Ghost Swappers Dani's Castle


Ghost Swappers

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CREAKING

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CREAKING

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Found anything good yet?

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Lots of dust and cobwebs, if that's your thing.

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Keep looking. There's always something cool in the secret room.

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The first Earl of Bogmoor kept all of his inventions in here.

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Couldn't he keep them in a shed, like normal people?

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-What's this?

-Oh.

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It's just a clock.

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A really old, spooky clock.

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Do you think it's got magic powers?

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TICKING

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It still works.

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-SHE COUGHS

-Who cares, anyway?

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Clocks just tell you when it's time to stop having fun.

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Now we're talking.

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-Ole!

-Oh, that's so cool.

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..And that is when I learnt the hard way

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that monkeys do not like having their hair braided.

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You've been listening to Clare Was There on Bogmoor FM.

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-And this has been...

-Master Rich... Oh!

-Shh!

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This has been the Rich And Jimmy Show. I've been Rich.

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And I've been Jimmy. Totes confusing.

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Laters, Bogmoor. JINGLE PLAYS

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Master Rich, I finished my latest Ghostel advertisement.

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Where would you display a poster advertising a hotel for ghosts?

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Graveyards, hospitals, undertakers.

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I was going to ask if someone could put them up for me.

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It's a bit wordy, though, isn't it?

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Way wordy, and you spelt "hereby" wrong, too.

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Better luck next time, hey, Gabe?

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Too wordy.

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Fine.

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Toro...

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SHE GROWLS

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Really?

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Dylan!

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Oh, I wish I could do that.

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Cha-a-arge!

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Cheers for that(!)

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You two have just trashed a whole order of Bone Bites.

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-How did you know it was us?

-Well, who else would it be?

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You two are like a tornado with a behaviour problem.

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Ghosts are not interested in modern advertisement slogans.

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Look, what's wrong

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with, "Visit the Ghostel, the rave beyond the grave", eh?

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Boys, enough! My doctor says I have really sensitive ears

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and they are not supposed to be exposed to bickering.

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What is that?

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Oh, it's this really weird old clock we found in the old secret room.

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-It's totally hideous.

-Hideously cool, you mean.

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Well, if the Earl invented it, it's definitely no ordinary clock.

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It could be dangerous.

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-You reckon? Wicked!

-What if it's a time machine?

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I don't want to think about the mayhem

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you'd cause with a time machine.

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You say mayhem. We...

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..say party-ayhem!

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BONG!

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Does anyone else feel that rumbling?

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You know what? That might be me, you know. I skipped breakfast.

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BONG!

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Castle-quake!

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BONG!

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Is everyone all right? Dylan?

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Slight bruising to the left hip.

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Minor sprain of the right wrist.

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But, in short, I'll live.

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-"I'm fine" would have done.

-That was wicked. Let's go again.

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Worst clock ever.

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No-one would stay in bed if that thing went off.

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So, does anybody know what just happened?

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Kait, how did you do that?

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-How DID I do that?

-DYLAN GASPS

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-Kait?

-She teleported.

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DYLAN: It's definitely not the poltergeist.

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-What's going on?

-You've got ghost powers.

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-Did you die?

-I don't think so. I'd remember something like that.

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Let's just stop and think, yeah? Everybody just stay calm.

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-Rich?

-Bruv!

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Oh, heavens.

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-Don't panic.

-Rich is a ghost, too?

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Don't panic. Everybody stop panicking.

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I shall find him.

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Awesome!

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-SHE CHUCKLES

-Still awesome. Keep going.

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Pain.

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I haven't felt pain since...

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I'm alive.

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What is going on?

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-And by the looks of it, you are, too, Leonie.

-Huh?

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After centuries...

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I am a human again.

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HE SNIFFS

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I can smell things.

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I have air in my lungs.

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This is wonderful.

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-Clare, come to me.

-Whoa, Gabester!

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I know I'm fragrant like roses and rainbows,

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but that is a big invasion of personal space.

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-What's going on?

-You and me are ghosts.

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Not fair. I want ghost powers.

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Look, it's your fault for poking around that Earl's secret room.

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Perhaps there is a clue to this mystery in the clock.

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Careful!

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Oh, heavens!

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Rich, we might need that clock.

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I forgot ghosts need to concentrate before holding things.

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Yeah, well, blame Gabe. He dropped it.

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I'm not used to my body being so solid yet.

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It feels so lumpy and uncoordinated, so...human.

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-Human!

-This probably isn't good.

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I need to go.

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Kait, wait!

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Dylan, Dylan, Dylan.

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Dylan...

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..I'm human.

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You don't say!

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I'm human!

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We touched.

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THEY LAUGH

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I wonder how it would feel to be somebody else.

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I don't want to know how it feels to be you.

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I've seen your personal habits.

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We should pretend to be cats.

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You want me to dress up as my mortal enemy?

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Well...

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They say, to know your enemy, you should become your enemy,

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so close your eyes and make like a cat.

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Feeling catty?

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Meow.

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Meow.

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Me-me-me-meow!

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Here, mousey, mousey, mousey.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're taking this way too seriously.

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SHE SCREAMS

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-Whoa! Teleporting's weird.

-Out of my way. I need some air.

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Ghosts don't need air. Look, Gabe and Leonie don't leave the castle.

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You step one foot outside that door and you could stop existing.

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Why has this happened, Rich? I can hardly feel my body.

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It's like it's there, but it's not at the same time.

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This is how Gabe and Leonie must feel all the time.

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-You need to look on the bright side.

-There's a bright side?

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At least we're ghosts together.

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I could think of worse people to spend eternity with.

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Look, we changed into ghosts and I'm sure we can change back, right.

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Look, until we figure it out, why don't we just try and enjoy it?

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You always try and see the positives.

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That's me. Mr Ray Of Sunshine.

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-Teleport race?

-Let's go.

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SQUEAKING

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GABE CHUCKLES

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I'd forgotten how whimsical gravity could be.

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THUD!

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Think of all the other things we can do now.

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I can go outside and find newts to put in people's beds.

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And I could compose romantic poems on long walks across the fields...

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feeling the sunlight.

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And I can go to the toilet! Yes!

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Make sure you wash your hands.

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SHE GASPS

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Seriously not coping here.

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OK, so, according to this journal, the Earl made the clock

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so, once every 50 years, ghosts could temporarily turn human again.

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So, the only way to do that is to swap back with a human.

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So, this is not forever?

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Just until the sun sets.

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-Except...

-Except what?

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If we don't fix it by dusk, things will be stuck like this forever.

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Well, you'd better get fixing it, then, bruv.

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-Yeah, you can do it, Dylan.

-OK, so NOW everybody needs me.

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I propose that, for now, we make the most of the situation.

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My best friend just became a ghost.

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-How do I make the most of that?

-Stay busy.

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Look, you've still got a radio show to put on

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and, well, I need something to do.

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I might even have a go at running the Ghostel.

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I mean, I learnt a lot before Gabe, and what can go wrong?

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Well, in that case,

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seeing as I'm alive again,

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I shall do your radio show for you.

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Wait, you want to take my spot on Bogmoor FM?

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I mean, you don't even know who Tinie Tempah is.

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Is he very small and angry?

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No. No, he's a rapper.

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Tinie Tempah's a rapper? See? I'm already learning.

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All right, fine. Just don't mess it up, all right?

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That will never happen, Master Rich.

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SHE LAUGHS

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Oh, just making the best of our situation.

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Here, newty, newty, newty, newty.

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Here, newty, newty, newty, newty.

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-Seriously miss this.

-BIRD SQUAWKS

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-SHE CHUCKLES

-Even miss that.

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Bring it on, nature.

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So, your best friend's a ghost, that's fine.

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It's totes normal.

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Happens all the time, right.

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-Hi, Clare!

-CLARE GASPS

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Enough with the scaring. Please!

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Do you know, I'm really starting to see

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why Esme and Leonie enjoy having ghost powers so much.

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-Do you want to hang out?

-Er, I don't know. I'm kind of busy.

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I lost my shoe and I need to find it.

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But you're wearing both shoes.

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Don't know what you're talking about. SHE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

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Is this because I'm a ghost?

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No, I am totally fine with you being a dead-o.

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I'm really fine, it's not freaky at all.

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Look, I might be a ghost, but this is still me.

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I mean, it's just a me with really cool ghost powers

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and I can do stuff like this.

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ELECTRICAL CRACKLING

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MUSIC VOLUME RISES AND FALLS

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CHAIRS SQUEAK

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Cos that's not remotely terrifying(!)

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If I'm going to be a ghost,

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-I might as well try and be the best ghost ever.

-Great idea!

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You go do that somewhere really far away from me

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and I'll stay right here.

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Okey-doke, will do. Bye.

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I want my friend back.

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Yo, yo, yo, yo.

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DJ Gabe da Babe is alive and well... in the house.

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Right, well, when you say DJ, you mean "definitely joking", right?

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Swaggery boo boo...balu.

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This day just gets even weirder.

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High-five.

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Ooh.

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'Whoa, Richie boy, someone needs to get some sun.'

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Sorry about the indoor complexion.

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Turns out I'm a ghost now, and so's Kait.

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'You died? Wait, let me guess. Your big head exploded.'

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Ha-ha(!) Look, it's a long story.

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Look, I just need your advice. I'm in charge of the Ghostel.

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'My brother left YOU in charge of his beloved Ghostel?

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'Has the world turned upside down?'

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I want your take on these posters that I knocked up, eh?

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'No.'

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Huh? You know I'm the man!

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-'Just no.'

-What's wrong with them?

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I'm just trying to bring things up-to-date a bit.

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'Ghosts like tradition. I mean, look at my brother.

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'He's so stuck in his ways that he's practically welded into place.'

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Well, maybe it's time we tried something new.

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'Fine, do what you want.

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'You're the great business genius.

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'But don't say I didn't tell you so.'

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-Boo!

-Whoa!

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I just love being a ghost!

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'Hey, that's MY line.'

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This is impossible, Trafford.

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I've only got six hours to fix the clock.

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And, if I can't, my brother's a ghost forever.

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And now Leonie's human, she can leave the castle and never come back.

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HE SIGHS

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Those were the freshest,

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most hippity-hoppity stylings from the Lord Justin of Timberlake.

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Now I shall entertain thee with a rap sonnet of my own composing.

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HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

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A nonny nonny no, a nonny nonny hey

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My name is Gabe and I'm alive today

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A nonny nonny...

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-JINGLE PLAYS

-What are you doing?!

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Stopping you from driving away our listeners.

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Look, Gabe...

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Buddy, pal, yeah?

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You're human. Why do you want to be cooped up in here, anyway?

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Well...

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in truth, after centuries in this castle,

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I'd much rather be outside.

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I've been itching to get outside ever since I became alive.

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Then why don't you go and do that? This is your big chance.

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This castle has protected me for centuries.

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Leaving it now would be an enormous step.

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Well, I could always help you, hold your hand.

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Not literally, obviously.

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You'd accompany me on my first journey beyond this walls?

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Sure. It would be my honour.

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Wonderful!

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I shall prepare us a sumptuous picnic feast

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with my own human hands.

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High-five!

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Ow.

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Yes, I can touch.

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Touch, touch. Touch.

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HE STRUMS

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-Oh!

-Oh!

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Touch, touch.

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Oi, I need your help.

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You need my help? That's a first.

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Thought I might wander down to the village, cause some mischief,

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see who there is to hang out with.

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Won't all your friends from the '70s be grown up now?

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Exactly, I need to make new mates

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and I'm going to need to know how to dress.

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That's where you come in.

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Since when did I become an advice service for the newly alive?

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'And another thing. We're not all scary, you know?

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'That sort of horror movie stereotype

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'is exactly the sort of thing that gives ghosts a bad name.'

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Look, and as I've told all the other angry customers,

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-look, I didn't mean any...

-'Bones, dripping blood, cobwebs.

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'We don't want to be constantly reminded

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-'that we're dead, you know?'

-But, hello! You ARE dead.

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'I was coming to your Ghostel to try and get away from all that.

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'But, no, you have to rub my face in it.'

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-I'm sorry.

-'Well, too late.

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'I suggest you get some more experience

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'before you try running a Ghostel.'

0:16:320:16:33

Look, wait...

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Right, now, no peeking. Shut your eyes.

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Shut your eyes, turn around.

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Ta-da!

0:16:450:16:47

See? There WAS a pretty girl under that unruly, mischievous tomboy.

0:16:470:16:51

This is definitely what 21st-century girls are wearing?

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-Yeah, totally.

-Great.

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No, actually, one more thing. Wait there. One more thing.

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Ah, no... Uh...

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Flowers ain't very me.

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Trust me.

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Right, all the kids in town will be like, "Who IS that girl?"

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"Did she fall into a rosebush or something?"

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Goodness, Leonie, you look just like Clare.

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Well, at least I don't look like you.

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Look, plan is to let my new human mates think I'm a 21st-century girl.

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Then whammy! Introduce them to a world of high jinks.

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KNUCKLES CRACK

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Enjoy your picnic, losers.

0:17:420:17:46

-HE SIGHS

-Milady.

-Hello.

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I have prepared us a most sumptuous feast.

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Pickled quail eggs,

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peacock pies,

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roast marrowbone with snails

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and chicken oysters.

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-Have you got any crisps.

-Sorry, what?

0:18:010:18:04

SHE CHUCKLES You're right! Being a cat IS fun.

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I'm starting to see my enemy from a whole different perspective.

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Stop hogging the wool.

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-SHE CHUCKLES

-Stop hogging the wool.

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Share it, or I will be forced...

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-SHE HISSES

-Fine.

0:18:210:18:23

Fine. Have the wool.

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What would I want with it, anyway?

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What would a fearsome cat hunter like me want with a ball of wool?

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BIRD CAWS

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This is way harder than I thought, Trafford.

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-LOL?

-Laugh out loud.

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Great! And ROFL?

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Rub our feet loudly.

0:18:500:18:52

Roll on the floor laughing.

0:18:520:18:55

This is impossible.

0:18:550:18:57

I still have so much to learn about being human.

0:18:570:19:00

-Hey, guys.

-SHE GASPS

0:19:000:19:02

-What's wrong?

-You keep scaring us.

0:19:020:19:04

That's the whole point of being a ghost, isn't it?

0:19:040:19:06

I never scared anyone.

0:19:060:19:08

Yeah, yeah, but I've got these really cool ghost powers

0:19:080:19:12

so why not use them to the fullest potential?

0:19:120:19:14

And that's using them to scare people, is it?

0:19:140:19:17

What about Kait's Bakes?

0:19:170:19:19

Shouldn't you be thinking about that order that got trashed?

0:19:190:19:22

Yeah, true...

0:19:220:19:24

Well, how many opportunities do you get to experience being a ghost?

0:19:240:19:28

I've never felt so free.

0:19:280:19:30

-Look at you.

-So, what are you doing?

0:19:300:19:33

A picnic, Lady Kaitlin. Obviously, we would invite you,

0:19:330:19:36

but given your current predicament...

0:19:360:19:38

-HE SNIFFS

-I had forgotten this.

0:19:460:19:49

I had lost so many small pleasures.

0:19:490:19:51

I shall never take being alive for granted.

0:19:530:19:55

Ladies first?

0:19:560:19:58

DOOR SLAMS

0:20:010:20:02

You jester!

0:20:130:20:14

Gravity.

0:20:180:20:20

Ahh!

0:20:270:20:29

I never want this to end.

0:20:350:20:37

-Gabe?

-Ah!

0:20:450:20:46

-BOTH:

-Cheers!

0:20:460:20:48

-Atchoo!

-Ooh!

0:20:510:20:52

Bless you.

0:20:520:20:54

My hay fever. I had forgotten about my hay fever. How funny.

0:20:540:20:58

Atchoo!

0:20:580:21:00

Maybe we should kind of move away from the flowers?

0:21:000:21:03

Atchoo!

0:21:030:21:06

I agree.

0:21:060:21:07

INSECT BUZZES

0:21:070:21:09

Is that a bee?

0:21:090:21:11

Oh, no, it's just a midge.

0:21:110:21:13

Bee. That's a bee.

0:21:130:21:15

It's a giant bee. It's going to get me.

0:21:150:21:17

Keep away from me, you monster.

0:21:190:21:20

It's a midge.

0:21:200:21:22

Bee, bee. See?

0:21:220:21:24

Oh! Don't swat it. You'll just make it angry.

0:21:240:21:27

Look, if I can put up with mosquitoes in my gap year, then you can...

0:21:270:21:31

But it's huge.

0:21:310:21:32

It's the whale of the bee kingdom. It's a tiger with wings.

0:21:320:21:35

-You can't even see it.

-Get away from me.

0:21:370:21:40

The picnic...

0:21:400:21:42

Nettles.

0:21:430:21:45

Ah! Ah!

0:21:450:21:47

Nettles! Oh!

0:21:470:21:49

-You all right, Gabe?

-So much stinging.

0:21:490:21:51

BIRD CAWS

0:21:530:21:54

DOOR OPENS

0:22:060:22:07

How was your pic...?

0:22:100:22:11

Whoa, what happened to your face?

0:22:110:22:14

He had a tiny encounter with some nettles.

0:22:140:22:17

-And a bee.

-It wasn't a bee.

0:22:170:22:19

HE SNEEZES VIOLENTLY

0:22:190:22:21

The outside world is lethal.

0:22:220:22:25

There are so many stinging things and things which make you...

0:22:250:22:28

Ah..

0:22:280:22:30

-Atchoo!

-Bless you.

0:22:300:22:32

..sneeze.

0:22:320:22:34

I'd forgotten how tired you get all the time as a human.

0:22:340:22:39

I'm sick of having to walk up and downstairs and opening doors.

0:22:390:22:43

And now my bladder is full.

0:22:450:22:47

Atchoo.

0:22:480:22:50

I've had better picnics.

0:22:510:22:53

Look, Clare, I'm sorry I kept scaring you.

0:22:530:22:55

I just got carried away.

0:22:550:22:56

No, I'm sorry that I'm sort of totes scared of you.

0:22:560:23:00

I just want everything to go back to normal.

0:23:000:23:02

It's lonely being a ghost without a best friend.

0:23:020:23:04

I'm still your best friend.

0:23:040:23:07

Seriously?

0:23:070:23:08

Dead serious, with "dead" being the operative word.

0:23:080:23:11

Oh, er...

0:23:120:23:13

-Friends.

-Yeah.

0:23:130:23:15

DOOR OPENS

0:23:150:23:16

DOOR CLOSES What happened?

0:23:170:23:20

Your clothes happened.

0:23:200:23:21

The kids in the village said I dressed weird.

0:23:210:23:24

No, you dress like an individual.

0:23:240:23:26

You told me these were modern clothes.

0:23:260:23:28

They are. Sort of.

0:23:280:23:30

I can't help it if I dress a little retro.

0:23:300:23:33

And then they made fun of me because I said I didn't go to school.

0:23:330:23:36

Does that mean I'll have to go to school?

0:23:370:23:39

That I'm going to grow up?

0:23:390:23:42

And get a job.

0:23:420:23:43

Maybe even get married.

0:23:430:23:45

No. I was happy being stuck as kid, even if it was a ghost kid.

0:23:450:23:49

Well, let's hope Dylan fixes that clock.

0:23:530:23:56

Please tell me you fixed that clock.

0:24:080:24:09

He's no further than he was hours ago.

0:24:090:24:11

What? I don't want to be a ghost any more.

0:24:110:24:15

I thought if I tried to have fun and scare people, like Leonie and Esme,

0:24:150:24:18

I'd start to get used to it, but it's just made me feel lonely.

0:24:180:24:22

I really miss my horse.

0:24:220:24:24

I miss my video games.

0:24:240:24:26

The controller keeps slipping through my fingers.

0:24:260:24:28

I don't want stay in here while everybody else is having fun.

0:24:280:24:31

Tell me about it.

0:24:310:24:33

Leonie's gone off to make new friends...without me.

0:24:330:24:37

There. I think I've done it.

0:24:450:24:48

Ah, this is impossible!

0:24:500:24:51

Look, impossible is your speciality.

0:24:510:24:55

He's right. If anybody can fix that clock, you can.

0:24:550:24:58

-I believe in you, little man.

-And so do I.

0:25:000:25:02

The sun's almost down.

0:25:230:25:24

Come on, Master Dylan. You can do this.

0:25:240:25:28

Of course he can do it.

0:25:280:25:29

He's smarter than the lot of yous put together.

0:25:290:25:32

-And that's why he's my best friend.

-Thanks, Leonie.

0:25:320:25:34

HE PUFFS

0:25:430:25:44

Be gentle.

0:25:440:25:45

Atchoo!

0:25:480:25:49

TICKING

0:26:020:26:04

There, it's in.

0:26:040:26:06

-Well, has it worked?

-Well, nothing's happening.

0:26:060:26:10

BONG!

0:26:100:26:11

Ow!

0:26:130:26:15

BONG!

0:26:210:26:23

TICKING

0:26:300:26:32

My stings - they're gone.

0:26:380:26:40

I can't feel pain any more.

0:26:420:26:44

-My bladder is no longer full.

-And I can do this again.

0:26:440:26:47

-Great!

-Do you want to do it, or shall I?

-Leave it to me.

0:26:510:26:55

Oh! Ohh. Yeah, I think we're human again.

0:26:580:27:02

Yes, I'm human!

0:27:020:27:03

And I'm a ghost.

0:27:030:27:05

Sorry for nearly destroying the Ghostel, Gabe.

0:27:050:27:08

No harm done, Master Rich.

0:27:080:27:10

As soon as I spread the word

0:27:100:27:12

that this is a castle where ghosts swap with humans,

0:27:120:27:14

I will be inundated with inquiries.

0:27:140:27:17

See, I told you, you can do it, bruv.

0:27:180:27:20

I guess I just needed you to believe in me.

0:27:200:27:22

Look, I've always believed in you, even when you get in the way.

0:27:220:27:27

Come here.

0:27:270:27:28

I never, ever want to go through that again.

0:27:290:27:35

Check it out. Claire looks a little light-headed!

0:27:350:27:38

You're human!

0:27:390:27:41

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