Bunny Tales Dani's House

BURP!

BURP!

BURP!

BURP!

BURP!

BURP!

HICCUP!

-You hiccupped.

-How embarrassing.

Please don't tell anyone.

Only if you promise to stop those disgusting hiccups.

Oh, look, Dani's House is on.

THEY BURP

Hey, guys, my name's Dani and this...

Is her best friend, Jack.

My name's Dani and this...

Is her brother, Max.

And his best friend, Ben.

As I was saying, my name's Dani and this...

Is her friend, Ruby.

And her sister, Maisy.

I'm Dani and this is the brilliant...

THEY ALL SHOUT

Hurry up, Dani, you'll miss it.

Sorry to have to do this, guys, but...

Hey, I was watching that.

-She's throwing it out the window.

-She wouldn't.

-She threw it out the window.

-She's totally lost it.

-What's going on?

-Why smash your TV?

-You got a wobble in the head?

It's a long story,

but it started when I was rehearsing my lines for McHurties Hospital.

Nurse Woodmagnet, have you seen Nurse Thorn?

Yes, Dr Strangebottom.

She's in the toilet, crying. What did you say to her?

I told her I couldn't date her any more. I have two focus on my work.

My patients need me. Really? He's dumping Nurse Thorn?

Don't get your hopes up. They're together by the end of the episode.

Tender embrace, music swells, "I love you, Nurse Thorn",

everyone's happy, except the viewers

who have a crush on Dr Strangebottom.

I admit it, I only started watching because he's a whole hunk of hottie.

I'm really into it. I used to think it was rubbish but it's OK.

-Thanks very much.

-I love the way the storylines are so wild.

-Wild?

They're ludicrous.

Yesterday, my patient was a clown

who accidentally swallowed his own nose.

What's in the 1,000th episode? Bet it's big, what's the goss?

I'm struggling to find a storyline. Zarina wants something special.

I've a feeling it's going to be ridiculous.

Like a patient who thinks he's a vampire and I get bitten.

You worry too much. You should come to my work-out class.

Face your fears.

A great turnout yesterday.

Shame you couldn't come to the funfair

and help Jack face his fear of the ghost train. Man, he can scream.

As I say, there's nothing to fear but fear itself.

-What is that, by the way?

-This...is Nibbles.

I saw him in a pet shop window and I couldn't resist.

I've always wanted a bunny rabbit. They're so cute, don't you think?

SHE SCREAMS

What did you say to her?

GROWLING

Max?

SHE SCREAMS

Hi, Maisy.

Ben, what do you think you're doing?

Intro-ing you to my new friend I won at the fair. Yo, Maisy.

He's a cool dinosaur.

I call him T Rex or Tyrannosaurus Rex for short.

That isn't a T Rex.

I think you'll find T is.

I think you'll find it's a Gigantasaurus Rex.

G Rex, not T Rex.

Miss Henderson's been banging on about dinosaurs all this term.

I know a g-genius way to make logical points in one go

and whip Beth Stevenson to the top prize.

T says he doesn't want to go, since you don't know his real name.

You're talking to a stuffed dinosaur, that's not right.

-Is it, G?

-Yes, Maisy.

-He's weird, take me with you.

His name is T Rex and if you want one like him,

go win one like I did.

If a bozo like you can win one, it must be easy.

You don't really think I'm weird, do you T? "Uh-uh." Thanks, T.

-Ruby?

-Yeah.

-What's wrong?

It's nothing. I don't want to talk about it.

Nothing? You've just run out the kitchen screaming.

-You only do that when I cook.

-I can't tell you. It's embarrassing.

-Have you got one of those sticky out bellybuttons?

-No.

-Stinky feet?

-No.

-Birthmark like a giraffe?

-No.

-It can't be that embarrassing.

OK, fine, I'll tell you but promise you'll never tell anyone, ever.

-Promise.

-I mean it, now double promise.

OK, I double promise.

Do the double promise handshake. You can't be serious. Do it.

Promise not to tell a soul, or you'll turn into a troll.

I promise not to tell anyone about the double promise handshake.

Seriously, what's the big secret?

I have a fear of rabbits. DANI LAUGHS

-That's really funny. No, really. What is it?

-I'm not joking!

I've had a fear of rabbits ever since I was a kid.

It all started when I got lost at a children's farm

and wandered into the rabbit enclosure.

BOTH SCREAM

-Rabbit!

-Eurgh, human!

-Horrible, sticky-out ears!

-Disgusting hair bunches!

-Whopping great ugly feet!

-Terrible small shoes!

-Big belly!

SHE SCREAMS

I've had a fear of them ever since. It's called leporiphobia.

Lepori-what? Look, stop fooling around

-and tell me the real reason you ran out screaming.

-See?

This is why I never tell anyone. No-one takes it seriously.

-They think it's one big joke.

-Really?

-You got spooked by my little bunny rabbit?

-Yes.

-Did you really have to call him Nibbles?

-Sorry, didn't realise.

-So...is it all rabbits? What about Bugs Bunny?

-Scariest thing on TV.

-When it's on, I hide behind the sofa.

-I see what you mean.

Leave it to me and I will find a cure.

I've tried everything. Nothing works.

I'm OK as long as I don't go near those horrible, big-eared beasts.

I'm sure if you spend a bit of time with Nibbles...

I'm not going in there! Don't make me.

If I go in there, I'll scream and freak out.

It's OK, we don't have to go in the kitchen.

-You just sit down, and try and relax. OK?

-Thanks.

It's OK, I'll just never go in that kitchen ever again.

Well, we spend half our lives in the kitchen so that won't work.

There's just one thing for it.

I'll have to take Nibbles back to the pet shop.

-Really? You'd do that for me?

-What are friends for?

-Plus, you're better at rehearsing the script than he is.

-Thanks, Dani.

Oh, Dani? Don't mention it to Jack.

No problemo. Your secret's safe with me.

Pfffff.

I'm so sorry, Nibbles. I don't want to have to give you back.

We'd have made a good team, you and me.

But it's just not going to work with Ruby screaming the house down.

Hey, there he is! My main man, Nibbles. How's the little guy doing?

I'm...going to take him back to the pet shop.

What's wrong? Is he poorly?

No, no. He's fine. I just...changed my mind.

-I don't want a pet rabbit.

-What? You can't take him back.

I helped you pick him out of the litter.

We're like his mum and his dad now. What's got into you?

I've just realised I'm not a rabbit person.

You were jumping for joy when you bought him.

You said, and I quote, "This is the happiest day of my life."

I'd just got off the waltzers.

My head was spinning, I didn't know what I was doing.

-Yeah, I'm not buying that. What's going on?

-Nothing.

-HIGH-PITCHED:

-Honest!

Ah! You just did the high-pitched squeak and used the word, "honest".

That says, "I'm lying."

Look, I don't have enough time to look after a rabbit, OK?

They're so high maintenance(!)

All the long walks you have to take them on. Who has the time?

-Oh, what a cutie! What's his name?

-It's Bugs, as in Bugs Bunny.

-No!

-Mine's called Bugs as well.

-Get out!

-You get out!

-What are the chances?

-What ARE the chances?

BOTH LAUGH

Oh.

-Is she walking a dog?

-I have seen everything now.

-Oh, hello!

-Hello.

-What's his name?

-Bugs.

-BOTH:

-Lovely!

-Ta-ta.

-Cheerio.

-Bye-bye.

-Such a weirdo.

-Commoner.

You two are always keeping secrets from me. It's not fair.

-We never keep secrets from you.

-What about the time

you won two tickets to that JLS concert and didn't tell me?

We didn't want to upset you. We know how much you love Aston.

Oh, but he's got a great voice, hasn't he?

# Everybody in love Go put your hands up

# Everybody in love... #

Anyway, the point is

-you two promised me no more secrets.

-And there aren't any.

Oh, yeah? So why is it when I bumped into Ruby and asked

if she'd seen Nibbles yet, she did this weird little shudder like...?

Maybe she was cold.

Is she just jealous cos you've got a pet rabbit and she hasn't?

Don't be silly. Believe me, she is not jealous of Nibbles.

I mean, don't get me wrong, she loves rabbits.

-Can't get enough of them. She really wants me to keep him.

-So keep him.

We'll help you look after him.

Thanks, but I really worry he'll be lonely here on his own.

I'll just take him back. It's the right thing to do.

-Oh, but he's so cute.

-I've made up my mind.

"Oh, pwease don't send me back, Mommy. I wuv you."

-Jack, please stop doing that.

-"Pwease let me stay. Pwease!

"Pwease let me stay."

Look, Jack, it's just a stupid rabbit I bought from a pet shop.

It was a mistake, I don't even want it.

AUDIENCE: Aww!

-Please, just get him out of here.

-OK, OK. We're going.

Come on, Nibbles. Daddy's got you.

Bye-bye, Nibbles.

AUDIENCE: Aww!

-Hi, Ben.

-Hey, look, T. It's Maisy with some of your little cousins.

-How about I trade you all these for the G Rex?

-T Rex!

-Not for long. Is it a deal?

-Why would I trade him for them?

Cos you're really generous and don't want to see a little girl cwy.

-Do I look stupid?

-Nah, you look gullible.

-What's gullible?

-Hold these things for us and I'll explain.

-Ooh.

That's gullible.

T Rex is mine and he's not for sale.

-G Rex is coming with me.

-T Rex!

-G Rex!

-T Rex!

-T Rex!

-G Rex!

-Aha!

T Rex. Look, maybe you could borrow him for your school project.

Really?

If you admit I was right,

he is a T Rex and you were embarrassingly wrong.

Great, what was I thinking? That defo is a T Rex.

-I mean, who else has gnashers like that?

-Really?

No, I was just saying that so you'd let me have the G Rex.

Get off, he's mine.

OK, OK.

I'll throw in the guitar to sweeten the deal.

-That's Max's guitar. It's not yours to give away.

-OK, and the amp.

-Oh, boy, you drive a hard bargain.

-None of this is yours.

-How would you like to own the house?

-Ooh... Get out!

You can go off people, can't you, T? "Yes, Ben!"

No, no, no. This is rubbish. Utter bilge, complete codswallop.

I've read more interesting phonebooks.

This is the 1,000th episode. It has to be something unusual.

Something we haven't seen before.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

"Advanced Surgical Procedures For The 21st-Century Practitioner,

"Book Three?" My, you are getting into the part.

I used to be a real doctor before being a fake one.

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, you're serious? Right.

Well, no wonder you look so natural with a stethoscope.

-Don't you ever miss the real thing?

-Yeah, but I love acting

so doing this show, I get the best of both worlds.

Hey, Doc, I've got a question for you.

-Have you ever heard of leporiphobia?

-Leporiphobia?

Is that the rare condition where the patient has a fear of rabbits?

-Yeah, I have a friend who's got it.

-That's amazing.

I've only ever read about it, never met anyone with the disease.

What happens when your friend sees a rabbit?

-Her screams could shatter glass.

-Wow. That's an extreme reaction.

It freaked me out. And my rabbit.

Do you know if there's a cure? I'd love to be able to keep Nibbles.

With these kind of phobias, the usual course of treatment is

gradual exposure to the animal they're scared of.

She won't even go in the same room so I can't see how that will work.

How long has your friend had this condition?

Well, since she was a kid... Are you taking notes?

No... Er, no, I'm just making a shopping list.

-You can't use that story in the show.

-What, you think...

No, I would never do that.

When I had chickenpox, you used it.

Look, relax. I'm not going to do it, OK?

Now, if you'll excuse me I've got to go...shopping.

I don't trust that woman.

I wouldn't worry, not even Zarina would stoop that low.

-And she can stoop.

-Oh, yeah. Big stooper!

Hey, Nibbles, how was your day?

Nibbles? I'm seeing two of them. Nibbles is back with a Nibbles Two?

Brill, isn't it?

You were supposed to take Nibbles back to the pet shop,

not get another one.

Yeah, you wanted to send him back cos he'd be lonely

so I bought a friend for him. Problem solved.

Yay, good thinking(!)

-I thought you'd be excited.

-I am excited.

-Really?

-Someone forgot to tell your face.

-I'm thrilled, honest.

I'm just worried about Ruby.

-Why, what has she got to do with it?

-Nothing!

Something's going on with Ruby and the rabbits.

-What is it?

-Nothing's going on.

-Liar, liar, pants on fire.

-There is no fire.

-HE SNIFFS

-I smell smoke.

My pants are in a non-combustible condition.

-I'm dialling 999, fire engine for Dani's pants.

-Look, I'm not lying.

Fine, I'll call Ruby. See if she knows.

-You can't call Ruby!

-Why not?

-Because...

-You need a lot more than that.

Ruby's got a really embarrassing secret

she doesn't want anyone else to know about.

See? Was that so hard? Now, would you like a doughnut?

That's it? You're not going to ask me?

-It's a secret. I respect that.

-Thanks, Jack. That's good of you.

Course I want to know what it is! We said no more secrets, remember?

# Everybody in love, put your hands up

# Everybody in love, put your hands up... #

OK!

-Ruby's got leporiphobia.

-Lepori-what?

-Fear of rabbits.

When will the lies end?

-Jack, I promise I'm not lying!

-Yeah, right.

-I'm not lying!

Ha! Who needs Ben's stupid dinosaur

when you can make your own proper G Rex?

I'm sorry, Maisy, but...

HE LAUGHS

Oh, thanks, Maisy. I needed that.

I need that G Rex and I need it now!

I couldn't send Nibbles and Tibbles back to the pet shop.

They're too cute!

So I'm having to hide my pets so Ruby doesn't find out.

There you go, boys.

Well, if you actually are boys. You might be a boy and a girl.

Please don't fall in love and have kids, I'll need a bigger garden.

-Who you talking to?

-No-one. I was just reading this recipe out loud.

-I was thinking about cooking tonight.

-Cool! What is it!

Roasted sheep's brain.

Yuck! Thee must be something better than that.

Anyway, it should be me cooking for you after all you've done.

Taking those rabbits back to the pet shop, that was sweet of you.

-It's nothing.

-Thanks for not telling Jack.

-The fewer people that know, the better.

-Absolutely.

DOORBELL RINGS

-Aren't you going to get that?

-Get what?

-The doorbell just rang.

-I... I didn't...hear anything.

DOORBELL RINGS

-You must've heard it that time.

-That's the doorbell?

I thought it was my mobile getting a text message.

They sound so similar! I'll probably change that.

-Shouldn't you answer the door?

-I'll get it! It might be my new mattress.

-Is he moving in?

-He's getting it delivered here cos he's never home.

-It's OK, it's a script for you.

-Oh, the 1,000th episode!

What's going to happen? This is so exciting!

Dr Strangebottom talks to a female patient.

"I can't find anything wrong with you. You're in perfect health."

SHE GASPS

"You've got to help me, doctor! People call me a freak!

-You see, I have this rare phobia..."

-Whoa, let me see that!

No!

-What is it?

-Oh, nothing.

-Let me read it then.

-You can't! I, er... I forgot it's top secret.

-Does one of the characters get killed off?

-I...

That's it! That's the big mystery.

-Well, I...

-It's Dr Strangebottom, isn't it?

That's why you snatched the script off me. You knew I'd be upset.

Yes, that's it. That was the big surprise.

Oh, they can't kill Dr Strangebottom. He's my favourite character.

Apart from you, of course. Of course!

Now, I've just got to get back to the studio. Remember, top secret.

Don't tell anyone!

Poor Strangebottom!

They're killing off Dr Strangebottom!

-He's the love of Nurse Thorn.

-How will she live without him?

-We must save him.

-Good idea.

-Beam him aboard the ship.

ELECTRONIC BEEPING

BOTH: Hello!

HE SCREAMS

-Send him back.

-Mind now.

-Ah.

-Actors!

But you promised you wouldn't put it in.

Sorry, I couldn't resist. The rabbit freak story's too good.

-She'll know I told someone her secret.

-Your problem.

-You'll have to take it out.

-No chance! It's a ratings winner.

I don't care about ratings!

I care about my friend.

How is she going to feel when she sees her secret phobia,

her most private thing being used as a storyline

in her favourite soap opera? Well, I refuse to betray my friend.

I won't appear in this dreadful episode. There's nothing you can do.

You have to do it. It's in your contract.

-I don't care.

-Oh?

Break your contract, you have to pay back the money you've been paid.

-That's not fair!

-Ooh, you should have read the small print.

I can't read that.

See? It says it just there.

-Well, I can't pay back the money. I spent it all.

-Ah!

Well, then you have no choice. You have to do the episode.

Have you no heart? You might as well dress me up as a rabbit

and have me hop around the hospital

shouting, "Ha! In your face, Ruby! In your face!"

What a great idea!

A patient has a nightmare and dreams that Nurse Woodmagnet is a rabbit!

Whoa, no, no! I didn't say that!

Who killed Dr Strangebottom?

Who had the motive and the opportunity?

Was it Dr Rugburn in the operating theatre with the electrical paddles?

Zap, zap, arrgh! Was it Nurse Thorn in the pharmacy with the poison?

Glug, glug, arrgh!

Ask Dani, she'll tell you. You tell each other everything.

She won't tell me. She says it's a secret.

It's not nice when your friends keep secrets from each other, is it?

-No.

-It's annoying when you get left out of the loop.

-Tell me about it!

-We should tell each other everything.

-We should!

-No matter how embarrassing.

-I'm going to sneak into the studio

-and watch them film the episode.

-That isn't what I was talk...

That way I can find out who killed Dr Strangebottom.

OK, still out the loop.

RAUCOUS LAUGHTER

Oh, what? Nobody told me this party was fancy dress.

-It was on the invitation card.

-What card? I got a text message tonight.

Ooh, a last-minute invite.

Looks like someone's out the loop.

Oh, come on!

-INTERCOM:

-Before you enter, you must say the secret password.

Oh... Trouser, keyboard, banjo.

-Correct!

-Really?

No. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

OK, still out of the loop here.

Did you see that awesome move, T? That was sweet.

Can I have a go?

Yeah, sure, let me just finish this...

..go.

HE SCREAMS

Ha! I knew he'd fall for the old walkie-talkie gag.

Well, that was easy.

So, what shall we play before I take you into school?

I like that rally driving game.

OK, we'll play that.

When?

Hello, Maisy!

MAISY SCREAMS

Well, that was easy.

Two can play at that walkie-talkie game.

Please don't make me be a rabbit. It'll be the end of my friendship.

I'll do anything. I'll take a pay cut, I'll work for free.

-I'll even pay you instead.

-Suit up or ship out.

-No, what's she doing here?

-Who?

Dani?

Has anyone seen Dani?

This is a Code Red!

Seal the exits and be on the look out for a large rabbit!

Hiya.

Don't talk to him. Please don't talk to him.

Hello.

I'm a big fan.

That's nice to hear.

I'm so gutted you're being killed off in this episode.

-Oh, no!

-What?

-Can you tell me who bumps you off?

I gave up a medical career for this part. I can't go back now.

I'd be a laughing stock. I need to talk to my agent.

I found her.

You have exactly two seconds to get on set or you're fired.

-I can't go out there.

-Oh, yes, you can.

-No, I can't. My friend's out there.

-The rabbit freak is here?

Can you stop calling her that?

-Someone told me I'm being killed off. Is that true?

-What?

No. Where did you hear that nonsense?

Hi, sorry, can I have your autogr...

DRAMATIC BEAT PLAYS

Ruby, I can explain everything.

RUBY!

Ruby? Ruby? Ruby...

-Ruby, how you feeling?

-I had the weirdest dream.

-I saw a talking rabbit that looked just like you.

-Wow, that is weird.

My fear of rabbits is really messing with my head.

Just as well it's still our little secret.

Sorry, I didn't believe you about the whole fear-of-rabbits thing.

-Just a bit random.

-You told him my secret?!

-I'm so sorry.

-I didn't mean to blurt. It just slipped out.

-It's OK.

-I should have told him anyway.

-From now on, no more secrets, OK?

We tell each other everything.

Talking of secrets,

we still didn't find out who bumps off Doctor Strangebottom.

-Well, you see, the thing is...

-No, no, no, don't tell me!

I want it to be a surprise when I watch it on telly.

Hurry up, Dani, you'll miss it.

TV BLARES

-Sorry to have to do this, guys, but...

-Hey!

-What?

-I was watching that!

-She's going to throw it out the window.

She wouldn't do that.

-She just threw it out the window.

-She's totally lost it.

-What is going on?

-Why did you smash the TV?

-You gone wobbly in the head?

Look, I'm sorry, guys, but you can't watch this episode because...

because...because my acting in it is terrible.

Hello? It's a cheesy hospital soap opera. All the acting's terrible.

-Except yours, of course.

-Except for yours.

-Of course.

You can't throw TVs out the window. It's against the law.

-I don't think it is.

-It should be.

DOORBELL CHIMES

That'll be the TV police. Man, they respond fast.

Hey, my mattress. I've been dreaming of this day.

Or at least I would have if my old one had been comfier.

-Come to Daddy.

-Is this yours? Lucky it fell on that mattress.

-The TV!

And it's totally undamaged. What are the chances?

Yeah, what are the chances?!

SHE SCREAMS

'I've never seen anything like it before.'

You say this phobia started when you were a little girl

lost in a rabbits' enclosure?

I know this is unprofessional but...

THEY LAUGH

-You dressed up as a rabbit?

-I can explain.

-Don't bother.

-I was talking to this doctor...

-I trusted you.

-I'm trying to help.

Oh, by mocking me on national TV? Thanks, Dani. Thanks a lot.

-I think you just lost a fan.

-And a friend.

You know, I think Maisy's finally given up trying to steal you.

It's not T, it's G.

Maisy, give me back my T Rex!

There are two rabbits in your bedroom.

Ruby, I am SO sorry I didn't tell you I was keeping

Nibbles and Tibbles.

-I just hid them away so you wouldn't freak out.

-It's weird.

-I didn't freak out. For the first time ever, I wasn't scared.

-Really?

-I was so angry at you I didn't have time to be scared.

-Great!

Why don't we all go down to the children's farm and celebrate?

-Too soon?

-Baby steps, Jack. Baby steps.

All you have to do is stay angry at me and you'll be fine.

I'm not angry at you. You were just trying to help.

Anyway, it's kind of cool I was the inspiration for the 1,000th episode.

-How awesome is that?

-From now on, no more secrets.

-No more leaving me out of the loop.

-We tell each other everything.

Stop that dinosaur!

DANI SCREAMS

Aha!

What do you know, you were right? It IS a T Rex.

Weird.

-Weirder.

-I've got a phobia of giant talking T Rexs.

-Oh, of course, I forgot about that.

-What, you knew?

Sorry, no more secrets from now on, promise.

DANI SCREAMS

Sorry, I thought this draft excluder was a real snake.

OK, from now.

Sorry, Jack.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

That's put me in the mood to do some hopping.

Shall we?

What noise do bunny rabbits make?

I think, if memory serves me correctly, they go, "Ribbit-ribbit."

-Ribbit-ribbit!

-Ribbit-ribbit!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd