Midsummer Night's Nightmare Dani's Castle

So, our last suggestion on how to stay chilled on a boiling hot

summer's night is to put ice cubes in your duvet.

-I mean, can our next caller beat that?

-I think I can.

You could wear pyjamas made out of ice cubes or buy a helicopter

and use it as a massive fan, or carry your bed to Antarctica.

Whoa, man, you need to stop there,

because I'm shivering just hearing that.

I've also got another idea.

I think your show needs a co-host and it shall be me.

Really?

I will arrive tomorrow to start. I'll even move into the castle.

It'll make my trip to work so much quicker.

I mean, I don't really know about that. I don't even know your name.

It's Master J-Dog.

-Jimmy?

-Ha-ha, I got you, cuz.

You know what? You didn't have me fooled for a second.

No, it was more like a minute.

But seriously, though, I will be back tomorrow because, you know,

my tour's over and stuff and I'm coming home.

Anyways, Rich, I've got to go, because my credit's running out.

Well, listeners, Jimmy's going to be back on air tomorrow,

but until then, stay chilled, Bogmoor.

Yeah, man.

I thought after winning this, my business would really take off.

Well, you're still doing really well.

Yeah, but I need an idea that's going to take it to the next level.

So, did you bring your thinking cap like I asked?

Yep, one Tibetan thinking cap.

-Those really exist?

-Mm-hm.

Who knew? Anyway, let's get thinking.

-Hmm.

-Girls, I've got some good news.

-Are yous two thinking?

-We're just trying to come up with an idea

that's going to take Kait's Bakes to the next level.

Well, that's easy - make an advert, stick it online,

wait for it to go viral, job done.

Oh, that's a great idea, thanks, Rich.

Always happy to help you, Kaity Kait.

Well, I'd better go and tell the others the news.

Wait, hold on, you've not told us yet.

Wait, didn't I?

Well, I've just got off the phone to Jimmy

and it looks like he'll be back tomorrow. Cool, huh?

-Oh, that's brilliant news.

-Yeah, amazing.

Want to play? I've got an ace trick I want to do on Clare.

We swap her hairspray for whipped cream.

Sounds great, but I've got to write an essay on boring Shakespeare.

-Ooh, A Midsummer Night's Dream.

-More like a nightmare.

-Then come and play.

-Sorry, I really can't.

What's happening, little man? I have got some good news.

Is it an asteroid about to destroy all life on earth?

And more importantly, all homework?

No, Jimmy's back, ehhh.

Pity. An asteroid would have been nice.

Unless... Does Jimmy know anything about A Midsummer Night's Dream?

Has it got killer robots in it and giant space aliens?

-I wish.

-Well, then I doubt it. Have you asked anybody else?

Yeah, but...

Kait knew less than she thought.

So, then she woke up, realised he was dead and killed herself.

Very sad. Poor Romeo and Juliet.

Are you sure that's A Midsummer Night's Dream

and not Romeo and Juliet?

Oh, yeah, the clue's in the name, isn't it?

And Clare knew less than Kait.

-Clare do you like Shakespeare?

-No, why?

-But...

Oh, oh, this. No, this is just the thickest book I could find.

Going to use it to flatten my lucky Malaysian hair braids.

Sometimes wear them on my radio show.

If they're not flat, then they're not lucky.

What about you? Will you help?

Do you know what? I'd love to, but, you know, I've got this thing and...

and it's... and it's helping this other thing, so I'm sorry.

If no-one's going to help you, then why don't you leave it

and come and play instead?

If you helped instead of pestering me, we could get it done

and then we could go and play.

Fine, be like that, I'll leave you alone with your boring Shakespeare.

Such a shocking way to treat the greatest writer in history.

Gabe, you think Shakespeare was the greatest writer in history?

-I don't think, I know.

-Could you help me with

A Midsummer Night's Dream homework, then?

I would be delighted, Master Dylan. This will be fun.

In 1590, his first play, The Two Gentlemen of Verona,

was performed. The only one of his to feature a dog.

Gabe, can we talk about A Midsummer Night's Dream, please?

Yes. Once we have discussed the 13 plays which he wrote before that

-masterpiece.

-13? Unlucky for me.

His second play was The Taming of the Shrew.

Now, it's not actually about a tiny furry shrew.

It refers to a young feisty woman called Kate,

much like our very own Kait, one might say.

I, myself, have seen this play 29...

Oh. I thought only ghosts could disappear like that.

So, let's talk about what to do if someone you like has gone away

and is about to come back.

We'll call this totally made-up person, Jim...

Jerry, definitely Jerry, not Jimmy.

So, you used to think that if he grew up a bit, then you might more

than just like him, but what if he hasn't grown up?

Or what if he has grown up, but you don't like him?

Well, what if he doesn't like me?

I mean, you, and, oh, that's all from me, Bogmoor,

because we're running out of time. Bye!

-You all right, Clare?

-Yeah. Yeah.

Why on earth wouldn't I be?

Hey, Dylan. Are you in a cupboard?

I'm avoiding Gabe.

He's meant to be helping me with my Midsummer Night's Dream essay,

but he's so boring.

He really does like his Shakespeare.

And I've managed to upset Leonie, so now she's not talking to me.

Are you feeling a tiny bit sorry for yourself?

No, I'm feeling a lot sorry for myself.

Do you need me to send some help?

What about Shakespeare himself? He can explain all his baffling words.

Can't, he's a bit busy working on the top afterlife soap,

GhostEnders, but I'm sure I can send someone nearly as good.

-Go wait by the portal.

-Thanks, Esme.

There you are. So, his next plays were the Henry VI trilogy.

So, come hither.

Interestingly, scholars believe he wrote Henry VI part two

before he wrote part one.

That's just what a genius he was.

He's gone again.

How does he do it?

There you are. Why are you here?

We're not expecting anyone, are we?

A last-minute job. Anyway, I'll deal with it.

Why don't you go and rest?

No. I promised to teach you, so teach you I shall.

Where was I?

Ah, yes, next comes Titus Andronicus,

the sixth and goriest one.

Actually, some may argue that it was his first play.

-But they would be wrong.

-Sorry, who are you?

I am here to assist master Dylan on matters Shakespearean.

Master Dylan, is my help no good?

No, it's brilliant, but there's quite a lot of it.

If anything, you know too much.

So, you summoned this nonentity. Ridiculous.

Allow me to introduce myself. Thomas Hill-Norton at your service.

Of course, when I say, "Ridiculous," I really mean brilliant.

Why, Mr Hill-Norton, I'm a huge fan.

You know who he is?

He was a member of Shakespeare's very own company of players.

Yes, hardly a nonentity.

I was just teasing.

I couldn't think of anyone better to assist me in teaching master Dylan.

On the contrary, it shall be you who will be assisting me.

Look, I don't care who assists who, as long as I get my homework done.

-BOTH:

-Of course.

Did you know I am a great actor?

No, because you're not.

I was in the most recent Transformers film.

What, as a giant deadly robot?

No, as a mouse.

You can see me scurrying across the screen at one point, if you look

carefully, squint a bit, then close your eyes and use your imagination.

I always fancied doing a bit of acting.

Perhaps we could make our own film right here in the mouse hole.

That's a great idea.

Of course, I will write it, direct it, produce it and star in it.

-Well, what does that leave for me?

-Making the tea.

No? Fair enough.

So, are you a bit worried about Jimmy coming back?

What? No, what would give you that idea?

Everything you said on your show.

Oh, that.

I just don't know how we'll both feel after all this time.

Well, you'll find out tomorrow.

But waiting is so hard.

I mean, I've been trying everything to relax.

-I've been drinking herbal tea, doing meditation.

-Any good?

-No!

I've drunk so much herbal tea, that every time I try

and meditate, I have to stop to go for a pee.

Well, how about to take your mind off things.

You can help me film my ad?

Ooh, help you get it online to give it that big business-y boost.

Can I be the star?

Ooh, sorry, I've already cast the lead. Ta-da!

I just thought it'd sound so good, you know,

Kait's Bakes by appointment to Prince William himself.

Ooh, nice. Are you sure, though?

I mean, he can be a bit feisty.

Exactly, he's got an artistic temperament. He'll be perfect.

Come on.

I come to help and he disappears.

He has a habit of doing that.

Oh, I do hope he hurries back soon.

A Midsummer Night's Dream is one of my favourite plays of Will's.

-Did you really call him Will?

-All of his friends did.

Oh, to have been his friend.

In my time, I've played almost all of the parts in it.

When I was young, I played both Hermia and Helena.

Sorry had to get this, and I may not know much about the play,

but aren't Hermia and Helena girls?

Indeed, but in my time, women weren't allowed to become actors,

so boys took the female parts.

Not letting women act is so unfair.

I agree, but it is just what happened.

I thought you were leaving me alone with boring Shakespeare?

Well, like you said, if I help, then we can go and play quicker, swap

Clare's face cream for toothpaste, make her sticky and minty.

I often find that the best way to grasp a play is to act it out.

Yeah, skill, let's do that.

Excellent, so all we need now is some more actors and costumes.

-I'll get some more actors.

-And I'll get costumes.

And I shall prepare to act.

Me-me-me-me, do-do-do-do-did-did-de-a.

This is how you prepare? Oh.

In my time, we used to eat a massive lunch and then have a lie-down.

And to think I once thought you were a great actor.

Ugh. Well, that could have gone better.

Yeah, like Prince William might not have thrown me

into Bogmoor's biggest, muddiest puddle.

Er, and you might not have chucked me into a pile of horse poo.

Yeah, sorry I did that. Still, I think we got it, though.

Let's take a look.

Did you leave the lens cap on?

Oh, I knew I should've gone to film school first.

And action!

No, no, no, no, Prince William, whoa, whoa, whoa!

LAUGHTER

Think that's funny, do you? I'll show you funny.

Ahh! HORSE LAUGHS

Did Prince William just laugh at me?

Well, he does have a really good sense of humour.

Guys, you've got to come to the main hall.

Come on, move it!

Why are we here? And who's this?

He makes Gabe look trendy.

I am Thomas Hill-Morton and you shall be acting out

-Mr Shakespeare's play...

-A Midsummer Night's Dream.

You're my band of merry players.

Uhh!

OK, grumpy players.

Actually, I've got an ad to film.

-Yeah, and I've got to help Kait.

-Oh, yeah, no, actually, so have I.

No, you need to stay and help Dylan. He always helps you, doesn't he?

Besides, if you don't join in, I'm going to be furious.

It seems that we have found our Hermia.

-Who?

-One of the play's characters of whom Shakespeare says,

"Though she is but little, she is fierce."

-Yeah, that's Leonie.

-So, are the rest of you willing?

Go on, then, it might be a bit of fun.

And we are merry players once more.

Now, young Dylan has gone to fetch me some costumes.

Who will gather me some props?

I shall! And master Rich may come and assist me.

Oh, may I? All right, then.

Excellent. Now the rest of us shall prepare the stage.

MUSIC PLAYS

Master Rich, you have gathered suitable props?

Think this might come in handy, eh?

How about you, sir, and take that, you rogue.

There are swords in his plays, but, alas, not this one.

-What else did you get?

-Voila.

-No.

-Cup of tea?

-No.

-Definitely no.

-Boom...

-Even more definitely no.

How did you think that a games console would be useful?

Well, you know, I thought I could play on it if I get bored.

You know, Shakespeare can be a bit yawnsville.

He is never yawnsville!

All right, if you say so, Gabe. What's in your prop bag, then?

See, useful, useful and crucial.

Wait, mine are all rubbish, but that donkey's head is crucial?

It is the symbolic and thematic heart of the entire piece.

What?

A man called Bottom gets it stuck on his head.

That actually sounds quite funny, you know.

Maybe Shakespeare ain't so yawnsville after all.

The perfect space for our play and how are the costumes coming along?

I'm wearing tights.

And you're carrying them off very well, master Richard.

I do have nice legs, don't I?

-I feel like a potato in a sack.

-So do I, but a really cool potato.

How do you look so good?

Is this a little big on me?

Nah... Maybe a bit.

So, the stage is set. Come with me, master Dylan, you shall sit here.

Let us begin.

Now, this play takes place around the time of the wedding

between Theseus, Duke of Athens and Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons.

-Who?

-You see, this is why it's so hard.

If I may put it in more modern terms.

Imagine Prince Harry marrying Jennifer Lawrence.

Oh, I get it, brilliant.

Hang on, Gabe, you know who Jennifer Lawrence is?

I'm a big fan of hers.

I love that film she did, The Hungry James.

Yeah, a massive fan.

Gabriel, please can you stop interrupting?

Actually, that was kind of helpful.

Thank you.

Now, the play's inspirations include Ovid's Metamorphosis.

And that was way less helpful.

So back to me, then.

Now, this is a play about love and how it drives even the most

sane people mad, and it all takes place over one magical night.

Well, that's nice, but when do we start acting?

Now, fierce Hermia, for the action starts with you.

Cool. So what do I do?

Well, at the beginning of the play you're in love with a man

named Lysander, who I shall play.

So, if you just pretend that...

Sweet Lysander, I love you so much, I fear my heart may burst.

-That kind of thing?

-That was marvellous.

Alas, Hermia's father wants her to marry another, named Demetrius,

whom she dislikes.

Now that shall be played by...

you, Rich.

Oh, great.

I hate you, you're the worst thing I've ever seen.

That's some good acting, Leonie. You was acting, right?

Now, though Hermia does not like Demetrius, another does,

and her name is Helena.

That shall be played by you. You love him, but he loves you not.

Maybe I should play Helena?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I have another role reserved for you.

We just need love from you and rejection from you.

The minimalist approach, interesting.

OK, The Cat Hunter, scene one, take one, and action!

For too long we have feared our feline foes,

but now Carlos the Mighty Cat Hunter shall fight back.

Hear my roar! Meoow!

Soon cats will not say, "Meow," they will say, "Ow,"

because I will hurt them!

OK, hang on a second, do I even get any lines in this?

Because either I get to do something or I'm going to become

the Mouse Hunter, and the mouse that I hunt will be you.

That's not in the script, is it?

Cut!

To be together, Hermia and Lysander run away to the forest.

Lysander, let us go and love in peace forever.

But because he still loves Hermia, Demetrius follows.

No, don't go, Hermia.

And because she still loves him, Helena also follows.

Hang on, wait for me.

But then along comes a mischief-making fairy named Puck,

to ruin things. Dylan, that shall be you.

A mischief-maker who spoils it all?

Bit of a stretch, isn't it?

Oh, it's amazing. So what do I do?

Well, Puck's master, Oberon, who is King of the Fairies.

-I'll be him.

-Who doesn't say anything yet...

Not fair.

..pities Helena, so he gets Puck to cast a spell on Demetrius

to make him love her.

Only Puck gets the wrong man, and it is Lysander who falls in love

with her instead.

Oh, Helena, how I do love thee so.

Excuse me, what about me?

Sorry, Hermia, I do not love thee now.

That makes me furious! And sad.

Well, when Oberon hears what's happened...

Yeah, but still doesn't say anything.

Still not fair.

..he makes Puck do the spell properly

so that Demetrius falls in love with Helena.

Only Helena doesn't believe him.

What are you doing, bruv?

Fairy magic.

Abracadabra, abracadoo, Demetrius will now love you.

Just tell her that you love her.

-I love you.

-Diction, clarity.

-I love you.

-No, really look at her.

I... Oh, do you know what?

I can't be bothered with this any more.

Me too, this is ridiculous.

Brilliant, so real, so truthful.

You don't know the half of it.

Right, time for my bit, I think.

I am Oberon, King of the Fairies!

And though I'm usually a very fair fairy, I am now cross,

really cross, because my Queen Titania has upset me grievously.

Ohh!

You're laughing at me. Fine.

If you don't appreciate great acting, then you shall not have it.

Why are all the corners taken?

Well, that was extraordinary, although Oberon was very

cross with Titania, the role I was saving for you.

Me? A Queen? Oh, I could get used to this.

-So as she slept...

-Oh.

Oberon got Puck to magically make her fall in love with

the first thing that she set her eyes upon waking.

Abracadabra, abracadee, fall in love with the first thing you see.

Jimmy?

Jimmy? There is no Jimmy in this play.

Hey, guys, my flight landed early, so, yeah, here I am.

So we'll just stop the whole play all together, shall we?

I don't know why I bother.

This place hasn't changed much, but you're dressed really weird.

And there's a new ghost I don't know. Looks a bit angry.

Well, that's Thomas. Esme sent him back to help me with my homework.

Is it about being a grumpy ghost?

Worse, Shakespeare, a Midsummer Night's Dream.

-Uhh, yawn.

-You're kidding, right? That's an awesome play.

-Huh?

-Sorry, you know who Shakespeare is?

-Yeah.

This place might not have changed, but you have.

No, not at all, I've loved that play since I was at school.

Can you help me with it, then?

No, but maybe Mr will.i.am Shakespeare can.

Luckily, I came prepared.

APPLAUSE

-So, you've got it?

-Yeah.

Right, now go do your homework.

-What? No, come on...

-Homework first, fun later.

I'll help you. I can act bits out.

-OK, cheers, Jimmy.

-No worries, man.

Such a travesty. So modern!

-An insult to the great man.

-Finally something we agree on.

Ah. Perhaps this shall keep him quiet?

Oh, so I'm Bottom, am I? Wait, it's Titania who loves me...

Donkey attack!

No - it's made him even louder.

-It's good to see you, Clare.

-Oh, you too, Jimmy.

-Ehh.

-I'm sorry if I was annoying.

Oh, no, no, not at all, though you were a little bit.

It's just that I get so passionate about the great man.

I know, I understand, I share that passion.

Do you think we have passed some of it on to them?

We certainly tried.

I've just had an idea.

How would you like to meet the master himself?

-Shakespeare?

-The very same. I can introduce you, if you like.

No, I... I would not like that, I would love it!

Well, come on, then!

It's good to see you, man. I've got so many ideas, you know.

So have I.

You've actually wrote them down?

Hey, you've got to be serious to succeed.

I want to succeed.

So, how is it seeing Jimmy again?

He's...different. I mean, the way he told Dylan to do his homework.

Yeah, that's not like Jimmy.

It's like a more grown-up version of Jimmy.

No, but he's still daft, I mean, how he had that donkey on his head.

Mad idea..

And action!

From apple and aniseed.

To carrot and corn.

Kait's Bakes are the best animal snacks anywhere ever.

Yep, and they're super good for you and hyper-yummy, and that's

come straight from the horse's mouth, even though I am a donkey.

-Ee-oor, ee-or, ee-or.

-And cut! That's a wrap.

That's exactly what my business needed to get it to the next level.

-Thanks, guys.

-Ee-or, ee-or, ee-or.