That Sinking Feeling Dani's Castle

That's the snacks and the sobbing sorted, have you got the DVD?

Bogmoor Sounds would love to play your DJ night. PJ night?

Not DJ night?

I think we'll have to get back to you on that one.

I thought it was a job for me and Jimmy.

Since we started Bogmoor Sounds

the only job we've done is write the jingle for Bogmoor FM.

Oh, yeah, the movie.

Sorry. No more work talk. Let's get this film started, eh?

So we can finally have our date.

THEME TO TITANIC

CHIMING

That'll be an email from the Home For Miserable Monkeys, one minute.

HE TURNS DVD OFF

Whoa, who stole your space hopper?

Sorry, history homework.

Bor-ing!

Hang on, you're from history.

Just the most groovy time in history, dude. The '70s.

You don't get style like this these days.

That's no use. I've got to write an essay about someone who

lived between the 1900s to 1950s.

-Oh, nice one, Rich.

-What?

-I can't believe you just did that.

Far out, an argument. Let's go and make it worse.

How did I ruin the end of the film?

By telling me the ending - I've never seen it before.

Kait.

Kait!

Look, Kait, I'm sorry,

but I thought everybody knew the Titanic sank at the end.

Spoiler to the max alert - talk about giving away the ending.

That was next on my Ghost-flix list.

Oh. Film's still on, might as well go and watch it now.

But what about my homework?

It's a known fact that if you're stuck on something, by focusing

on something completely different, your mind will work it out.

-Is that true?

-Yeah, sure, why not?

What is all this shouting about?

Oh, Titanic...

Leo and Kate.

My favourite.

TITANIC END MUSIC PLAYS

Finally.

Are you guys crying?

No, I have something in my eye.

Certainly not, Miss Leonie, I've got a touch of hay fever.

But you're a ghost.

Well, it is a sad film,

and to think they said that it was the unsinkable ship.

But wait, this is a true story?

Indeed it is, Master Dylan.

The Titanic sank on the 15th April, 1912.

But that's great! I mean, for my history homework.

You must know someone from the ghostel who was on the Titanic.

I'm afraid I don't.

But I do know someone who can help.

TITANIC STARTS AGAIN

Well, I'm only watching it again to be of help to Master Dylan.

Course you are.

Never let go, Jack...

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

What are you doing?

You'll never guess what's just happened.

I've just been contacted by the best programme on telly.

Celebrity Pets on Ice?

-No, Street Dance Academy.

-What?

They saw my video online and want me to audition for the next show.

They have the best catering van in the industry -

talk about living the dream.

I thought we were setting up a music business.

Well, I guess if this happens we'll just have to put it on hold.

But that's a big if, cuz.

So I thought you and Kait

were supposed to be doing the whole boy-girl thing today?

We are, in the ten seconds we've actually spent together.

I tell you what, Jimbo,

having a girlfriend ain't all it's cracked up to be. For starters...

He's always on the phone and when he's not

he's thinking about who to phone next.

He's constantly distracted by something that's not me.

-It drives me nuts.

-We all need to chill more.

Well, how do I get Rich to chill more?

Suggest doing something wow-some?

What, like arranging postcards?

Oh, I am not arranging postcards, oh, no,

I am creating a visual tableau of my trip.

Really?

You need something wild and cool

that makes her see what a total legend you are.

I can see why you've got girlfriend trouble.

Hm?

A goldfish pays more attention than you.

You know what, Jimmy, you're right.

I need to show Kait how much I care about her.

Thanks, man.

Any time, bro-ski.

Hey, just don't include your toenail collection.

Apparently, girls don't dig it.

You can't suggest that.

Fine, I guess mucking out horse poo isn't very romantic,

but that was my last idea.

Oh, why is this so hard?

Right, you're over-thinking this.

What do you and Rich like to do?

Argue, bicker, disagree.

Right, then do something fun where you can do that.

Like...join a debating club.

Thanks, Clare, but I think I'll go and find Rich

and we'll figure something out together.

-Ohhh!

-SHE GROANS

'The path of true love is never easy.'

Rubbish. It's a breeze if you know what you're doing.

And you do?

All a mouse needs to win a lady over is to puff up his chest, wax his

whiskers and make sure he's got the cheesiest breath in the mouse pack.

Really? And that's worked on, remind me, how many girlfriends you've had?

Oh, yeah, that's right, none.

That is not true. What about Suzie?

Suzie was a rubber mouse that we found in the bin.

I did not know that when I asked her out.

Face it, you need a new approach.

What is this?

That's a toothbrush. I think it'll really help with your love life.

What?

Ugh!

And guess what, at the Ghost Awards I won Best Use of Rattling Chains.

That's great, Esme.

I'm telling you, the afterlife's a blast.

Sounds fun. Wish I was there too.

Then you'd be dead. Things can't be that bad.

It's this history homework, it's driving me crazy.

Can't Gabe help?

He's a walking encyclopaedia for boring historical facts.

Not this time, but I'm hoping YOU can.

Do you know anyone over there who was on the Titanic?

Not yet, but I'm sure I can find someone. Leave it with me,

I'll send someone over with a totally unique take on it.

You're the best, Esme.

Where's Kait?

Looking for you to suggest something fun to do.

No need, because I've booked us a romantic balloon ride.

We'll soar into the skies and cuddle under the clouds, eh?

And fall off the side.

I take it you don't know about Kait's fear of heights?

She even gets queasy standing on a chair.

All right, plan B.

What about a picnic on a boat in the middle of Lake Bogmoor?

Bad idea. Kate's got no sea legs, you see.

She has to take tablets just to have a bath.

Flower show?

Hay fever.

Then I'm all out of ideas.

How about a romantic dinner?

There's one problem, I don't know how to cook.

Relax, I learnt the most amazing recipes from this jungle tribe

in Malaysia. I will just use chicken instead of saltwater crocodile.

Uhh... Uhh!

CRASH

Gabe my man, you've got rhythm.

Really?

Surely not, Master Jimmy, but you, now, you certainly -

and I think the modern phrase is - cut a fine rug.

I don't know much about carpets, Gabe, I'm just trying to

get my moves straight for my audition.

Audition? For what, may I ask?

Street Dance Academy.

They're got the best catering van in the business.

I literally drool just thinking about it.

But aren't you and Master Rich setting up Bogmoor Sounds?

You think I'm letting him down?

If I get on the show and have to leave, Rich will get mad,

the whole castle will fall apart -

that's what you were about to say, right?

Actually, I was going to say how impressed I am

that you're working so hard to follow your dreams.

For real? You're right, I should do the audition.

Thanks for the pep talk, Gabe.

Any time.

MUSIC PLAYS

-This is a dish I tried in Bali.

-That's a goat's head.

Totally, but we could always replace it with an onion or something.

It looks really complicated.

It'll be worth it.

When Kait sees what you've done she'll be like,

"Oh, you're the best boyfriend ever."

You'll earn enough Brownie points to last you a lifetime.

Don't poke my nose.

Don't touch MY nose.

-Rich!

-I ain't ticklish.

-Rich!

-Are you ticklish?

-Rich!

-What are you two doing?

-Nothing!

-Nothing!

Rich was just helping me with my visual diary.

He's got some super fab ideas of how to display them, haven't you?

Oh, so you've got time to help Clare

but not time to watch a film with me?

Hang on, you're the one who stormed off, remember?

You guys need an energy reboot,

a little technique I picked up on my travels.

Come here.

Right, now, let's hug it all out until the bad vibes dissolve, yeah?

And breathe. Ahhh...

I can't believe I'm actually going to meet someone who

was on the Titanic.

May I suggest you be gentle

with whomever Esme has sent, Master Dylan?

After such a terrible ordeal they will need to be handled gently.

Boo! Ha-ha.

I do apologise, but I love a good scare,

and the problem with the afterlife is ghosts don't get spooked.

You must be Dylan, and you two must be Gabe and Leonie.

I'm Irma.

Honoured to meet you, my lady.

So, Dylan, I understand you want to learn about life on the Titanic.

Yes, please.

Now, you talk and I'll record, I don't want to miss one juicy bit.

My goodness, you're able to capture my voice in that.

Is there a very tiny man inside writing it all down?

I'll handle this.

There isn't, my lady.

It may seem strange to you,

but in the modern age that tiny device can transmit voices.

It's called...

A mobile phone!

I know! I'm sorry, I'm only joking,

we use them all the time in the afterlife.

Dig your style, lady.

So, Dylan, what would you like to know?

Everything - where you slept to what pets you had, what happened

when you hit the iceberg and started to sink -

I want a blow by blow account.

Then a blow by blow account you shall get, though I can't help you

with that last part since, as we all know, the Titanic never sank.

-Heavens, what a thought.

-SHE LAUGHS

Sank?

Excuse me, my lady, but you are telling us

that you sailed on the Titanic and finished your journey?

Well, I should hope so, for the cost of it.

Now, Dylan, let me start at the beginning

when I first set foot upon the ship...

My, what a beast she was. Built in Belfast,

she was the biggest thing I'd ever seen, almost 900 feet long...

You're going to have to tell her.

No way, Master Dylan, you are.

Something tells me this is going to be fun.

Rich, uh, hello?

Have you forgotten the romantic meal you're meant to be preparing?

I'm meant to be spending the day with Kait, how can

I do that by being in the kitchen cooking up a three course meal?

Leave it with me.

I have got a fantabulous idea.

She will be completely Zen by the time you return.

BELL TINKLES

Now, this will totally fill the room with good vibes.

I saw someone do this in a temple in India.

-Are you sure he wasn't swatting a fly?

-You may mock,

but with the positivity I am channelling in here,

you and Rich can't fail to have a good time!

Me and Rich, is that a joke?

He's probably on his phone right now making plans that have got

nothing to do with me.

BELL TINKLES

SHE BLOWS

So, you want us to re-enact my journey as if you were there?

I reckon it would help me get a better idea of what really happened.

What really, REALLY happened.

Could you be any less subtle?

What a marvellous idea.

Well, to start, you must learn to walk as if you were on the Titanic.

Oh, no, no, no, no, we certainly didn't walk like that.

We mostly walked like this,

on account of the large waves.

We'd stroll along the promenade deck to take some air

and walk the dogs. Of course we didn't poop and scoop in those days

so you had to be extra vigilant about every step. Watch the poo!

She doesn't remember the iceberg, but she remembers that.

Bizarre-o.

Listen, thanks for helping out, what with your audition and all.

You needed a pro, cuz, don't sweat it.

We make a good team, man.

Not that'll matter if you get into that dance academy, though.

I probably won't. Like, do you know how many people audition?

Like, a gazillion.

Still, what happens if you do?

What's going to happen to Bogmoor Sounds?

I guess we'll just have to put it on hold until I get back,

but that's OK, right, cuz?

Yeah, man. I mean, I've got other stuff to keep me busy, haven't I?

Mm, something smells fantabulous.

Clare, hello!

Hola, bonjour, how are you doing?

I thought you was keeping Kait distracted?

Don't fret, mi amigo. Yeah, she's glued to her laptop,

barely even registered I was there.

I'd better go and check she's not throwing darts at my picture.

-Are you two cool to cover for a bit, yeah?

-Yeah.

I'll take this. Woop.

My visual diary!

You mean the postcards?

I thought it was easier to see them like that,

kind of like a visual tableau.

Sorry, you probably wanted to do something totally different.

No...they're amazing.

You're like...

the Picasso of postcards.

Thanks.

# Just kiss me slowly... #

HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

Soup, soup, soup, soup, soup...

PAN CLANGS

Ooh! Pretty cool of you to help Rich out.

It's not like we all haven't got busy lives, right?

I was just telling Kait about this freedom van I rode in.

Van! Catering van! My audition! I've got to go.

SHE BLOWS RASPBERRY

Phone call took longer than I thought,

but I promise that's it, yeah?

Here you are, take my phone. Let's get this film started, eh?

THEME TO TITANIC

Do you know what? I think we might need more popcorn.

Rich!

PHONE VIBRATES

I thought Jimmy was going to help out?

He said something about an audition, but chillax, food's ready,

just needs reheating.

All that's left to prepare is the palace of lurve for dining in.

Thanks, Clare.

I just hope it's not too late.

After running out again I'm probably in the frame for most

-flakiest boyfriend ever right now. FRENCH ACCENT:

-Eh, it's impossible!

I filled that room with so much positive energy,

I guarantee that right now Kait is sat there smiling

thinking about what an amazing boyfriend you are.

That's for spending more time on your phone than with me.

And that's for ruining the film for me.

That's because you're a big fat liar.

And that's just because ew!

Let's see how much Clare likes you with no clothes left to wear.

That bossy one has a real temper.

She's throwing all his clothes out.

Oh, I like the look of that sock.

Here's your knife and fork.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on.

You're saying that on a dinner date I need to use these to eat my food?

Why can't you just do this?

LOUD CHOMPING

HE BELCHES

You know, thinking about it,

maybe Suzie the rubber mouse is the perfect girlfriend for you.

-Have you still got her number?

-No.

I've been thinking, guys, if you're going to re-enact

the Titanic's journey, you should at least do it in a boat, or a...

a kind of boat thing.

I am not convinced this is seaworthy, Master Dylan.

LOUD THUD

It will be with me as captain.

Come on, Irma, let's set sail in our very own boat for the final

part of our journey.

The cold, icy, bitter part of the journey.

Could you be any more of a buzz kill?

Anchors away, Captain!

Iceberg ahead.

Shouldn't you be getting back to Kait?

She's probably dealing with another animal snack emergency.

Kait's just really determined.

I remember this one egg and spoon race right, where

she dropped the egg, broke it, glued it back together and still won.

I mean, relationships shouldn't be so hard, should they?

Jimmy says it's because you two are so alike -

stubborn yet sensitive, passionate yet shy, romantic yet guarded.

He does, does he?

Well, he actually described you as two odd socks

left in the bottom drawer, but I know what he meant.

Oh, talking of Jimmy, I forgot to ask him

how long to leave the sauce on for. I'd better go and do that.

It's all right, I'll go.

Not bad, not bad at all! Just a few flowers from the garden

and this place will rival Paris for romance.

LOUD DANCE MUSIC

That's for having an ego bigger than this castle.

And this is for being the worst boyfriend ever.

That is so not good.

Thanks, Jimmy, that was more than awesome. It was...schmawesome!

-We'll be in touch with our decision soon.

-Bye.

Schmawesome. I'll take that.

Oh, hey.

Have you been there long?

Long enough to see how totally schmawesome you were.

For real? You think I was good?

More than good. No way you're not going to get through.

But wait, why are you here?

Rich just wanted to know how long to heat the sauce for.

Just a few minutes. Shall I go tell him?

No, no, I'll take care of it.

Do you think it's going to work, this romantic dinner Rich has

got planned?

Yeah. Well, I don't see why it wouldn't.

After all the food we made.

That spicy salsa alone is enough to make anyone's heart race faster.

PHONE RINGS

It's the producer from Street Dance Academy.

I've got to take this.

Hello?

Yeah.

I got on!

Oh, my days, that's amazing! Congratulations.

We've got to celebrate.

No time, they want me there immediately, I've got to pack.

See you!

Oh, come on, this is ridiculous. Whoa, whoa, not the skinny jeans!

-Give me one good reason not to.

-I haven't done anything wrong.

I saw you and Clare laughing and joking in the kitchen.

-I swear me and Clare was just...

-Just what?

Please let me show you, yeah?

Surprise.

This is what me and Clare have been doing.

I wanted to make a big romantic gesture, but since..

You can barely make toast.

Well, she offered to help me and that's why I kept disappearing.

Can we finally have our romantic date?

Yes, please.

Oh, and over there is where I cheated at shuffleboard. Shh!

I don't think this is helping jog her memory.

No, me neither. She'll be talking about dinner and dancing next.

This is feeling way too much like hard work.

I don't think that's such a good idea, Lady Leonie.

Your ghost powers are a little untested.

Chill out, I've got this ghost stuff down.

Stairs! Stairs!

Thank goodness, for a moment there I thought something awful was

going to happen.

Whoa! Whoa!

You were saying?

IRMA SCREAMS

Stop it!

BANGING AND THUDDING

Collision ahead! Jump!

Go, go, go, go!

Oh, heavens.

Clearly it was all your fault.

You were meant to be steering the ship.

You were the captain, Master Dylan,

and only a bad captain blames his crew.

What are you on about?

That was a total blast. Did you see their faces?

I haven't seen that much chaos since...

Since the Titanic sank?

I remember what happened now - we did hit an iceberg,

the Titanic did sink.

I must have blocked it from my memory. The crash made me recall it.

I'm sorry if this has upset you, milady.

Perhaps we should never have made you recall what happened.

No, I'm glad, otherwise I would never fully appreciate

the life I had afterwards.

So you didn't die on the Titanic?

No, I was lucky. I got onto one of the 16 lifeboats

and went on to live a happy life full of adventure.

I travelled the world, climbed mountains, explored jungles.

That's what got me in the end.

Did you get eaten by a pack of lions?

Or better still, a tribe of cannibals.

Heavens!

No, I climbed a tree to get some honey and one of the bees stung me.

Turns out I was allergic to bee stings.

But by that time, I'd had lots of fun along the way,

and, Dylan, that's what life's about.

Well, I'd better get back. Thank you all for jogging my memory.

Ta-ta.

Well, that's my homework sorted, let's go have some fun.

But, Master Dylan, don't you need to finish it?

Didn't you hear what Irma said?

Life's about having fun because you never know

when you're going to hit an iceberg. Plus, I've got it all

recorded on here, it won't take a sec to write it out.

Come on.

Better get back to my cleaning.

One more time won't hurt.

Mm, strawberries, my favourite.

Shame you're standing on them rather than eating them.

Yeah, but I appreciate the effort, even if

it did turn into a total disaster.

Well, an escaped bath is hardly something I could prepare for.

-No, I just meant that...

-PHONE VIBRATES

I thought you were going to leave your phone alone.

-This could be important.

-It always is.

It's Jimmy. He got the audition! He's leaving today.

-An audition?

-See, I told you it could be important.

I didn't see anything about that in your texts.

Wait, what? You read my texts?

You looked through my phone?

Do you blame me? I have to check your phone to see where you are,

you're never round long enough to tell me.

-I was planning a romantic surprise for you.

-How am I supposed to know?

All I knew is every two seconds you were rushing off to Clare.

And the first thing you think is I like HER? What's that telling me?

That your girlfriend thinks you care more about everybody but her.

If she don't trust me maybe I don't want to be her boyfriend any more.

What are you saying?

Maybe we should just go back to being friends.

Good, because I want to be just friends anyway.

What?

Fine. Friends it is.

Fine.

Does anyone have more tissues?

Bogmoor's very own Leo and Kate.

It's just lovely to see you two

still so together even after a disastrous date.

Now, that's what I call a happy ending.

-DOORS SLAM

-Oh, dear!

I hope it wasn't something I said.