The Ghostel Dani's Castle

With everything you've told me about the other side

I'm amazed you came back.

As if I'd leave my best-o on his own over here.

So what are we doing today?

The usual.

What, have so much fun we hyperventilate and pass out?

High five.

High five!

When will he ever learn?

So much has happened since I left.

Lady Kaitlyn is a businesswoman.

You two are courting.

Couldn't be happier.

-Stuck together like glue, we are.

-Yeah, not had one single argument.

Yeah, we have.

No, we haven't.

Yes, we have.

-No, we haven't.

-Yes, we have.

-When do we ever argue?

-No, we always argue.

-We don't argue.

-Yes, we do.

-We never argue.

-What are you going on about?

We always argue.

BOTH: Kidding.

Jesters.

And what of you, Master Jimmy?

I invented a new type of smoothie with 40 different ingredients.

No seriously, cuz.

Mango, bacon, eggs and gummy bears,

all in one drink?

That's just seriously wrong.

Get a load of that. Mmm.

And I've been on the lookout for local talent to sign

to our new Bogmoor Sounds record label.

He could have been the new Simon Cowell.

And if I knew who that was, I'm sure I'd be impressed.

Seriously mate, we were worried we'd never see you again.

What was it like over there?

It was splendour and paradise.

So why did you come home?

Esme made me realise I had unfinished business.

That there was more I could do for my own kind,

which is why I'm intending to set up my very own ghostel,

right here in the castle.

I like the sound of that.

Yeah, great idea.

We've not had ghosts around here for ages.

Why not?

It will be a place of calm tranquillity and...

WIND RUSHES

Aargh!

You guys, you should have seen your faces.

You were like, "Aargh!" and, "Ohh!"

-Ha-ha.

-That's not funny.

Oh, it is.

So Gabe, how's this ghostel thing going to work?

Well, I've set up an advert on Ghostlybook,

but who knows how it will turn out.

I think it's great

you're trying to give something back to your community.

Yeah, you're helping out all your ghostly pals.

What could go wrong?

The truth is, I'm nervous.

I've come so far to make this happen, what if I fail?

Well, you could have a practice run before you open.

We could pretend to be your first guests, eh?

Yeah, we've been around enough ghosts to know what they're like.

All right then, I shall take you up on your kind offer.

Great. You go get set up and we'll get into make-up.

Make-up?

Hang on, I'm not putting no make up...

Of course you are. You'll look killer in a bit of lippy.

Lippy? Gabe, help!

DOOR SLAMS

Ah, it is good to be back.

LAUGHING

I didn't have anyone to hang out with when you were gone.

I really missed you.

And now that I'm back, we're going to have the wickedest day ever.

Because I found this.

Whoa, what is it?

The last will and testament of the first Earl of Bogmoor.

Didn't he build this castle?

According to this, there's a secret room

where he stored all his treasures and inventions.

-And we're going to look for it?

-Yeah.

Yes!

-More blood.

-Er, no.

Look we're trying to help Gabe, not scare him to death...

again.

But he doesn't know who's coming.

We need to set him a challenge.

So we have to be difficult guests?

The guests from hell.

Look, if he can handle us, he can handle anything.

OK, just remember, Gabe's very sensitive.

I swatted a fly once and he cried for a week.

He-yaagh!

What are you doing?

Ghost hunting.

You can't go ghost hunting.

You think I'm scared, Roxy.

No, Carlos,

I think you're a mouse,

and I'm just wondering how exactly you think you can take down a ghost.

In the legends of the cat community,

I am known as...

..The Oncoming Storm.

See that scar?

No.

Siamese cat clawed me while I was going for a block of cheddar.

That one there?

Ooh, er, no.

Tabby, tried to take a chunk out of me while I was rooting round

in the bins.

I showed that tabby who's boss.

Take that, Tabby! And that, Tabby!

Meow!

CRACK!

Oh, no.

Clare-bear, surprised to see you here after the other day.

I'll be the first to admit

that I do have this totally hyperactive imagination,

so I need to know, did I

or did I not dream that you had G-H-O-S-T's here?

Clare, you came back!

Aiee! Ghosts!

Thanks, guys.

How are you feeling?

Ahh! Totally freaking out!

Clare, wait. We're not real ghosts.

They're just pretending.

Yeah, it's make-up.

-See?

-So those ghosts the other day,

they were just people pretending?

No, those were real.

That's Gabe and Esme.

I heard screams. Is everything all right?

CLARE SCREAMS

Clare, will you stop?

Right, look, take a deep breath.

This is Gabe,

and, yeah, he is a ghost,

but look at him, he's completely harmless.

Nice to meet you properly, my lady.

Gabe and his sister are part of our family. too.

They're like my great, great, grandparents or something.

Look we're dressed like this cos

Gabe wants to open a hotel for ghosts and we said we'll help.

A hotel?

So there'll be even more ghosts?

I am so out of here!

-Clare, stop!

-Kait, wait.

Have you seen yourself?

I think it's best to leave this to moi.

Clare, wait up.

Well, guess we'd better check into the ghostel, then.

Right, go to the front door and I'll greet you as if you've just died.

The Earl's will says that we need to solve a series of puzzles

and it will lead us to the secret room.

Oh, hi, Clare.

Hi, Clare.

CLARE SCREAMS

I so love being a ghost.

Come on, Dylan.

So, we need to solve the Earl's puzzles

and that will lead us to the treasure.

"Find me at the opposite side where the wild ones ride,

"where birds find flight."

Wild, wild..

wild west maybe,

and the opposite of west is east,

and birds, how do birds fly...

flying...

flapping.

They flap their wings.

That means the Earl's secret must be in the west flap.

You mean the east wing.

Exactly.

You're the best, Esme.

Who else is going to do this sort of stuff with me?

Come on.

DOORBELL RINGS

Welcome.

I am Gabe, the manager.

How are we today?

Are you supposed to be ghosts?

You look like zombies.

I told you we put the wrong make-up on.

Well, never mind, we're here now.

Anyway, make I take your... oof!

What do you have in here?

Never ask a lady what's in her bag.

If you must know, it's bricks.

-Bricks?

-She told you not to ask?

Shall I show you to your rooms?

This way, please.

Chop, chop.

You're really getting into this, ain't you?

I was thinking, if you're going to do something,

-you might as well do it properly.

-You've got a point.

Clare, are you in here?

No.

You don't have to be scared, you know.

It's not like living in a haunted castle has held any of us back.

Seriously?

Yeah, seriously.

All right.

I mean, you might have a tiny bit of a point there at least.

Look, I'll make you a deal.

If I can prove that living here hasn't held any of us back,

you've got to give the ghosts a chance.

All right.

Hang on, you can't expect us to stay in here.

A stray dog would turn its nose up at this sort of accommodation.

Yes, this will not do because we are used to luxury.

Obviously, when the real guests arrive, I will have redecorated.

-Smells funny in here.

-Mmm.

-Like a stale swimming costume.

-Mmm.

Lady Kaitlyn, ghosts cannot smell.

How very dare you!

Don't tell me what I can and can't do because I'm the customer

and the customer is always right!

Of course, Madame. Sorry.

Appalling.

Hm!

Master Rich, Lady Kaitlyn,

a small piece of advice.

Most of my guests will be recently deceased.

They will be grieving their own lives.

Oh, so you want us to be a bit more like...

Why?! Why?! Why?!

Oh, curse that unexpected wolf attack!

Wait, I thought we died in a car accident?

No, the werewolf run in front of the car,

jumped in the window

and ate us, remember?

Oh, yes.

BOTH: Why?!!

There's nothing down here.

It's a secret room.

It's not like there's going to be a neon sign saying "This way!

"Find the mirrored man and greet him in a traditional way!"

No mirrored man.

just this dusty old suit of armour.

Mirrored man.

Ah!

All you need to do now is greet him.

DYLAN CLEARS HIS THROAT

Good day to you, my man.

It didn't work.

OK, try this.

Whoa! We found it.

After you.

Welcome to the library.

I'm sure you'll find some reading matter that appeals.

Well, we was looking for more of an activity holiday to be honest.

Yeah, we want to have some fun.

Ooh, why don't we have

a book throwing competition?

Stop! Those books are antiques.

Now, the ghostel is a place where the recently departed

can gather themselves before crossing over.

You must have questions,

which I'd only be too happy to answer.

What's your advice for new ghosts like us?

Firstly, I've done these illustrations

purely for your training purposes.

You must realise that humans will treat you differently now.

They tend to be scared of ghosts.

I'm not scared. I'm a teddy bear.

A deady-bear. Ha-ha.

Not only that, but you'll never be able to see your family again.

Oh, well, no use crying over spilled milk.

Onwards and upwards, right?

What about all them ghost powers we always hear about?

Yeah, I want to be able to move stuff with my mind.

I could be like a superhero. You know,

Ghost Girl or Captain Dead Person.

Ah, well,

that is a technique I have never really mastered but my...

Call yourself a ghost?

This place is a joke and so are you.

See, Gabe's nice he just wants to help people.

No, he wants to help ghosts.

Maybe instead of being a hunter you could be more like him.

I can't give up.

I'm used to a life of action and adventure,

stalking the big cats of this world, which in my case

is all cats.

It's a very dangerous hobby.

It's not a hobby.

It's a calling.

I just...

I just don't want anything bad to happen to you.

I mean, there's so much more you could be doing with your time.

Ooh!

How about

doing a jigsaw?

Cat! Meow!

This is DJ Clare.

You're listening to the DJ Clare Show on...

This is DJ Clare

and coming up next the dos and don'ts of travelling the world.

Are you pretending to be a DJ?

No. No.

I was just...

Never mind what I was doing.

How did the talent hunt go?

Well, no-one's actually confirmed they can make it yet but...

Obviously, they're too scared to come here.

And you said ghosts have never held you back.

It's time I was going.

Look, Dylan, there's a door.

Oh! OK.

Whoa.

This is amazing.

Look at this.

I don't know what it is, but it's so awesome.

I knew you'd like it.

And this.

I can't wait to find out what it does.

Here hold this.

There it is.

This is what I wanted to find.

It's the Earl.

He looks just like Rich.

Wow, look at this.

Strange, your scroll smells of tea.

And it tastes like tea, too.

Esme, why does the Earl of Bogmoor's will taste and smell like tea?

Maybe he really liked tea.

Did you make it and use tea to make it look old?

Why all the questions, Dylan?

Let's look through this stuff.

Esme, what's going on?

Nothing's going on.

Hey, why don't we show the others the stuff we found?

Esme. Esme!

Change those curtains. I don't like them.

Yes. OK.

OK, what?

OK, Madame, please, thank you.

And remove this table. It's completely wrong.

And bring me some chocolates.

Ghosts cannot..

I said, bring me some chocolates, now, now, now.

It's fun to let rip like this.

Yeah, but at Gabe's expense?

-I thought we were helping him by doing this.

-A bit full-on?

Why don't we take it back a couple of notches, yeah?

I know what I'm doing.

Madame.

Your chocolates.

Dark chocolate?

Huh!

I don't know why I ever came back.

-Gabe, wait!

-I told you not to get carried away, didn't I?

This was your idea.

Guests from hell you said.

Yeah, but you're taking it to a whole other level of hell here.

You always have to be the best, don't you?

That's fine coming from you

with your big ideas that are better than everybody else's.

My ideas are better than everybody else's.

-That's just the kind of arrogant, over-confident...

-Wait.

Are we having an argument?

I think we are.

Our first ever argument, yeah?

I knew we were too good to be true.

Kait, wait.

Kait.

I'm going and taking this stupid make-up off.

Nice one, Rich.

Well done, mate.

And don't talk to yourself. It's weird.

OK, so you know we're still best friends, right?

Well, the whole vibe of this place is totally freaking me out,

so, basically, bye!

Clare.

There are worst things in this place than ghosts.

Like what? Hey?

Monsters?

Werewolves?

Dentists?

No, boys.

Uh-oh, I've seen that face before,

when you offered to carry Micky O'Neil's bag in year six

and he said you had fleas.

Totes unfair.

Me and Rich had an argument.

Oh Kait, come here.

Well, arguments they're part of any relationship, right?

They're not pretty.

They're like the cardboard tube in the middle of a roll

of pretty, flowered-patterned, toilet paper.

Wait, you're comparing my relationship to a tube of loo roll?

Kind of.

Listen, right, getting things off your chest is really important,

because if you let them build up, then you'll just totally explode.

So do you think everything's settled now?

I don't know. I stormed out.

Then storm back in there and make up with him, girlfriend.

You're right,

and I should probably apologise to Gabe

because I think I upset him too.

You really care about those ghosts, don't you?

They're our friends.

Then maybe I should stick around and give them a chance, too?

Esme!

Esme, I can tell when something's up with you

just as I can tell when Trafford's lying.

Nothing's wrong, Dylan, stop asking.

I won't stop asking until you tell me what's really going on.

Why are you making me do this?

Do what?

Forcing me to say it.

Dylan,

I'm leaving forever.

I only came back home to say goodbye.

You can't go.

You've only just come back.

I'm sorry, Dylan,

but this is the last adventure we're ever going to go on.

No.

So the small, see-through one is going, then?

What? No.

I can't believe Esme's leaving.

Carlos, are you crying?

No, no.

I'm a big, brave, fearless,

rodent, cat hunter...

..who really needs a hug.

HE SOBS

Wah-ah!

There, there.

Wah!

-Gabes, are you in here?

-No.

Look, what's going on, mate?

I believe you call it sulking.

I only came back to run the ghostel and I've failed.

Call me big headed, but...

I hope you came back to see your mates, too.

Of course, but...

if I can't even handle Lady Kaitlyn's demands as a guest,

what hope do I have with strangers?

But you did handle her demands.

She threw something at you and you batted it back.

And what if I fail?

What if you don't?

Look, you can't give up on something before giving it your everything.

Look, you said it yourself, you've got more to do here.

You're right.

Thank you, Master Rich.

You are a good friend.

Now was there something you wanted?

Just wanted to pick your bones about girls.

Me and Kait have had an argument.

Oh, dear...

Trouble in paradise?

We've never argued as a couple before.

She's my best friend, you know?

Well, if you want my advice,

you shouldn't give up on something until you've given it your all.

I give up.

-What?

-Is the GIVE UP festival in town, or what?

I did a search for local talent in Bogmoor and got nowhere.

-Don't worry. We'll find someone, cuz.

-And what if we don't?

What if you do?

You shouldn't give up on something

until you've given it your everything.

Isn't that right, Master Rich?

Now you're starting to get it.

We need someone with star quality, you know, someone who can do this...

# La, la

# La, la, lah

# La, la, la-la-lah

# La, la, la-la-lah-la la, la

# La la-lah. #

You know, something like that.

Give this a go, just play that again.

-I'll sing in...

-Seven, eight...

# On my...on my own

BOTH: # On my...on my own

# On my...on my own

# On my own... #

Bravo!

Whoa! What was that?

THAT was the first signing on Bogmoor Sounds.

-Gee!

-Come here, brother.

-Cuz, you know that's a mirror, right?

-Hmm.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE, CAMERAS CLICK

What, for real? Us?

-Yeah, man! We might as well give it a go, eh?

-Ha-ha!

That's what I'm talking about.

Hi.

Hey.

-Look, I'm sorry.

-No, I'm sorry.

I know I can be competitive.

And I know I can be big headed.

Sometimes I think that we compete to be the best

at being in a relationship, though.

And that's just a competition that nobody will win.

But if they did...be me, right?

-Shut up!

-Come here.

GABE CLAPS

Love birds!

And now for our news.

Me and Jimmy have signed ourselves to Bogmoor Sounds.

Yeah, but surely that'll leave less time for the radio station.

Well, we did think of that, too.

Clare, if you don't mind helping out with a few shows, eh?

For real? OMG!

I am totally a DJ!

Hey, I should change my name...

What about DJ Clare-Buster?

GABE: What about not?

'Esme, Esme.'

Tell them!

Tell us what, Sister?

Well, the thing is...

You guys are all family to me

and this place will always be my home, but...

it's...

it's really hard to say this...

-Basically...

-She's leaving.

-RICH: What?

-Leaving?

-But you just got back.

Sister, please tell me you're joking.

I only came back to say a proper goodbye.

I wanted one last adventure with Dylan.

Sister, you never said anything.

You'd try to talk me out of it.

Look, I've had the best time with you guys,

but I've found somewhere I belong.

But we're best friends.

And we'll always be best friends.

And thanks to you opening the door to the afterlife,

we can talk on Ghostlybook.

Well, who am I going to hang out with now?

BIRDS CAW

I got you all something as a going away gift.

Jimmy, it's the first wafflemaker ever invented.

I'm going to make some old-time waffles.

And, Kait, this is for you.

It's a device for translating horse noises.

Go on, give it a try.

Neigh!

DEVICE BEEPS

'I am not a horse.'

KATE: Oh! It works.

And, Rich...

this is for you...

the first ever Earl of Bogmoor.

It's to remind you to always dream big.

As if I'd dream any other way, eh?

You're the best brother anyone could have...

..and you're going to need this.

Ghostlybook is yours now.

I'll miss you.

Make sure you call me as soon as you arrive.

Don't say it, don't say goodbye.

just...show me what's in the sack and go.

Stop dragging this out and making it harder.

There's nothing in the sack.

So...you didn't get me a present?

Oh, I got you a present and you're going to love it.

(I got you a new best friend.)

What?

You'll see.

And whatever they say, NEVER grow up.

Bye, guys.

Wait... Clare!

I almost forgot, I got you something, too.

Oh, really?

AAAAHH!

I LOVED being a ghost!

-Bye, guys.

-Goodbye.

-Bye, Esme.

-Farewell, Sister.

-I'll miss you.

Geronimo!

DOOR SLAMS

SCRATCHING SOUNDS

BIKE BELL RINGS

Esme? Is that you?

Watcha, you must be Dylan.

Which one of these massive idiots is your brother?

Oh, it's him.

-Thought you were going to say it's ugly mug, here.

-Er, excuse me...

All right, keep your wig on, mush.

Right...

Who's for a wedgie?

KNUCKLES CRACK

ALL: Run!

Thanks, Esme.