The Beast of Bogmoor Dani's Castle


The Beast of Bogmoor

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Transcript


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-VOICEOVER:

-Bogmoor FM.

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Sonic beat. B-beat, beat, boom.

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Here's another rhyme, now guess that tune.

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HE BEATBOXES THE CORONATION STREET THEME

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PHONE RINGS

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-Caller on line one, what's your answer?

-Dr Who.

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-BUZZER

-I'm afraid not, Miss.

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Aw. Do I still get a copy of your CD, Gabe?

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Sorry. You've got to be a winner of Guess That TV Tune.

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-VOICEOVER:

-Bogmoor FM.

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HE BEATBOXES THE CORONATION STREET THEME

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-Remix!

-SPEAKER BLOWS

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Boys, that's the third speaker you've blown this week.

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PHONE RINGS

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Caller on line two, what's your answer?

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We've lost our field for the Bogmoor Fair.

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Is not the right answer, and that is a very strange name for a TV show.

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No! We've lost our field.

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All the rain last week has flooded the lower meadow.

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What happens at the Fair?

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Oh, it's the event of the year.

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-Coconut shies, face painting...

-How many people turn up at the Fair?

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-Visitors come in their hundreds.

-Hundreds?

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CHA-CHING NOISE

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What does every fair in the world lack? A castle.

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You just found yourself a new home for the Bogmoor Fair.

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-VOICEOVER:

-Bogmoor FM.

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But what about the beast? Rich!

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What about the beast?

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PLAYS HARMONIUM BADLY

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What a doughnut!

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-Thanks for your help, Dylan.

-Thanks for Trapper's lunch.

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-Wow. What's with the five-a-day?

-They're from my vegetable patch.

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I'm going to rustle up my classic veggie burgers and for afters...

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-Rhubarb and custard. Yum.

-Ew.

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I am so glad I don't have an appetite any more.

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-Any new ideas for the Bogmoor Fair, please let me know.

-What do you mean?

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Well, Walt Disney is putting the fun back into the castle.

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I still don't understand. Third time lucky.

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I've invited the Fair to be held at the castle grounds.

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With the amount of people it attracts,

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-it will finally put us on the tourist map.

-Oh. Erm...

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Right. Yeah. Well done.

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But the beast. What about... the beast?

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PLAYS HARMONIUM BADLY

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-The beast?

-Gabe, mate, what are going on about?

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Many, many years ago, ten, in fact, the Fair was held in this castle.

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But a terrible beast came and ransacked the stalls,

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ate everything on them,

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and the Fair was never held here...again.

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That's great publicity - possible appearance by the Bogmoor beast.

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Gabe, are you talking average beast or scary, big beast?

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Enough about the beast! It's just a stupid superstitious story.

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Was it something I said?

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Rich, I've got a kicking Jimmy's Got Talent idea for a stall

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at the Fair, cos you know I can see into your future, right?

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No, you can't.

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I already knew he was going to say that.

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So, this is where you've been hiding.

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Oh! Since when did vegetables smell so bad?

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Since Prince William decided to donate

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all his manure for the good of my carrots.

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And what is that thing, Cinderella?

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That thing is going to win me first prize at the biggest fruit

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and vegetable competition at the Fair.

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Careful you don't step on the vine!

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The judges have to check that it's grown here,

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so if the vine gets broken I'd be disqualified.

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This competition really means a lot to you, doesn't it?

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My grandad won it 12 years running -

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that's why I got so upset when Gabe was talking about the beast.

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What do you mean?

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Well, everyone said that cos my grandad grew such massive

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vegetables, that's what attracted the beast, who ate the vegetables

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-and ruined the fair.

-A bit superstitious.

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It cost him his reputation.

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That was then...and this is now.

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I mean, that thing, that thing's got first prize written all over it.

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As long as it proves to everyone there never was a stupid beast.

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Dylan, open up!

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Rule one about hanging out with a ghost -

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you can't be scared of stories about monsters.

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-What have you come as?

-I'm Dylan, the beast catcher.

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You really think the beast of Bogmoor is real?

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Well, people thought dragons weren't real,

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which really hurt Trapper's feelings.

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Sometimes I wish I had a more worthy opponent,

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but why make life difficult?

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Before the Fair came to the castle, Grandad was always so jolly,

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always smiling and having fun,

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but then when everyone became so horrible toward him,

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he just kind of lost his sparkle.

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Look. Good on you for entering.

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I mean, any competition is nerve-racking.

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Hey! Why don't you borrow one of my fancy frocks for the photos?

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Me in a dress? On what planet?

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Well, you could always wear your jeans underneath.

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It would really stick it to those idiotic farmers if you won.

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Imagine their faces.

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-It would, wouldn't it?

-Air five.

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Visit...

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Mystic Jim,

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the all-seeing feeling booster for the future.

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Gabe, I predict that your stall will sell...

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harmonium compilation CDs.

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If I was you, I'd make a plan B, Jimmy.

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I'm the man with the gift.

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Seriously, try me out.

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All right, is Chelsea going to win their match this weekend?

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I predict that they will either...

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lose, win or draw.

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Can you predict that my stall will be the talk of the Fair?

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My veggie burgers.

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Oh, whatever! Hamburgers are so last year.

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Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I'm going

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-to go and pick some veggies for the recipe.

-Oh, hold on.

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I need to make some new fliers to post around the village for the fair.

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Can you help? SHE SIGHS

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-OK, fine.

-Jimmy, after you finish playing Wizard of Oz,

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go and pick some vegetables.

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I predicted he'd ask me and not you.

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So, I've been thinking of ideas for our own Bogmoor Fair.

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Here it is - crazy cheese golf. What do you think?

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-I'd rather eat my own tail.

-Stop being so grumpy, Diego!

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Give it a go.

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OK. Every time you pot a ball,

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you get to eat a bit of cheese as a prize. Ready?

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-Birdie!

-Where?!

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No. Cos I got the... Never mind.

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DOOR CREAKS

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Esme?

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Is that you? FLOORBOARD CREAKS

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It's here. The beast is here.

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I love being a ghost.

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I've got some great new fliers for the Fair,

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Kate's veggies for her burgers.

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Now all we need to do is make some stalls.

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Jimmy, there's loads of callers lined up for Guess That Tune.

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-Cool. I'll be right up.

-What is that?!

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A massive pumpkin.

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No. What's it doing in here?

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It's too heavy to lift onto the table.

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I mean, why have you picked it?!

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Cos Kate told me to go large on the veggies.

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I think she's planning on feeding the whole Fair.

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That's Kate's prize pumpkin! She's entering it in the Fair competition.

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-It can't be picked until it's judged!

-Rich.

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I think I'll go and play another tune.

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If Kate sees it, she's going to lose the plot.

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Erm...

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Er...

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Here's the rest of the fliers.

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Oh, thanks.

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Just stick them on the table.

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Erm...

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-What are you doing with that table cloth?

-We're...

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-Drying it.

-Drying it?

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-Drying it.

-Drying it?

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Yeah. Er...drying it.

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You know, cos there's no wind outside,

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so we thought we'd act like a clothes line and waft it.

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All right then.

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Well, anyway, I'm going to go and check on my pumpkin because

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the judges arrive tomorrow and it needs to look clean and sparkling.

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Erm...Kate... Erm...

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I told all the Bogmoor listeners about your great veggie growing

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skills and there's a bunch of callers just waiting to pick your brains.

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But I thought Jimmy and Gabe were doing Guess That Tune?

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And we'll be taking more of your calls for Guess...

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How Kate does it. I mean, how to grow massive pumpkins.

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Oh. Well, I suppose I've got time to chat

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to one or two fellow veggie lovers.

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Great. I mean, you head up to the studio and...

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-This just needs one more minute to dry.

-OK.

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-What are we going to do?

-I'll keep Kate busy.

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You go back to the vegetable patch, try and reattach the vine.

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-It needs to look normal, all right?

-OK.

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Reattach the vine. Reattach the vine.

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Reattach the...

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Argh!

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Take the vine and stick...

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Arg!

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Stay.

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Ow!

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Ow! Ow.

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That was a song we haven't heard for a while.

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Erm...look, we've got 20 callers lined up to speak to Kate.

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-So, caller, number one.

-Hello. Is it the X Factor?

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Er, thanks for your question, Gillian.

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So, Kate, to grow huge vegetables, do you have to have the X factor?

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Oh. Erm...

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Right. No. Just a bit of time and patience, really, Gillian.

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Good. Great to know. Erm, caller number two.

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-Could it be Scooby Doo?

-Could what be Scooby Doo?

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Could it be...that cartoon, sometimes featuring vegetables?

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Could have inspired your green fingers?

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-These are really weird questions.

-VOICEOVER:

-Bogmoor FM.

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Coming up with new songs - check.

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Making the best milkshakes in Bogmoor - no problem.

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Reattaching the vine to a pumpkin the size of Godzilla is impossible.

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Well, thanks for those...questions.

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-I'm off to check on my pumpkin.

-She's coming! We need to hide it!

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Hide it? It's the size of a small castle.

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Well, luckily, we live in a huge castle,

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so there must be somewhere she won't look.

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Gabe, old buddy, if Kate sees this, she's going to chop me up

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and use me as French fries,

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so, if you don't mind, drop the paint brush and GRAB THE PUMPKIN!

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Thanks.

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My arms are killing me, which is odd, considering I'm a ghost.

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Well, if Katie sees this, she's going to turn me into a ghost.

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-Quick, there's someone coming.

-Rich and Dylan's room, now!

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Perfect. She'll never go in there.

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-Go, go, go, go!

-Come on!

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Hello, Dylan. Hello, sister.

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What's gotten into you?

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-Have you spotted the beast yet?

-The beast?

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-KNOCKING

-Wait. What was that?

-What was what?

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That noise in my room.

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Look... Can you keep a secret?

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Not if I can have fun with it.

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It's the beast, isn't it?

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Er, yes! Yes, it is.

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Hang on. The beast of Bogmoor is in his bedroom?

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What are you all standing out here for?

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-The beast of Bogmoor's in our room.

-What?

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There is no beast of Bogmoor.

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There is. I've been stalking it round the castle...

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and Gabe's got it trapped in there.

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You've been tracking an idiotic story all day.

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Come on. We've got to find Trapper before he gets attacked.

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Dylan, it's a load of rubbish.

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Exactly.

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MOUTHS: Pumpkin. - Oh.

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Erm, actually, Kate,

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it might be a big a risk, on the off-chance there could be a beast.

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-What? Now you believe this nonsense?

-Well, yeah.

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Er, maybe. I mean, better safe than sorry, eh?

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It's superstitious rubbish. What's wrong with you lot?

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SHE SCREAMS

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Hi, guys. Just chillaxing.

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- Boys are weird.

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For once, I have to agree with you.

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Well, if the beast isn't here, I'm off to find it.

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Jimmy, you look like a mouldy old wedding cake.

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It's the only thing I could think of.

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I couldn't hide this thing on my own - it's far too heavy.

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Unfortunately, mate, that's called taking one for the team.

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-High-five on that.

-I know, right?

-So, what now?

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- Look, the judges arrive at midday tomorrow

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and we need to find another place to hide it until then.

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And if Kate sees that this thing's missing?

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Don't worry. I'll handle it.

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-- Need a hand?

-Yes, please.

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I can't get to the floor.

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I'm stuck. I'm falling.

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Gabe?

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Gabe?!

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-Kate, wait.

-Is something going on that I don't know about?

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Look...about your pumpkin.

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It's too dark to see it now. I'll just see it in the morning.

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Look, this was your clever idea to invite the Fair to the castle.

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I just don't want anything to go wrong.

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I know. Look, it's going to fine, I promise.

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-And what were you going to say about the pumpkin?

-Erm...

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It's got winner written all over it.

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I mean, the judges are going to flip out when they see it.

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Hopefully for the right reasons.

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-Where's Kate?!

-She's gone home!

-Thank goodness.

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Now we've got some time from babysitting that pumpkin.

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-Where have you put it?

-Ah...

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We've put it somewhere safe.

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BIRDS CHIRP

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Pumpkin!

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-Where are you going with the pumpkin?

-Back out to the garden.

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Well, make sure you clean it first. It needs to look amazing.

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My room.

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KNOCK AT DOOR

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Why's the door bolted?

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I wanted to be here as soon as you arrived.

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Yeah, I can see that. Nice PJs.

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-These are my burger-making PJs.

-You what?

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Well, the judges ain't going to be arriving for a little while.

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-The burgers are not going to cook themselves, are they?

-Wait.

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You want to help me make veggie burgers?

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I was cooking toast before I could crawl.

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Yeah, that's all you make, and it's always burnt.

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All right, well, you can be head chef and I'll peel some carrots.

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We can make a monster batch for the Fair.

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-Deal. As long as you promise not to say "monster" again today.

-Deal.

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And you might want to think about changing out of those pyjamas,

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-Mr Sous Chef.

-All right.

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GROANING

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SHE SNIFFS

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Where's all the cheese gone?

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We're cheeseless!

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Where...? Diego...have you eaten all the cheese?

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That was too much.

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Even for me.

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BURP!

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Well, now what am I going to use as a crazy golf hole?

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HE GROANS Hmm. Fine!

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I'll just use you.

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Ugh!

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Kate's bound to cheer up when she sees how clean this is.

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Just tell her we've opened up a beauty parlour for vegetables.

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We've plenty of time until the judges arrive.

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Of all the places to hold the Bogmoor Fair. Again.

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Keep all your wits about you.

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This castle attracts more than just visitors to the fair, I can tell you.

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Whoa. First contact.

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I'm the coolest.

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Bogmoor beast...

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you're mine!

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-So, what do you think?

-They're amazing.

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Who'd have thought some mashed up cabbage could taste so good?

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I tell you what, a few bits of bacon on top wouldn't go amiss, though.

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Feeling good about today?

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Yeah. I'm nervous, though.

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What is there to worry about?

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DOORBELL RINGS

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MUSIC: " Family" by Hanni El Khatib

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-DOORBELL RINGS

-Was that the doorbell again?

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Sounds like it.

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# ..the people that don't know me

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# Better be buried in the... #

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DOORBELL RINGS

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-It's not...

-Who?

-Never mind.

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# What's up to the people that don't know me... #

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DOORBELL RINGS

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It definitely can't be the judges.

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# ..the sand

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# Climb up to the moonlight

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# Spit right in the palm of my hand. #

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Good morning.

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BOTH: It's the judges!

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We need to get this out of here.

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# F-A-M-I-L-Y

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# Till the day we die. #

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It's, er, a pleasure to welcome you to the castle.

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I'm sure it is.

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To make up for the last time we were here.

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Your grandad put on quite a show with those monstrous shenanigans.

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-You judged the competition ten years ago?

-We did.

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And we're back to make sure

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no creature makes a shambles of it this year.

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-Did it come this way?

-Did what come this way?

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Obviously not. You'd know if you saw it.

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It's massive.

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I really need to take care of that, Rich,

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so can you stay here and look after the judges? Thanks!

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Yeah, um...

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-Why don't I give you guys a tour of the castle?

-No, no tour.

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We want to get out of this place as soon as possible.

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-Now then, where's this pumpkin?

-Where indeed?

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Um, actually it's just out the back door,

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so if you'd like to follow me, it's the quickest way to the pumpkin.

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GROWLING

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Surely this isn't the way to the garden.

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I know. It's a funny route,

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but people built castles in a funny way, back in the day.

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It's just along here now, judges.

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Slow down, it's too slippy.

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Perhaps you shouldn't have polished it so much.

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-JUDGE:

-Have we not been this way before?

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RICH: You, um... Have you seen this painting?

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It's, er...it's very old.

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Um...a bit like you, really.

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PHONE BEEPS

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Oh, the dress!

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Quick, get going!

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I can't hold it! It's slipping!

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It's getting closer, I can feel it.

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-Hold it!

-I'm doing it!

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Turn it, turn it.

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BOOM!

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BOOM! BOOM!

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BOOM!

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Whoa, this thing's massive!

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So, the pumpkin made that noise.

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Help me get this thing out the back door.

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What was all that banging?

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Kate! You're not going to believe this. I just saw this huge...

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No, we don't want to know!

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Heh-heh, this way to the garden, please.

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It's no good.

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Hah!

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Why didn't you do that from the start?

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We've been carrying that around all day.

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It didn't occur to me until now.

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Look, we need a distraction at the vegetable patch,

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we can't let the judges see the vine, all right?

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I've got an idea.

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It's just this way.

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Gah!

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Ooh! Heh-heh, it's nothing! This way.

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SNARLING

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You're the beast.

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I can't believe it's taken you this long to find out.

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How could you be so mean?

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Mean? You've been having the time of your life, chasing after me.

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Well, I suppose it has been fun.

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Almost as much fun as I've had tricking you.

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Listen to this.

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-GOAT BLEATS

-A goat laughing.

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Has it got a giraffe sneezing?

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No, but a horse whistling...

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NEIGH!

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SNORTING

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ELEPHANT TRUMPETS

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GROWLING

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This way.

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Oh!

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Have you done this?

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Look, Kate, it's all my fault. I'm so sorry.

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It's so shiny!

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Shiny... Yeah! Shiny, I mean...

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-I'm so sorry that I didn't ask you about cleaning it first.

-Oh, Rich!

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Quite a sizeable pumpkin, young lady.

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-Impressive.

-Yes, it is.

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But before we get carried away, we need to check the vine.

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- Aaaaagh!

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Why is that boy dressed as a...lampshade?

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GOAT BLEATS

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Aaah!

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Aah!

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-Did anyone order a goat?

-I didn't see that coming.

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The goat gave me a fright, and I pulled on the vine, and I-I-I-I...

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-broke it.

-Definitely didn't see that coming.

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-What are we going to do now?

-If you broke the vine, then...

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-Then it must have been...

-..Whole when you...

-..Broke it.

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-Mustn't it?

-What?

-Yes, yes.

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Yes, it must. So, um, yeah. The vine gets a tick.

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Come on.

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So, er, how did I do?

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Er, the winner will be announced in due course.

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So long as we can find our way through this castle.

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Well, that's that, then.

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The only question now is how we're going to get this pumpkin

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-to the Fair.

-I'm sure the three of us can manage.

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-OK, great. But it's going to be really heavy, though.

-Yeah, we know.

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-You know what?

-Nothing.

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GOAT BLEATS

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-So, how do I look?

-Like a movie star.

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Too much for a Bogmoor Fair?

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You kidding me? Go get 'em, tiger.

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-You all right there?

-Uh-huh.

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There it goes! Oh, don't bother.

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APPLAUSE

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And the winner of the biggest fruit and vegetable competition is...

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is...is...

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Kate!

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-Told you.

-Thanks, Rich. These last couple of days...

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Well, you really are full of surprises.

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Not as surprising as that.

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GASPS

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Stop that!

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-Right now! Clover! Come away.

-GOAT BLEATS

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-Clover? You know that goat?

-Know him?

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I have been lumbered with this greedy goat for more than ten years.

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He follows me everywhere.

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Well, if Clover's that naughty at ten,

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imagine how naughty he was as a kid.

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HE CHUCKLES

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So maybe it was Clover who ate all the vegetables at my grandad's

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last competition.

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Well, I have to admit,

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if there's one creature who has a beastlike appetite, it's Clover.

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See, my predictions were right. The goat is the real beast.

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I don't really think that's a prediction, to be honest.

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True. But I do predict an apology from Maude to Kate

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is right around the corner.

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Yes, um...

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I'm sorry, Kate.

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Look, Kate, you've got your smile back.

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I'm smiling because my grandfather's honour is back intact.

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Congratulations, Kate. You won.

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Well, you know, they say it's the taking part that counts,

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not the winning.

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-Really?

-No way!

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Hee-hee, I won!

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Well done.

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