The Dead Headz Dani's Castle

It's time to introduce you to the newest member

of the Rich And Jimmy Show here on Bogmoor FM.

Ladies and gentlemen,

-drumroll please.

-DRUMROLL

Let's get a round of applause to our right-hand girl, Clare!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Good morning, everyone.

This is Clare,

totally speaking to you live from Bogmoor Castle, where...

-STATIC WHINES

-Oh, no!

NO, I just hit the thingy and it went berserk.

BAGPIPES PLAY AND MONKEY SHRIEKS Guys!

Hmm...

And this is where Masters Rich and Dylan sleep.

Wotcha, Dyl.

Cool room.

Whoa, beds were never this bouncy back in the '70s.

Maybe you and Leonie would like to do something together today?

Gabe, I'm already busy.

Please, Master Dylan,

I'm meant to be finding guests for my Ghostel,

but she keeps pranking me.

What's wrong with pranking people?

-HIS EAR SQUELCHES

-Ah!

Is that why you came back? Just to annoy people?

Whatever it takes - wedgies, custard pies in their face,

frogs in their pants... Nobody let me do anything in the afterlife.

What about your friends? You had friends, didn't you?

Not a best friend. Everyone over there is way boring.

Whoa, what is this thing?

That's Rich's video camera.

But it's so tiny.

In my day, cameras were the size of a house.

Let's go film some pranks.

Erm, put it down, it's breakable.

I was always pranking my brothers.

Don't you want to have fun with Rich and his mates?

Have fun with them, or have fun by winding them up?

How are we ever going to become best buds

if we don't have a laugh together?

It's what Esme would have wanted.

-I guess so.

-Cool beans.

Come on, Professor.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS (This way. Quiet.)

We'd like to invite musical acts from across the Bogmoor area

to come in and perform a live set for us.

-(Press record.)

-If you reckon you've got what it takes

to rock the airwaves then just give us at call at the usual...

-THUD!

-Ah!

-Oh!

-Ha-ha!

-Ha-ha!

-Too funny!

-Dude, did we get it?

-Yeah.

-Hey, we're in the middle of a show.

Sorry, dudes, it was an accident.

How was that an accident?

I'm still getting used to these new ghost powers.

Yeah, well, what happened is I bruised my bottom.

Ah, both cheeks.

Ugh, TMI.

And you used my camera to film it?

Please can we use it, Rich?

As long as your new best friend don't break it.

Hey, did I hear you're inviting bands

to perform on your radio thingy?

Yeah, why?

Well, as an apology, how about I find you a band?

My favourite band, in fact.

I happen to know they're looking to make a comeback.

-It is a ghost one, right?

-Mm-hmm.

I'm not sure a ghost band really counts as live music.

No, you'll love this lot, they're dead good. Get it?

What do we think? Maybe they could be the first guests

at Gabe's Ghostel, huh?

Are you sure this isn't a wind-up?

Isn't this a face you can trust?

My first proper Ghostel guests. I am so nervous...

Look, you've worked hard on this. It's a big moment.

I just hope they enjoy their stay.

We don't even know who these visitors are yet.

Chill out, their lead singer is a musical legend.

I played Dylan some of their stuff and he loved it.

I'm not sure I said I loved it.

I think my exact words were, "Ow, that's hurting my ears."

'70s music's cool with me - disco ruled!

MUSIC: Give It Up by KC And The Sunshine Band

Ah, yeah, ah...

It wasn't all disco -

-we also had funk, glam...

-DOOR CREAKS

..prog, heavy metal...

Guys, meet The Dead Headz.

What are you all looking at?

Anyone would think you'd never seen a rock legend before.

Dylan, get filming. This is going to be seriously bugged out.

I'm Gabe and I'll be looking after you

during your stay at Bogmoor Castle.

Whatever you need, just ask.

OK, well, I want a gold-plated Rolls-Royce,

a Bengal Tiger and a large bowl of cherries with the stones removed.

Ah, I'm afraid ghosts cannot eat.

Don't tell me what I can't do.

Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

I'm right on it.

And that goes for the rest of you.

We're about to do our first gig in decades, and you -

you're going to do as we say.

And don't forget, I'm nasty.

Yeah, we can see that.

Johnny Nasty, lead vocals and guitar.

This is Anna-Key, Bass.

That's Tommy Putrid, drums.

Don't let him near your cat if I was you - or he'll eat it, in a bun.

Good job we don't have a cat.

Right, well, I'm Kait and I'm the producer

on the Rich And Jimmy Show on Bogmoor FM.

Well, we're looking forward to you performing, Mr Nasty.

Especially me, I'm your biggest fan.

It was... It was me who sent the invite.

Who gave you permission to film us?

Me and Dylan are making a rockumentary, man -

The Dead Headz Reunion: Live After Death.

We can stop if it's a problem.

No, it's... It's fine, just... make sure I look good.

Take a picture if you want, it'll last longer.

SHE GIGGLES AND SIGHS

And I don't like any of these - get rid of them.

Wow, he's so real and raw.

And he's rude and he's smelly.

MUSIC: I Will Never Let You Down by Rita Ora

I can't believe a gang of ghost rockers

are staying at the castle. I mean, this is a nightmare.

I know, they make Linkin Park look like Taylor Swift.

They're not just staying, remember -

they're performing live on our radio show.

I bet they're sensitive deep down, especially that Johnny.

Talking like that, anyone'd think you'd fancy him.

Well, he is kind of cute,

once you get past the grunge and the greasy hair.

Why would you want to?

Look, as soon as they play their live set

and get out of here the better.

Do you know what they need?

A manager. You know, somebody who can really put them in their place.

Oh, great volunteering, then, Kait.

-Ho-ho, hang on, no, no, no...

-Look, if my girlfriend

can't get The Dead Headz to behave, nobody can.

We could be co-managers.

Right, Kait, come on -

-let's knock those rockers into shape.

-Ugh...

You know, if anyone should be the first band

to perform on Bogmoor FM, it should be us.

I mean, we could do a song,

-but there's one problem.

-What's that?

Well, our songs don't have any lyrics.

-Mmm?

-They don't have any music.

-OK.

-Thinking about it, they don't have anything.

That could be a problem.

Yeah, this is more like it. We'll have this room.

-But this is...

-Have you got us our tiger yet?

I'm working on it, Master Nasty.

First, there are a few rules here at the Ghostel.

Rules?

We've been dead for almost 40 years, mate,

now we're back, all we're going to be doing is breaking rules.

Nevertheless, no teleporting after 8 o'clock,

no harassing the Ghostel staff with ghost powers,

and strictly no lock...

Get us our tiger, now!

And some space hoppers.

What are space...

Don't ask questions, just get them.

We want to party like it's 1976.

-Yeah!

-Ow!

They've got the right idea. There's way too many rules in life.

Rules exist for a reason - like the rule we have about the washing up.

We take it in turns.

Guess whose turn it is today.

Wait, who came up with that rule?

Well, we did.

So, we can just come up with any rule at any time?

-Yes, but...

-Well, great.

New rule - Roxy never has to do the washing up again.

Hee-hee! Yay!

No more boring washing up, no more boring cleaning, no more rules!

Let's just rock out like them.

HEAVY-METAL MUSIC PLAYS

-Woo-hoo!

-Ha-ha!

-LEONIE:

-We find The Dead Headz preparing for their big comeback.

-Yeah!

-Dylan, hold the camera steady!

It's not easy with all the bouncing.

MUSIC: No Feelings by Sex Pistols

# I've seen you in the mirror when the story began

# And I fell in love with you

-# I love your mortal sin... #

-Please, that's an antique!

# Your brains are locked away but I love your company

# I only ever leave you when you got no money

# I got no emotions for anybody else

# You better understand I'm in love with myself

# Myself... #

That belonged to my father!

# I've no feeling

# No feeling

# I've no feeling... #

They shall be the death of me.

# For anybody else... #

You're a ghost, you'll get over it.

# Seen his picture hanging on your wall. #

Erm, what do you two want?

We're going to be your managers while you're here.

We don't need managing.

Tough, you've got a really busy day and it needs organising.

First, you totally need to rehearse for that gig.

We've never rehearsed, like, ever.

Feels like it...takes the edge off things. We're more...

More spontaneous.

Like that time I cooked my guitar on stage and started eating it.

GUITAR RIFF PLAYS

Right, well, we're not going to risk

putting you live on air without hearing you first.

Please, Johnny?

Do it for me?

Fine, we'll do your stupid rehearsal,

but you watch - Dead Headz are going to rock this castle to the ground.

I hope he doesn't mean that literally.

# We rock, yeah We rock, yeah

# We're the Dead, The Dead Headz

# We rock, yeah We rock, yeah

# We're the dead, The Dead Headz

# Break what we want Break what we want

# Break what we want

# We rock, yeah We rock, yeah. #

That was our song Break What We Want.

What do you guys reckon? Rocktastic, eh?

It was so exciting and real.

-Real awful.

-I mean, I'm still shaking.

I don't think my ears will ever be clean after that.

We can't play that on our show.

-That was literally the worst thing I've ever heard in my life...

-Huh?

-..and I've even heard Rich snoring.

-When?

Look, the thing is, we only play modern stuff on Bogmoor FM.

You know, stuff with tunes like this.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

Ah, turn it off - that's total rubbish, man.

If that's the sort of garbage that passes for music these days,

it's just as well we came back.

Well, you're wasting your time,

because we've already got an act for the show later.

-Have you?

-Jimmy?

Yeah, me and Rich. So you might as well go home.

Get lost. We've waited 40-odd years to do this comeback gig.

We miss being rock stars.

You don't even have any tunes, do you?

Well, we haven't, not yet.

But we will.

So, hold on, how are you going to play a live show

with no songs, fish-head?

Well, the show's not till later

so there's plenty of time for them

-to write something.

-Kait, don't encourage him.

I know you can do it. I believe in you.

All right, well, if we blow your mind

with something that we've written,

you've got to promise to go back to the afterlife.

In the unlikely event that a pair of fancy-dress muppets

can blow us away then, yeah, fine, we'll go back.

Yes!

But if you don't, then we're staying here...forever.

Wow.

# I know you love me

-# I know you care

-I know you care

-# Just call my name

-Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm

# I'll brush your hair... #

Do you know what? It's impossible to write under this pressure.

We've got to write something by this afternoon,

otherwise The Dead Headz are going to ruin our show.

-And they'll never leave.

-We can't let that happen.

-I can't even hear myself sing.

-HEAVY METAL PLAYS

What happens if we just try and split up?

-Already? We've only just formed the band!

-No, no, no.

I mean I'll work on the music, you work on the lyrics

and we'll just try and put it together.

Another Rich and Jimmy mashup. I like it.

ROOF CRUMBLES

We need to get a wiggle on, cuz, before they demolish this place.

Right, come on, let's go. We can do this.

HEAVY METAL PLAYS

It doesn't feel very me.

If we're going to hang out with The Dead Headz

and finish our rockumentary, we need to look the part.

Can't we just hang out, the two of us, like me and Esme did?

It is just the two of us Dylan -

the two of us and a group of rock legends.

You need to be less science geek and more rock monster.

If you say so.

Now, let's see your demon horns.

HEAVY METAL PLAYS

Cue the tongue...

and headbang!

You're perfect.

HEAVY METAL PLAYS LOUDER

I've finished putting the new studs on your jacket, Master Nasty.

What have you done?

Heavy petal, just like you asked.

It was meant to read "heavy metal", you whopping great flake.

It sounded like you said "petal".

It's very difficult to hear you above all this noise.

Well, I don't want people thinking I'm into flowers, do I?

You are into flowers?

No...just take it off.

Oh.

MUSIC STOPS Oi, we were listening to that.

Look, we need to have a strategy meeting.

Anyone would think you was just stalling

so your boyfriend and his mate have more time to write a song.

-We're not stalling.

-Erm...

Pretty please, Johnny. We don't mean to put you out,

but we'd just really like to hear what you've got to say.

See, now, she knows how to talk to us - not like you, you're just rude.

I'm rude?! You've been nothing but rude since you got here.

-Oh, shut up.

-Oh!

Fine, we'll do your meeting, but she's not welcome.

Fine with me. Looks like you're on your own.

-Ow!

-Oh...

(Ow!)

Now...

I've quit. They're impossible! And the worst thing is,

I think Clare actually likes that Johnny guy.

What, you mean LIKES likes?

No, no, no, you can't be serious, you're having a giraffe.

-It's not possible.

-Please tell me that you've written a song

-that's going to send them three packing?

-We're working on it.

Go on, then, what have you got?

Well, it's nothing.

Don't be so modest.

No, really, it's nothing.

That's it.

OK, well, it's a good start, you know, something to build on.

Now, Jimmy, you jump in with what you've got.

Well, I've got two words, are you ready?

# I believe... #

-They're both good words, though.

-They are, right?

Why don't you start with that, and then, I don't know,

feel your way into the song, innit?

OK, got you, feel it.

# I believe

# Music will set you free

# If you just dare to dream

# Release the beat inside of me... #

OK, OK, I've got it. All right, ready?

# You can do anything that you put your heart into

# It can be anything if you know the feeling's true

# So put your trust in the music

# Just use it to better you

# If you want, you know

# You know

-# Just flow with the rhythm

-Just flow with the rhythm

-# It will guide you to the freedom

-It will guide you to the freedom. #

Boys, I think we've got a hit.

So, what's a download?

Well, that's how people get their music these days.

Ooh! They mostly just stream it from the internet.

-They do what from the what?

-Ooh...

Oh, and I just thought... Ah!

That, erm, you could totally give away a freebie of your new music

to get people interested.

You want us to just give it away? Are you off your kettle?

Well, it's just to let your fans in the ghost community know

-that you're back.

-That's just stupid.

We want our people to pay for our message.

See, I knew you were about something.

So, what is your message?

Well, that's... It's like...

-Stop asking stupid questions!

-Ah!

OK.

Next item...

Erm...

I got your note about a world tour.

Yeah, we want to play big places,

you know, like stadiums, festivals - hello, Glastonbury! Ha-ha!

Right, the thing is, because you're ghosts

that might be a teeny bit of a problem...ish.

What sort of problem?

Well...

Oi, out! You're banned, remember?

Rich and Jimmy would like to play you their new song.

I have got to see this!

Whoa! Hoo...

Where's the kids with the camera?

I want to film these two embarrassing themselves.

What happened to you?

He's a rocker now.

Massive improvement.

-My brother don't need improving, all right?

-I told you.

So leave him alone.

GHOSTS: Ooh!

Where are you going?

Real friends don't try and change each other.

All right, then, so let's hear this "sick" song.

Hope you're ready to go home, cos you're about to get blown away.

-You ready, cuz?

-Let's do this.

Kait, you might want to record this one.

# I believe music will set you free

# If you just dare to dream Release the beat inside of me... #

Wow, guys, this is seriously amazeballs.

# You can do anything that you put your heart into... #

Well, yeah, I suppose, if you're into that sort of stuff.

Guess you'll be heading back to the afterlife then?

# So put your trust in the music

-# Just use it to... #

-EQUIPMENT BUZZES AND WHIRS

MUSIC DISTORTS

# What you do, in the groove... #

-THEIR VOICES DISTORT

-# Flow with the rhythm

# It will guide you to the freedom... #

Whoa!

What happened?

Ugh, don't look at me.

Erm, was it meant to sound like that?

Well, then. Looks like I'll be sticking around after all, eh?

HEAVY METAL PLAYS

Looks like The Dead Headz are staying.

Thanks for inviting them here and totally ruining life at the castle.

You knew they'd cause chaos.

I was trying to impress you, Dylan.

I want to be your mate - I've never had one before, not a best one.

-Why am I not surprised?

-What's that supposed to mean?

Well, you've been rude to my friends,

you've invited a bunch of metalheads to my home

and you've made me change who I really am.

Fine, if that's how you feel, I don't need you anyway -

I've got The Dead Headz. See you around - not.

What happened?

Please tell me we didn't sound like that.

What are we doing to do?

I am spent.

Trying to keep up with Master Nasty's demands is impossible.

What's he asked for now?

A hovercraft made out of diamonds, full of chocolate buttons,

driven by a giraffe.

I am starting to suspect they are toying with me.

What gave it away? The giraffe or the diamond hovercraft?

Well, we're just going to have to get used to it

cos they're not going to go anywhere.

There must be something you can do to salvage that noise.

You can't let them beat you.

-HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS

-That's it, a beat.

Look, Jimmy, do you reckon you can programme a beat behind that mess?

Shouldn't be too hard.

All right, well, we'll remix it with a decent beat,

add some new layers on top,

and we'll have to play that for the show.

How will that get rid of The Dead Headz?

Well, we're going to have to test their popularity,

get the listeners to vote for which song they prefer.

I knew you'd think of something.

HEAVY METAL PLAYS

Hey, we should form our own band,

invent our own musical style -

mouse pop.

I have no time to be in a band,

I have cats...to hunt. HE SPITS

You're always hunting cats. You need a hobby.

You should learn a musical instrument.

There are no mouse-sized instruments.

What about the mouse organ?

There is no such thing.

Really?

What do you call this, then, Carlos?

SHE GRUNTS

SHE PLAYS ORGAN

What do you mean, "no world tour"?

Well, you came from the afterlife into the castle -

it means you're kind of stuck here.

What, forever? With those losers?

Na, I ain't having that.

Eh, those losers are my friends.

Stop your whining.

-LEONIE:

-Yeah, loser.

And you can totes cut that out too.

Sorry.

We have got a proposal.

Still reckon you've got loads of fans?

Of course, we're legends.

All right, well, let's cast a vote.

We'll play some of our song on air, then we'll play yours.

And then we'll ask the listeners which one they prefer.

Fine, I just hope you're hungry,

because you're going to be eating those words.

# Smash it now, smash it now

# Worry about it later

# Smash it now, smash it now

# Worry about it later

# Later. #

That was our song Smash It Now And Worry About It Later, baby.

As you can probably tell, it's one of the ballads.

All right, now it's our turn.

# Just dare to dream

# Release the beat inside of me

# You can do anything that you put your heart into

# You can be anything if you know the feeling's true... #

-That's not your song.

-I got it remixed.

You did what? You ain't even playing it live.

Get with it - everyone remixes things these days, Grandad.

-Oi, don't call me that.

-Or what?

Or you'll regret it.

How will I regret it?

You know you'll... You'll just...

You'll regret hurting my feelings and stuff.

# Just flow with the rhythm

# It'll guide you to the freedom. #

Whoo!

What? You didn't applaud us.

That's cos we didn't like your song.

So now you've heard both songs, old and new,

do you vote for old retro Dead Headz...

..Or the fresh beats of Rich and Jimmy?

Vote now via the Bogmoor FM website.

Ooh, votes are coming in for both songs now.

-That's one for Dead Headz.

-Ha, in front. Eat it.

And ten for Rich and Jimmy,

20, 46...

What? Stop just reading out theirs - read some of ours too.

I'm not, you've only got one vote

and it was from a horse.

252 for Rich and Jimmy.

This is just stupid,

-it's clearly rigged.

-Stop being such a sore loser.

What if I like being such a sore loser?

Then you're an even bigger idiot than you already look.

Blimey, you don't...

No need to get personal.

Never knew you had it in you, Jimmy.

Sorry, Johnny, but Rich and Jimmy's song is way better.

Oi! Traitor.

It's the 21st century now, things have changed - maybe I should too.

A deal's a deal, losers.

Fine, we were going anyway.

I'm sick of this dump. Come on.

-Woo-hoo!

-Yeah!

That's what I'm talking about.

Did you hear, bruv? We sent them packing.

Great.

What's up?

I miss Esme.

I wish things could just stay the same.

But nothing ever does.

I'm guessing things ain't working out with you and Leonie, then?

She's just too different to me.

Well, look how different me and Kait are.

It took us forever to admit that we liked each other.

Girls are weird.

Boys are weirder.

Maybe give Leonie a chance, eh?

I'm sure you both need a friend.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-I came to say bye.

I'll leave you to it, eh?

Sorry I tried to change you.

I just thought... if you were more like me,

you might like me more.

Esme liked me for who I am.

I can see why you were her best mate.

No, don't go.

You want me to stay?

Just promise you won't invite any more rock-heads to the castle, yeah?

Look at this face - isn't this a face you can trust?

You know what, Dylan? I think I'm going to love it here. Heh-heh.

Sorry your comeback was a flop.

Na, you beat us fair and square.

So what's going to happen now?

Don't know, maybe head back to the afterlife,

take up a new hobby.

Like what?

The thing is, I never wanted to be a rocker.

I always wanted to be a poet, but everybody said I wasn't good enough,

you know, made fun of me.

Aw, see? I knew he was sensitive deep down.

HE COUGHS

# Oh, hairy, hairy, hairy bear

# Why so hairy there and there?

# And there and there And there and there

# Oh, hairy, hairy, hairy bear. #

-Yeah, maybe not.

-FOOTSTEPS THUD

Ah, Master Nasty, there's been a delivery.

-It's for you.

-For me?

Just this way.

Gabe, what's in this? Looks really heavy.

One Bengal tiger, as requested.

TIGER ROARS Oh!

Back to the afterlife!

TIGER GROWLS

Everybody out!

THEY SCREAM AND TIGER GROWLS