01/04/2013 Deadly 60 Bites


01/04/2013

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Transcript


LineFromTo

My name's Steve Backshall. Ooh!

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And this is my search for the Deadly 60.

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I'm sorry, Steve, didn't anyone tell you? This is Deadly Bloopers.

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For many years now, Steve has been travelling the world, filming

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wildlife. But things haven't always gone to plan, have they?

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It's packed with muscle.

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What made me think this would be a good idea?

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From nosey animals to ropey river crossings, to swim shorts

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not done up tightly enough.

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These are the clips Steve may wish you hadn't seen.

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That wasn't me. I didn't do that. Nobody saw it..

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Yes, we did!

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First up... Oh, dear ..slips and slides.

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Wildlife presenting - how difficult can it be? It's just walking

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and talking.

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An animal coming down to the water to drink

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may already be as good as dead.

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It probably won't know about it till the second it gets attacked.

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Even a huge croc can hide...

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Yes, don't worry. Even a huge croc can't eat you when it's laughing.

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I'm so glad we did that(!)

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That was ALWAYS going to happen.

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That was SO going to happen.

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Never mind.

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Putting up a hammock is simple for a jungle master like Steve.

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Whoops, have another go.

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Third time lucky?

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Best stick to the inflatable bed, Steve.

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How about that one?

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So, hammocks are a "no" but getting off a horse that's as easy as...

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getting off a horse.

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So this branch has had the bark stripped right off it.

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They're feeding on that,

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just stripping it back, eating just this and discarding the rest.

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Very close now.

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Timber!

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That wasn't me. I didn't do that.

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That's the second time you've said that.

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OK, Steve, watch out for that...

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BANG

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Argh, who put that wall there?

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-Oh, and watch out for the...

-Argh!

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..ground.

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Argh!

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That's what you call a crash-landing.

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Ah, good shot, Steve...

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Oh, maybe not...that's why they make you wear a helmet.

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That's a bad start!

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Oh, come on, Steve, it's only a little one..

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Cut! I've been wanting to film this for the best part of a decade.

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It's called the giant scolopendra.

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It's the largest species of centipede

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found on Earth and I've got myself trapped in a tree.

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You could have got away with that, Steve, told us it was camouflage.

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Anyway, back at the river.

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Let's try that whole walking and talking thing again.

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The key thing is to find a firm place to stand on.

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Yeah, like not there.

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Still, never mind, that's probably just a one-off...

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Give it another go.

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Right, let's just go... It's beautiful, Steve.

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Hmm. Yep, I don't want to interfere, Steve

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but maybe you should think about finding somewhere else...

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That's the same rock.

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Well, if you won't listen to my advice...

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Are you sure you don't want to try somewhere else?

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I bet the soundman agrees with me.

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"Yes, it's true, I do. But he won't listen to you."

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HE LAUGHS

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Don't worry, Steve.

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This footage where you look stupid won't be wasted.

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We're going to use it for this programme.

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Let's move onto something a little more daring.

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We're about 20 metres above the water,

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which is about average for a gannet's dive.

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Looks quite high

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and if I hit the water wrong from this height,

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it's going to really, really hurt.

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Better get it right.

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So do we, Steve...but sometimes hope isn't quite enough.

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Ow!

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I might do another one of those.

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Really? Are you sure?

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It might be less painful just to see that same dive again.

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Although not to your ego.

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Ow!

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Come on, Steve - time to show us your sledding skills.

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DOGS BARK

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Well, they seem to be OK when you're not moving.

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OK, we're good, we're going, we're going.

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Ah, yes, this is good. Very good.

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Very bad. That was bad.

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That falling over you just saw there...

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Oh!

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..was a whole training procedure for the dogs.

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It was just for them.

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It wasn't because I messed up, at all.

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No, we believe you(!) How are the mighty fallen!

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Of course, if you are a top presenter, you NEVER make mistakes.

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What could possibly go wrong?

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This is going to happen absolutely perfectly first time round.

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You want to bet?

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This time on Deadly 60, we're in the Philippines.

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HE LAUGHS

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This time on Deadly 60, we're in the Philippines.

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HE LAUGHS

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This time on Deadly 60...

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Oh!

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Am I supposed to be looking cool doing this?

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Yes, and you are doing a really good job(!)

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-We'll try that again, shall we?

-It's probably best.

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Ooh, ooh!

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It really is the most extraordinary-looking creature.

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You start from the top...

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That's the bottom, actually!

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HE LAUGHS

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Vela...vela...velodromes?

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What was the word I was looking for?

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Hmm, vocabulary(?)

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Later on, when it starts to get snowy here

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and there's no food at all, these birds'll... Birds?!

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Pretty sure they're not birds.

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No... Fairly certain that is a bear.

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And their acceleration is faster than any...

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FARTING NOISE

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Have you ever found anacondas snorkelling before?

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Sorry, what did you say, Steve?

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Have you ever found anacondas snorkelling before?

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-That's what I thought you said.

-D'oh!

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THEY LAUGH

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One of the biggest, one of the... Dah!

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Mouse limas like Madame...

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I can't believe I forgot the name of the animal...

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Well, he didn't recognise a bear!

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This is the high savannah of Namibia.

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As far as the eye can see, it's dry, rugged wilderness,

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and out there are all of Africa's bad boys. All of them!

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Don't know what I'm talking about now!

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All of Africa's bad boys are out there.

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Bad boys of African wildlife.

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All of Africa's bad boys.

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Oh!

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This is the high savannah of Namibia.

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Ni-bi-bi-bibia.

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As far as the eye can see, in every direction,

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is endless miles of...endlessness.

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This is going to go on forever!

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-I do hope not. I'm going out tonight.

-This is the one right here.

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Please. I've not been out for weeks!

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This is the high savannah of Namibi...

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HE LAUGHS

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-I'm not laughing.

-This is the BAFTA award-winning presenter,

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Steve Backshall.

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Good.

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Now Steve's mastered that, it's time for a far easier job(!)

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He's going to deliver a piece to camera

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while being dragged behind a boat.

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You can see, as we start to build up speed,

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automatically the water's pushing back against me,

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and I'm really struggling to hold on.

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I'm actually already losing my trunks!

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Faster, make it go faster.

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I don't think I tied them on quite strong enough.

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Ah! Oh, dear!

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-How fast now?

-6.8.

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OK.

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MAN SHOUTS

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Ten miles-an-hour!

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Argh!

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Look at Steve's trunks!

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I hope you can't see my bottom!

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We wouldn't look anyway, Steve. We're taking this very seriously(!)

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He's gone.

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And so have his pants.

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Anyway, back to Namibia.

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Come on, Steve.

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This is the high savannah of Namibia.

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As far as the eye can see, in every direction,

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are endless miles of rugged wilderness, stuffed full of animals.

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And all of the bad boys of African wildlife.

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And why couldn't you have done that the first time?

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Sometimes, let's be honest, wildlife filming isn't that exciting.

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Like when you're watching a giant tortoise that's gone camera shy.

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SNORING

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I'm not even sure that's an animal at all.

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I think it might be a giant Cornish pasty.

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It's more exciting when things are slippery.

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So it's far from the monster we were hoping for

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but it's still a pretty impressive fish.

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This is...ooh, crikey!

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It shouldn't actually do the wolffish much harm being

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out of the water for a short period of time.

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These are... It's a cylindrical fish that's packed with muscle.

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HE LAUGHS

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Right, well, let's see that again.

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You say it's a wolffish, Steve?

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Are you sure it isn't a flying one?

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What made me think this would be a good idea?

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Don't get the wrong idea - that is the only thing

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that's ever slipped through Steve's fingers(!)

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HE LAUGHS

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From winged wonder to masked alien assassin.

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Whoops.

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It's like some kind of deadly alien boxer.

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So impressive!

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As long as I keep the snake moving

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and there's a possibility it's still alive,

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he'll keep stamping.

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But the second I stop... he'll just keep on stamping.

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You should have put your foot down, Steve.

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Anyway, a nice bit of relaxation in the pool.

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Tell you what, Steve,

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that Jacuzzi needs a bit of a service.

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That way. That way!

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Go on, go that way! Ah!

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Yeah.

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I just think I'll sit over here for a sec.

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So, the climbing, clambering, colour-morphing chameleon

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in all his many forms.

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With his lightning-fast tongue...

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..and lousy shot.

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Just like an England centre-forward.

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Anyway, back at the tortoise.

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Ah, it's all action(!)

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That tortoise needs to loosen up a bit, come out of its shell.

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SNORING

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Ah, here Steve is trying to test his running against one

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of the fastest animals on Earth, the cheetah. The problem is...

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no-one's told the cheetah.

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Hm, maybe the cheetah is trying to tire Steve out a bit

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because he's worried that Steve might win.

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No. I don't think so, either.

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Of all the genuinely silly things I've done on this programme,

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I think this has to be the worst.

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Sorry, Steve, could you say that again?

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Of all the genuinely silly things I've done on this programme,

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I think this has to be the worst.

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The thing is, I'm not sure that's true.

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Do you not remember this?

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Argh!

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Or this?

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Argh! Ooh!

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How about when you did that?

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HE MAKES ANIMAL NOISES

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HE BARKS

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HE MAKES BIRD CALL

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Or this?

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Argh!

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Argh!

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No, Steve, there's a whole host of silly things you seem

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to have forgotten about.

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MUSIC: "Misirlou" by Dick Dale

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Argh!

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HE LAUGHS

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Argh!

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Actually...

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None of us could forget this.

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Argh!

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All that was just to get a plastic fish.

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No. Racing a cheetah is, well...relatively normal.

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You know, Steve, maybe

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if you showed the animals a little more love, they might play ball.

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Oh, that's better.

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Oh, he's just too adorable for words!

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Ah, I want one!

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Did it hurt?

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You don't want them getting too attached, though.

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I've got two on my nipple!

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Is that really necessary?

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Come on, fella, let's go! Come on!

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Yeah, yeah, he likes you!

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Hey!

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Hey, fella.

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-Ah!

-Oh!

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It's more than a love bite.

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But he won't puncture the skin, I don't think.

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That's encouraging(!)

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This way, Steve, run!

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Leaf-tailed geckos have a limited ability to change their skin colour.

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And d'you know, Steve, the more you love them...

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Not as fast

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or as dramatic as chameleons but if they have a favoured tree.

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..the more they will love you.

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..they can make themselves match it even more.

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Mostly. You never know.

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Come on, go and find yourself a...

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-girlfriend.

-HE LAUGHS

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Argh!

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HE LAUGHS

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Don't get too cocky, though, Steve.

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Those animals have another love interest.

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It's quite hard to get it back.

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Definitely made friends.

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Ah... finally, true love.

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While in Mexico looking for some bat-eating snakes,

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Steve's language skills are put to the test.

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What's the name of this place in Mexican?

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La Cueva de las Serpientes Colgantes.

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Oh, dear.

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Fortunately he is a master of, er, the foreign lingo(!)

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La Cueva...

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de las Serpientes...

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"de Colganes."

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Colgantes.

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Colgantes. Colgantes.

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The locals call this cave...

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HE LAUGHS

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Shall we try just one more time, Steve? Listen carefully.

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-La Cueva.

-La Cueva.

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-De.

-De.

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-Las.

-Las.

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-Serpientes.

-Serpientes.

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-Colgantes.

-Colgantes. OK.

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Local people call...

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HE LAUGHS

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OK. Right, this is the one.

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The locals call this cave La Cueva

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de las Serpientes "de Colganes".

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Or something like that. My Spanish isn't very good!

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HE LAUGHS

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Maybe your Spanish will be better on a boat.

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MAN SPEAKS SPANISH

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I don't have the heart to tell him

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I don't understand what he's saying.

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Or the Spanish to tell him I don't know what he's saying.

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Any ideas?

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Well, how about learning Spanish?

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OK, let's try Portuguese.

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He says, "Exactly 15 minutes, they'll be here."

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HE LAUGHS

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They're pretty precise here.

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Are you sure? How many fingers was he holding up?

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Ten.

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Ten minutes, Steve, it's ten!

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He says, "Exactly 15 minutes, they'll be here."

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Well, with language skills like that, it's never going to be

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difficult to get your point across(!)

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So, you have...

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-Kssh, ssh-shh?

-Yes.

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-Can I see?

-Yes.

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-Where is?

-Yes.

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-You have...

-Yes. Yes.

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-Can I see?

-Yes.

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-Where is?

-Yes.

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Kssh, ssh-shh?

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Hm, this could take a while.

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Do you agree? "Yes, yes."

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Fortunately, everyone else on the show

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is a true professional.

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Everyone here's really struggling

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to make sure we can film all this

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and we are out looking for

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one of the most dangerous predators in the world.

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So it's really important we take things really, really seriously.

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Yes, I see what you mean, absolutely(!)

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MUSIC: "Do Your Thing" by Basement Jaxx

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HE SNORES

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HE MOUTHS

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The hippos in the wild are a totally different animal.

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To get close to them...

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HE LAUGHS

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-Steve, wait up!

-Steve, hold on!

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Enough to pay them some respect, that's for sure.

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And maybe they're a bit frightened of them.

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But our next step...

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Ha-ha-ha! Please tell me you were rolling!

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PLEASE tell me you were rolling!

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One of the most important things with wildlife watching

0:19:070:19:10

is to keep low, reduce your profile.

0:19:100:19:13

Never to stand on a ridge line creating a silhouette that's

0:19:130:19:16

really, really obvious for animals.

0:19:160:19:18

Oh, I think I know what's coming.

0:19:180:19:20

I'm sure they won't wave, though.

0:19:200:19:21

Hiya!

0:19:210:19:23

True professionals.

0:19:230:19:24

Whale!

0:19:270:19:29

You...

0:19:300:19:31

We're now about...

0:19:320:19:34

TEXT MESSAGE NOTIFICATION

0:19:340:19:36

Sorry! I'm sorry.

0:19:380:19:40

When we're ready, then, chaps.

0:19:410:19:43

Hm, travelling light, Steve?

0:19:470:19:50

Ah, I see.

0:19:500:19:51

He's so lazy. He could have helped.

0:19:530:19:56

But don't worry, they'll often find a way to get their own back.

0:19:560:19:59

Like here, Steve is doing a Deadly experiment.

0:19:590:20:02

It's a senses test

0:20:020:20:03

and he needs to find a cup of coffee using just smell.

0:20:030:20:07

The crew, well, they wouldn't let anything...happen to him.

0:20:080:20:12

What's good is that there's so much respect in my team.

0:20:180:20:22

Yeah, his mistake was leaving an obvious silhouette.

0:20:310:20:35

Now, one thing is always going to happen when you work with wildlife -

0:20:420:20:45

they just love to poo and wee on you, and Steve...

0:20:450:20:49

Well, he loves it happening.

0:20:490:20:51

Oh, you...

0:20:510:20:53

-SLOW:

-Oh, you...

0:20:530:20:56

-HE LAUGHS

-Phantom wee-er of the Philippines.

0:20:560:20:59

Over the years, the absolute bane of my life has been people complaining

0:21:030:21:07

about peregrines pooing on the ground while they're talking.

0:21:070:21:10

Thank you.

0:21:100:21:12

Come on, is he going to investigate? He's just sniffing around...

0:21:120:21:16

Oh, and he's having a wee on the camera. That's not good.

0:21:160:21:19

-Oh, no.

-This is what we expect in the forest.

0:21:250:21:27

-Was that fig or was that poo?

-No, it's fig.

-No, it wasn't.

0:21:270:21:31

I'm sorry, Ronald, but that is not fig.

0:21:310:21:34

That is chimp poo and that just clouted me right in the face.

0:21:340:21:37

Oh, come on, Steve. It probably had fig in it.

0:21:370:21:40

I've just had a bird poo on my head,

0:21:410:21:44

and in some parts of the world, it's considered good luck.

0:21:440:21:48

Unfortunately, round here it just means you smell bad.

0:21:480:21:52

I don't know if you can see this, but as she's moving...

0:21:520:21:56

can you see that, Johnny? Oh, look - she just pooed on my hand.

0:21:560:21:59

I just knelt in a really fresh piece of rhino poo. Yuck.

0:22:040:22:09

That is just craziness.

0:22:110:22:13

Oh!

0:22:130:22:15

I can't believe he just sat there.

0:22:150:22:18

That's the magic of the river at night.

0:22:180:22:20

And he also just pooed all down my front.

0:22:220:22:25

Yeah, well, I think that's worth seeing again.

0:22:250:22:28

That is just...

0:22:320:22:34

Ah, that's not a lousy shot.

0:22:350:22:38

Right, moving swiftly on.

0:22:380:22:40

When the crew headed to the jungles of Uganda

0:22:420:22:45

there was one animal they were hoping to find.

0:22:450:22:48

The mountain gorilla - a powerhouse of the natural world.

0:22:480:22:53

I can see the bushes moving just ahead of us.

0:22:530:22:56

I'm kind of shaking, half with excitement

0:22:560:22:59

and half with a little bit of trepidation.

0:22:590:23:01

But with a gorilla, you may well hear them before you see them.

0:23:010:23:06

GORILLA FARTS

0:23:060:23:08

Oh, did you hear that?

0:23:080:23:10

GORILLA FARTS

0:23:100:23:15

Honestly, Nick...

0:23:170:23:19

GORILLA FARTS

0:23:210:23:27

Oh, that would melt plastic.

0:23:320:23:34

Careful though, Steve -

0:23:350:23:37

this male doesn't appreciate you laughing at his ladies.

0:23:370:23:40

Well, if you thought that smell packed a punch...

0:23:450:23:48

(Wow.)

0:23:510:23:52

Yeah, that was quite a left hook.

0:23:580:24:01

I'm glad it didn't go a couple of inches to the right.

0:24:010:24:03

Useful lesson, kids. Never, ever laugh at a gorilla.

0:24:030:24:07

But it's not just wee and poo Steve has to deal with.

0:24:070:24:11

We all know that dogs bark, birds tweet and whales sing,

0:24:110:24:15

but apart from their rather repulsive spitting,

0:24:150:24:18

alpacas have a rather interesting way of communicating.

0:24:180:24:21

So how do they talk to each other?

0:24:210:24:23

Mm. He didn't like the tone of your question, Steve.

0:24:230:24:26

Oh... Has anyone got a hanky?

0:24:260:24:29

Oh...

0:24:290:24:32

Nice.

0:24:320:24:34

This one is apparently called Spitty.

0:24:360:24:38

Well, if you give an animal a name to live up to...

0:24:380:24:42

-Argh!

-HE LAUGHS

0:24:420:24:45

Oh!

0:24:450:24:47

Now, listen, fellas - hum along when you know the tune.

0:24:490:24:53

HE HUMS

0:24:530:24:55

HE LAUGHS

0:24:550:24:58

But really when it comes down to it, Steve just loves a bit of poo.

0:24:580:25:02

Don't you?

0:25:020:25:04

Well, there is only one animal that that can come from.

0:25:040:25:07

That is a big fat bear scat.

0:25:080:25:12

I can almost smell it now. Oh, look how fresh that is. Oh, yes.

0:25:140:25:19

Almost like a kind of slightly off pie.

0:25:190:25:21

I tell you what, Steve, I am never, ever eating at your house.

0:25:210:25:25

Yes.

0:25:250:25:27

Now, that is a big pile of poo,

0:25:280:25:30

and this here is still relatively fresh, actually.

0:25:300:25:33

And that's moose droppings there. That's not so fresh.

0:25:330:25:36

It's full of grass. It's more what you'd expect from an antelope.

0:25:360:25:39

I was going to say that.

0:25:390:25:41

Still quite sticky. Ooh, very strong smelling.

0:25:410:25:44

There are mountains of it.

0:25:440:25:45

A dropping that size has come out of a very large bottom.

0:25:450:25:49

Mm, yum yum.

0:25:490:25:50

Oh, that's pretty solid, actually.

0:25:540:25:57

The water below us is filled with fluorescent orange junk.

0:25:570:26:01

It's actually blue whale poo. It's incredible stuff.

0:26:010:26:05

Blue whale poo? That looks red to me.

0:26:050:26:08

-Oh, I see.

-You could almost use it as make-up.

0:26:080:26:12

Yeah, I'm not sure that's really going to take off.

0:26:120:26:14

Don't think I've ever been quite so excited about poo in my entire life.

0:26:140:26:18

In the end, though, there's nothing better than a good old Deadly Dance.

0:26:250:26:31

MUSIC: "Gangnam Style" by Psy

0:26:310:26:35

Hello, and welcome to Deadly 60.

0:27:230:27:26

# Night fever, night fever... #

0:27:370:27:39

Look, Steve, I'm sorry if I've been a bit rude.

0:27:410:27:44

Can I come next time?

0:27:440:27:47

This has been Deadly Bloopers, it's goodbye from me

0:27:540:27:57

and it's goodbye from Steve.

0:27:570:28:00

# Da-na-da-da-da! #

0:28:000:28:02

I wonder if any of them do any work at all.

0:28:020:28:05

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