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Lights, camera, action.
# We're Diddy Dick and Dom
# And we're so excited
# Our showbiz careers have been reignited
# We've made it on to the silver screen
-# With our Diddy Movies
-(You're living the dream)
# We were down on our luck
# We were burnt out stars
# Flipping burgers
# And washing cars
# We waved goodbye to all our cares
# Hello to Hollywood premieres
# This time next year you'll be millionaires
# Go Diddy Movies
# Yeah. #
Ladies, gentlemen and my psychotherapist Sally,
welcome to another Diddy Movie premiere.
Tonight, it's the martial arts mega piece
Fight! The Way Of The Wedgie.
-I said, that's me.
Me and Diddy Dick have brought you a present.
-It is a souvenir from the set.
It's the director.
Dark! Dark! DARK!
Listen. This movie cost me a fortune.
If it flops, I'll see to it that you guys never work in this town again.
-What about the next town?
-The next, next town?
What about the next, next, next, next, next, next...
Your doll may look like a real baby and feel like a real baby,
but does it smell like a real baby?
Looks like you need Baby Let-One-Off.
-She laughs, she cries.
She farts like a foghorn.
Pump her arm and she'll pump out a tune.
# PARP, PARP, PARP-PARP, PARP, PARP. #
But, whatever you do, don't pull her finger.
Baby Let-One-Off accepts no responsibility
for accidental injury.
It is not recommended for children, adults, animals.
Keep away from flames.
This is it! Diddy Dick.
I'm so excited, I could, I could...
Cut that out!
You're scaring me.
I am Minky the Monkey.
In mountains of China, ancient wisdom dictates
that true warrior can only be born under starless sky.
He must go on long journey, learn many great things.
Courage of a thousand tigers.
Strength of a thousand ox.
Humility of a th...
Diddy Movies present...
Who dares to take on The Viper? Hmm?
Nobody has ever defeated me.
Huh? You are all weak! Ha-ha.
Nobody dares to take on The Viper. Nobody!
I'll take on The Viper.
< Flippin' idiot.
And who are you, weedy warrior?
I am Jimmy Ginger.
I was born in the Mountains of Li Ning.
My parents were abducted by aliens.
I was raised by ants in the forest.
And now, I have come here to fulfil my destiny
and become a master of kung fu.
Kung fu? Flippin' idiot.
You think this is kung fu? This isn't kung fu!
No! This is kung boo!
Allow me to demonstrate.
You see, Jimmy, kung boo is like kung fu, but with one difference.
To win at kung boo, you must master art of surprise.
Very good kung boo. Cheesy foot in face, very surprising.
Ah! Double surprise. Licky tongue on cheesy foot in face.
# Consider yourself at home
# Consider yourself one of the family. #
Ultimate surprise. Singing sausage of death.
Winner is The Viper.
And that is why, Mr Ginger, you will never beat me.
Because I am the top dog and you are the puny poodle.
You may laugh, but I'll be back and, one day, I'll beat you.
OK. How about...
Yeah? Winner gets ten million yen.
Be there, puny poodle.
I'm not scared of you!
And so, the young novice had agreed to fight
the most fearsome kung boo warrior in the whole of China.
In just three days' time.
Ha! What a total bean sprout.
This boy going to need some help.
I'm looking for a trainer called Segal.
-My name is...
-I know who you are.
I know what you want.
Actually, no, I don't know. It doesn't matter.
-I'm not going to train you.
-But kung boo is my destiny.
You? You have a body like a rubber band.
You have muscles like a jellyfish.
You have amazing eyes. And I love what you've done with your hair.
Oh, thank you very much.
Go. Get out of here. You're a flimflam loser who wants his mummy.
-You wouldn't stand a fight against a kitten.
-Ha-ha-ha-ha. Give me five. Yeah.
And now, we train.
To learn kung boo, you must master the art of...surprise!
Ow, you little... What was that for?
You must master...
-Please, can we...
-You must catch your opponent unawares.
And so, over many long days,
Jimmy Ginger worked tirelessly to master the art of kung boo.
Oooh, ah! Ah!
And was rubbish.
Now, you are ready for your final lesson.
The way of the wedgie.
-The way of the wedgie.
The waaaay of the wedgieeeee.
What I'm about to tell you should not be revealed to anyone
except your mum.
And now, the prize fight.
The champion. Viper.
The challenger. Jimmy Ginger.
When you first came to me, I didn't want to train you.
And now, I wish I hadn't.
But it's too late. So, good luck.
Go on, nut him!
Big boulder, nipple-yanky surprise. One-nil.
Ah! Doppelganger, bursting balloon-face surprise. Two-nil.
Yes, I need them right away. Thank you.
Flying, million-poppadom-order surprise. Three-nil to Viper.
(The way of the wedgie.)
(The way of the wedgie.)
I-I can't hear you.
(The way of the wedgie.)
-Do the way of the wedgie!
Oh, yeah. Thanks.
We have a new champion. Jimmy Ginger.
Not so fast!
OK. Weeee have aaaa neeeew champiiiiion.
No, no, no. I mean, you might want to reconsider the result,
when you find out that it is actually...
Ha! The Viper! Ha-ha-ha-ha.
You've got to be kidding me!
-It's clever, huh?
And little poodle Jimmy is the loser! Ha-ha-ha!
Wedgie-bluff, rubber-face, swappy surprise. So what?
That's nothing. Watch this!
Double-face-monkey, pully dance down!
# Everybody was kung fu fighting
# Those cats were fast as lightning... #
Well, Larry? What did you think?
What about you lot? What did you think?
THEY ALL SHOUT AND SCREAM
-I cannot believe I have just sat through that.
I'm ruined! Ruined, I tell you.
But, Larry, we've got another idea for a movie.
Yes, except this one's all about a ham and cheese sandwich.
'I can't believe he had the barefaced cheek to even suggest that.
'I'm going to tell 'em, I'm going to lay it on the line.
'I can't take it no longer. I, I...'
I love it! Here's the cash.