Snotlout Gets the Axe Dragons

This changes everything.

Coming in hot.

Ha-ha! That's right, get some, dragon hunters.

Get some!

Snotlout! Snotlout! Oi, oi, oi!

Ha!

HOOKFANG SQUEALS

SNOTLOUT GRUNTS

The judge from Berserker Island gave you a six.

Nice effort, Snotlout.

We all need to stay sharp,

especially with those dragon hunters on the loose.

Astrid, you're up.

You really should loosen your grip a little, boy-o.

It maximises the bone-shattering potential.

-Dad?

-Spitelout! What a... What a pleasant surprise!

Dull.

-HE LAUGHS

-Yeah, I was just saying that, Dad.

-Hey, did you see that...

-I come with news from Berk.

There's to be a union tomorrow between two proud houses,

our family, House Jorgenson, and...

What kind of muttonhead would marry into the Jorgensons?

..Astrid's family, House Hofferson.

Wait, did he just say House Hofferson?

That is unprecedented.

There has never been a union between these two families.

Hoffersons have always disliked Jorgensons and...

..Jorgensons have always irritated Hofferson.

Wait, this means Snotlout's going be FAMILY?

What's the problem, cuz?

This is just going to bring us...closer.

HE GRUNTS

Welcome to the family, lass.

Now, on to business.

Whoa!

The Jorgenson family ceremonial axe!

There's never been a union without it.

Aye. And, as you know,

it'll need to be present tomorrow at Berk's sacred matrimonial site,

the island of Frigga,

to chop down the betrothal birch for this union to be official.

So, you, Snotlout, will be delivering it.

Sweet.

That's quite an honour, Snotlout.

This privilege is only given to the bravest and most virile member

of the Jorgenson clan.

And you guys are looking at him!

Boom, baby! Woo!

I would have done it myself,

if I wasn't already responsible for procuring the beasts

for the union's ceremonial 400 boar feast.

But I am the family's natural second choice for the job.

Of course, Hedgelout wasn't available.

He's still missing at sea.

Third choice.

That's still good, right?

HE SNARLS

And then there was Griplout.

-Griplout?

-Are you talking about the Jorgenson that lost both his arms

in that freak mutton accident?

Aye, he just couldn't get a good enough hold on the axe

with his teeth.

Remember, there's a lot riding on this, boy-o.

No axe, no wedding.

No wedding, well...

Hopefully you're smart enough to at least figure that out.

Well, I have to be on my way.

Boars don't grow on trees, you know.

Thank Thor I don't have to go to that ridiculous...

Oh, lass. Your folks are expecting you to represent your family

at the ceremony. So better get a move on.

Ugh!

HE LAUGHS

-You too, Hiccup.

-What, me?

Aye. Stoick's orders.

You're representing the Haddocks.

HE GROWLS Yeah, tell me about it.

See you at the ceremony!

Onward, dragon.

Spitelout! Spitelout! Oy, oy, oy!

Don't worry, Dad.

I got this.

What are you all looking at?

-I can do this!

-THUNK

CLUCKING MEOWING

Ah!

Don't you just love union ceremonies?

Don't know, never been to one.

What, really?

Yeah, us Thorstons are not exactly the marrying kind.

We're more of the mutton kind.

Well, as luck would have it,

I am some what of an authority on Viking union ceremonies.

What do you say the both of you meet me at my hut later

and I will teach you everything you need to know?

Great! Because we know very little about most things.

FISHLEGS SIGHS

Last one picked.

He could have more faith in me than that!

What? What did I ever do?

Well, there was that time you brought all those Changewing eggs

and nearly destroyed the village.

-Fishlegs' fault.

-There was that time you released the Skrill

-from its ice block.

-And nearly destroyed the village.

-Twins' fault.

-What about flying us into the waterspout,

and crash-landing us on Outcast Island?

-That was terrific.

-Act of Thor.

Act of Snotlout!

All I know is when I ride in with this axe,

I'm going to shove it in all their Jorgenson faces.

Boom!

-IMITATES HIS DAD:

-No axe, no wedding, boy-ooooooh!

Toothless, power dive!

I don't see it.

It's got to be down there.

We have to go and get it back.

It could be anywhere.

That island isn't exactly tiny.

If it even landed there, and not in the ocean.

We're finding that axe.

We have till sundown.

GRUNTING AND GROANING

Hey, is it too late to call Griplout?

Ha-ha. That's funny!

Keep it up, Astrid. Keep it up.

Hm.

Huh?

Ha-ha, there it is.

-See?

-I'll just grab it and we'll get back up in the air.

Problem solved.

HOOKFANG SNARLS

What is it, bud? TOOTHLESS GRUMBLES

What's gotten into them?

And it's in one piece?

This could've gone way worse!

GRUNTING AND GROANING

It's really stuck in there.

CRUNCH

-TREMENDOUS RUMBLING

-Huh.

RUMBLING

Snotlout!

SNOTLOUT WAILS

HE GRUNTS

Oh, no.

OK, now it's way worse!

EARTH-SHATTERING GROWL

HE SQUEALS

Watch out!

Hey! This is my family's axe.

Give it up!

GRUNTING

IT SNARLS

Snotlout, let go of the axe!

No way, Hiccup. I'm not leaving this island without it.

Whoa!

-He's going to get himself killed.

-What else is new?

HE CRIES OUT

Hey, watch it!

Keep blasting, Hookfang, we'll get in close.

Astrid, follow me.

Steady, Stormfly! Up, up!

Whoa. Stormfly, what's wrong?

Hang in there. Hiccup, that blast does a number on the eyes.

Whoa! Good to know.

OK, bud, let's stay clear of those blasts.

Toothless, look out!

HICCUP SHOUTS

HE GRUNTS

Toothless!

Hang on, bud. Things are about to heat up.

Whew! Thank you, Gronckle iron!

Don't let up, Hookfang! Pour it on!

-It's gone.

-But so is the axe.

HE GROWLS

Snotlout, what are you doing?

There's still time!

HOOKFANG GROWLS

No!

Astrid, we have to.

This is his mess.

Let HIM clean it up.

HE GRUMBLES

Fine!

OK, so table etiquette is not really your strong suits.

HE SHRIEKS

Why don't we move on to the actual union ceremony?

Ruffnut, you can stand in for our bride and I will be the groom.

-Tuffnut, you can be our officiator.

-Whoa!

Nice! I'm finally official.

Those would be the traditional Viking union words.

You read them.

SHE SIGHS

Out loud.

Oh, OK. I read them in my head.

Anyhoo... Yea, Fishlegs Ingerman,

child of Odin,

dost taketh Ruffnut Eugene Thorston,

daughter of Freyja,

to be his betrothed-ed-ed.

And, by utterance of these words,

this union may only be broken in the Halls of Valhalla.

You may head-butt the bride.

HE CHUCKLES I just added that part.

Great, so that's how a Viking union ceremony is performed.

It's nice, isn't it?

Now we dance.

Oh, cool!

Oh, wait a second. I knew it.

This stuff all looked familiar.

It's all coming back to me now.

This is same as when I trained with the town officiator back on Berk.

You did what?

I took a course in performing Viking union ceremonies.

Slipped my mind.

I am a man of many talents, after all.

So you officially trained with the town officiator?

I mean, that's a lot of officiating, but, yeah.

Tuff can perform Viking union ceremonies.

We've just never been to one before.

I can check that off my bucket list.

Wait, do you know what this means?

Oh, yeah, I do!

A whole new world is open to me.

A new career. New potentiality, new possibilities.

And all those happy officiated faces

looking back at me into my eyes with gratitude.

-No?

-FISHLEGS WHIMPERS

OK, you go.

It means Ruffnut and I just got married!

And Viking unions are forever!

It can only be broken in Valhalla!

HE WAILS WEAKLY

There he is.

If it welds my axe to its body, I'll never get it back.

Easy, Snotlout.

We can't risk another dust-up with old Armourwing over there.

I cannot go to that wedding without the axe.

But we can't get close enough to pry it free.

Hey, you know what's near here?

Hiccup, hand me your map.

Aha, that's it!

-What's it?

-We can't get close to that dragon,

but something else can.

You know, you never really make much sense,

but this is bad, even for you.

We have an axe to steal, and I know the perfect guys for the job.

We're going to Breakneck Bog,

and we're training us some Smothering Smokebreaths.

HE GROANS Don't worry, girl.

There has to be some way to dissolve this union.

It can't actually only be broken in Valhalla, right?

DOOR OPENS

Erm...

What are you doing?

TABLE SQUEALS AWFULLY ON FLOOR

I'm thinking I want to do a kind of dead animal carcass thing

-in the corner there.

-No, absolutely not!

There'll be no dead animals in this home, Ruffnut.

-What did you just call me?

-I just called you...

We're going have to lose that Ruffnut thing.

We're married.

From now on, it's either honey, sweetie,

dear, or snookie pie. Got it?

-Snookie pie?

-Better.

Now, we're going to have to get rid of some of your stuff

to make room around here. Let's start with those...dragon figurines!

MEATLUG GROWLS But they're vintage!

-And now they're gone.

-What exactly are we making room for?

For us!

What? You didn't think we weren't part of this deal, did you?

Don't worry, girl, I will figure this out.

I always wanted a brother.

You've made us so happy, Fishlegs.

Can I just remind everyone

that Smothering Smokebreaths cannot be trained?

Maybe, but they love metal,

and could be the only hope I have of getting that axe back.

SHE GROANS

They must be out hunting.

We got lucky.

This is perfect! We'll use whatever metal we pull

to lure them to the Armourwing.

We need to work faster.

They will not be happy when they see what we're doing to their nest.

SNARLING

Er, guys?

SHE GRUNTS

Everyone, grab as much metal as you can carry.

Let's get these guys to the Armourwing.

Hookfang, wing blast!

Ha-ha! Is this the best idea I've ever had or what?

Bar's not really high on that one, is it, Snotlout?

Silent Sven's wife has a fish-gutting station!

I want a fish-gutting station too!

But, dear, where will you put it? There's no room.

MEATLUG COMPLAINS

Now there's room.

SHE GRUMBLES It's not so bad, Meatlug,

we can make the best of it.

Hey, bro-in-law, wifey wants you back inside.

She says you have to start learning how to fly Belch, you know,

since you guys are married now.

But my Meatlug, she's my...

Fishlegs, get your butt in here!

Coming, dear.

Newlyweds, am I right?

SHE GROWLS, THEN FARTS

You said it, sister!

Yeah! Just a little further, boys.

You're going to be so happy we ripped you off.

Feast your beady eyes on that!

VICIOUS GROWL

It's actually working!

That's it, bring the axe to Snotty!

Hey, my axe! We had a deal, you little...deal...breakers!

I got him, Snotlout. We'll funnel him towards you.

-Boom!

-HE LAUGHS

Thank you.

There's too many of them. We need to get in there and break this up.

No scales! That's why it needs metal.

What's happening?

The Smokebreaths think

the Armourwing is one giant piece of metal.

We can't let them pull its armour apart, it'll be defenceless.

-So, what do we do?

-Follow me.

We have to fly it through the Armourwing's blasts.

-We have to what?

-Trust me.

OK, Stormfly, now twirl!

Stormfly!

SHE GASPS

I owed you one.

IT GROANS

Hey, Smokies, check this out!

Phew!

IT GROANS MISERABLY

Well, I think we earned its trust, but I still wouldn't push our luck.

Sundown!

Snotlout, you need to get out of here!

She's right. Go. We'll be right behind you.

Oh, no.

OINKING

Hookfang, we're too late.

IT GROWLS

Snotlout, we'll say it was our fault.

Yeah. We can say we're the ones that made you late.

No. It was my fault.

I got this.

I know what you're going to say, Dad. I messed up again.

I ruined the union ceremony.

And I let you down and all the Jorgensons down.

But you have no idea what I went through to get this here.

I risked my life and my friends' lives

fighting a gigantic torch-breathing dragon for this stupid thing.

And if that's not good enough for you,

then I guess I'm never going to be good enough for you.

I said it! So here is your stupid axe and sorry about the ceremony.

What in Thor are you going on about, boy-o?

There's not going to be a union.

Wait, what?

Oh, a brawl broke out at the rehearsal dinner.

It's a good thing you didn't get the axe here earlier.

It would've got really ugly!

But nice work anyway, son.

I knew I could count on you.

Well, if we're done here, I have 400 boars to return.

SQUEALING

He knew he could count on me!

Spitelout! Spitelout! Oi, oi, oi!

Ha-ha! Woohoo!

Woohoo! Yeah!

What in the name of Thor?

Come on, girl. We're related.

-Come on, come on, girl. Come on.

-Er, guys, what's going on?

Hiccup, meet the Ingerman-Thorstons.

We're the model of a modern Viking family.

We've only been gone a day! What possibly could have happened?

You remember how I studied with the officiator back on Berk?

While you guys were gone,

I accidentally married Ruff and Fishlegs.

But despite that little snafu,

we're all very happy now.

THUMP GROWLING

Well, most of us anyway.

Tuffnut, I hate to break it to you, but you can't perform Viking unions.

Wait, what? I can't?

-Are you sure?

-Ha!

You never completed your training

because the officiator jumped off a cliff

halfway through your first lesson. That was so funny!

Oh, right, yeah. It was probably a bad idea to hold classes

on the edge of a cliff. We lost a lot of good educators that way,

especially the ones I pushed.

Wait. Why are you guys here?

-Shouldn't you be at the union?

-Ha! Long story.

But we did find a new dragon.

Aah! A new dragon?

Great, I get married and no-one calls me any more!

Fishlegs!

My feet need massaging.

They're getting sweaty again.

Coming, dear!

Oh, hey, bro-in-law, remember how I married you and Ruff?

Well, it turns out that I can't marry people after all.

So, presto!

-Union dissolved.

-What?

Oh, that's incredible!

I haven't been this happy since my wedding day!

My wedding day...

GROWLING

Fishlegs married Ruffnut! I guess anything is possible.

Well, one thing's for certain.

No Hofferson will ever marry a Jorgenson.

-Never say never, right, Astrid?

-HE CHUCKLES LASCIVIOUSLY

Never.

LAUGHTER

How long is never?