Episode 3 Gigglebiz


Episode 3

Sketch show. Featuring Professor Muddles, the zany scientist whose experiment comes a bit unstuck, and Simon Pieman, the pie delivery service on wheels. Including the Gigglekids.


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Transcript


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It's Gigglebiz!

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na-na Ho-ho-ho

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na-na Here we go! #

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Ho-ho!

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On today's Gigglebiz, Simon Pieman,

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Gail Force,

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Keith Fit.

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Introducing Rod and a net.

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And Professor Muddles.

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Yes, I will, Mother. Yes...

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..Yes, I'm wearing fresh underwear. All right. See you, Sunday. Bye!

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I don't know. Oh! Hello there. I'm Professor Puddles...

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I mean Cuddles... D'oh... I mean Muddles. Now, I'm often asked,

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"Why is glue sticky?" It's a good question. Let's find out.

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As we know, there are lots of types of glue. There is, um...

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glue here for, um, sticking paper. Heh-heh. Ooh! Oh, dear,

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seem to be a bit...stuck.

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Heh-heh. Um, never mind.

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Secondly, we have glue here for sticking metal. Very handy indeed.

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Oh, no...

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I just need to get that off there and...

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Oh, that's better. And, er, finally, over here,

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we have glue for sticking wood. There.

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Now... Uh, oh, what's going on? Oh, dear.

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I seem to be a little, er, stuck. Heh-heh! Hang on a second.

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We know that if you want to solve a problem, we need... Oh! Oh, dear!

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I, er - heh-heh - seem to be very sticky today.

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Um, yes, well, um, I'm Professor, er, Puddles... Oh, no!

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I mean Cuddles. I mean, er, Muddles. Goodbye-ee!

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-GEORDIE ACCENT:

-Away, bairns. Keith Fit here

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and today I'm going to show you how to pole vault.

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Now I've been pole vaulting for 20 years so I know what I'm doing.

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All reet! Now, safety first.

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This is a crash mat.

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It's nice and soft

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so you can hurl yourself on it and you won't get hurt.

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All reet, down to business.

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You take your pole and you run as fast as you can

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and you hurl yourself over the bar

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onto the crash mat

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using your pole.

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Let's get down to business. Watch and learn, bairns. Watch and learn.

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Oh... Oh, my back. Oh...

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HE GROANS

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Oh, by gum. Ow...

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-EXHALES

-And that's how you pole vault.

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Champion!

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LIGHT JOLLY MUSIC

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Doctor Doctor will see you now.

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Next!

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Ah, now, what seems to be the problem?

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Doctor Doctor, I think I need glasses.

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You certainly do. This is the fish-and-chip shop. Ha-hey! Next!

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TUMMY RUMBLES AND GURGLES

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PHONE RINGS

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Simon Pieman at your service.

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..Need a pie?

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Good. Right!

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PACEY MUSIC

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Right, here we go!

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Oh, whoa!

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Whoa!

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Woo-ooh! He-hey!

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Whe-ey! Oops! Coming through!

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Whoa!

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Woo-oo-ooh! Woo-oo-ooh! Wu-hey!

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Woo-ooh! Watch out!

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Hey! Whoa! Coming through!

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Woo-o-oh! Whey-hey...

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Oh... Phew!

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Now, one perfect...

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..pie.

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And now we join Gail, our roving reporter,

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who's taken a visit to the health clinic. Gail?

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-Hello, Arthur. Well, today I'm here with Sharice.

-Chantelle.

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Chantelle. And she's going to give me some top tips

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about staying young and beautiful.

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Chantelle, what have we got here?

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-Well, it's made from seaweed...

-Oh!

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..but it's good for your skin so you should try it.

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That sounds wonderful. I can't wait.

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-Right, I'll just get...

-It smells nice, too. It must be a mudpack

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so I think I must put my face in here.

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SQUELCHING

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-Yes.

-Now, the key thing is to use the tiniest...

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-What?

-Oh...

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Huh... Um...

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-Um...

-Back to the studio. Arthur?

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Well, that was Gail Force there literally wearing that seaweed.

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Oh, which reminds me... Why did the sand run away? Because the sea weed.

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Ha! Seaweed! Get it? Hee-hee-hee. And now this.

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Hello, I'm Rapids Johnson in search of a big Bulgarian bull. Moo!

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And it's said it roams these parts. Now, I've just taken some time out

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to have a crum-diddli-umptious picnic. That's it over. I'm full.

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Phew. And now it's time to pack up and get on with my expedition.

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Right. Now, they do say that red attracts bulls.

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But I can tell you that is not true at all.

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Eh... BULL BELLOWS

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Ah... Ha-ha, sounds like I may be wrong.

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I'm Rapids...JOHNSON!

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Keep 'em! BULL BELLOWS

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And now it's time for your giggles!

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-Hey, Justin.

-Yes, Thomas?

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What do you call a camel with three humps?

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What DO you call a camel with three humps?

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-Humphrey!

-Hey!

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When I eat ice-cream, I always put three lemons on top.

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Hello, my little nutmegs. Welcome to Dinner Time with me, Dina Lady.

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This is my assistant, Tommy Tummy.

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Say hello, Tommy.

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Hello, Tommy!

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Today, we're making a special pudding. A pear crumble.

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-Hurray!

-All right, Tommy. Calm down.

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For this, you'll need a crumble dish.

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Like this one. I've got some crumble mix over here.

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And some lovely custard.

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There. All we need now are the pears. I won't be a mini-mo.

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Pears are a fruit. They grow on trees. They're yummy in a crumble.

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All right? Tommy, why are you playingwith those funny apples?

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We don't need those!

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I don't know - daft boy!

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Nice, though. Where was I? Oh, yes.

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The perfect pear crumble. Put a pair of shoes in your pot.

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Of course, you can use a pair of sunglasses.

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Or, if you prefer, a pair of pants. There we are.

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-In fact, a pair of anything.

-Dina...

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Of course, Tommy, my little dough ball. Silly me, I forgot.

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-Thank you.

-Here goes the crumble mix on top.

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There we are. Lovely.

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And finally, add custard to your pear crumble.

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There. Lovely. Ooh, look at that.

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Till next time, my little cookie cutters.

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-Fancy a slice?

-I'm on a diet.

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Oh, hello. How nice to see you. Sit down, have a rest.

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I've got to sit here while he fishes.

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Coo-oo!

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He shouldn't bother. He never catches anything.

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And the sign says "Beware of the shark,"

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Like he's ever going to catch one!

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He couldn't catch a cold!

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I shouldn't laugh. It keeps him happy, that's what it's all about.

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He's out in the fresh air not getting into mischief.

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I get time to myself. I wouldn't mind if he DID catch a shark.

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Lovely big fish like that. Mind you, it wouldn't fit in our tank.

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But he never catches anything.

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Do you, love?

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Bless.

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Could you help me with six across? It's a really hard one.

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Doctor Doctor will see you now. Next!

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-What seems to be the problem?

-Doctor Doctor, I think I'm invisible.

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Who said that? Ha-ha!

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Next!

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Gail Force is at a country fair with Morris Dancers. Gail.

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Yes, thank you, Arthur. I'm here... Oh!

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..in the village of Giggleton...

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The local Morris dancers are doing their lovely jig.

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Now, I...oh!

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What? Hang on. Can you hear me? What...? Oh, never mind.

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Thanks very much, Gail.

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Which one of those dancers was Morris? Hee-hee!

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I'm Arthur Sleep.

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Now for more of your giggles!

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-Justin.

-Yes? Have you got a joke?

-Yes.

-Go on.

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-What do you call a place where sick fairies go?

-I don't know.

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-The ELF centre.

-Ha-ha-ha!

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-Next! Hello, dear.

-Hello.

-Sit down. Ooh!

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That is remarkable. I never thought I'd see one of these again.

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-Er, that's my mobile phone.

-Oh, no!

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I am the expert. This is in fact an antique paperweight.

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Probably dating back hundreds of years...

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RING-RING! Oh. Have a listen to its chime.

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-Can I just...

-That's stopped it.

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My mistake. This is an antique music box.

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Probably owned by King Henry VIII. Things were so well made back then.

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Almost perfect. Though it doesn't close properly.

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-Never mind. Thank you for bringing it in, Mrs...?

-Blenahazard.

-Moving on!

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998, 999. Come on, Tone. 1,000. Keep going.

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1001, 1002... Oh. 'Oway, bairns.

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Keith Fit here. I'm showing you how to do weightlifting. Safety first -

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Weights can be very heavy. Always use a buddy.

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This is Tony. I've been weightlifting for 20 year. I know about it. OK?

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Watch and learn. Transfer the weights to me. Just going to...

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CRASH

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And that's how you weightlift. Champion.

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz We've had a lot of fun

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz Ho-ho-ho

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz And now it's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, giggle It's time to go!

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# Cheerio, ta-ta Bye-bye

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# Farwell, TTFN Arrivederci

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# We all hate to say goodbye

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# But we'll be back again

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na-na Ho-ho-ho

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# Na-na na-na na-na Gigglebiz

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# Na-na na It's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz We've had a lot of fun

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz Ho-ho-ho

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# Gigglebiz, Gigglebiz And now it's time to go

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# Gigglebiz, giggle It's time to go! #

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Ho-ho!

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Sketch show. Featuring Professor Muddles, a zany scientist whose experiment becomes a bit unstuck, and Simon Pieman, the pie delivery service on wheels. Plus Rod and Annette - Rod loves to fish, his wife loves to chat and the fishing doesn't always go to plan. There are also quick-fire giggles from Doctor Doctor. Including the Gigglekids, children from all round the country who tell Justin their favourite jokes.


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