

Your first job is to assign the DJ.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

-Rich, would you like to be the DJ?

-Yeah, I'd love to be the DJ.

Your second job is to tell the DJ how good-looking he is.

Don't push it.

-So what can I do?

-You can stay out of the way and not cause trouble.

Why do you think I'm going to cause trouble?

-Do I really need to answer that?

-Stop treating me like a little kid.

-I've been stuck on this realm just as long as you have.

-Esme, wait.

Well, you better go after her.

The last thing we need is another Esme rampage.

Not even Esme can ruin Bogmoor FM.

Guys, I've got a really good feeling about this.

Get the tunes on.

Oh, I love this one.

I'm sorry I upset you. I know I've been rather melancholy of late.

Ever since Dani left, you've been walking around the castle

-like a storm cloud in lacy cuffs.

-I am completely over Dani.

Yeah, and I'm Scooby-Doo.

-What are you doing?

-Updating my blog.

Ten reasons why you should never date a human.

Reason number one - they turn you into a complete misery guts

when they leave for Hollywood.

You can't put my personal business online. Anyone could read it.

You're always putting your personal business in those soppy love songs.

My melodic compositions are for my ears only.

I will not let you expose my tender feelings to the entire afterlife.

-Hey! Give that back.

-No.

You are not getting it back until you learn to respect others.

What are you looking at?

I know what I'm doing.

I shall prove to you that I'm completely over Dani...

by writing an album of songs about how I'm completely over Dani.

MUSIC: "Greensleeves"

Hello, little fella.

Aren't you a handsome frog? What shall we call you then, frog?

Common frog?

Oh, come on, Dylan. Think of a name. That's it. Common.

I'll call you Common. Come on, Common. Come and meet Trafford.

Oh, no. Trafford?

Trafford?

We've got a dragon on the loose, Common.

If you were a dragon, where would you flee to?

FROG CROAKS

Yeah, you're right. Let's source out the nearest source of warmth.

This is Dr Rich live on Bogmoor FM.

Now I've got just the musical medicine

for whatever your ears might need.

This is a new one from Wiley.

MUSIC: "Lights On" by Wiley Ft. Angel And Tinchy Stryder

MUSIC STOPS

Hello?

Anybody home?

Wow.

This place is totally not what I expected.

The other castles I've been to were way bouncier.

The sun is shining. It's a lovely day here at Bogmoor Castle.

What is everybody up to? Are you driving to work?

Are you on the way to the spa? Are you on the way to get your hair cut?

Well, I'm sitting here chilling in the castle...

HE SCREAMS

THEY SCREAM

What is that?

Sorry, folks.

We're just having a few technical difficulties here in the studio.

Nothing major. Aah! Nothing major.

Trafford! There you are, boy.

-Who are you?

-Dylan?

-Oh, hi, Rich.

-Where did you come from?

-First of all, I was born at a very young age.

-Yeah, skip to the end.

The airport.

Rich, who is this?

Kait, Jimmy, meet my brother Dylan.

We have to do something about Gabe.

DYLAN SCREAMS

Ghost!

-ESME SCREAMS

-Monster!

DYLAN SCREAMS

Trafford isn't a monster, he's a bearded dragon.

ESME SCREAMS

Is there a difference?!

He's an Australian reptile.

Be very careful what you say about him.

He's very sensitive.

-Whoa. What happened in here?

-He did.

Not another one.

Stop doing that.

Gabe, this is my brother Dylan.

Greetings, Master Dylan.

Master Rich, would it be possible to use the studio to record some music?

Well, I don't know if you could tell, Gabe,

but the studio's wrecked.

-It's fine. Me and Jimmy'll sort it.

-What about the radio show?

We can just put a loop of our playlist on overnight.

Chill your heels, treacle.

Looks like you two have got some catching up to do.

Didn't you get Mum and Dad's postcard?

I got it, I just, you know, didn't read it exactly.

Look, I've had the castle to get up and running. Big ideas to have.

My brain's already full of genius,

I can only take in so much new information.

"Dear Rich, we're off on an expedition to the Amazon.

"We're sending you Dylan to look after until we get back.

"Whatever you do, don't let his bearded dragon get loose."

Oops.

Look, bruv, no disrespect, but this is the last thing I need.

I can't be babysitting.

I don't need babysitting. I promise I won't cause any more chaos.

Look, it's late, you must be tired.

Grab your popcorn, we don't want to attract the mice, all right?

You've got mice?

Cool.

There's another human. This place is overrun.

What?

But I love humans.

I love how they're all pink and hairless and stuff.

-They're so funny.

-We should call in the exterminators.

No. More humans means more mess, and more mess means more food.

I know you love your food, Diego.

I also love peace and quiet. All humans seem to do is argue. Noisily.

-All we ever do is argue.

-No, we don't.

-Yeah, we do.

-No, we don't.

-We do.

-Don't.

-Do.

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Don't, don't, d-dont, don't, d-don't, don't.

Yes, we do. Look, we're arguing right now. How cool is that!

So easy to wind up.

I thought I'd be sleeping with you. We used to have bunk beds.

Mate, sleep time is when I get my best ideas.

Last time we shared a bunk bed,

-you kept me up all night jumping off the top.

-I was learning to fly.

I thought if I had smaller and smaller parachutes every time

I jumped, eventually, I wouldn't need one.

What about the ghosts?

Gabe and Esme are harmless.

We haven't heard from the poltergeist in months.

Poltergeist?

He's stuck down in the dungeon, but he's never going to come out.

But anyway, listen, night, bruv.

OWL HOOTS

OWL HOOTS

(Testing.)

ECHOES: Test!

FEEDBACK

Now then, which one of these buttons will allow me to record my songs?

Ah.

Hello.

This is Gabe.

This song is A Sonnet For A Rose Called Dani.

MUSIC: "Greensleves"

# Oh, my Lady Dani

# Oh, Dani, Dani

# Oh, Dani. #

OWL HOOTS

COW MOOS

Oh, good, you're awake.

HE SCREAMS

Ghost!

Help! Rich! Jimmy! Ghostbusters!

Sh! You're making enough noise to wake the dead.

It's a bit late for that, isn't it?

I was pretty blown away by that stunt you pulled earlier.

Wrecking the studio.

It was just too funny. Hey. Where are you going?

To go sleep with Rich. No offence, but there's a ghost in my bedroom.

Bogmoor FM. It's better than silence, you're listening to Bogmoor FM.

-More music, more chat and more...

-Rich, are you asleep?

Bro, have you ever heard of knocking? I could have been in my boxers.

Can I sleep with you tonight?

My room's scary.

-Fine, you can have my bed.

-You can have my duvet, if you want.

Sorry about the crumbs, I was eating a pork pie.

Night, Rich.

-Morning.

-You look terrible.

-Thanks. I didn't get much sleep.

-Dylan?

SHE HUMS "GREENSLEEVES"

-What are you humming?

-Oh, I don't know.

I was listening to the Bogmoor FM loop on the way here,

so I must have heard it on there.

-Doesn't sound like our playlist.

-Must have heard it somewhere else.

I'll meet you in the studio.

SHE HUMS "GREENSLEEVES"

-Morning!

-Leave me alone.

I'm sorry you find me scary, but I'm not the one with a baby dragon,

and I find that pretty scary.

At least my dragon isn't dead.

-I never meant to die, Dylan.

-So how did it happen?

Me and Gabe caught a fever.

What about bearded dragons, can they come back as ghosts?

I don't know how it works.

So what can ghosts do?

I can't touch anything that's living,

but I can disappear and reappear within the castle.

But I'm not allowed to leave the castle.

I can fly, teleport and move things with my mind.

-It's pretty cool.

-Can you smell things? Do you know other ghosts?

What about Michael Jackson,

is he a ghost? Why are only some people ghosts?

Do you miss using the toilet? I would.

Be my friend and I'll teach you everything I know.

-Can you teach me how to teleport and walk through walls?

-Sure.

You've got a deal.

Do you want to know what else? Ghosts never get into trouble.

Morning, guys. We're all set to go.

HE HUMS "GREENSLEEVES"

What is that song?

I don't know, cos it must have been on our playlist.

That song's not on our playlist.

-Now you come to mention it...

-What's this doing in here?

Ah, Lady Kaitlyn, you found it.

I must have left it in here last night.

Gabe, what were you doing in here last night?

I was recording some songs for Dani.

I'm going to make an album to send to her.

I know my songs may be somewhat old-fashioned by your taste,

but there's no need...

-Mate, everything you did last night went out live.

-Everything?

You mean...

-My songs were broadcast...

-To the entire village.

But those songs are personal.

-For Dani's ears only.

-DOORBELL RINGS

All right, keep your hair on. I'm coming.

SCREAMING

-ALL:

-We love you!

See, after everything that's gone wrong, they love me. It's a hit.

-THEY CHANT:

-Gabe! Gabe! Gabe!

-Are they saying, "Gabe?"

-No, no. They're saying, "Goobe."

It must be the local sound for Rich rocks.

Gabe, we love you!

They must have thought that Gabe's broadcast was a radio show.

OK, so, on the plus side, we're a hit.

And on the downside, all of our listeners want to meet the ghost.

So now what do we do?

SCREAMING CONTINUES

Is he here? He's my hero!

You can do it.

Just imagine yourself disappearing and reappearing somewhere else.

OK, ready?

And...vanish.

HE HICCUPS

It's no use.

All I've done is give myself synchronised diaphragmatic flutters.

Hiccups.

OK, how about we try walking through doors?

The key is to get a really good run up

and then imagine the door isn't there.

Ready?

Three...two...one...

There's more of them now. We're under siege.

They're not going to leave till they get to meet Gabe.

-Would it really hurt to let them in?

-Mate, you're a ghost.

-They can't meet you. Unless...

-Oh, no.

I know that face. I've had nightmares about that face.

That's the face you pull when you've thought of another crazy idea.

One person's madness is another person's genius, Kait.

Come on.

Dressing up as Gabe isn't going to work.

What are you talking about? Whatever I do works.

Look, I'll sign a few autographs, send them on their way

and then I can get along with my soon-to-be award-winning radio show.

THEY SCREAM

Ta-da.

What do you think?

Spectacular, Master Richard. You look like a true gentleman.

Well, I'll try, I'll try.

Not saying a word.

OK. Listen, girls, Gabe will see you but, first,

we need to establish some ground rules because this is not acceptable.

Calm you down, ladies, for it is I, DJ Gabriel.

-He's so gorgeous.

-I thought he'd be taller.

-He sounded taller on the radio.

-He's still hot though.

Even in those weird clothes.

We loved your songs.

They were so sad and beautiful.

Who's Dani? You must have really loved her.

-What's a harmonium?

-What's a what?

You said on the radio that some of your songs

were playing the harmonium.

Yeah, I said-eth...

that my harmonium thingy is what I write-eth

my song-eth on.

Hey nonny, nonny.

Will you play us one of your songs?

I would do, but, you know, I'm very tired. You know, too much of that.

We're not going till you play a song.

Play a song.

THEY CHANT: Play a song!

I cannot believe Master Richard is taking credit for my music.

What choice does he have, mate? You can't go in there.

Imagine what would happen if they caught a whiff that you were dead.

You're right. I would cause chaos.

CHANTING CONTINUES

If they don't hear one of my ballads,

they're going to tear poor Master Richard apart.

Wait, I know what to do.

What are you doing?

Looking for insects for Trafford.

It's the only thing that encourages that greedy guts out of his tank.

What's in here?

-Dylan, wait, that's the door to the cellar.

-But...

-Rich said the cellar's where you keep the...

-Poltergeist!

You're on your own, sunshine.

HE SCREAMS

CHANTING CONTINUES

Ladies, ladies.

I'm Jimmy-J. I'm Rich...I mean, Gabe's manager, he needs his rest.

So I'm going to have to ask you to scram.

We are not leaving.

Then I guess you don't want these free exclusive

remixes of Gabe's first songs?

I want those.

-Can we get them signed?

-One at a time, ladies, one at a time.

Rich! Rich, save me.

Why is he calling you Rich? I thought your name was Gabe.

That's right, it is Gabe.

He's...he's calling me Rich cos I'm totally loaded.

-I mean, how else do you think I'd afford this castle?

-He's rich too?

-I saw him first.

-No, you didn't.

THEY SCREAM

You have to do something. It's the polt...pol...

pol...

Oh, no.

What is that?

Ghost!

THEY SCREAM

Fret not, Master Richard. I've got this.

-Give me that key.

-Not so fast.

Ghosty...over here.

Well...that got rid of the girls.

We've got so many fans, I think Bodmoor's going to be a hit.

-JIMMY:

-Gabe, you're a star.

-I am?

How would you like your own radio show?

Hang on, shouldn't we discuss this first?

-I'm the producer, so it's my decision.

-Fine.

-It can go out on the Afternet, but ghosts only.

-Sounds fair.

The spirit community will appreciate my unique

outlook on the ghostly realm.

-ESME:

-If you're going to broadcast it online,

you're going to need my laptop passcode.

I have been hasty.

-I am sorry, sister.

-Yes. Now can we get on with the ghost power lessons?

Ghost power lessons?

Yeah, Esme's been teaching me how to walk through walls and stuff.

But you can't teach ghost powers to a human, can you?

So what if I bend the truth...just a tiny bit.

But you know what's just as good as having ghost powers?

Having two mouths so you can eat and talk at the same time?

-I'm starting to like this kid.

-No. Having a friend with ghost powers.

Hang on, what are we all standing around for?

We've got a show to prepare.

MUSIC PLAYS Humans are so noisy.

Keep it down, you apes!

Yeah, but if it wasn't for the humans dropping food,

we've have nothing to eat. Cheese?

MUSIC BECOMES MUFFLED

Peace at last.

What do you think of our room, little man?

Whoa! It's amazing!

My geckos.

Trafford.

-A bunk bed. Thanks, Rich.

-I miss our old chats too.

Hasn't been the same without you.

-Baggsie top bunk.

-Fine.

Just don't let your dragon escape. No flying lessons this time.

-Oh, bruv!

-Don't "Oh, bruv" me.

-I love jumping off things.

-It's dangerous.

-Danger's my middle name.

-Your middle name is Albery.

-Sh!

-Don't broadcast it.

-Oh, talking of which, we've got a show to do.

Come on.

My special guest in the studio today is everybody's newest heartthrob,

the man of the moment. He's old school, he's retro. He's Gabe.

-It's a pleasure, Master Rich.

-Dr Rich.

And reporting live from Hollywood, the girl of his dreams,

Miss Dani herself.

Hi, guys. Happy to be here.

To kick off, we've got DJ Jimmy's freshest remix of Gabe's

newest track - Sonnet For A Rose Called Dani.

GREENSLEEVES DANCE REMIX PLAYS

Yeah. Very romantic.

It did not sound like that when I wrote it.

# Oh, my Lady Dani, Dani

# I love thee, how I love you... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd