Two Week Wobblies Dani's House

I just love hot beetle eggs.

Don't pick them all!

Never mind. I think there are some brain crunchies around somewhere.

ALARM BUZZES

It says the new commanding officer's coming to visit. Today!

Today? This place is a tip! We better clear it up.

But it's nearly time for Dani's House!

Oh, no! Quick!

It'll be on in a minute!

Um, shall we just watch the beginning?

Good idea! Then we can tidy up after.

I found the brain crunchies.

Hey, guys. My name's Dani, and this...

-Is my best friend, Jack.

-Thanks.

-My name's Dani, and this...

-Is her brother, Matt.

And his best friend, Ben.

As I was saying, my name's Dani, and this...

Is her friend, Ruby.

And I'm her sister, Maisy.

And I'm Dani, and this is the brilliant...

ALL: Our house!

ARGUING

WHISTLE BLOWS

LAUGHTER

We need this patient's bed back.

But he has a synchronous diaphragmatic flutter.

-In other words?

-Hiccups.

-Get him to blow into a paper bag.

It's a severe case.

-A big bag.

-You're not taking this very seriously.

OK. Boo!

Happy?

Excuse me, I have real, sick patients to go and see.

SHE SIGHS

Ow!

Cut!

Sorry, I'm such a klutz. Are you all right?

Yeah, fine. That's sweet of you to care.

Guys, re-set please. Thank you.

Can we do it properly, this time?

A real acting challenge,

pretending to be mad at you.

Lucky you're not a really good actor, then.

Oh. No, that came out completely wrong.

Dani, this has been a great two weeks for me.

I know we just went out, but do you want to see a film tonight?

Sure! Oh, no, I can't. I'm going out with Jack and Ruby.

Oh, OK. No probs. We're maybe overdoing it a bit, anyway.

No, I love having a boyfriend.

What?

"Boyfriend," "girlfriend" - they're like, labels.

Right.

I mean, I love being your whatever I am,

and having a whatever you are, but why spell it out?

You know what? I can go and see that film tonight?

What about your friends?

-I got mixed up, that's actually next week.

-Oh. Great.

DOORBELL RINGS

Ooh! My delivery, at last.

It's for me, actually.

Probably wondering why I'm dressed like this.

-Nope.

-Well, I can't tell you. Yet.

Fine.

Don't try and get it out of me.

-What is it?

-A Big Guns 2000 Portable Multi-gym.

I got it cheap because it's...

..self-assembly.

I need to get it together fast.

My best client's coming over for a training session.

Oh, great. There's no instructions.

-Is Dani not here?

-Don't know. I've hardly seen her.

I thought we were a gang. Now she just spends every minute with Alex.

-But not tonight - we're all going out, don't forget.

-Forget?

I've been looking forward to this for months. The gang ride again.

How lucky were we to get tickets to the Smell gig?

Man, Smell-o-tron is awesome.

You know it can fill a hall in seconds with any smell known to man?

BOTH SNIFF

LOUD MUSIC AND CHEERING

Yes! Woo! It's a Smell-o-tron solo!

I'm getting fresh popcorn!

I'm getting new car smell!

-Oh, no.

-That is a bum note. Literally.

Sorry, that was... That was just me.

Jack!

CHEERING

Twice in one day! Thanks, mate.

Hi! Wow, you look like a clown doing community service.

Sorry, do I know you from somewhere? No, don't tell me.

-I never forget a face.

-A-ha-ha-ha.

-Look, it's Dani!

-Dani who?

OK, OK, so I've been out with Alex a few times.

We've hardly seen you for two weeks.

-It's like you're an endangered species.

-The seldom-spotted Dani.

Sorry, but it's just been so lovely.

You know, having someone to share your life with.

-Ugh, goo alert.

-Why do people in love sound like a greetings card?

Who says I'm in love?

-Well, he's your boyfriend, isn't he?

-Sure. I guess.

You guess? Has he not said so, yet?

They're just labels, Jack. We don't have to spell everything out.

That's good, cos you're rubbish at spelling.

Still, at least we're all going out tonight. The gang are back in town.

-Just the three of us, like old times.

-Yeah, about that...

-Oh, man, this gig'll be legendary.

-I can't go. I'm meeting Alex.

-But we've been planning this since forever.

-Tickets are like gold dust.

So you won't have trouble selling mine.

-No, tell Alex you forgot about us.

-Yeah, that won't be hard.

-I can't let him down.

-Him! What about us?

-Look, it's important.

-And we're not?

Come on, Ruby. I know when we're not wanted.

Jack, watch out for the...!

..ball bearings.

Ow!

Up, up! Higher and higher! You need oxygen to breathe.

You're begging to get off, but there's no turning back now.

You reach the top. Please, please let me live! I'll be good, I promise!

You see the drop, at the edge of a cliff, and then...

SCREAMING

Oh, Mega-Boyd!

Crispy, let's do it again.

Hurl Mountain,

just one of the 11 insanely terrifying rides at Pointy Towers.

Dude, I cannot wait. How long until we go?

Two days, six hours and nine minutes.

And how long now?

-I'm so upset. I need a huge snack.

-We have to get Dani to the gig.

-But if she doesn't want to go...

-She does! She just doesn't know it.

If we let this go, we're going to drift apart,

and before you know it, you're going to be deleting her from your phone.

-I don't want to delete Dani.

-Neither do I. That's why we have to fight.

Yeah, but we don't get a look in.

She'd go with Alex to watch paint dry.

Mesmerising, the way it draws you in.

Do you think it's dry yet?

Nah, there's a bit in the corner that's still damp.

-Dani - the paint.

-Sorry.

If you've had enough of this, we can watch golf on the television.

No thanks. I draw the line somewhere.

We need to tell Dani about the two week wobblies.

The two week what-what? Never heard of them.

That's cos I just came up with it.

I'll take Dani, you take Alex, and whatever you do,

make sure you get to him before he sees her.

Listen, here's what you're going to say.

Yeah? What?

SHE SIGHS

Sorry about earlier. I don't mind about you and Alex, really.

-How is he, anyway?

-Really, really great. He's perfect.

-So no two week wobblies, then?

-Two week what?

You know, the two week wobblies,

when the getting-together excitement wears off.

That's if you actually are together.

-We are.

-And you start to have second thoughts, gnawing doubts,

deep misgivings.

-That's definitely not us.

-Great!

You're attraction's so strong,

you've overcome your compatibility issues.

What compatibility issues?

Like, he takes you to quite highbrow stuff. Is that really you?

Well, I did doze off a bit during the piano concert.

PIANO MUSIC

Must. Stay. Awake.

Do not. Shut. Your. Eyes.

SNORING

Sssh!

SNORING

Ssshhh! Ssh!

Sorry. Sorry.

-I hope Ruby's still got the tickets.

-We'd better go check.

Big Guns 2000 Multi-gym. My clients are going to be well impressed.

Ruby, have you still got the...?

Aaaaah!

-No! Look what you've done!

-What is this heap of junk, anyway?

This is the self-assembly multi-gym I just finished self-assembling!

Well, you can't have done it right if it falls apart that easily.

Oh, really? Why don't you try, then?

We only came in to check if you still had the Pointy Towers tickets.

-No, I burnt them.

-What?

-Yes, I still have them.

Since you asked me, ten minutes ago.

Now, put the multi-gym back the way I had it.

Three words. Do. It. Yourself.

Whatever. Put the multi-gym back, or I'm not taking you to Pointy Towers.

OK, OK. Where's the instructions?

There aren't any. Good luck.

Nice one.

Right. We need to keep calm, cos Pointy Towers is at stake.

What do we have here?

SHE SIGHS

DOORBELL RINGS

-Alex?

-Oh, hi, Jack. Wow. Interesting outfit.

Hey, this is the suit that's going to make me famous.

Yeah, it will if you wear it in public.

Actually, I've invented a game. Come.

This is a Jack suit. You throw Jack balls in it.

But if I catch one in the Jack pot, it's Jack out.

-How much of that did you get?

-Ah.

-It's easier if you just have a go.

So, I get to chuck these at you?

-Yep.

-Hard as I like?

-Hard as you like.

Ow! Not that hard.

OK. Ready? Your Jack time starts...

MUSIC

..now!

-This is kind of fun.

-More fun than the two week wobblies.

-What?

-You know, the two week wobblies.

It's when a lot of new relationships crash and burn.

PLANE CRASH NOISES

Dani and I've been going out two weeks.

Have you? One, two... Oh, yeah. So you have.

-Yeah, but I'm not getting wobbly.

-Who said anything about you?

You don't think Dani's wobbling?

You see, Alex, dating Dani is a lot like Jackball.

Our relationship's like a game where you throw coloured balls at someone?

Kind of. Yeah. You've got to stay on your toes. Look, I know Dani.

She gets freaked out about guys that seem too keen.

Or, as she calls them, limpets.

I'm not a limpet. I just really enjoy spending time with her.

Yeah, but just play it cool.

Cos if you throw your heart at her,

and she catches it in the Jack pot of rejection, then...

-Jack out.

-Yeah.

Or, more precisely, Alex out.

-OK, your go. Help me up.

-Why? Are you that tired?

No, I'm stuck to the beanbag.

HE LAUGHS

VELCRO UNFASTENING

OK. There's probably

two stacks of ten weights.

Or is it ten stacks of two...

Mega-Boyd!

You can't just lie around and expect me to do everything.

-It's impossible working with an idiot.

-I'm not an idiot.

We'll never get to Pointy Towers.

We will, just believe.

I do. I believe that you couldn't assemble a cheese roll.

-Is it dinner already?

-I give up.

I'm off to look at pictures of Pointy Towers and weep.

Chill! We'll just look at the instructions.

We don't have any instructions.

Yes, we do. Look, I just found these on the internet.

Assembling your Big Guns 2000.

Mega-Boyd, you're a genius!

So, how do you think I should play it?

-Just dance around dodging the balls, man.

-I mean with Dani.

The way to Dani's heart is through her head.

She's a real culture vulture. Oh, and she loves mental maths.

Just throw some algebra at her.

-Algebra? Check. Thanks, mate.

-Yeah, and remember - play it cool.

-That makes you a man of mystery.

-And that's good?

Hey, who could resist a mystery?

Hmm, a mystery. No marks on the victim's body,

doors and windows locked.

-Parrot!

-Sorry?

Trained parrot flies in, drops a rose,

when the bud opens it releases

-a spider that bites the victim.

-How did the parrot get in

-if the window was locked?

-All right, clever clogs.

What killed the victim, then?

-You see that damp patch over there?

-The murder weapon was a damp patch?

Watch out for the damp patch! Ooh, the damp patch got me!

I suspect the killer left a phial of nerve gas

frozen in an ice cube under the desk leg.

Victim locks the door, ice melts, and nerve gas is released.

Don't give up the day job, Mr Plod.

One, if there was a phial, there would be a shard of glass,

like this.

And two, if the leg was raised, the desk would be slanted,

Making the victim's writing wonky.

Got the toxicology report. Turns out, he was killed by nerve gas.

Ah, just as I suspected! Now, see this damp patch under the table?

Hi, Alex. What are you doing here?

I came to see you. Can't tear myself away.

-JACK CLEARS THROAT

-Come here.

OK. Nice suit.

-Yeah. We were playing a game.

-Hunt The Weirdo?

-Are those for me?

-No. They are for Ruby.

Oh, wow. Thanks!

-Come on, Rubes.

-You bought Ruby flowers?

-Yeah.

I thought she might like some. But I've got something for you, as well.

-Oh, what is it?

-OK.

If x equals 2y minus one, and y equals 9, then what's x?

-Excuse me?

-Take your time.

-Oh, you know how we're supposed to go bowling?

-Yeah.

There's a Chinese opera on, about Mei Ling, the panda.

-I thought you'd rather catch that.

-Panda opera. It's my favourite.

-Yeah, afterwards we could get some sushi.

-That's raw fish. Fabulous.

-Great.

-OK, will you just excuse me for a second?

Take as long as you like, I've got loads of things to do.

Mysterious things.

-Did you find it yet?

-Erm...

-She's lost a piece of her gym.

I need to have a word with you. Like, now.

You were right, he's got a raging case of the two week wobblies.

And why is he buying you flowers?

I don't know. Sweet of him, though, eh?

Maybe we need to spend more time together.

Is that even possible? Anyway, no. He might feel trapped.

What if I buy him a present or take him on holiday?

No, you don't want him to think you're Desperate Dani.

What shall I do, then?

One, if he backs off, you back off twice as much. That way he'll relax.

-And two, when you're in the TWW...

-The TWW?

-The two week wobblies.

You do the opposite of what you feel.

-So if I want to hug him...

-Push him away.

-And if I feel sad?

-You laugh. Ha-ha-ha!

-Ha-ha-ha!

-And, most importantly, three.

Tell him you're coming out with us tonight.

You sure? What happened to your last boyfriend?

-He left after two weeks and one day.

-Right. So...

-So I know what I'm talking about.

-OK, I'll tell him I can't make it.

What if he's put out?

-What if he isn't put out?

-Hmm!

-Wow! How'd you do that so fast?

-Just naturally talented, aren't we?

Yeah, plus I went online and... Ow!

So, does that mean Pointy Towers is back on?

Yeah, I guess it does.

-Woo!

-Yes!

Mega-Boyd is gong to be the first ever to conquer Hurl Mountain,

the world's most vomit-est roller coaster ever!

No way. I will, and I'll take Ruby cos she is super brave!

-Is it a high one?

-The highest, fastest, scariest in the world.

I bet you'll be too scared to go on anything but the wee, spinny teacups.

No way. And after that, I'm going to take on The Drop Of Death.

MUSIC: "When I Was A Youngster" by Rizzle Kicks

Wooo!

Hang on, not even tested the Big Guns 2000, yet.

Oh, dear, oh, dear. Looks like you guys still have some work to do.

I guess Pointy Towers is back on hold.

Alex, turns out this was the night I was supposed to see my friends,

so can we catch that film another time?

Play it cool, that makes you a man of mystery.

OK. In fact, maybe we should give things a rest for a few days.

-If he backs off, you back off twice as much.

-Yeah, or a few weeks.

-Weeks? But...

-She gets freaked out about guys that seem too keen.

Sure, why not.

Yeah, I'd really like to not see you.

I'd like to not see you every day.

-Oh, Dani, come on.

-So, if I want to hug him...

-Push him away.

-Whoa!

-If I feel sad?

-You laugh. Ha-ha-ha.

-Ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha!

Fine. I get the message. It's been a great two weeks, but now it's over.

Don't worry, I won't make this hard for you.

Have a great time tonight.

Well, that went well.

Why doesn't Dani do what the Kraygons do

with a troublesome partner? Eat them!

-Bat ear nacho?

-No, I'm full up.

Oh, go on, then.

Wasn't there something we were meant to do today?

-Like what?

-I don't know.

-Getting ready for something?

-Search me. Oh, wait!

No, it's gone.

Oh, well. It can't have been that important.

Ssh! It's starting again!

MUSIC: "Good Feeling" by Flo Rida

Yes! Jack out! Ha-ha!

-Hey, guys. Looks like I can come to the gig tonight.

-Yes!

The old team's reunited. This is going to be wicked.

So, how did Alex take it?

-Not too bad, considering.

-Considering what?

-Considering we split up.

-You what?

We decided to call it a day.

Ruby was right. We just weren't compatible.

-You were totally compatible!

-Yeah, you were like jam and chips.

He wasn't right.

And I've you two to thank for opening my eyes.

No. Close them again.

We just didn't make it through the two week wobblies.

-This is all your fault.

-You helped too.

-We're going to have to get them back together.

-How?

I don't know.

We need to find the locking bolts or it'll keep falling apart.

I don't get it. They were right here before.

They aren't now. You must have lost them.

Oh, yeah, I remember. I took them to the park and I buried them.

-Why'd you do that?

-I didn't. I was being sarcastic, OK?

Now, we need to make some new locking bolts.

-Out of what, cheese?

-Now you're being sarcastic.

Pins from door hinges.

DOORBELL RINGS

Hey. Is Dani in?

-What have you done, man?

-What you told me to do.

I told you to play it cool for one night,

not be Frosty The Snow-boyfriend.

I went too far, but I want to make it up to Dani.

I got her some chocolates.

Chocolates won't cut it now. Oh, coffee creams!

-She's gone right off you, you know that?

-Has she?

-Yes.

Luckily for you, you have a DJ on your side.

Now, we've got to do something

to show you're not dead from the neck down.

-You ready?

-Ready for what?

I was only following your advice.

How did I know you'd be so good at it?

OK, you didn't mean it. Just tell him you made a mistake.

What if it wasn't a mistake? He's kind of a cold fish.

No, he's warm.

He's a great, big, warm whale.

Whale's are mammals.

You're never going to find another whale...

I mean, guy as lovely as him.

So make sure you go and talk to him, OK? For me?

Why? Where is he?

Downstairs.

What?

Alex?

ELECTRONIC MUSIC

-I think I hurt my neck.

-Alex, are you all right?

Sorry, Dani. I'm not a man of mystery. I'm a man of

sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring.

-Alex.

-The flowers were for you.

-If that makes me a limpet in your eyes, then so be it.

-What?

And I want to spell it out, I don't care about labels.

I'm your B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-D.

"Boyfried"?

N-D.

Sorry, I'm rubbish at spelling as well as dating.

So am I.

Smells gig here we come!

-They fit perfectly. That was such a good idea of mine.

-Yours?

Whatever. We're done. Let's go find Ruby.

Pointy Towers here we come!

BOTH LAUGH

Oh, these are for you.

Ah, an empty box of chocolates. Thanks.

Did you leave them with Jack, by any chance?

It really scares me how we nearly packed it in.

I'm just lucky I've got friends like Jack and Ruby.

Hey, here's a good one.

If Mike drives towards Leeds, travelling at 60 miles per hour,

-and Ted gets the train...

-Don't start that again.

Oh. OK. Oh, hey, there's a really good Belgian poetry evening on.

What's with all the culture and equations? You're scaring me?

Jack said it'd help with the two week wobblies.

Jack said that?

But Ruby said to back off, she said do the opposite to what I felt.

Why would you do that?

BOTH: The two week wobblies?

-We've been set up, haven't we?

-I am totally going to kill them.

I am totally going to help you.

Ruby! She was just in here.

The Big Guns 2000! It's haunted!

A haunted multi-gym? Nah, there's something weird going on somewhere.

The locking bolts!

Ruby's been hiding them, and she's been sabotaging us.

That's so random. Why?

I don't know, but I'm going to find out.

Ugh! What is that terrible smell?

It's for the gig. What do you think? Too much?

Hey, guys, guess what?

Managed to blag another ticket, so Alex can come too.

Four tickets? Awesome, let's go!

Hey, Dani, I heard this really good equation.

Get it through your thick head, I don't like maths.

Do you mean that, or are you just saying the opposite?

-No, I mean this. Loosen up, Professor Egghead.

-Guys!

Thanks, I'm only going to this gig as a favour to you.

Fine, I'll just go with Jack and Ruby, at least they're fun.

-And I'm not?

-That's right,

I shouldn't have bothered getting you a ticket.

-I wish you hadn't.

-Fine, I'll sell them.

-Just give me the tickets and get out.

-You want them? Have them!

-Have fun!

-No!

Aren't you meant to be going out tonight?

Looks like our plans might have changed.

Hey, Jack, we heard you invented this new, crispy game. Can we play?

Come on, Jack. I'm as gutted as you are, but let's make the most of it.

It'll be fun.

Not as fun as The Smells.

OK. Double Jackball. Ready?

BOTH: Ready!

-RUBY SCREAMS

-What are you doing?

You sabotaged us. We found these in your bag.

-Help! Pull us apart!

-Not until you admit the truth.

Look, I'm innocent. Take her, let me go.

All right, I did knock the gym down and hide the bolts

because I didn't want to go to Pointy Towers.

But it's the crispiest theme park ever!

I'm scared stiff of that massive roller coaster.

Hurl Mountain?

Yes, I was worried you'd laugh at me for being so weedy,

especially as I'm the older sister.

I thought I'd lose your respect.

Ah, Ruby. Don't worry.

You lost my respect years ago.

Look, I've got the perfect solution. I'll take you.

-I love scary rides. Bring it on.

-Yes!

Great! Now all I need to do is put my gym back together,

and everything is A-OK.

-Yes, Dani, come on. Help us.

-What? Like you helped us, you mean?

-What are you talking about?

-The two week wobblies?

-Uh-oh.

-We are so busted.

I'm sorry, Dani. It was my idea.

It's just we weren't getting a look in.

When you bailed on the gig,

we thought that was the end of our gang.

I guess I've been a little bit out of order.

Anyway. There's a guy here to see you. About a training session.

What? But my gym's not ready! Oh, this day can't get any worse.

-Don't let him in, please!

-Too late.

-Hi, guys!

-Alex!

-And what have we got here?

What? How!

-The tickets we ripped up were fake.

-Gotcha!

VELCRO UNFASTENING

-Whoa! Their smell-o-tron's amazing!

-I'm getting pine forest.

-Wet dog by the fire.

-I just keep smelling cheese.

Oh, yeah.

So, well and truly over the two week wobblies, then?

Yeah, just until the three month mopes.

Kidding.

Ah! That was excellent!

I'd a hunch Dani and Alex would be fine.

I had one too many bat ear nachos.

Well, it's time for my nap.

ALARM BUZZES

-The airlock buzzer?

-Who can that be?

BOTH: The new commanding officer! Aaaagh!

# Sometimes I feel like breaking free

# Let's lift these chains

# Let's ride these waves

# Right out to sea

# I will be breaking free. #